Chasing Love

by Melissa West

  “Lila . . .”

  He wanted to say something, tell her how he felt, all the thoughts rumbling around in his mind. That he was glad she was back, that he finally felt like he could breathe again, that he didn’t want her to leave, that he would be her friend, her lover, whatever she wanted, but he wanted to be there for her, whatever that might mean. But before he could say any of those things, the rest of their group returned to the table.

  “You lovers hold up okay without us?” Brady said.

  “Yep, perfect.” Lila took her drink from Audrey and drank half of it before setting it on the table and turning to face the band, her attention on anything but him.

  All right, so maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t said what he was thinking.

  “Hey, Earth to Charlie.”

  He startled to find Zac snapping in front of his face. “Damn, man.”

  “What?” Charlie asked, aggravated.

  “Just didn’t realize . . .”

  “Again, what?”

  “That you were that gone. You need to tell him.”

  “Who?” Charlie asked, his frustration growing. He hated when his brother spoke in code, trying to convey something that really only he could understand. Well, he and Sophie, apparently.

  “Lucas.”

  Oh. Maybe he wasn’t speaking in code after all.

  “It’s nothing.”

  Zac took a long pull of his beer, then glanced over at Lila smiling at something Audrey was saying, and then back at Charlie, and Charlie knew without having to ask what his brother would find on his face. And it scared the shit out of him.

  “I’ve got it under control.”

  “The hell you do.”

  When Charlie glanced back over at Lila, he found her watching him, and suddenly he realized how reckless he was behaving. He needed to talk to Lucas; even if he never acted on his feelings, he owed it to his friend to talk it out. The dude might scream at him or, worse, deck him, but at least Charlie would know he was doing the right thing.

  Audrey said something else to Lila, and she returned her attention to her friend.

  “I’ll talk to him,” Charlie said, leaning back in his chair and wishing with all his heart he could turn off these feelings he was having, or at least could hide them better.

  “Sooner rather than later,” Zac said.

  The waitress brought around their meals, and for a while they all lost themselves in good food and good music and good friends. Finally, Audrey said she was going to get another drink and asked if Lila wanted another.

  “Actually, I have to be at work early tomorrow. Mind if we head on home?” she said to Charlie, and he nodded.

  “You’re the driver of this thing, sweetheart. We move when you say go.” He threw down some cash for the tab and then said good-bye to his brothers.

  They were outside, the music more muted now as they walked through the parking lot.

  “Did you mean that?”

  His brow furrowed as he peered over at her. She was nervous. He could see it all over her face. “Hey, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

  She nodded, but her mouth was still firmly closed.

  “Hey.” He took her hand and turned her to face him. They were in the shadows now, the street lights too far away to see the expression on her face.

  “I just, if I wanted . . .”

  And suddenly he felt a knot rising in his throat. No, not this. Not now. He needed to talk to Lucas, figure out if he even stood a chance here, and it had nothing to do with whether Lila would even give him a shot. He couldn’t betray his friend, wouldn’t do that.

  A small laugh filled the silence, and she released his hand to run her own over her face and then cupped her chin and peeked at him. “Never mind. I don’t know what I was going to say.”

  But that wasn’t the truth, and both of them knew it. She no doubt knew what she wanted to say, and he wanted her to say it. He craved it so completely that it was physically painful to remain still, inches away from her, when what he wanted to do was see if her plump lips tasted as good as they looked. Then he thought of Lucas again, fighting out there somewhere, and instead of pressing her for more, he tucked his head and motioned to the car. “We’re just up there.”

  Why couldn’t this be easier? Why couldn’t they just see if this was something, and then if it was something, if it was real, they could tell Lucas together. But life didn’t veer down the easy path, at least not for Charlie. He opened her car door, as much because he wanted to remain close to her as to be chivalrous, and then told himself on the walk over to the driver’s side to put away his feelings, to do a better job, be a better man. Because right now, his thoughts were anything but good.

  But then he slipped inside and found Lila laughing hysterically, and he thought maybe he’d misinterpreted the whole thing. “Um, do I look that ridiculous?”

  “No, it’s this. Us. God, we’re acting like scared teenagers. I can’t stand it.”

  “Lila—”

  She faced him abruptly and placed a hand on his arm. “I know. Trust me, I know. But can’t we just hang out a little, be friends?”

  He released a breath, but it didn’t bring any relief to the stone pressing on his heart. He needed her to say this, because he wasn’t 100 percent sure he could resist her on his own, and yet... “Yeah, of course we’re friends.”

  “Good. Because sometimes I think you’re the only person I can talk to, and I don’t want to lose that over Lucas. I mean, he said for you to look out for me, right? So we can hang out a little, do the friend thing. That’s not bad, right?”

  “Not at all.”

  “Great, then. What are you doing this weekend?”

  For whatever reason, this new agreement made him feel a little better. Though he knew they couldn’t act on their feelings, this conversation confirmed that he wasn’t the only one suffering here.

  “Camping in the mountains. Doing the hiking thing.”

  “You can’t hike alone. Don’t you know people get lost doing that?”

  He shot her a dubious look.

