The Four Stages of Loving Dutch Owen

by Debra Kayn

  He slid the ramp to the back of the trailer. Lining the rear wheel up to the aluminum track, he put the bike in neutral and rolled it back.

  Toeing the kickstand, he planted his boot on the ground and got off the bike. The need to ride vibrated through his body. Four days, staying in one place and off the asphalt had him cooped up. He needed to feel the wind and the vibrations under him. He needed to get on the road.

  "Marla!"

  His sister's scream stopped him. He spotted Rachel running away from the clubhouse. Stepping toward his sister, he understood what had happened and gazed around, trying to find the girl.

  "Somebody, help me," screamed Rachel.

  Skull ran out of the building, following Rachel. Already near his motorcycle, Dutch hopped on the bike and rode in front of his sister.

  "I'll get her," he yelled toward Rachel and roared away.

  Scanning each side of the road for Marla Marie, he kept the Harley in second gear. He had no fear of her making it back to Moses Lake on her own.

  He needed to stop her from talking to anyone outside WAKOM.

  With two miles until she hit the edge of the city limits, he had enough time to find her. The only problem was there were woods on each side of the road until Marla Marie reached the outside world.

  She could be anywhere in the woods.

  There were hundreds of fir and alder trees and an overpopulation of underbrush. A dense enough area for a kid to hide in. The area worked for the clubhouse. They were far enough away from the town of Bellevue to keep their activities hidden from the local police and keep the gawkers away.

  But, not a prime spot to locate a child.

  Pulling over to the side of the road, he cut the engine. He let his hearing adjust to the silence and strained to hear a crack of a branch, a ruffle of a dry leaf, or heavy breathing as Marla Marie ran to get away from a family that would eventually love her if she gave them a chance.

  He caught a flash of light blue moving slowly through the woods before he heard the snap of a twig. Eyeing the area, he got off the motorcycle. It would be faster to catch her on foot than find somewhere to cut her off with his Harley.

  He jumped over the ditch and trudged through the overgrown weeds lining the road until he met the curtain of trees. Dodging left and right, he made a beeline toward her, making good progress with his longer legs.

  In her frantic need to escape, she had yet to glance behind her and see him. He hoped he'd get within reach of grabbing her before she took off running.

  His luck held out. A dozen paces behind Marla Marie, he plunged forward, not worrying about making extra noise.

  Marla Marie stopped, looking around her. Then hurried in the opposite direction, fighting the branches that swung out and grabbed her hair, her clothes. She tripped on a stick and fell to her hands and knees. Dutch caught up with her and lifted her to her feet, taking a sweep of her bare knees to make sure she was okay.

  "Don't touch me." She shrank away from him.

  He let her go. "Don't run, and I won't touch you."

  She sank down on her ass, hugging her middle. He exhaled loudly, running out of patience. All she'd caused him was trouble since he found her. His life was the open road, not babysitting a child that hadn't the sense to see what was right in front of her.

  Grabbing her arm, he ignored her screams and dragged her back to the road. By the time he reached the bike, she'd shut up.

  He swung her around to face him, and he found out why she'd stopped fighting him. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her mouth gulped for air.

  "Knock it off." He set her up on the Harley and glared at her. "You're young, but even a baby knows when someone is willing to take care of them."

  Her mouth moved, but no sound came out. It took him a few seconds to read her lips. In a litany of pleas, she silently called out for her mom.

  "Do you know where your mom is at right now?" he asked.

  She looked up at him. "She's coming back."

  "No, she's not."

  Her chin quivered. "She always comes back."

  "Does she normally leave you this long?"

  Tears sped up and coated her cheeks. "She'll come back."

  "She's in prison." He squatted in front of her. "She did drugs, and the cops caught her. Your mom isn't coming back until you're older."

  "You're lying."

  "I don't have a reason to lie this time." He lifted her chin and met her gaze. "I can take you back, hand you over to the police, and they could put you in a home with other kids or send you to live with strangers, or you can go back and live with my sister and her man. They'll take good care of you. They won't hurt you. You'll have food, clothes, friends, and can go to school."

