by Sydney Logan
“What’s Xavier saying?”
“I haven’t told him. I wanted to take one more test . . . just to be sure. Every morning for the past five mornings . . .”
I look toward the drawer.
Peeing on five different sticks might have been a tad bit excessive.
I don’t say that, though. I just wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.
“What am I going to do, Steph?”
“I really think that’s a conversation you need to have with Xavier.”
“All Xavier thinks about is basketball. He wants to coach somewhere. Anywhere. And I was fine with that because I can cook anywhere. But now . . .” her voice trails off as she points to her stomach. “This was not in our plans.”
I smile and think about Brandon and his family.
“Tessa, if I’ve learned anything this semester, it’s that plans change. And sometimes, it’s not so bad when they do. It makes you grow up. It makes you view the world with completely different eyes. And you realize the things that seemed so important aren’t really important at all.”
Her eyes search mine. “Holy crap.”
“What?”
“Tell me you’re still a virgin.”
I blink. “Umm . . .”
“Please tell me you’re still a virgin!”
“I’m still a virgin! What is wrong with you?”
Her entire body relaxes. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You’ve just been so smart, Steph. So responsible. You’ve kept your focus on school and you’ll graduate with honors and get a great teaching job somewhere. I know you love Brandon. I know you do. Please don’t be stupid like I’ve been.”
I’m instantly reminded of last night’s talk with Brandon. If I’m being honest, I have to admit I’m grateful he initiated the conversation. We’ve been tempting fate, and it was only a matter of time before our early morning make-out sessions turned into something more. And I wouldn’t have regretted it, because I love him. But as I look into the frightened eyes of my best friend, I can’t help but feel relieved that Brandon and I are on the same page when it comes to having sex. We both know the timing is crap, and if I was to get pregnant just as he was leaving, I don’t know how I would handle that.
I brush Tessa’s hair out of her eyes. “Okay, first of all, you are not stupid. You guys have been together a long time, and you love each other. Also, it’s not like you’re some teenager who just found out she’s knocked up. You are a smart, strong, twenty-two-year-old woman who is absolutely capable of being a mother.”
Tessa’s eyes fill with tears again. “I am?”
“Of course you are. Aren’t you happy? Just a little bit?”
Tessa reaches for a tissue and dabs her eyes. “I . . . don’t know. I feel a thousand different things. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m sick. I’m mortified. His parents love me, Steph. Like really, really love me. Will this change their opinion of me?”
“Well, if it does, it better change their opinion of their son, too. You didn’t make this baby on your own.”
“And what about my parents? Do you have any idea how many mother-daughter talks I’ve had to sit through about this very subject? How many times I’ve listened to my mom tell me that good, Catholic girls remain virgins until their wedding night?” She stops to take a deep breath. “I haven’t been a good, Catholic girl in a long time. With all that weighing on me, am I even allowed to be a little happy about this?”
“I think you are. I know the timing isn’t the greatest, but this was happening eventually, right? You guys were planning on getting married and having a family someday.”
“But not now. Did I tell you about my Aunt Nadia? The one who lives in Chicago?”
I shake my head.
“She owns a gourmet Mexican restaurant. She invited me to work with her chef as soon as I graduate. He’s ready to retire but wants to make sure he’s leaving his kitchen in capable hands. He would train me, Steph.”
“What about Xavier?”
“Xavier’s all for it. He’s checking out their local high schools and colleges, hoping to find a coaching job. A few are interested.”
“Tessa, that’s amazing!”
Her face falls. “Is it? I’m just not sure now. And I know there are options out there . . . for unplanned babies. But those aren’t options for me. This is our baby. It doesn’t matter if the timing is right for us. For whatever reason, God has decided this is the time. I have to accept that and figure out a way to make it work.”
“And you can make it work. Women have been making it work for centuries.”
She sighs heavily and makes a sour face.
“I need to brush my teeth.”
“You do that. I’ll get us some juice and meet you in the kitchen.”
“Okay.”
As I make my way to the fridge, I find it funny how our roles have changed. It’s strange, Tessa being so pessimistic while I’m the one busting out the pom-poms. I’ve never been a silver-lining type of girl. I’ve never bought into the whole everything happens for a reason concept because everything that happened to me seemed crappy and unfair.
Or at least that’s what I thought.
But now, I think maybe there is some truth to it. Maybe there is some cosmic reason for things happening just as they do. I didn’t go looking for Brandon. He found me, in the most unlikely of places. And because he did, I’ve been forced to question the enormous chip that has lived on my shoulder for far too long. Brandon was not in my grand plan, just like this baby wasn’t in Tessa’s, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be there, and it doesn’t mean they can’t be wonderful.
Scary, but wonderful.
I sit down at the table just as Tessa comes into the kitchen.
“I left the muffins on the counter. I figure if the scent is enough to make you hurl, it’s best to keep them out of sight.”
She nods and takes the seat beside me. I watch as she carefully sips her juice.
