The Theory of Unrequited

by Len Webster

  “Landon!” AJ heard behind them.

  Landon stopped as a girl in a blue Duke shirt and a pair of denim shorts came running toward them. “Hey, Vanessa.”

  Vanessa’s black ringlets were tied into a ponytail, and her caramel skin was beautiful in the sunlight. Vanessa was extremely attractive, and AJ felt less than up to par in front of her. “I’ve missed seeing you.”

  And that was the moment AJ wanted to dig herself a hole and fall into it. Of course, Duke’s point guard was popular with the female Duke population. What he was doing holding hands with AJ, she had no idea.

  “Yeah, it’s been a while,” Landon said, tightening his hold on AJ’s hand when she tried to pull away.

  “And who is this?”

  “Vanessa, this is Alex. Alex, this is Vanessa,” Landon introduced, proudly.

  Vanessa smiled. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Alex.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too,” she said politely.

  “I’ve gotta run. I’m taking over at the information center. Landon, I’ll see you around?”

  AJ craned her neck to find Landon staring at her instead of Vanessa. “Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

  She heard Vanessa’s retreating footsteps, but AJ hadn’t turned around.

  “Can I confess something?” he asked once he’d turned his body to her.

  “Okay?”

  “I like that you had that defeated look on your face just a moment ago when you realized I knew Vanessa.”

  AJ blinked at him. “W-what?”

  “Alex, for a single moment, you became vulnerable without even realizing it. I am not attracted to Vanessa. I have never dated her. She knows me because the basketball team volunteered at the gardens when we got into trouble for some pranks we pulled on UNC. When our volunteering punishment was over, I continued helping last year. It was fun, and it was an outlet to relieve some stress from basketball and classes.”

  “Oh,” she breathed, appreciating the fact he was opening himself up to her. She didn’t need him to explain. His life was his own. But he was right. For a moment, she was jealous of Vanessa.

  “Jesus, I sound like a jerk. I just meant that you don’t realize your self-worth. Alex, do you not think you’re beautiful?”

  Her throat dried, and insecurities flared in her chest, making it hard for her to breathe. AJ pulled her hand free and took several steps back, almost falling over the tiny fence that separated the cobblestones from the garden.

  Landon acted quickly and grasped her arm, holding her in place. His blue eyes softened as he snaked an arm around her lower back and pulled her to his hard body. Her palms splaying on his chest. “You don’t think you are, do you?”

  His one question left her feeling raw.

  No.

  Not really.

  No one ever made her feel beautiful the way Landon was able to in the short amount of time they had known each other.

  “Why?” he asked in a small voice.

  AJ shook her head. She had opened her mouth to say that she was once told she was beautiful by someone she had loved, but that had been when he was breaking her heart. So she never counted it and went on with her life, pretending she was okay with being his best friend.

  “Because I’m—”

  “Don’t you dare say you’re not.”

  She pressed her lips together, fighting back stupid tears and a giggle. So she decided a different route. “Landon, back home, I wasn’t …”

  “Well, you’re here, at Duke, with me. And let me be the first to tell you that I think you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life. You’re so busy concentrating on physics you have no idea how much you stand out. And I will spend all my time making sure you know how beautiful you truly are. It’s not just your green eyes and that smile of yours. Your intelligence is beautiful. It’s the way you talk, and the way you look at me. It’s the way you’re so unsure of yourself. You’re beautiful, Alex.” His thumb traced circles on her lower back, causing the air she had just inhaled to thin. “As much as I love having you in my arms and your body pressed against mine, I wanna show you something.”

  Speechless at the fact that Landon Carmichael found her beautiful, she nodded, and he stepped away. He took her hand once more and led her farther down the path. It had been minutes of walking and silence that around her became a blur as she tried to decipher every single word he said to her. Landon found her beautiful. Not just for the way she looked but for her intelligence, too. She wasn’t a freak to him, and that caused her heart to beat in a completely new way altogether.

  It found life in its beat.

  No longer shackled by the pain of its predecessor’s name.

  And it was a liberation she welcomed wholeheartedly.

  Suddenly, Landon stopped at a red bridge, and AJ took in the lake around them. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Landon released her hand as she took a step on the bridge and took in her surroundings. She had never stood in another part of the world quite like where she stood. AJ kept walking until she was in the middle of the bridge and set her hands on the railing. She glanced over to see the bright red reflection of the bridge that seemed to ripple with every dry leaf that floated onto the water’s surface.

  “You should see it in spring. When the white and pink cherry blossoms have bloomed. It’s even more stunning than right now.”

  AJ glanced over her shoulder to find Landon standing behind her, taking in the view. She spun around and pressed her back against the railing.

  “Why me?” she found herself asking out loud.

  Landon’s smile softened as if he were in awe of her. “Because out of everything in these gardens, you’re actually the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my entire life. And this bridge over this lake used to have that title that you so easily and unknowingly took away.”

  “But,” she whispered, her eyes not leaving his, “did you not see all those other girls at that frat party?”