  " I don't want to live with them. I want to go home."

  "Clean your ears out. You're not going back home. Your mom isn't coming back for you. The sooner you accept that, the easier you'll have it." He paused, letting that sink in. "Nobody is going to hurt you. If they do, I'll kill them. You'll have a bed, food, probably more hugs than you need."

  "Why can't I go back to Moses Lake with you?"

  "I don't live in Moses Lake." He looked up the road. "I don't live here."

  "Where do you live?"

  "Nowhere." He motioned for her to move. "Scoot up and straddle the motorcycle."

  "No."

  "Move your fucking ass, Marla Marie." He growled, stepping forward. "I'm done talking."

  She scurried. He threw his leg over the bike and pinned her against the gas tank in front of him before she could get another idea to take off. He placed her hands in front of her, letting her hold on to the gas cap.

  Keeping her tight against his stomach, he started the Harley and made a U-turn in the road. Then, he headed back to the clubhouse.

  Before he got there, he needed to make sure she stayed put when he left.

  "If you run off again, I'll never come back and see you." He kept his head dipped so she could hear him over the Harley. "I'm the only one who knows where you are. Be a good girl and stay with Rachel and Skull, and you'll see me in three weeks."

  The clubhouse came into view, and he slowed.

  He pulled in front of the building. Rachel hurried toward him. He shook his head, warning his sister off. The last thing Marla Marie needed was coddling. She needed some rules and consequences if his sister planned to keep her around—and knowing Rachel, she would.

  He stopped and put his feet on the ground, holding up the Harley. Lifting the girl off his motorcycle, he set her feet on the ground.

  She turned and grabbed his arm. "Don't leave me."

  "Remember what I said and go with Rachel." He motioned with his chin.

  "You'll be back in three weeks?" She frowned, skeptical of him. "You'll take me to my mom if I stay?"

  Glancing at his sister and Skull, waiting a few feet away, he nodded. "Yeah, someday, I will."

  "Promise?"

  He leaned down, and without raising her hopes with useless words that wouldn't mean anything to her by the time her mom got released from prison, and Marla Marie was all grown up, he pushed her away. "Go to Rachel."

  She walked backward, never taking her eyes off him. Dutch looked at his sister, assuring her that everything was okay, and then rode away.

  The road called his name.

  Part Two

  He knew where she came from.

  He knew her as Marla Marie Smith.

  Chapter 7

  MARLA RAN BESIDE HER friend, Alyssa. "Did you get some?"

  "Of course, silly." Alyssa burst out laughing. "It was easy."

  Marla grabbed Alyssa, pulled her around the corner of the clubhouse and out of the adults' sight.

  "Ow. You're hurting my arm." Alyssa giggled. "Calm down. No one can see us."

  There were hundreds of WAKOM members hanging around. The women were always snooping to see what the kids were doing when there were more people at the clubhouse than normal. Anyone could've seen Alyssa.

  Marla
faced her. "Well?"

  "I told you I could do it." Alyssa produced a container of eyeshadow and mascara from her pocket. "Amber won't even know I took it if we can hurry."

  They both admired Alyssa's older sister. She looked like a model. The boys were always grabbing Amber and making her laugh.

  "Let's put it on before anyone comes this way." Marla pulled her to the ground.

  Alyssa sat crossed legged in front of her and handed her the shadow container. "What're your parents going to say when they see you wearing makeup?"

  "They're not my real parents." She shrugged, tired of telling Alyssa that.

  Everyone always acted like she belonged to Rachel and Skull. None of them mentioned how she was going back home as soon as Dutch made up his mind.

  "Okay. I'll do you first." Alyssa brushed her hands at Marla's hair. "Ugh, you've got so much hair."

  She gathered the strands over her shoulder and held the hair in her fist. "Make my lashes really long."

  "Do you want black, brown, um, tan, or sparkles on your eyelids?" Alyssa opened the container.

