It's Only Make Believe

by Roseanne Dowell

  Michele’s mother joined Myra and hugged Michele too. “Of course that’s why you looked so ill when we had lunch. Why didn’t you tell us then?” A hurt look crossed her face.

  Michele felt a gnawing of guilt. “Because I didn’t know then, Mother. I only just found out for sure.”

  “I bet Brad’s excited.” Myra sat back down and put her napkin across her lap. “He’ll make an excellent father. If he ever stays home that is.” She threw a look at Jack.

  Michele caught the meaning. He had better see to it that Brad stayed home. She hoped now that Brad would take the promotion once this ad campaign with Edgehurst was done. She listened to Myra and her mother plan the nursery through the rest of dinner.

  “Oh, and we have to plan a shower,” her mother said.

  “Yes, we’ll have it at the club. January, I think.”

  Jack and her father got up and excused themselves for their after dinner cigar.

  Michele sat with her mother and Myra for another hour, and then got up to leave. It was just too much listening to their plans for the baby’s room. Although the more they talked about the baby, the more excited Michele became. And at least she made them happy for a change. Surprisingly, they hadn’t brought up her job.

  “We’ll stick with white since we don’t know if it’s a boy or girl.” Her mother said.

  Well that came as no surprise. Michele held back the laugh that bubbled in her throat. They went on and on.

  “A white Jenny Lind crib,” Myra said.

  “Yes and white walls and a white satin quilt. Oh it’s going to be a beautiful room. I can just picture it.”

  “Well I’m tired and I think I’m going to call it a day.” Michele stood up to leave.

  “Oh dear, do you think you should be driving?” Michele’s mother face showed concern.

  “Oh for heaven sakes, Mother, I’m pregnant not an invalid.” Michele couldn’t hold back the laugh. How outdated and old fashioned they were for all their modern ways.

  “If you need anything you call.” Myra actually kissed Michele’s cheek. Actually made contact.

  “Thanks, Aunt Myra, I will.” The action moved Michele. She kissed her back.

  “Can you see your way clear to calling me something other than Aunt Myra? How is that going to sound to the baby?”

  Michele saw the hurt in Myra’s eyes. She never intended to hurt the woman. But Mother Lawson. She just couldn’t bring herself to call her that and Mother, well that was her mother. She didn’t want to be rude and call her Myra. “Okay, Grandma, how’s that?”

  Myra smiled. “Well it beats Aunt Myra, and I may as well get used to it. Although I’d prefer Mom if you could bring yourself to do it, that’s what Brad calls me.”

  “Okay, Mom.” Michele leaned down and kissed Myra’s cheek again. Mom, how she had wanted to call her own mother Mom, now here she was saying it to Brad’s mother and not minding it at all. “Night.” Michele hurried to the door before they started talking about the nursery again. What a strange dinner. She could hardly wait to tell Brad about it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

  Michele woke in the middle of the night and grabbed her stomach. She eased herself out of bed, buckled her boot on and hurried to the bathroom. Something dripped down her leg. Blood. Oh Lord, no. She came back into her room, grabbed the phone, and dialed nine-one-one. “Please, I need help. I’m pregnant and bleeding. She crawled downstairs, unlocked the door, and laid on the couch to wait for the ambulance. The pain in her stomach doubled her over. She should call Brad, her mother, Myra, somebody. But she couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone. All she could do was pray. She didn’t want to lose this baby.

  Her doctor met her at the hospital. “I’ve ordered an ultra sound,” he said after he examined her.

  She lay on the small bed thinking about Brad. Where was he? What was he doing? It was still early in California. She could call him. But she wanted to wait. Wanted to know about the baby first.

  Dr. Hill came in a short time later. “The baby’s fine. But you’re dilating, and we can’t have that. We have to do surgery to sew up your cervix. That and the some bed rest should prevent a miscarriage.”

  Bed rest, that meant she couldn’t work. Michele leaned back and closed her eyes. This was too much. But at least she hadn’t lost the baby. Whatever she had to do, she’d do it. “What... I don’t understand what do you mean surgery?”

