The Theory of Unrequited

by Len Webster

  AJ: I know, Dad. And I won’t talk to any strangers.

  Dad: I’m just making sure. I don’t really want you taking the train. That line goes past Fenway. You’re going to be hounded by Red Sox fans. Why isn’t Evan taking you home?

  AJ: I’ve never had a problem with Red Sox fans, Dad. They can be rowdy sometimes, but they’re just passionate about the team. I’ll be fine. And Evan has something to do with baseball. He was voted captain. So he’s doing captain stuff.

  Dad: I knew they’d pick him. He was their best player last season. All right. I’ll see you when I get home. You be careful. I love you, Alexandra.

  “Alex!”

  AJ glanced over her shoulder to find Hunter racing down the steps. She stopped and turned around the moment he made it down the last step.

  “Hey,” she said with amusement at the sight of him panting.

  Hunter set his hands on his hips and let out a heavy breath. “Ev told me that you were meeting your dad. You want me to give you a ride to his office?”

  She shook her head. She didn’t want to admit to Hunter that she had lied to Evan when she said she was meeting her dad. For reasons unexplained, she just couldn’t stomach the idea of being around him after she’d praised him for how he was going to ask Addison to homecoming. Jealousy really didn’t sit well with AJ. She had to get away from what made her jealous in order to make the sick feeling of her being a horrible best friend go away.

  “I’m good. But thanks, though.”

  “Okay. Hey, thanks for videoing me asking Willow to homecoming. Everyone online loved it,” he stated.

  “That’s great, Hunter. I’m glad it worked out. I gotta go.” She took several steps back, putting space between them.

  “Alex,” he said as his hands fell away from his hips and he took a step forward. “About what Willow said—well, what Willow implied—about being the last senior not being asked to homecoming …”

  She took another step back as students raced past them, ready to go home. “Okay?”

  “Are you going to homecoming?” Sadness and guilt consumed his green eyes.

  “No,” she answered with a tight smile, hoping it assured him that she was okay with not going. “Homecoming isn’t for me.”

  “Evan’s going.”

  The mention of Evan caused her to wince, and she quickly composed herself, hoping Hunter didn’t see what pain he inflicted on her.

  “Yes.”

  “You missed him asking Addison. It was pretty epic. Would have thought you’d be there.”

  Salt in her unjustified wounds.

  She should have been there.

  She should have videoed it to use against him when they were older.

  But she hadn’t.

  The idea of watching him ask another girl to homecoming pained her.

  “I could only imagine. I was with Mr. Miller. He was explaining a theory I needed to know,” she lied. “I gotta run. I’ll see you tomorrow, Hunter.”

  “Umm … Alex?”

  She stilled at the uncertainty in his eyes. “Yeah?”

  “If I could have, I would have asked you to homecoming. I’m sorry.”

  If he could have?

  AJ stared at him, confused. It didn’t matter. He had asked Willow. So she smiled and said, “My dad’s waiting for me. Oh, and congratulations on being vice-captain this year.”

  “I really wish I could have asked you, Alex.” Hunter smiled sadly and added, “But I wish he had asked you to homecoming more.” And before she could even say another word, he left her standing at the bottom of the steps, watching him walk back into the school building.

  The ache in her chest had AJ blinking, hoping it would go away.

  But it hadn’t.

  And it was the very moment she realized everything had changed between her and Evan. Because she felt something that overstepped the boundaries of their friendship.

  She had promised him that nothing would come between them.

  Little did she know that her heart would be the one thing to change that could ruin everything.

  13 Al

  aluminium

  AJ

  Now

  Voicemail fourteen: I don’t know what I’ve done. I don’t know what I could have possibly done to deserve this. How could you not tell me you’re not attending Stanford? How could you keep that from me for the entire summer, Alexandra? Fuck. It was prom, wasn’t it? You still haven’t forgiven me. I’m sorry. I think about that night over and over again. I didn’t mean to hurt you. To hurt you so much that you’d do this to us. I thought we were okay … I thought … We’re not okay. We haven’t been okay since that night. I should have known that it would never be okay. This summer felt off, and I should have known. I should have taken better care of you. I’m sorry, Alexandra. Please, I’m sorry. Tell me where you went. Tell me you’re coming to California. Tell me you didn’t stay there … with him. You hurt me. Don’t you hear my pain? You let me down. I never thought you could let me down. You promised you’d choose me. Don’t break that one promise. Don’t pick him. Tell me where you need me to be, and I’ll be there for you.

  Tears dragged down AJ’s face as she lowered her phone from her ear and pressed her back harder into the wall behind her bed. She didn’t want to listen to voicemail message fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen for fear of what he might say. Evan had moved into his dorm yesterday. That was plenty of time for him to go through an assortment of emotions. And AJ knew that Evan Gilmore was not particularly graceful when it came to his anger. Most times, it got the better of him. But that was normally between him and his brother. Never between him and AJ. However, this time it was different.