“I have so much to do,” she says.
“You do, but I think you should just take one thing at a time. You have nine months to figure it all out. Right now, your first priority—”
“I have to figure out a way to tell Xavier.”
“Yep.”
Suddenly, her face brightens. “I can use food!”
“Food?”
“Remember when Becky told Uncle Jesse she was pregnant? She made baby shrimp, baby corn . . .”
I grin. Leave it to my crazy best friend to pull a Full House reference out of thin air.
“Xavier loves your baby back ribs.”
“I know, right?” She excitedly jumps out of her chair and heads to her pantry. “I didn’t really plan on grocery shopping today, but—”
“Plans change, Tessa.”
She turns toward me with a hopeful expression on her face.
“They do, don’t they?”
I walk over and hug her tight.
“They really do.”
After a whirlwind trip to the grocery store, I drop Tessa back at her apartment. I left her with her grandmother’s recipe book in hand and a massive grin on her face as she began to prepare her baby-themed dinner for Xavier.
I pray Xavier takes the news well. I’d hate to have to kick his ass.
It’s a pretty day, and I am a ball of nervous energy for my best friend, so I decide to take a walk around campus. The wind has picked up, so I grab Brandon’s hat out of my backseat and use my rearview mirror to make sure it looks right.
I smile at my reflection.
I really love his hat.
Despite the breeze, the sun is nice and warm as I begin my walk. Peyton College is beautiful in the springtime. Students hang out on the quad, kicking around soccer balls and listening to music. Excitement is in the air, filled with the promise of sunshine and, for many of us, graduation. I’ve spent four years at Peyton College. There are many buildings I’ve never stepped into and thousands of students I’ve nev
er met. And that’s okay.
I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to start my life.
By this time, I thought I’d know exactly what that meant. I would know where I was headed and what was waiting for me. Mom said she wanted me to be adventurous this last semester, and in a weird way, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I’m jumping headfirst into life without a solid plan.
That’s a big deal for a control freak like me.
I look off in the distance and realize there’s one last thing I need to do before graduation. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was a freshman, but I kept putting it off. Waiting for the right time.
And the right person.
Inevitably, I end up at the coffee shop. I watch Brandon through the window while he waits on a customer. Dressed in his paisley apron, his smile lights up the room, and I can’t help but laugh as the little girl on the other side of the counter points at his apron and giggles. When they leave, he sees me through the glass.
I smile and wave.
He waves back just as an older woman, with pretty silver hair and a matching paisley apron walks up behind him, patting him on the back. I can only assume that’s Ms. Linda, his manager.
A few minutes later, Brandon walks out into the April sunshine.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey, you.”
“Nice hat.”
I smirk. “You love it?”
“You have no idea.”
He steps closer and dips his head, kissing me gently.
“Brandon, will you take a walk with me?”
“I’d love to take a walk with you.”
We take each other’s hand, and I lead him down the sidewalk and toward the trail that will take us to Rainbow Rock.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Brandon
“I wonder where they are now?”
I know it’s a rhetorical question, so I don’t bother answering.
We’re sitting on top of the mountain, overlooking campus. Steph slides her fingers along the multi-colored ink on the gray slab of rock.
“And these people . . . the ones with hearts drawn around their names. Do you think they’re still together?”
“Honestly? Probably not.”
She frowns. “That’s not very optimistic, Brandon.”
“No, but it’s realistic. Look at the dates. Some of them are more than twenty years old. Do you really think all these people are still in love?”
“I’d like to think so. Rainbow Rock should be something sacred.”
“You’re right. It should be.”
“Have you signed it?”
I shake my head.
“I always meant to,” Steph says. “I just kept putting it off. I realized today that I’ve put it off long enough. We’ll start packing soon. Finals are coming up. Chances are good I would have forgotten all about it.”
“I’m glad you thought of it. I would have forgotten, too.”
Steph excitedly digs into her backpack and pulls out permanent markers in several different colors.
“Pick a shade. Any shade.”
“You choose.”
“Hmm.” She settles on a bright green. “It’s not camo, but it’ll do.”
I chuckle and watch as Steph searches for a bare spot on the gray slab to write our names. She’s really starting to embrace this whole soldier situation. Today, she’s even wearing my fatigue cap that she apparently stole out of my truck.
Not that I mind. I love when she wears it.
“I’m not an artist, but I think it looks okay,” she says as she draws a heart around our names. “Here. You date it.”
I take the marker, and just below our names, I write today’s date.
“It’s perfect, Steph.”
She laughs and searches for her phone in her backpack. After snapping a picture of our names on the rock, she then scoots closer and takes a photo of the two of us.
“For Mom,” she says.
I smile and lean back against the stone, stretching my legs. Steph rests her head in my lap while I play with her hair that peeks out from under the hat.
“I saw Tessa this morning. She doesn’t have the flu,” she says.
“Oh?”