  "Black. Definitely black." She leaned forward and closed her eyes. "I wish I had lipstick."

  "Just bite your lips hard and rub them together. They'll get redder."

  The brush tickled her face. She held still, not wanting Alyssa to make a mistake.

  "I hope Cade is coming to the clubhouse tonight," said Alyssa.

  "Are you going to tell him you like him?"

  Cade was the cutest boy that always came with his parents to the parties. He was fifteen years old, two years older than her and Alyssa, and had a stuck-up girlfriend. Nobody liked her because she was snotty to everyone but Cade.

  "No, never. He'll have to tell me first if he likes me."

  "You'll never get a boyfriend if you wait for them to make the first move." Marla blinked her eyes open when she felt Alyssa stop. "What?"

  "That's something you would do, not me. I'm too shy. I couldn't just hang on a boy. What if he pushed me away?" Alyssa waved her hand in the air. "Close your eyes."

  She closed her eyelids. "It's not about being brave or shy. Cade's just a boy."

  "I don't know about that." Alyssa finished. "Okay, open them."

  She raised her brows and looked up while Alyssa used the mascara. "Don't poke me in the eye."

  "I won't." Alyssa took her time, bending her wrist this way and that way while stroking the wand on her lashes. "Who are you going to flirt with tonight?"

  "Nobody."

  "Not Johnny?"

  She groaned. "Gross."

  Alyssa completed the other eye. "Done. Let me look at you."

  She posed, batting her lashes. "Well?"

  "You look older." Alyssa licked her thumb and rubbed it under Marla's eye. "There. Perfect. Now, do me."

  Her stomach fluttered in nerves while she worked on putting makeup on Alyssa's face. Tonight wasn't just a party for WAKOM Motorcycle Club. She'd overheard Rachel telling Skull that Dutch would be here and staying for five days.

  She put a fine line of darker shadow in the crease of Alyssa's eyelid. It'd been almost six months since Dutch had come to the clubhouse or the house. He'd never stayed away from her that long.

  Tonight, he'd see she was old enough to travel with him back to where she used to live when she was little and help her find her mother.

  She wouldn't give him any reason to tell her no.

  Considering six months ago, the last time he visited, she screamed and hit him because he refused to take her home, she was going to be on her best behavior. She'd prove to him that she was mature enough to return and deal with her mom.

  "Are you sure you don't want your eyes darker?" she asked.

  Alyssa peered into the tiny mirror inside the eyeshadow container. "I have blonde hair."

  "What's that matter? So do I."

  Alyssa laughed. "But, black suits you."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "You're brave and wild." Alyssa frowned. "I'm not."

  "That's not true." She hugged Alyssa. "You're the nicest, bestest friend ever."

  Alyssa squeezed her back, then jolted. "I need to hurry and sneak the makeup back into Amber's purse before she notices and tells my mom."

  "I'll keep everyone busy, so they won't notice you." She stood and brushed the grass off the back of her bare legs.

  "How are you going to do that?"

  She grinned. "Walk into the clubhouse, looking hot."

  "Shit," mumbled Alyssa. "Your parents are going to ground you when they see you."

  "They can try." She looped her arm around Alyssa's elbow and walked to the door of the clubhouse. Nothing was going to stop her from staying at the party tonight. "Be quick. I'll meet you outside when you're done."

  She walked into the clubhouse ahead of Alyssa. Seeing Corbet hanging around the group of boys ogling Amber, she went straight to him and poked him in the shoulder. He turned. She grinned, throwing her arms around his skinny body. With all her strength, she moved him backward—straight into Amber.

  "Hey." Amber bounced into Kenny and stayed in his arms longer than needed.

  "Oh, gosh. Sorry." She turned Corbet and pushed him, bumping into Kenny, jostling Amber. "I'm a clutz."

  "Girl, go outside if you're going to goof off." Amber tossed her hair and looked up at Kenny, whispering to him.

  Not put off by Amber's attitude, Marla let go of Corbet. His face had turned red during the fiasco.

