Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1)

by Nikki Belaire

  Yet, she can’t be mad at him. It was her decision, unable to resist the temptation of her first ultrasound, of finding a bit of happiness in her devastation.

  “Okay, let’s take a look.” The doctor smiles as she pats Shae’s trembling leg. “Just relax. This might feel a little strange, but shouldn’t hurt.”

  Just one more deception to add to her crumbling morals. Evan told her it was better this way. Let Nick’s security team think she’s with Nathan and Carrie in her car while they sneak out in his. Otherwise, the guys would report back to Nick she went to the doctor, and he would know something was going on. It felt wrong when she agreed to it. And now, lying here waiting to see their baby for the first time without him, confirms her guilt is deserved.

  “Usually my technician performs the ultrasounds, but since it’s the weekend, you’re stuck with me.”

  Evan smiles at the physician as she moves to Shae’s side. “We appreciate you doing this for us. Shae’s a little bit nervous, but I assured her she’s in good hands.”

  Amy laughs as she sits down in front of a monitor attached to a rolling cart. “Thank you. And, after all of my middle of the night calls for Lexie’s infamous ear infections and mysterious fevers, I definitely owe you. So, I’m happy to do it.” She types on the keyboard before tapping on the screen with her fingertip. “Ah, here we go. There’s your little one, Mom and Dad.”

  Dad. Shae cringes from Evan’s growing smile and knowing nod before turning back to the screen. A small sob escapes her mouth as tears trickle down her temples at the white oval wiggling on a fuzzy, black screen. No real idea of what she’s looking at, except it’s the only connection to Nick she has left.

  Evan’s lips brush her ear. “I told you that you’d be glad we came.”

  “Looks like about six weeks.” Amy winks at her. “So, we know what you two were up to around that time.”

  She smiles through her tears. The shower. Clinging to Nick, seeking his forgiveness, and instead, he gave her the purest symbol of his love.

  “I know that look. Mom remembers.” Amy turns back to the side table and picks up a white tube. “Okay, not much to see yet, but let’s listen to the heartbeat.”

  A shiver runs through her at the cold, sticky gel the doctor spreads across her stomach before pressing a gray rod connected to a small speaker against her skin. Wrinkles begin to crease Amy’s forehead as she tilts the wand in different directions. “Hmmm…I’m not quite able to pick it up.” Amy looks up and gives her a small smile. “How have you been feeling? Any morning sickness, lightheadedness, breast tenderness?”

  During the last eighteen hours, her feelings have run an emotional spectrum, dread and worry interlaced with joy and happiness. Yet knowing she’s pregnant for such a short time doesn’t diminish the fierce love swelling in her heart. “No.” Her voice strangles with fear, and she clears her throat. “Is that bad?”

  “Not necessarily. Sometimes this early we can’t always detect the heartbeat and some women don’t experience noticeable symptoms of pregnancy at first.” Amy looks from Evan to Shae, making her tremble even more at the subtle frown still lining her forehead. “Let’s not panic. We’ll do some blood work to test your levels. We’ll do the first test today and then again on Monday. That will let us know what’s going on.”

  Her heart plummets. Mired in shock and surprise, she worried about telling Nick, terrified of breaking him from the stress. Never considering the possibility she may not need to protect him at all. “Okay.”

  Amy’s smile brightens while she wipes off the translucent ointment with a small yellow towel. “You’re young and in great shape. There’s no reason not to be optimistic. Just keep doing what you’re doing—eat healthy and work out—and fill this prescription for prenatal vitamins.”

  The wheels of the stool squeak as Amy rolls to the counter behind her and picks up a leaflet and book and hands them to Shae. “Here’s a list of foods to avoid, such as alcohol, raw meat, unprocessed cheese, things I’m sure you already know. I also have a book for you to read. Pregnancy is a natural function of the human body, however, that doesn’t mean everything is always self-explanatory.”

  The kind words and positive attitude alleviate a bit of her fear. Maybe everything will be okay. It has to be. “When will I hear something?”

  “I’ll send the sample over to the lab as soon as we’re done here. We should have the results later today. I’ll call you myself, okay?” Amy picks up a pen and jots down a brief note. “Here’s my number to put into your phone so you’ll know it’s me.”

  “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

  “You’re welcome. Now let me get what I need to draw your blood.” Amy stands up and walks out of the exam room.

  Evan leans down and kisses her forehead. A shudder runs through her at the feel of his lips on her skin. “It’s going to be okay. I know it is.”

  Her confidence begins to wane as the possibility of more heartbreak grips her chest. “What if it’s not? I don’t think I can take it.”

  “You have me. I’ll always take care of you, no matter what happens. I love you.”

  Amy’s return saves her from responding. “Okay, I’m going to have you rest your arm on your leg.” After she disposes of the needle and labels the vial, Amy pats Shae’s shoulder. “You’re all done. I’ll call you as soon as I have the results.”

  “Thank you.”

  Evan shakes Amy’s hand before he guides Shae out of the office. They walk through the professional complex to the parking garage and stop in front of a bank of elevators. He smiles and tucks a wayward lock of hair behind her ear. “When do you want to start moving your stuff? We could have you settled by tonight if we begin packing as soon as we get back to your house.”