“She’s pregnant.”
I blink. “The flu would be better.”
Steph gazes up at me. “You really think so?”
“Right now? Yes, I do.”
She nods. “Me, too. They were careful, but it happened anyway. She’s so scared, Brandon. Afraid of what her family will say. What his family will say. What this means for their future. Xavier doesn’t know. She’s telling him tonight.”
Steph grows quiet, and for a minute, I try to imagine how I’d react if she told me she was pregnant. Would I be happy? Would I say the right things? Do the right things?
We just had our conversation about sex last night. And today, we’ve been given definite proof that our decision to wait is a good one.
“What are you thinking?” she asks quietly.
“Wondering how I’d react if you told me you were having my baby. And thinking it’s ironic that you and I just talked about this last night.”
“I know. I was thinking that, too. I can’t imagine it. I mean, they’ve been together for two years, and she’s still freaking out. We’ve only known each other a few months.”
“We’re doing the right thing, Steph.”
“I know.” She rises up and crawls into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. “But someday . . .”
I pull her close. “Someday?”
“We’re talking fireworks.”
“Especially if you’re wearing this hat.”
“You really love this hat, don’t you?”
“I love it on you.”
She kisses me, tender and soft, and I can’t help but wonder how I got so lucky. We have no idea what our future holds, and I don’t have a thing to offer her except a pretty Kentucky house and a loud, barking beagle.
But she loves me anyway.
“Speaking of things I need to do before graduation, what are you doing Sunday?”
“Just studying. What do you want to do?”
I adjust the cap on her pretty head.
“I need to say goodbye to a friend,” I tell her.
On Sunday afternoon, we make the drive to Magnolia Gardens. Sunday is typically a day for families, but I know Tom has no family. Or at least none that ever visit.
As we drive to the nursing home, I tell her all about Tom McBride. The two tours in Vietnam. The grenade attack. His blindness. And I tell her about his wife, Connie. By the time we reach the entrance, Steph is a sobbing mess, and we have to sit in the car another fifteen minutes until she’s calm enough to go inside.
I sign us in, and the nurse points us toward the back deck. Like always, Tom is sitting on his bench, his face raised toward the sunshine.
“Good afternoon, Tom.”
He turns toward the sound of my voice.
“Afternoon, Brandon.” Tom inhales deeply. “Hmm. Either you’re smelling particularly good today or you’ve brought someone to meet me.”
I chuckle. “I did bring someone with me. This is Stephanie.”
“Your girl?”
“Yes, sir.”
He smiles brightly and slides down the bench. Steph and I sit down next to him.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. McBride.”
“You can call me Tom.”
“Well, then, you can call me Steph.”
“You sound like a Steph,” he says with a nod. “And you sound like a sweet girl. I hope Brandon’s being good to you.”
“He’s very good to me.”
“I’m glad. There’s nothing like being in love. It makes you look at the world differently, don’t you think?”
Steph squeezes my hand. “It absolutely does, yeah.”
Tom tilts his head in her direction. “I hope you don’t mind, but Brandon told me about your father. I’d like to thank you for h
is service, but I know that doesn’t take the pain away. I’m sorry about that.”
“Thank you. If his pictures are any indication, he was very proud to serve.”
“I’m sure he was. It’s a calling, just like with anything else. It’s not for everyone, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. What’s your calling? Are you in school?”
“I am. I graduate in May. I’m going to be an English teacher.”
“Oh? I was a teacher.”
For the next hour, Tom and Steph talk about everything from unruly students to Indiana basketball. He avoids talking about his military career, which seems odd since that’s typically all he and I discuss when I visit. But I know he’s doing it out of respect for Steph. Who knows? Maybe he’s grateful to talk about something different, too.
“Brandon, you’re very quiet this afternoon.”
“Just letting you two talk.”
“Well, she’s fun to talk to.”
“I know she is.”
Steph rolls her eyes at the two of us and stands up from the bench. “Well, she is going to let you guys do the talking while she looks for a restroom.”
I reach up and squeeze her hand. “It’s near the entrance. Want me to show you the way?”
“No, stay here and talk to your friend. I’ll be right back.”
Steph leans down and kisses me before heading inside. I bet she isn’t looking for the bathroom at all. She probably just wanted to give us the chance to say our goodbyes.
“She’s a bright and beautiful girl,” Tom says.
“Yes, she . . .wait a second. How do you know she’s beautiful?”
He laughs. “I don’t need eyes to see how beautiful she is, Brandon. That girl has a sweet soul. You remember what I said last time you were here?”
“Love. Honesty. Respect. I remember.”
“And you’re doing all those things?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Keep doing them. It’ll make you better in every way. A better soldier. A better man.” Tom lifts his head toward the sun and smiles. “But you’re not here for a lecture, are you? You’re here to tell me goodbye.”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat. It’s impossible.
“We’re graduating soon. I was afraid I might not get another chance to come visit.”