  “We’ll use an epidural anesthetic for pain control during the procedure. What we do is stitch a band of strong thread around the cervix and the thread will be tightened to hold the cervix firmly closed. We’ll keep you in the hospital overnight to monitor you for premature contractions or labor.” Dr. Hill smiled while he spoke.

  She’d never heard of such a thing. “What else?”

  “You may experience light bleeding and mild cramping which should stop after a few days. You may have a thick vaginal discharge, which may continue for the remainder of the pregnancy, but don’t worry about that. Plan to relax at home for 2-3 days. Avoid any unnecessary physical activity. And abstain from sexual intercourse for at least a week. We’ll see you in a couple of weeks to discuss when you can resume regular activities. Any other questions?”

  “How long will the uh...um...stitches be left in?”

  “Generally the thread is removed at the 37th week of pregnancy, but it can be removed before if your water breaks or contractions start. Most stitches are removed in my office without any problems. The procedure is similar to having a pap smear and may cause some light bleeding. You’ll be fine.” Dr. Hill patted her hand.

  “When are you going to do this?”

  “Tomorrow morning. Right now I want you to relax and get some sleep. They’ll take you up to a room shortly.”

  Michele had to call Brad, had to call her mother. “Can I make some phone calls?”

  “Sure, I’ll have the nurse bring you the phone.”

  She didn’t even know where Brad was, how was she going to get a hold of him. She didn’t have his cell phone number, had never called it. The nurse brought her the phone.

  “You have to dial nine for an outside line.” She set the phone on the bedside table and pulled it toward Michele’s bed. “Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?”

  “No thanks, I’m uh I’m fine.” Michele pushed the control on her bed to raise her head. Nothing worse than being sick, not being able to move around. She dialed the phone when the nurse left. “Mother, it’s me, Michele.”

  “Michele, honey, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m in the hospital. I...I....” Michele couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. She sobbed into the phone.

  “Michele, calm down. Tell me what’s wrong.” Her mother said after a few minutes.

  “I... I have to have surgery. They have to stitch me up so I don’t miscarry. Mother, I’m scared. Will you call Brad, tell him... tell him I need him.”

  “Of course, Michele. I’ll call Brad right away. Which hospital?”

  “Thanks - and will you...will you and Daddy come to the hospital? Will you call Aunt Myra and Uncle Jack? Tell them what’s going on? I’m at Parma Hospital.”

  “Yes dear, I’ll call them. Your father and I will be there soon. You rest now, dear. And Michele, try not to worry, everything’s going to be fine.”

  Michele hung up. She couldn’t remember the last time she wanted her mother’s comfort. Right now she needed to feel her mother’s hand on her forehead like when she was a little girl and had a fever. But most of all she wanted Brad. Would he come home? Would he tell Edgehurst he had to leave? Michele closed her eyes and fell asleep.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Michele opened her eyes at the touch of a hand.

  “We’re going to take you to your room now, Mrs. Lawson.” A nurse stood next to her bed.

  Michele nodded.

  After they had her settled in her room, Michele tried to hold back the tears. First the broken ankle, now this. Were the two connected? Had s
he done more harm then she realized? Had her mother reached Brad? Was he on his way? As if thoughts of her mother conjured her up, she appeared in the doorway.

  “Sweetheart, how are you? What’s going on? Explain this to me. What kind of surgery are you having? Myra and Jack are on their way.”

  Michele closed her eyes, held back the tears that stung her eyes. What about Brad? Was he on his way? She desperately wanted her husband.

  “Did you call Brad?”

  Her mother backed away from the bed, turned and looked out the window. “Yes, I called him. I left a message for him. His uh, assistant answered. She said he probably couldn’t get away before tomorrow.

  Assistant? Ruby? Why had Ruby answered Brad’s phone. What did she mean couldn’t get away? Why not? Tomorrow? What kind of husband doesn’t come home when his wife needed him? A picture of Ruby flashed through her mind. Taunting, laughing at her. Michele squeezed her eyes closed trying to rid herself of it. But it wouldn’t go away. The woman haunted her.