  “All right, so maybe that wouldn’t happen with you. But still, you could be attacked by a bear or a mountain lion or something else mountain-y and no one would know. Which is why I should probably go with you.” She chewed her thumbnail and glanced out her window before peeking back at him. “Safety and all.”

  He couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Now who’s asking who on a date?”

  “Not a date. A friend protecting another friend.”

  “So you think your hundred-fifteen pound body is going to protect me—six two, hundred ninety pounds of pure, cut muscle?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Listen, I hate to break it to you, but I haven’t been one-fifteen since I was in high school. Maybe not even then. I try not to do the scale thing—or, as I like to call them, killer of a woman’s self-esteem—but I’m well over one-fifteen, that’s for sure.”

  “Right, one-twenty then. Whatever. Still. I’ve got this.”

  Her face dropped. “So you’re saying you don’t want me to go?”

  He started up the truck. “Oh, you’re going. Just letting you know it ain’t because I need your protection. It’s because you’re cute as hell and I like looking at you.”

  Shit, did he just say that?

  He started to fix it, when she said, “You’re not so bad yourself, sailor.”

  And then despite every good intention, he spent the ride back to Annie’s excited for things he had no right to feel excitement over. But for two days, it would be just him and her, and right or wrong, he couldn’t wait.

  Chapter Ten

  Lila woke before her alarm went off for the first time in her life. Of course, she told herself that it was less to do with the camping trip and seeing Charlie and more to do with her need to . . . oh, who was she kidding?

  Kicking out of her covers, she went into the kitchen and turned on her Keurig, then smiled, because she couldn’t seem to stop s
miling. Would they sleep in the same tent together? Charlie lying beside her, wow. She wondered if he snored or if he was a heavy breather or if he was one of those people who looked like angels when they slept—peaceful, beautiful.

  Okay, she wasn’t even there yet and she was already fantasizing about him. This was going to get bad and fast unless she reeled in her emotions. What she needed to do was focus on the camping park and what all she would need. A sleeping bag? Sunblock? Bug spray? Trail mix? What wasn’t she thinking of?

  Just when she’d decided to make a list on her phone, a knock at the door pulled her attention away. Lila placed her favorite mug on the Keurig and hit the largest size, then went to the door. She opened it up without looking, expecting to find Annie on the other side, some delicious baked good in hand, but instead there was no one there. Hm. Maybe Annie went back to her house to grab something and would be back in a second.

  Lila went to close the door, but the light from inside caught on the small, wooden deck off her door. Sitting there, bound by plastic and a rubber band, lay a newspaper.

  Huh. She hadn’t received the paper before, and she hadn’t signed up for a subscription. Maybe Annie signed her up, but then it was five thirty in the morning, still dark outside. The paper delivery guy wouldn’t be out for hours. Which meant someone had put it there.

  With trepidation, she reached down to pick up the paper, quickly slammed the door shut and locked the doorknob and the deadbolt, and then set the paper on the kitchen counter, not willing to open it. Not yet.

  Okay, calm down, she told herself. This could have been Annie last night or Marty had an extra, so he dropped it for her. It could have been there yesterday and she didn’t notice.

  But then she noticed the name of the paper—the Charlotte Observer. Not the Crestler’s Key Independent. Not the Lexington Herald. The Charlotte Observer. There was no way that a Charlotte paper would get delivered in Kentucky unless someone specifically ordered it. Who would send her a Charlotte paper?

  She reached over to smooth down the plastic, and read the headline on the front page: “Another Charlotte Woman Missing.”

  No, not another one. Tearing through the plastic, Lila flattened out the paper to read the article. Another woman was missing in Charlotte, this time a twenty-seven-year-old teacher, but this woman never returned home after a date. Her family didn’t know the man’s identity, but the police were investigating.

  Two women.

  Two disappearances.

  Both in Charlotte.

  Her blood turned to ice, each thought sucking more of the warmth from her body. Because it couldn’t be a coincidence. He took those women. And someone wanted Lila to know about it, but not just any someone.

  Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. Only a handful of people knew what happened to her—her lawyer, her parents, Lucas, and him. Neither her lawyer nor her parents would send this to her, and Lucas was halfway around the world, which meant . . .

  Anger ripped through her, replacing the fear so fast she hardly recognized it. “No. No! You will not get me here. You won’t!” She opened her trash and shoved the paper inside, then reached for her cell and dialed her lawyer. But again, the office wasn’t open. Needing to do something, she left a message with what had happened, her fears, and then without thought, called Charlie.

  The phone rang three times, and she worried he was still asleep when a groggy voice answered. “Hello?”

  “Did I wake you?”

  “No, this is my normal voice at five a.m.”

  She cringed. “I’m sorry. I can call you later.”

  “No, I’m up now. What’s the matter?”

  The words were on the tip of her tongue, right there, begging to be spoken: Tell him. Tell him everything. But then she thought of last night, how he talked to her, how he joked around. All of that would be gone, replaced with a constant look of worry, always on edge. So instead of saying anything about what had happened to her or the missing women or the newspaper, she said, “Just wondering what time you’d be here so I can be ready.”