  He shook his head. “I only saw you and only wanted to see you the moment you smiled when I told you that I couldn’t figure you out. And only cemented it being you when you told me you were a different ballgame and then walked away. You had me, and that night, I wanted your rejection again. I wanted your smile again. I wanted the way your eyes glazed over in wonder again.”

  “You barely know me,” AJ pointed out.

  Landon nodded in agreement. “You’re right. But I want to get to know you. The question is, do you want to get to know me, Alex?”

  She did.

  She wanted to understand him the way she couldn’t understand anyone else.

  AJ hummed as she grasped her bag’s strap in her right hand. “Do I want to get to know you?”

  Landon stepped toward her. He set his hands on her shoulders and shifted her slightly so they weren’t blocking anyone from walking across the bridge.

  “I want you to,” he whispered as if they were in a packed room with people around them. His thumb brushed her right arm, and she lolled her head slightly, smiling at him.

  It wasn’t hard to fight against Landon and his beautiful coercion.

  Not when her heart wanted him.

  “You’re not really a part of Sigma Nu, are you?”

  Landon chuckled. “No. I only went for the party. You’re not pledging for any sorority?”

  “Me? At a sorority?” she asked in shock. “No.”

  “And you’re a freshman.”

  AJ nodded. “We’re burning through small talk.”

  “Exactly. I don’t want any dull conversation starters when I take you out to dinner during fall break,” he explained.

  “And you’re a …?”

  “I’m a junior.”

  He was two years older than she was.

  “And your major?” AJ asked, knowing that their age gap
was no issue to her.

  “Civil engineering.”

  Her mouth dropped. “Civil engineering … That’s how you knew math and physics.”

  Landon’s hands ghosted down her arms until he clutched her left hand. “I only know the essentials. Nothing that’s going to impress you, Massachusetts.”

  “I’m already impressed, Connecticut. But why are you studying for a degree in engineering when you’re on the basketball team?”

  He hummed and glanced over at the still lake for a long moment. Then he gave her a tight smile. “You were expecting I do something in sport?”

  AJ nodded. “But civil engineering makes sense.”

  “It does?”

  “It does.”

  “Well, I have two years. If I don’t go pro in the NBA, there are always jobs in engineering. What are you going to do after college?”

  “I’ve only just started college,” she said with humor in her voice.

  “I know, but it’s nice to focus on a goal. What’s yours?”

  AJ pursed her lips. Unlike Evan, she could tell Landon her dreams without feeling as if she had compromised them. She could be honest with Landon in ways she couldn’t be with her best friend. “Once I’ve graduated from Duke, I’d like to do my Ph.D. at MIT.”

  “No undergrad research positions?”

  “Maybe. But I heard they’re so hard to even get interviews for. There’s no way I would even be considered. I think for now I’ll just enjoy college.”

  Landon nodded. “I like this plan. Aren’t you glad you got into a college with a great garden to enjoy? If you want, I can show you the bench I helped put together. I wrote my initials where no one can find it. I’ll show you.”

  AJ laughed as she said, “Okay.”

  It was an honest laugh.

  The first not filled with pain.

  AJ felt as if she were finding her true self.

  The happier version of her.

  And a pang erupted in her chest as she gazed into Landon’s blue eyes, wishing they were brown and the pair she’d known for eighteen years.

  It had taken them almost a half an hour to find Landon’s bench. He had gotten lost on one of the trails he hadn’t used since last year. AJ couldn’t help but laugh when he had to ask one of the volunteers he had worked with for directions. When they found his bench, it was off the cobblestone path and in a secluded area of the garden, under large trees with beautiful orange and brown leaves circling the bench. Landon had taken her around to the back of the wooden bench and had her crouch down to see his engraved initials. They were tiny. Had he never shown them to her, she’d have never found them. And she assumed that no one else had either.

  A secret that Landon had only ever shared with her.

  After they strolled through the gardens for a little longer, they walked back to campus, and Landon revealed that as much as he would love to miss his engineering class, he couldn’t. So they made their way to the coffee shop on East campus where AJ’s roommate worked before he went to class. Landon held the door open for her, and she walked inside, instantly engulfed by the coffee bean aroma.

  The moment Landon walked with her to the counter, Savannah turned away from the coffee machine and smiled. A smirk then consumed Savannah’s face, and her eyes sparkled in that familiar “you need to tell me everything” gleam.

  “Well, what do we have here?”

  AJ groaned when Savannah glanced back and forth between her and Landon. “We’re just getting coffee,” she answered.

  “Y’all have your dinner, yet?”

  AJ’s eyes widened in horror. “Savannah!”

  “No yet. We’re taking it slow,” Landon said reassuringly. “Though, Alex, I’m pretty sure we agreed that today is the day I get your number.”

  “Ah, yeah … we did. It’s—”

  “Hang on,” Landon said. “Savannah, was it?”

  Her roommate grinned. “It is.”

  “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Landon.”

  “Oh, I know who you are. How can I help you?”

  Landon smiled, no doubt loving the fact that AJ had spoken of him to her roommate. “Can I get one of those paper rings that you put around the takeout cups and a Sharpie?”

  Savannah spun around, grabbed a paper ring, and set it on the counter. Then she reached for the Sharpie next to the register and placed it next to the paper ring.