  She cringes at his relentless pressure, at his assumption her decision has already been made. “What are you talking about? I never said I would move in with you.”

  He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her against him, a playful smile lighting up his face. “Married people live together, you know? We’ll get you home and then figure out our plans for the wedding. Maybe a small ceremony at the house. I don’t want to do it at the courthouse, or anything tacky like that.”

  A marriage proposal should signify commitment and hopefulness, not deceit. She wants a family with Nick, not a life with Evan built on lies. Nick deserves to know the truth, but adding a baby to the duel between his love for her and hatred for himself may be more than he can stand. How can she protect him, yet still live with herself?

  Pushing him back, she shakes her head. “Please, stop it. I never said yes. I’m not sure what I want. Right now, all I can think about is getting the test results back.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry. But we can’t wait too long, or Nick could figure things out.”

  Her stomach turns at the desperation imbued in his voice. He doesn’t care about the baby, doesn’t have the fierce protective love a father should have. All his impatience is so she can’t be with Nick. “Please take me back to my house. I don’t want to discuss this here.”

  “Good idea. Maybe Carrie and Nathan can talk some sense into you.”

  Best friends dating best friends. Their corny but cute joke so long ago. It seemed wonderful at the time. They were the perfect foursome. Until her mother’s dislike of Evan got in the way. At the time, she was convinced her mother’s attempts to drive them apart were just part of her irrational need to protect her from a broken heart.

  Now, her certainty wanes. Nick builds her up, makes her feel confident and self-assured. After spending time again with Evan, his love feels controlling and overbearing, as if she can’t think for herself. How did she not see it before?

  He helps her into the car and walks to the other side. She leans back against the seat and closes her eyes. Too many emotions run through her head and heart to talk anymore.

  * * * *

  The limo circles each floor of the parking garage as they search for Evan’s dark blue B
MW sedan. Nick spots Shae before the car. She never looks up from the ground as Evan talks in her ear. Beautiful as always, yet more defeated than he’s ever seen her. An inferno blazes in his gut. He fucking did this to her.

  He climbs out of the car and strides behind them. Once Evan moves to the driver’s side, he pulls open the passenger door and squats down to see her face. She doesn’t react to the sound, never opening her red-rimmed eyes. Pain grips his heart as he whispers to her, “Are you okay?”

  Her eyes fly open at his voice. She covers her mouth with her hand and blinks back tears, slaying him as to whether they are from sadness or fear. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was worried about you. You left the house without security. It’s not like you to trick people. Why did you do it?”

  “I had an appointment.” She drops her head, her shaky voice laced with guilt. “It was last minute, and I needed to get going.”

  It takes everything he has not to reach out and pull her to him. To erase everything he did to destroy her and prove he loves her. “I know I’ve hurt you, but please don’t keep me from protecting you.”

  “The only protection she needs is from you.” Evan’s voice echoes in the hollow space, his body tense standing in front of Nick. “Leave her alone. She’s happy with me.”

  Shae yanks off her seatbelt and scrambles out of the car as he slowly rises, his fingers curling into fists. Every nerve in his body pulses with need from her delicate hand squeezing his forearm. His unwillingness to lose her touch is the only thing keeping this guy alive.

  “Nick, please calm down.” She raises her other hand to Evan. “Give me a minute, please. I’m fine. I just want to talk to him.”

  Evan looks from her to Nick before walking behind the car. Max leans against the limo and the rest of the security team mills around as cars drive past them, slowing down to gawk at the unexpected show unfolding between the concrete pillars.

  She takes a deep, labored breath. “I’m sorry I scared you. It won’t happen again. But you need to leave. I don’t want this turning into a fight for everyone to watch.”

  Her blue eyes burn with sadness as she stares into his. He must correct his mistake. “Don’t marry him. I know what I said, but I was wrong. He can’t be your husband.”

  Her head tilts as she frowns. “How did you know he asked me?”

  “He told my guys not to worry about protecting his…” Bile burns in his throat as he chokes out the word. “…fiancée.”

  Her face relaxes in relief before it flushes, maybe at the realization of the trouble Evan instigated. “He said that?”

  “You didn’t know?”

  “No, but I’ll deal with that later.” Her hand falls away, and she looks down, rolling the fabric of her skirt between her fingers. “You really should go. Like you told me, it’s over, and we both need to move on.”

  She barely whispers, yet his ears pound like she’s screaming. “I don’t know if I can.”

  Her shoulders sink as she shakes her head. “What do you want from me? You’ve made your decision. You don’t want me, so what difference does it make to you what I do?”

  “Never think that. Just because I can’t be with you doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”

  “It’s the same thing, isn’t it?”

  “Don’t you understand?” He drives his hand through his hair, his voice dropping to a whisper too. “I don’t have any choice. I’m scared I could hurt you.”

  “I’m not. I trust you, and I wish you could trust me.”

  Her love makes him a better man, but even her sweetness can’t erase the evil written into his genes. “I can’t change who I am.”

  “You’re letting the ghost of your father ruin us. You aren’t him. I don’t know what to say or do to convince you.”

