The Theory of Unrequited

by Len Webster

  Her mother pulled away from her father, returned to the stove, and picked up the spatula, carefully removing the freshly baked Christmas cookies and setting them on the plate. “I thought you had enough.”

  AJ set the Christmas tree cookie cutter down and hummed. “I think I do, but I don’t want to take any chances. I’m going over to Evan’s. Dad, can you cut out the rest of my cookies?”

  “Sure thing,” her father said and then walked over to her and kissed her temple. “You smell like cookies, my love.”

  “But not gross cookies, right?”

  Her father chuckled as he reached over and grabbed the plastic bag, handing it over to her. “Not at all. I brought the tree out of the garage, and it’s by the front door with the other Christmas decorations. You want me to help you take it over to Evan’s?”

  She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ve got it. I’ll come back for my plate of cookies. I don’t think I can take everything in one go.”

  “All right. Be careful,” her mother warned.

  “Mum, I’m only going next door.”

  Her mother grabbed a tray of cookies and placed it in the oven. “I know, but it’s still really icy out there on the path.”

  “I’ll be careful,” AJ promised as she exited the kitchen and headed to the front door.

  When she reached it, she smiled to find that her father had wrapped up the trunk of the small pine tree and transferred the decorations from the paper bag they were originally in to a plastic container that had a handle. AJ crouched down, removed the lid from the container and stuffed the extra tinsel inside. Then she returned the lid, stood, and grabbed her thick blue winter coat from the hook, threading her arms through. She buttoned up the coat, then put on her scarf and her gloves. She was only going next door, but she didn’t want her fingers to go numb from the cold or have any surprising splinters from the tree. AJ was just about to bend down and pick up everything when her father walked into the entryway with a chuckle.

  “I love your determination, Alexandra, but you’re gonna need some help.”

  She sighed. “Yeah, I know. Do you mind helping me, Dad?”

  Her father had begun to help her before she even said yes. He picked up the tree with ease, and AJ picked up the container. Then she opened the door and the freezing cold wind hit them instantly. She was now glad that her father came to help because she was sure she’d be waddling through the snow for some time to deliver Evan his surprise. AJ followed her father down the few steps, turned left, and made their way down the path toward Evan’s house.

  “It’s a nice thing you’re doing for Evan,” her father noted as AJ held her hair down against her temple to stop it from flipping across her face.

  “He shouldn’t have to spend Christmas alone in that empty house. I thought a Christmas tree might make him feel better about the holidays.” AJ turned her head to find her father nodding.

  “Well, do you mind inviting him over for Christmas? Your mother is going to ask Kyle next week, but we thought you should invite Evan first.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Her father’s green eyes sparkled. She was happy that she inherited his eyes. “I know it’ll make you happy if they’re over. Evan more than Kyle.”

  “You don’t think that it’s awful of me to want Evan over more than Kyle?”

  When they reached Evan’s front door, AJ’s father said, “No. You’re a lot closer to Evan than Kyle. It’s not awful to want to spend more time with him than Kyle. To be honest, Alexandra, as your father, I’d be more worried if you were closer to Kyle.”

  Nodding, AJ pressed the doorbell and smiled at her father. “Dad, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to me and Kyle.”

  “I trust you.” The door opening had her father straightening, and AJ shifted her focus to her best friend’s confused expression.

  “Hey, Mr. P … AJ? What’s going on?”

  AJ’s father stepped forward and handed Evan the small pine tree. “I’m just my daughter’s helper right now. Alexandra, don’t forget, your mother wants you both to come over when you’re done for Christmas cookies. I’ll see you both a little later.”

  “All right, Dad,” AJ said before her father left and returned to their home next door, leaving her alone with Evan.

  “AJ?”

  “I hope you don’t mind that I bought you a tree,” she said, unable to stop the nervousness in her voice from booming. Evan was adamant that he would not be in the Christmas spirit this year, but AJ wasn’t giving up on him during her favorite holiday of the year.

  Evan looked down at the tree in his hands and then back at her. His brown eyes softened as he stepped aside and welcomed her into his home. AJ had been over plenty of times. And like every other time, his house lacked love and warmth. Sure, she spotted the fire he had going when they walked into the living room, but it wasn’t that kind of warmth his house was missing. It was the warmth of a family. Walls still had memories that Evan no longer acknowledged since his parents decided that he was old enough to raise himself after Kyle had gone pro with the Red Sox. But it didn’t matter since he always had her parents’ love.

  “So where do you want your tree?” AJ asked as she scanned the large living room, trying to find a place for the small tree. She had wanted to get a bigger one like the one in her family’s house, but AJ wouldn’t be able to lift it on her own. And she wasn’t sure if her father would have been home to help. That and she didn’t want to impose on Evan.

  “Alexandra,” Evan whispered, getting her attention.

  AJ turned to face him. “Yeah?”

  “You got me a Christmas tree.”

  “Yeah, is that okay?” she asked and then bit her bottom lip.

  A soft smile spread across Evan’s face as he set the tree down on the ground next to them and took the container from her, placing it on the floor. Then he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

  “It’s perfect,” he said.