  There was a pause on the other end. “Lila?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know I’m here, right?”

  Her bottom lip trembled, but she refused to break down. She wouldn’t give that man the satisfaction of still affecting her. She was stronger now, able to defend herself. Lucas’s suggestion that she take self-defense classes had helped tremendously, and she was still working through the moves every evening when she got home from work. She was strong, capable, unyielding.

  So why did she feel so weak? “I know, thanks. See you in a while?”

  Another pause. “How about I come over now?”

  “No, I’m fine, really. Get some more sleep.”

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Fine.”

  They hung up, and Lila set the phone on her counter, her hands trembling because she wasn’t fine. Nowhere near fine.

  She walked over to her family room and began to work through her moves, needing to punch, to kick, to remember how to drop someone with a single move, and with each sequence, her breathing normalized. She might not be fine, but she would not allow herself to fall apart.

  Never again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Two hours later, and Lila felt like herself again. She’d rationalized away the paper as a coincidence. After all, she had received the paper when she lived in Charlotte, so maybe they forwarded to her new address. Or maybe . . . well, she didn’t know. But she wouldn’t let this wreck her weekend.

  Going back to packing, Lila glanced down at what she had so far. While Lila would never call herself an expert at camping, she’d spent her entire childhood outside. Sure, mostly chasing after Lucas and Charlie, but still, she could do the outdoors. She didn’t need to wear makeup or have her hair done to feel like herself, and she was comfortable enough in hiking boots, breathable shorts, and a tank to get by. Which meant she packed light, and for the most part, was as low-maintenance as they came.

  And yet as she stared at her backpack, she felt like she was missing something. She had sunblock, a first-aid kit, trail mix, water bottle, hand sanitizer. What was she missing? Something she should be thinking about, something about safety. Something . . . Hmm . . .

  She walked over to her dresser and began opening each drawer just to look inside, hoping she would stumble on something that might trigger her memory. Nothing. Unsure of what to do, she continued on around her bedroom, opening drawers, until she stopped at the nightstand and a light bulb went off in her head. Opening the top drawer, she peered down at the box of condoms staring back at her.

  It had been a long time since Lila had thought about getting close enough to someone to even consider sex. So when she’d confessed to Audrey over lunch the other day that she wasn’t on the pill—what was the point in wasting the money?—and she didn’t even own condoms, Audrey showed up at her apartment at Annie’s with a plastic bag from the drugstore and a brand-new box of condoms.

  “Here,” she had said. “I know you said you don’t need them, but you never know when love might strike. Might as well be prepared.” She winked, passed over the bag, and Lila had tucked them into her nightstand, not a thought about them since, until now.

  She took out the box and tapped it, then she tilted her head one way, then the other, considering. Then she read every word on the front of the box, and then flipped it over to read the back, because apparently stalling was her favorite pastime. Maybe she could just bring one just in case, but then this was Charlie. The last thing she needed around Charlie was a condom, and even if somehow a miracle happened and he did make a move, for the first time putting her and her wants on the same level as Lucas’s, then surely he would have his own. Women didn’t buy the condoms. Still . . .

  Sliding open the top of the box, she reached in to take one out just as a voice from her doorway called, “Hey, Lila, I let myself in.” She turned to see Charlie coming toward her, and all of a sudden all motor f
unction disappeared from her body. She fumbled with the box, trying desperately to hide it, but instead she ended up tossing it into the air, the condoms inside soaring like flying saucers all over her room. Her eyes went wide, her mouth open, all of it happening in slow motion, no way to stop it, and then as if the horrible scene needed a grand finale, Charlie caught the box in his hands.

  He peered down at it, and then his eyebrows threaded together, before his gaze returned to her, one eyebrow cocked in question, but what could she say? What in the world could she possibly say to explain this?

  Charlie shook his head slowly. “Wow, I never would have guessed that Annie would be so active at her age.” He bent down and started picking them up, all the while Lila felt sure her entire body had turned crimson red. “Since it’s her house, I’m assuming these are hers?” He eyed her, his intent clear. He was giving her an out, and God bless him for it, because right that second Lila wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

  “Um, right. Yeah . . . Annie’s. I found them in the nightstand. Guess she gets it on here instead of her house.” Oh my God, she did not just say that! Annie was nearly seventy, and she was talking about her hook-up preferences. She was going to hell for this, no stops, direct path to hell. “And, um . . . we probably shouldn’t talk about this ever again. You know, respect for her privacy and all.”

  “Oh, of course. Especially since she seems to prefer—” He raised a single wrapped condom closer to his face and read, “Trojan’s Double Ecstasy, which apparently lets you feel the pleasure, not the condom.”

  Lila covered her face with her hands. “She’s never going to live this down, is she?” she asked, still under the pretense that they were talking about Annie.

  “Never. Though . . .” He finished picking up the rest of the condoms and put them back into the box, then handed it over to Lila, those sinful green eyes of his darkening. “Any man worth a damn will have his own. Well, maybe not Double Ecstasy.” He cracked a grin, and Lila burst into laughter. “Condoms aside, are you ready to go?”