  "Sorry, Corbet." She smiled.

  "It's okay." Corbet shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. "You look different today. Want to hang out?"

  Catching sight of Alyssa waving at her from the doorway, signaling that she was done putting the makeup back in Amber's purse, she stepped away. "Sorry. Can't. Maybe later."

  She hurried out of the clubhouse. Once outside, she fell against Alyssa and laughed. The high of getting away with borrowing the makeup without being found out excited her.

  "Tonight is going to be so fun." Alyssa plopped down on the grass.

  Sitting beside her friend, she stretched her legs out in front of her and pulled the edges of her shorts up to the top of her thighs, baring them to the sun. "I know. I'm so psyched."

  "You should come home with us and spend the night with me."

  "Not tonight." She wanted to stay home. There was always a chance that Dutch would stay at the house instead of the clubhouse. He'd done that before when he only came for one night and left the next day.

  Dutch even let her use his sleeping bag and sleep on the spare bedroom floor beside him. She always tried to stay up the whole night, talking with him. Though, he always fell asleep before her.

  He had the funniest way of snoring. Sometimes she wondered if he pretended to sleep, just to make her laugh.

  A group of adults carried food out to the picnic tables. Out of their way, Marla studied them. She watched the adults a lot.

  They weren't much different than children. While she splurged on junk food and liked to spy on others at the party, the grownups drank, smoked, and fooled around. Sometimes, they got into arguments, as if they were tired of being around each other and wanted to go home.

  "Why don't you want to sleep over?"

  "Because—"

  A rumble of a motorcycle made it impossible to talk and be heard. She watched the activity in the gravel parking area in front of the clubhouse. The men were congregating by all the motorcycles.

  Through the crowd, she caught sight of a familiar face riding in. Her stomach somersaulted, and her heart raced. She pulled her legs up and pushed herself off the ground. Dutch had arrived.

  She stepped closer, not wanting to lose track of him with all the people around.

  "Where are you going?" asked Alyssa.

  "I'll be back," she yelled.

  She jogged over to the corner of the building and stopped. It seemed like the three weeks had taken forever to get here.

  Dutch got off his motorcycle. Her stomach warmed
, and she leaned against the side of the clubhouse, soaking in the sight of him. Seeing him was like remembering her childhood. All the good things, never the bad.

  He was the only one who knew her and stayed with her. Sure, he wasn't around a lot, but he always came back. Always.

  She inhaled as pressure built in her chest. Rachel and Skull were nice and loved her, but they weren't her parents. Most of the time, she felt like they were her babysitters, who were taking their job too seriously. They treated her nice, too nicely—which made her feel guilty for wanting to go home.

  They bought her a lot of clothes and let her go to Alyssa's house all the time, or Alyssa came to their house. But her real mom was all alone. She had nobody with her in Moses Lake.

  Not sure what was waiting for her back in Moses Lake, she wanted Dutch with her when she returned.

  Dutch strolled toward the clubhouse, stopping to talk with Woody, the president, and half turned, scanning the crowd. She crossed her arms right before his gaze swept over her and came back. Holding herself together until she could have time with him without Woody and the others around, she stayed where she was, proving that she was older and more mature than she was last month.

  Dutch nodded without taking his eyes off her. Then, he walked away from everyone and headed straight toward her. When she had all his attention, she got nervous. There wasn't anything shy about her, but around Dutch, especially when he returned after being gone for weeks, she was always nervous.

  Afraid that she would do something that would send him away or never come back, she tried her hardest to act right.

  He would see how she was growing up. She'd started her period two weeks ago—at home, thankfully. She was always afraid of starting at school and everyone finding out.

  Now that she was a woman, maybe he'd start to trust her more and give her the information she needed.

  She'd waited forever.

  By now, her mom wouldn't even recognize her. She'd grown. Her body had changed. She wore a bra, and the ends of her hair still had temporary highlights from six months ago.

  Dutch stopped in front of her with a frown. "What the hell have you done to your face?"