  This time, AJ went and broke year-old promises.

  She betrayed their best friendship because she was stupid enough to fall in love with him and let him tarnish parts of her he never knew he could tarnish.

  And she would continue to hurt the one person she didn’t want to because she was too selfish and too much of a coward to face him.

  She would rather Evan never know than for him to give her the rejection she knew was imminent. He could never love her. He’d never want more with her. Never want a relationship with her. She was his best friend, and she had taken advantage of his trust by falling in love with him.

  Prom was prom.

  He had hurt her.

  But one could argue that it wasn’t supposed to hurt.

  That she had no reason to be so pained by his actions that night.

  It wasn’t prom that changed everything.

  It was homecoming.

  Stupid homecoming.

  It had been the start of it all.

  AJ wiped away her tears as she glanced down at her phone. Their picture together was still her screen lock display. And the picture of them at Fenway was on her desk. She still kept him close to her heart and her life, even though she shouldn’t.

  Miles might separate them, but it wasn’t enough.

  “Alex?”

  Lifting her chin, she faced her roommate’s concerned expression. Savannah closed the door and walked over to her. In the week since move-in day, Savannah Peters had been good to her. Just because they were roommates didn’t mean they had to be friends. But Savannah ate lunch and dinner with her and explored the campus when AJ felt like it. Classes would be starting soon, and they’d see less of each other. Savannah was studying business while AJ was studying science. But her roommate made her promise that they’d still hang out outside of their classes, and AJ couldn’t refuse. She needed a friend right now. And she was relieved to have one in Savannah.

  “You wanna finally talk about it?”

  AJ laughed as she set her phone next to her and scooted over so Savannah could sit on her bed with her. “It’s complicated.”

  Savannah grinned, climbed on the bed, a
nd sat down next to her. “Involves that cute boy in that picture frame, huh?”

  “It does.”

  “You missin’ your boyfriend?”

  “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Y’all break up before you left for Duke?”

  AJ shook her head. “Evan’s my best friend, and I’m his best friend. I’ll only ever be his best friend.”

  “But you love him,” Savannah pointed out.

  “I do,” AJ confirmed. “But I shouldn’t and can’t continue to. It’s why I turned my back on Stanford and accepted Duke.”

  “You gave up California?”

  The bewilderment on her roommate’s face caused AJ to laugh. Nodding, she said, “I also gave up Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Dartmouth, Columbia, and NYU.”

  Savannah’s eyes widened. “You got into so many schools. That’s incredible. All on scholarships?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Alex, are you a genius?”

  She laughed. “Maybe not a genius, but I am good at physics.”

  “What are you doing here at Duke, then?”

  “It’s the last place Evan would look.”

  “From the week that I’ve known you, Alex, I think you’re pretty amazing, and I hate that he makes you cry.”

  “He’s done nothing wrong, Sav. It was all me. I know I’ve lost him as my best friend. It’s just really hard to accept that I hurt him and betrayed our friendship. I came to North Carolina to forget Evan and get my Bachelor of Science so I can go back home and do my Ph.D. at MIT.”

  A glint sparkled in Savannah’s eyes. She quickly got off the bed, then turned and faced AJ. “Well, I can’t help with your Ph.D. plans because I know nothing about atoms and compounds and why the sky is blue. But I can help you get over that cute boy of yours from Boston.”

  “What?”

  “There’s a frat party.”

  AJ stilled.

  She’d never gone to a party without Evan before. But that had been high school parties. And not parties at college frat houses. AJ had never been a social butterfly. She wouldn’t even know how to really engage in such a social scene without Evan. He was the one who could hold an entertaining and interesting conversation.

  “I don’t know …”

  “Oh, come on, Alex. Classes start soon! You’ve spent every day since I met you in our dorm. You need to go out and experience college. Not lock yourself in our room and listen to his messages. Have you seriously not seen the guys who go to this school?”

  A small smile curved at her lips. “I’ve been a little preoccupied.”

  Savannah’s shoulders sagged. “Yeah. Between Evan and this Kyle guy you talk to every night, you’ve been very preoccupied. You left Boston to start over, am I right?”

  Kyle.

  Every night, he called her.

  Every morning, he messaged her to make sure she was okay.

  He was a friend she needed at the moment.

  But he wasn’t the friend she needed the most.

  No, she left him in Stanford with no explanation and her silence.

  AJ tucked her hair behind her ear as she took in Savannah’s raised brow. “I left Boston to get away and find out who I really am.”

  “Then you have no objections to us going tonight.”

  “We’re freshmen.”

  “And?”

  Pushing off the wall, AJ got off her bed and shook her head. “You won’t have a problem getting in, but I will.”

  Savannah’s brow furrowed. “They can’t smell intelligence, Alex.”

  “I mean …”

  “We’re not talking about your brain, are we?”

  “I just don’t have that look.”