  AJ circled her arms around his waist and let her eyes fall closed as her ear pressed against his chest, listening to his heart race.

  After a long embrace, Evan pulled her back, his hands on her arms as he gazed down at her. “This might sound selfish, but can we set it up in my room? You know I don’t care for this house. Something as pure as you buying me a Christmas tree doesn’t deserve to be in rooms where the memory of my parents fighting still stain the walls.”

  “I understand. Can I ask you something?” Those nerves she had returned in full force as she looked into his eyes.

  “You can ask me anything.”

  That was all the reassurance she needed. “Would you like to spend Christmas with me?”

  “With you?”

  She nodded. “And my parents. They want to invite Kyle, too.”

  “Oh—”

  “But I’m inviting you as my Christmas guest. Kyle’s theirs.”

  Evan’s palms slid slowly up her neck until he was cupping her face. “Alexandra?”

  “Yeah?” she said breathlessly. More breathlessly than she would have liked.

  “I want to spend Christmas with you.”

  Her breathing hitched. “With me?”

  “Just you.”

  “You know that’s impossible,” she said, realizing that her arms were still around him, still embracing him.

  A small smile touched his lips. “Then for a moment, after Christmas lunch, just spend it with me, away from your parents and my brother.”

  She found herself nodding. “Okay.”

  Evan’s head dipped, and he kissed her forehead. “Come upstairs and help me set up our Christmas tree.”

  “Ours?”

  “Ours,” he said, confirming that not only was that small Christmas tree theirs, but that he had her entire heart even if he never wanted it.

  To keep
the peace, AJ sat alone at the table. Her parents sat either side of her, and both Gilmore brothers sat in front of her. It was what her father had wished for, and no way would Evan or Kyle argue with Nolan Parker. They looked at him as a father figure and respected him too much to disappoint him. That, and they knew that they couldn’t ruin Christmas.

  Her mother had been up since five a.m. cooking Christmas lunch. Although Americans didn’t celebrate it, tomorrow her mother would host Boxing Day lunch with their family who was coming in from New York. As per usual, her mother had made too much food for Christmas lunch. AJ wasn’t a big fan of turkey, so her mother made roast chicken with AJ’s favorite sauce. There was also roast beef, a ham, and every type of roasted vegetable imaginable. Later tonight, her mother’s employees from the bakery and restaurant would come over for Christmas dinner if they wanted to. It was a grander event, and many of her employees showed up with their families.

  As they ate Christmas lunch, Kyle updated them all on his fitness. His elbow damage had healed, and he was excited to return to training. Small talk between Kyle and Evan was brutal—the animosity was thick in the air—but AJ knew they were both putting aside their differences for her parents. If it hadn’t been for the Parkers, Kyle would have spent Christmas alone or with one of his teammate’s family, and Evan would have spent it in that empty house. Her parents gave them a family, and they were respecting the effort Noel and Clara made to give them a Christmas memory worth treasuring.

  After lunch, her father and Kyle began to clear the table. They would be watching some recorded game while her mother got dessert ready. It was the perfect time for her and Evan to have their own Christmas. And it seemed as if he understood the perfect timing when he helped her out of her chair, glanced around to make sure they were in the clear, and led her out of her house.

  “I promise we won’t be gone for too long,” he said as he led her next door and into his house.

  The thrill of sneaking away from her parents and Kyle caused her heart to hammer in her chest. She’d never been reckless before, but with Evan, she loved it. When they were inside, he dragged her upstairs until they reached his bedroom door, and he pushed it open. When Even let go of her hand, she stepped into his room and smiled at the sight of the Christmas tree they had decorated together. Positioned near the window, she could see it from her room. Evan closed the door and then walked up to the tree. He bent down and flicked on the twinkling Christmas lights, brightening his room in a soft glow.

  Evan picked up something from underneath the tree and stood. The nervous gleam in his eyes had her smiling, loving that he could be nervous around her. He took two long steps until he was standing in front of her.

  Then he whispered, “Merry Christmas, Alexandra.”

  AJ glanced down to see a small box wrapped in cartoon snowmen gift paper. “Evan,” she breathed as she looked at him through her lashes. “Your Christmas present is under the tree at my place.”

  He smiled at her and then shook his head. “We’ll go back in a minute. Just let this moment be ours and not shared with my brother.”

  She nodded and took the gift from him. AJ ripped the paper away and flipped the box open. She gasped softly at the sight of the silver necklace.

  “It’s what you are to me,” he explained.

  AJ’s fingers traced the atoms on the necklace as tears glazed over her eyes.

  Eight protons.

  Eight neutrons.

  For Christmas, Evan Gilmore had given her oxygen.

  “I’m your oxygen?” she asked in a whisper as she lifted her chin.

  The truth radiated in his eyes as he nodded. “You’re my life, Alexandra. I’m not who I am without you. You once told me that oxygen was your favorite element in the periodic table because oxygen was life. The meaning of life. And I’m not Evan Gilmore without you. You’re the meaning of my life. You, Alexandra Parker, are my oxygen. My eight protons and my eight neutrons.” He paused, a soft smile on his lips. “I love you, Alexandra.”