  He drops his head, shame engulfing him. “I don’t think you can.”

  “Then, there’s nothing more I can say. You begged me not to run and, in the end, it was you who gave up on us. Now, all I can do is try and get over you the best I can.”

  “With Evan?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Fury flames in his chest. He’ll never let that happen. “He’s not the man for you.”

  “Maybe not. But the one who is rejected my love and broke my heart.”

  Evan interrupts their conversation. “This is ridiculous. She’s through talking to you.”

  Nick’s body stiffens, rage burning through him at this stupid bastard trying to control her, but he keeps his eyes on her angelic face. “No matter what happens, I need to keep you safe. Please don’t let him talk you into leaving again without security.”

  “She doesn’t need you. I’m taking care of her now.”

  “I love you, Shae, even if you don’t believe it anymore.”

  “You aren’t fooling anyone.” Evan’s voice drips with disgust. “Even with your bodyguards and money, you’re nothing but a thug.”

  “Evan! Just stop it!”

  The first time he's ever heard her raise her voice. He can’t help but smile it’s aimed at Evan, even though he knows he deserves it more. “It’s okay, sweetness. You don’t have to defend me.”

  “What he said isn’t true. I don’t think that.”

  Both her hands squeeze his arm, her intensity weakening his resolve to stay away from her. He has to get himself together before he hurts her any more than he already has. “Don’t apologize for him. We’ll follow you back to your house. When everything quiets down, we’ll talk some more. Okay?” He steps back and turns to Evan, thinking of only her soft smile and nodding head to keep from beating the smirk off his face. “If you let anything happen to her, I’ll fucking kill you myself.”

  Her smile fades, and she shivers before wrapping her arms around herself. He forces himself to walk to the limo, to leave her with that bastard. For the last time.

  “Come on, Shae. We’re going home.”

  “No. I can’t do this. You’re suffocating me. I’m sorry, but I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to marry you.”

  “You’re just letting Nick upset you. Let’s go home. You’ll calm down, and everything will be okay.”

  Nick stops at the argument behind him. Fuck this. She needs him.

  “It’s too late for us. I can’t be with you.”

  “Get in the car.”

  “No, Evan, let go. You’re hurting me.”

  Fuck no. Now he has to die. Nick races back toward him.

  Shae’s hands fly to her face as she screams. “Max! Stop him! He’ll kill him!”

  “Never fucking touch her!” Evan stiffens and curls his fingers into fists, ready to fight. But, this motherfucker better know it’s going to be all one-sided. His punch pounds Evan’s face with a resounding crack of bone before Max pulls him off. “You never fucking touch her!”

  Evan lies motionless on the ground, his jaw swelling to an unrecognizable shape. Nick jerks away from Max and the other guys holding him back, his eyes trained on Shae. She stumbles back to the car and drops into the seat, never taking her eyes off her chirping phone.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The chaos outside the car fades into the background as Dr. Patterson’s number pops up on her phone. Evan’s injuries, Nick’s rage, her guilt, all displaced by the burning hope for the unexpected gift she didn't even know she wanted, yet can’t bear to lose. Her heart races as she taps the screen. “Hello?”

  “Shae? This is Dr. Patterson. I have your results. Your levels are strong—a good sign for us at this point.”

  Her worries float away with the tears streaming down her cheeks. It’s going to be okay. Their baby is going to be okay. “Thank you! Thank you so much.”

  “You’re welcome. I knew you were anxious, so when I went over to the lab I sweet-talked the tech into running the test while I waited. I’m a mom too, and I know how difficult it is to wait for results.”

  “I was so scared I couldn’t think of anything else. I appreciate you getting them for me so quickly.
”

  “Now, remember, we still need to do the second test on Monday to make sure they are increasing the way they should be. Why don’t you come to my office around noon? We’re closed for lunch and only my staff will be here, to ensure your privacy.”

  This visit will be the way it should have been all along. Nick by her side experiencing his first of many dad moments. She’ll spend the rest of her pregnancy making up to him what he missed out on because of her misguided desire to protect him. “Okay. I’ll be there. Thank you.”

  A flash reflects off the window, bringing her back to the turmoil surrounding them. Among the growing crowd of people congregating around their little drama, a teenage guy in a blue baseball cap snaps photos of her with his phone while a young, red-haired girl next to him hops up and down, shrieking and pointing at her. Max and Nick huddle in deep conversation. Evan lies sprawled on his back, his bent leg jiggling up and down, as three members of Nick’s security team lean over him, trying to rouse him.

  One of the men fishes the car keys out of Evan’s pocket and tosses them to Max. He nods at Nick, and they sprint to where she sits. Max hops in the driver’s side while Nick squats down next to her. “You’ve got to get out of here. The police are on their way, and people are taking pictures. I don’t want you in the middle of this. Max is going to take you back to your house.”

  She can’t let him push her away, extinguishing their rekindled connection. Not after the good news she just received. “Wait! What about you?”

  Max starts the car and shoves the gear shift in reverse. “Come on, guys. We’ve got to go.”

  “I don’t want to leave you, but I’ve been drinking and can’t drive. It has to be Max.”