  Her roommate stepped forward and set her hands on her shoulders. “Trust me, Alex, you have nothing to worry about. Guess boys in Massachusetts are as blind as they are clueless. You’ll be fine tonight. I’ll take care of you.”

  “Really?”

  Savannah grinned. “Really.”

  The fraternity party at Sigma Nu was loud, crowded, and extremely hot, considering the number of people who filled the house. As Savannah promised, AJ had no problems getting into the party—though, some girls behind them were turned away at the door. It seemed Sigma Nu was selective in who they chose. And it baffled AJ how she was deemed to be desirable. Glancing down at the tight, black dress she wore, she knew exactly why.

  She was told to dress the part, and she did.

  Heels and all.

  She let her brown hair fall down her back to avoid having to put it up. She wore makeup for the first time in what felt like forever, and she knew that even though her roommate had done it subtly, she didn’t look like her regular self. The only thing she managed to recognize was that sad gleam in her eyes.

  The one Evan had put since after homecoming.

  The very gleam she finally acknowledged after prom.

  “Let me guess. Pi Phi?” someone asked, getting her attention.

  AJ tore her gaze from Savannah, who was talking to one of the Sigma Nu boys, to look at a very tall guy dressed in a nice, white button-down shirt and gray chino pants. She blinked at him as he stared at her with his bright blue eyes. “Excuse me?”

  He tilted his head at her. “Can’t be. Unless you’re pledging?”

  “For what?” she asked, confused.

  A smile slowly crossed his lips. “For Pi Phi.”

  “A sorority?”

  He nodded. “Do you know the Greek system here?”

  She shook her head, hating the humor in his voice. “Honestly?”

  “Go on.”

  “I don’t care,” she said and then glanced over at Savannah to find her roommate giving her that “are you okay?” look.

  “Then what are you doing here?” the guy asked, getting her attention once more.

  It was a serious question.

  One that could be directed to any part of her life and decisions.

  But she knew he meant the frat party.

  AJ took him in. He was definitely tall, and he wore that shirt nicely—she could see his muscles almost straining against the material. He had short brown hair and that smile of his was a killer. Sweet mixed with something she couldn’t make out. The guy in front of her was attractive, and she didn’t have to be in love with Evan to notice it.

  Just the thought of Evan caused her heart to squeeze painfully in her chest.

  He was the last person AJ should be thinking of, but she couldn’t help it.

  The guilt in her was soul consuming, and she knew she would have to live with the knowledge that she betrayed Evan for the rest of her life.

  “What’s your name?” the unknown frat guy asked as if he sensed her hesitation at his previous question.

  Though he was attractive, she didn’t trust him with her name. It meant she wouldn’t have to offer him her friendship or anything more if she kept her name to herself. So instead, she took him in. From his face to his body, she tried to figure out who he was.

  “Hmm … No. You don’t have the body of a football player.”

  A smirk replaced his humorous smile. “I don’t play football.”

  “But you’re an athlete?”

  He nodded. “I am.”

  “You don’t play baseball?”

  He laughed. “Baseball isn’t even a real sport.”

  Oh.

  “It’s not?”

  “No.”

  “I see. And …?”

  He stepped closer, her back pressing against the wall. “Basketball is.”

  “You play basketball.”

  His blue eyes fell to her lips and then returned to meet her gaze. “I do.” His brows met for a second. “I can’t figure you out.”

  She smiled, loving that he couldn’t. “Goo
d.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Where are you from?” she countered with a question of her own.

  “Connecticut.”

  “Massachusetts,” AJ revealed without hesitation, realizing she had given him something for their time together.

  It might not be her name, but it would do.

  “We’re both from New England,” he pointed out.

  “We are.” AJ pushed off the wall as he stepped back. “But that’s where the similarities end and where I leave you. I’m a different ballgame altogether, jock. It was nice meeting you.”

  Bewilderment consumed his blue eyes as his lips parted. “I have a name, you know.”

  She nodded and then stepped around him. AJ walked over to Savannah who had her brow raised and a smile on her face.

  “Who was that?” Savannah asked.

  “I have no idea. Someone I’m not ready for, no doubt—” AJ’s phone ringing caused her to stop and reach into her small clutch that hung over her shoulder by the thin chain. She pulled it out to find his name. “I gotta—”

  “Go,” Savannah insisted. “He’s obviously important to you, and that’s something we can’t fix with frat parties and cute Duke boys. I’ll see you back at the dorm.”

  “Are you going to be oaky?” AJ asked, worried that Savannah would have to walk back to their dorm alone.

  “I’m sure. One of my old friends from Southport is here with her boyfriend. I’ll be fine, Alex. I’ll see you later.”

  AJ nodded at her roommate, spun around, and made her way past the crowd until she was able to get out of the Sigma Nu frat house. When AJ made it down the path and away from the house, she glanced down to find her phone still ringing in her hand. She took a deep breath as she thought of what to do.