  “Explain this surgery to me, Michele? I’ve never heard such a thing.” Her mother stood next to the bed, smoothing Michele’s hair off her forehead.

  Michele smiled at the mother. Her mother’s hand felt cool against her skin. She remembered when she a little girl and sick her mother smoothed the hair from her eyes. Why had she forgotten how her mother comforted her? When had it ended? Michele looked at her father standing next to the door. Like he was afraid to come into the room. The worried frown on his face tore at Michele’s heart. Memories when she had pneumonia as a child surfaced. Her father had the same look back then. Yet he was there. Had cut a business trip short to be with her. Why hadn’t Brad? Would it always be like this? Would he come home if their child was sick? Why had she hoped things would change? What made her think their marriage would last? All that talk about building a house and letting their parents fix up the nursery, was that his way of saying he didn’t want to bother. That it wasn’t worth it. Let her think they’d design their own nursery later? How could she be so foolish? She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

  CHAPTER FORTY ONE

  Michele woke the next morning to sun streaming in the window. For a minute she forgot where she was. A nurse stood next to her. “How are you this morning?”

  Michele rubbed her eyes. “What time am I going for surgery?”

  “In a few minutes.”

  Michele looked at the clock on the wall. Seven o’clock. Brad wasn’t coming. A tear trickled out of her eye. She couldn’t hold it back.

  Two men came into the room. “Mrs. Lawson, we have your limo.” The taller of the two joked.

  Michele tried to smile.

  They positioned the gurney next to hers. “Okay can you slide over? Easy that’s it. Good.” They pulled the rails up on each side. “Ready? Here we go.”

  Michele watched the holes in the ceiling while they pushed her down the hall and on to an elevator. Dr. Hill greeted her when they pushed her into the operating room.

  “How are you doing?”

  “Okay, I guess.” Michele couldn’t stop the trembling in her arms and legs.

  “You’ll be fine. It’s a fairly easy procedure. We’ll give you something to relax you and with the epidural you won’t feel anything.”

  Someone put an IV in her arm and before she knew it, she fell asleep. Michele woke up later to the familiar feel of her mother’s hand on her brow. Myra stood next to her, her face lined with concern.

  “Hi honey.”

  Michele looked around the room. Her father stood at the foot of her bed. Jack stood next to him. Both men looked uncomfortable. No Brad. Michele wanted to ask but didn’t want her mother or Myra to have to make excuses for him. Didn’t he care enough to cut his trip short? Was all that concern when she broke her ankle a show? Why had he really brought Ruby home with him that day?

  “The doctor said everything went well but you’ll have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. After that he said you can resume some of your activities.” Michele’s mother continued to stroke her head.

  Her mother’s cool hand comforted her. But right now she wanted to be alone. Wanted to stew over Brad. But she knew Myra and her mother wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon.

  “Do you think you ought to go back to your business, Michele? I mean maybe you ought to take it easy. I think you should come and stay with us for a while. A couple of weeks anyway.”

  Michele smiled. Her mother meant well, but dear lord, living with her again? She didn’t think she could stand that. Her mother would suffocate her.

  “I’ll be fine, Mother. I have Anna.” Thank God for Anna. Anna would hover over her, wait on her hand and foot, but she’d do it quietly without all the fanfare her mother would create.

  Michele closed her eyes. She was too tired to think of much of anything. At least she hadn’t miscarried. Would Brad would have preferred it. A baby must complicate things with Ruby.

  Two orderlies came in to take her back to her room. Hers and Brad’s parents followed. Something about the scene caused Michele to giggle. Like a parade, she thought. Once they settled her in her bed, she closed her eyes. Maybe if they thought she was tired they’d leave.

  “Let’s get a cup of coffee or something. Let her sleep. We’ll come back later.” Michele heard her father’s voice.