  I love you, Alexandra.

  “I love you, too, Evan,” she said wholeheartedly as he picked up the necklace, stepped around her and fastened it around her neck.

  Then he whispered in her ear, “You’re the most important person in my life. You always will be. Thank you for being my best friend. My oxygen. My life. I love you, Alexandra.”

  And that was the very moment she knew he meant he loved her as his best friend.

  It was in his voice.

  Relief.

  Sisterly love and companionship.

  He hadn’t said I love you the way she had.

  With her whole heart and meaning.

  With truth and longing.

  And for AJ, she held his I love you tightly to her heart because for a moment she had believed he truly meant it. But as she pressed her fingers to the necklace he had given her, she believed in hope.

  That maybe he did truly love her.

  He just hadn’t realized it.

  And the thought had her willing to wait for the day he truly meant and believed his love for her.

  21 Sc

  scandium

  AJ

  Now

  Today, AJ had a day off from classes. It meant she could sleep in and take her time getting ready. Normally, she would catch up on any work she had missed or get started on next week’s lectures, but today was different. She would be meeting Landon in the library to give him her phone number. It was exhilarating and terrifying to know she was letting this jock have a chance.

  Landon could be the one.

  Landon might be the one.

  Landon might just be a guy she met in college.

  Landon could be anything to her, but she knew she wanted him to be more.

  Because she loved being the Alex that had him interested. She loved the way he said Massachusetts to her. She loved the way he looked at her as if she were fascinating and beautiful.

  Landon Carmichael deserved a chance and so did AJ.

  She deserved a chance to be loved.

  Truly loved.

  She had let go of Evan, and now Kyle.

  She had cut ties with the Gilmores for a chance at a life she was happy with. And as she entered the library, she was sure and confident of her choice. She might not have wanted to go to Duke before move-in day, but she appreciated what Duke had to offer her. She made friends with some of her classmates, and her roommate was fast becoming AJ’s go-to person for everything. And she had Landon.

  Duke wasn’t so bad.

  Her professors were great, and she loved the challenge of her classes.

  Life away from Massachusetts was what she needed.

  AJ made her way toward her usual spot and smiled the moment she noticed Landon sitting in the seat opposite to the one she normally sat in. And just like that, her heart sped in her chest at the sight of him. Landon hadn’t noticed her, and she took that moment to compose herself. To get her damn breathing in order and to persuade her heart to settle down.

  Inhaling a deep breath, AJ made her way toward him and sat down. Landon lifted his attention from his textbook and smiled the moment he noticed her.

  “Good morning, Landon,” she said as she removed her shoulder bag and set it on the ground.

  His eyes shifted to her chest, and that smile of his deepened. “Please tell me you have sin and cos T-shirts, too?”

  AJ nodded. Her orange shirt had been another one of her uncle’s gifts that he had sent to her a week ago. It was slightly warmer today and didn’t warrant a sweater. Instead, she had worn a shirt and a thin cardigan. And on the shirt she wore was the word tangent.

  “Seriously,” Landon said, setting down his pen. “How do you find all that math and science apparel?”

  “My uncle in Australia has this stupid humor, and his wife happens to know people in the fashion industry.
So he gets all these math, science, and pun related clothing sent to me.”

  “Australia?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I’m Australian.”

  His eyes flared. “I should have known. So you’re not American?”

  “No. I was born and raised in Massachusetts, but my parents are Australian.”

  Landon tilted his head, eyed her for a long moment, and declared, “I like that about you, Alex. You are not like any other girl I’ve ever met.”

  AJ’s lips parted as she felt her cheeks warm. “Is that a bad thing?”

  “No,” he said as he closed his notebook. “It makes you different. So it’s actually nice outside. You wanna go for a walk around campus?”

  “Sure,” she said as she got out of her chair and picked up her bag. AJ slid the strap onto her shoulder as Landon packed up his books and shoved them into his backpack. She followed him as he led them out of the library.

  “So how are you liking Duke?” Landon asked as they walked down the sidewalk. AJ wasn’t sure where he was taking her, but she went along as he high-fived other Duke students and told them to have a good day.

  “Aren’t you Mr. Popular?” AJ said as a few girls said hello to him in flirty voices.

  Landon glanced over at her and laughed. “Don’t be disappointed. I didn’t plan on being popular at all. I just happen to be more known because I play basketball. So back to my question, how are you liking Duke?”

  “I’m starting to like it here,” she admitted. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  Suddenly, Landon stopped, and AJ took her eyes from him and stared at where they were.

  “Sarah P. Duke Gardens?”

  “Tell me you’ve been here since you’ve started.”

  AJ shook her head. “I’ve heard it’s nice, but I haven’t had the chance.”

  Landon sighed as he reached over and grasped her hand, causing AJ to flinch in surprise. Then his fingers threaded through hers, and she felt that familiar squeeze in her chest. “Oh, Massachusetts, you have so much to see at Duke.”

  She made a small laugh as she walked hand in hand with Landon through the beautiful gardens. It was stunning to see the many types of flowers and greenery. AJ wanted to stop and sit on the first bench they walked past, but Landon pulled on her hand and promised that it got better.