  “Thank you,” Landon said, collecting the items and handing them to AJ. “Okay, write down your number.”

  AJ blinked at him. “I can just give you my number to put into your phone.”

  He grinned at her and shook his head. “But where’s the us in that?”

  Us.

  The us in that.

  The us in the things they did.

  He already was affecting her.

  The word us from his lips was already persuading her heart into those little jumps it made. Landon Carmichael was rare and could be hazardous to the heart that once had Evan’s name sliced into it.

  AJ turned, set the paper ring on the counter, and wrote her number on it with the Sharpie. When she finished, she decided that giving Landon the ring was too easy and not at all like them. So AJ handed Savannah the paper ring, and she understood immediately what AJ had planned.

  “So what’s your poison, Blue Devil?” Savannah asked as she slipped the ring around a takeout cup and wrote what AJ assumed was Landon’s name.

  “Just regular coffee with cream and one sugar.”

  “Nothing fancy?” Alex asked.

  Landon shook his head. “I have a two-hour engineering class. Caffeine is all I need.”

  “Got it. And you, Alex?”

  AJ glanced up at the menu board and decided on her regular order. “Just a regular English breakfast tea with one sugar.”

  “I’ll ring y’all up,” Savannah said once she wrote AJ’s name on her cup and punched their order through the register. “That’s seven dollars and thirty-two cents.”

  Reaching into her bag to pull out her wallet, she frowned when she noticed Landon handing over two twenty-dollar bills. “Keep the change.”

  Savannah eyed AJ as if she were asking permission to take the money from him. AJ was just as bewildered by his generosity as she was.

  “Seriously, it’s not to get you to like me for Alex’s sake, Savannah. I tip big at coffee shops. You baristas are unsung heroes during finals.”

  “Well, make sure you only visit this coffee shop when I’m working. I’m happy to be an unsung hero.” Then one of Savannah’s co-workers handed her a cup, and she handed it to Landon. “Regular coffee with cream, one sugar, and Alex’s phone number for Landon.”

  Landon took the coffee cup with a smile and faced AJ. “I gotta get to class. I’ll message you later.”

  “Sure,” AJ said as one of the baristas set her cup of tea on the counter.

  “Nice to meet you, Savannah,” Landon said to her roommate. “I’ll see you later, Alex.”

  AJ watched as he walked out of the coffee shop and headed toward West campus, leaving her in awe of what an afternoon she had with him.

  “I like him,” Savannah declared.

  And AJ found herself biting her lip because she found herself liking him, too.

  “Alex?”

  “Hmm.”

  “Landon’s moved higher on the OTP list,” her roommate informed, and AJ smiled, relieved that Savannah liked Landon and thought highly enough of him to move him higher on her silly list.

  AJ faced Savannah and grasped her takeout cup from the counter with a smile.

  “You like him,” Savannah accused with wide eyes. “You really like him.”

  Pressing her lips together, AJ shook her head in denial. “I’ll see you back at the dorm,” AJ said as she ignored her roommate’s accusations, made her
way out of the coffee shop, and headed back to her dormitory.

  22 Ti

  titanium

  AJ

  Senior year of high school

  Christmas had quickly passed, and New Year’s was five days away. For Boxing Day, AJ had spent it with her parents, Uncle Alex, Aunty Keira, and her cousins, Will, Lori, and Reese. They had driven up from New York to watch the recorded game of Australia taking on England in the cricket. It was a family tradition. AJ wasn’t a fan of cricket, but she tolerated watching the game. Will was home from Berkley, and he abandoned the cricket game after lunch to read through her college essays to Harvard and Yale. She had finished her essay to Stanford but found herself tweaking it to make it perfect. He had given her tips, but he had assured her that any college was lucky to have her.

  When Will was reading her essay to Duke, he had paused to ask her why Duke. She told him that besides the Ivy League schools and Stanford, Duke had one of the best physics departments on the East Coast and that there was no harm in applying. Her cousin had nodded and then asked if they could take a break to eat some of the cupcakes her mother had made with her younger cousins.

  That break lasted the rest of the day, and she hadn’t touched her essays since. Several were due in a few days—which include MIT, Dartmouth, and NYU. Though Stanford was still her first choice, she couldn’t leave it up to chance. Stanford might not see her as a fit candidate for acceptance, and if that was the case, she needed backups.

  Unlike some of her other applications, MIT’s application essay was different. It was five questions with minimum word counts. They were questions about what she did for fun, what department at MIT stood out to her the most, how she contributed to the community, how her family and those close to her shaped her dreams and aspirations, and finally, how she managed to handle a situation that didn’t go her way. AJ found the questions imposing and hated that it wasn’t a structured essay.

  AJ stared at her blank document and sighed. She had been looking at the questions for hours and wasn’t even sure how she was supposed to start. She knew that these five questions could make her stand out in a sea of MIT hopefuls. She had to ace them if she wanted to be accepted. Sighing, AJ rubbed at the kink in her shoulder, and her phone rang next to her. She picked it up, smiled when she saw Evan’s name, and answered his call.