  Michele’s mother leaned down and kissed her cheek, actually making contact. It reminded Michele of the time she had pneumonia. Her mother didn’t often make contact with her kisses. Michele thought back to a time when she used to sit on her mother’s lap. How long ago that was. She had almost forgotten the affection her mother had for her. After they left, Michele remembered the loving time they had shared. So long ago. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

  She dreamt the same dream. Ruby taunting, laughing, shaking her finger under her nose. “You’ll never have his heart.” She sang over and over. “He’s mine, you’ll never take him away from me. When your year is up he’ll come back to me.” And Brad waiting in the background. Waiting to walk off with Ruby, giving her a sympathetic look. “We had a deal, Michele. The year’s over. My life is with Ruby now.”

  Michele woke up shivering, yet sweat dripped off her forehead. The dream had been so real. Where was Brad? Why didn’t he come? Had she imagined his excitement over the baby? Was it all an act? Surely he couldn’t be that good an actor. And the passion, no that wasn’t imagined.

  CHAPTER FORTY TWO

  When she woke up it was dark outside. A shadow filled the doorway. Someone tiptoed into the room. “Brad!” He had come after all.

  “Hey, Starshine, how are you feeling?” He leaned over and kissed her cheek and turned on the light.

  Michele caught sight of Ruby in the doorway arms folded across her chest. Ruby! He brought Ruby to the hospital. Michele choked back tears. “I’m okay. The doctor said I can go home in a day or two.” How had she managed to speak so calmly. What she wanted to do was scream. She wanted to scream at Ruby to leave her and Brad alone, and she wanted to scream at Brad for bringing that woman to the hospital. She wanted to yell and scream and beat her fists against his chest. How dare he? And why hadn’t he come right away? Why had Ruby answered his phone? What was so important that he couldn’t leave?

  Ruby walked into the room and stood next to Brad, rested her hand on his arm. “It’s my fault Brad didn’t get here sooner. We got so involved with Edgehurst, I forgot to give him the message until today.”

  The smug look on Ruby’s face said she didn’t forget, and she wanted to make sure Michele knew that she answered his phone. Why had she answered Brad’s cell phone? Where were they when the call came? Michele tried to push the thoughts from her mind. The important thing she hadn’t miscarried and so far things were going well. Brad was here now that’s all that mattered. But darn it, so was Ruby, and she didn’t like the way that woman clung to Brad. She’d like to get out of this hospital bed and smack her.

  “Brad, we still have a lot of work to do.” Ruby massage
d Brad’s shoulder.

  “We’ll do it later.” Brad traced a line along Michele’s hair. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the car keys. “Here, take my car. I’ll meet up with you later?”

  “But then how will you get home? It’s okay I’ll wait.”

  Michele hated the sultry sound to Ruby’s voice. Something about it grated on her nerves. That sexy seductive look on her face didn’t help. Why didn’t she just leave? Of course she wouldn’t leave, not without Brad. Even now, Ruby would do everything in her power to get Brad away. Michele closed her eyes. She’d rather Brad left if it meant Ruby staying too. She opened her eyes and looked at Brad. She’d give him his out. “It’s okay, you can go if you want. I’m still tired from the surgery.” At least that part was true, she couldn’t ever remember being this tired before. “I’m pretty sure I can come home tomorrow.”

  Brad soothed Michele’s hair back from her forehead. “Are you sure? I mean, I would like to get this mess cleared up as soon as possible.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” No, Michele wanted to scream. You just got here and already you want to leave. And she wanted to slap that smug look off Ruby’s face. Never in her life had she wanted to hit a person so badly. Given half the chance she’d beat her to a pulp. But it wasn’t all Ruby’s fault. Brad wanted to leave, too. She gulped back the sob rising in her throat. If he didn’t leave soon she’d be blubbering like an idiot. She closed her eyes, feigning sleepiness. Why didn’t he just go?

  Brad leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’ll call you later.”

  Ruby put her arm through his and ushered him out before Michele could even say goodbye.

  ***

  God, he hated leaving her. Even in the hospital bed she looked sexy. He still loved the way the curls framed her face. She looked so vulnerable. And damn Ruby for not giving him that message right away. What the hell was wrong with her? He had to get this crap with Edgehurst cleared up.