Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  I took off in the empty lobby and made a right at the end of the hall. The gym windows could be seen right away. When I approached the door, a man walked out, swiping his head with a towel while looking into his phone. Inside, the place was empty…except for Tori. She was on the elliptical, moving deep and rhythmically. Sweat dripped from her drenched face. Her horsepower was something I wasn’t accustomed to seeing from a girl or woman. Tori wore her biker shorts, t-shirt from last night’s dinner, and ankle socks. She had no sneakers, likely because she didn’t pack any for this overnight trip. Her eyes were straight ahead to the wall. No music, no television. It was just Tori, the machine, and her protective head space.

  I made my way over to her, stopping at her side. For too long, she wasn’t even aware of my presence, that caught up in her head.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  Maybe it was the deep gravel in my voice that had her eyes blinking her into the here and now, then her head whipped over to me. As fast as she was going, this was when I finally saw she was out of breath—like I was at this point from running down the stairs like a bat out of fucking hell. Sweat layered my skin all over, too.

  “I—I…” she tried, then swallowed. “I woke up and couldn’t sleep. I had—have—all this energy and it made me fucking…crazy.”

  “Turn off the machine and let’s go.” I swear, I tried fucking controlling my temper.

  She had me going so fucking bad, thinking the worst. Nervously, she turned back to the elliptical and tapped to stop the clock. Her strides slowed, and eventually, she was able to get off. I stayed on her ass, too, not moving to give her much room. After giving her the hardest glare that likely resembled a damn parent, I took off with the expectation of her being behind me. By the time I made it to the elevator, I could tell she was. We rode all the way up to the sixteenth floor in silence, trying to calm our breathing.

  Once we were back inside the suite, I turned to her. “You could have awakened me.”

  “I didn’t want to. It was a weird feeling,” she tried to explain.

  “What was weird?”

  “Waking up like that, and you being right there. And what we did…”

  Panic struck my chest again. “Did you not want to do what we did?”

  She nodded. “You know I did.”

  “Then why in the hell would it be weird to wake up and find me in the same bed as you?”

  Brows lifting, Tori shrugged. “I dunno.”

  “Well, what the fuck do you know, KaToria?” Damn, I sounded just like Wanda Lee—a male version, that is. “It was you last night demanding, ‘Just do it. I’m not fragile, girlie. I’m not going to break. Just get all the way in.’ You telling me you feel different now?”

  She bit her lips, shaking her head. “I don’t. It’s just…weird.” Tori grabbed her face and shook her head again. “I don’t know where we are now…what this is. You…Aivery…me naked in bed with…you.”

  My face balled. “Aivery and I are broken up! You know that. I came right to you when the shit went down.”

  Tori looked at me sideways. “You were planning to propose to her within the next year. You really think you’re over?”

  “The hell? I’m a grown-ass man, Tori, not some sucka ass teenager who had his dick sucked for the first time and fell in love. If I say I’m done, I’m done.”

  “Then give me time to get used to it. Since I’ve met you, your entire existence has been connected to being with her. Shit, Ashton! Most of this time I’ve known you, I’ve been your damn jumpoff.”

  “Jumpoff?” My expression was incredulous.

  “Don’t!” she warned, finger in the air. “You know I’ve got home-wrecker issues. Don’t try to say it’s something else!”

  Her mother. Tori didn’t want to be the homewrecker she believed her mother to be. The prospect of that was fucking ridiculous. We were young, no one was married, and there were no kids involved. See. No homewrecking happening here! But I doubted if I could convince her of it.

  She rolled her eyes, eyebrows meeting as though she was in pain. “Hey… I’m sorry for ruining your birthday,” her voice soft, repentant. “I didn’t mean to—”

  “Don’t go there. My birthday was better than I deserved—that’s only if you’re okay with last night. If you don’t have any regrets.” My heart began to race again.

  Fuck!

  Tori shook her head fast and hard. “No. I don’t! Do you?”

  I shook my head and murmured, “Hell no.”

  Her eyes dropped down to my feet, then rose to my head. “You’re sweaty.”

  Because you scared the shit out of me, making me think I hurt you!

  I scoffed dryly, “So are you.”

  “I got some cardio in.”

  “So did I, thanks to you…being a weird human.” Her words were most fitting in this moment.

  Tori recoiled. “I know. I am a weird human. Especially now…with this sex thing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I liked it.”

  My eyes popped out of my head. “With all that pain? I saw your forehead misting, felt your thighs doing the same damn thing.”

  She lifted a shoulder. “It hurt, but…”

  I blinked deeply. Tori’s response was another single shoulder shrug. I took a deep breath and checked my phone for the time.

  “Look. It’s almost seven-thirty. Let’s shower and I’ll make us breakfast. Is that okay?”

  I damn near lost my breath when she reached over and wrapped her arms around me. Hurriedly, I engulfed her into my chest, feeling her face pushing into my shoulder.

  “Sorry, Ashton.”

  I was so thrilled by her slip of affection that I would’ve forgiven anything she wronged me on just to be here with her. Since when did her attention feel this good? I wouldn’t question it, though. I would not make this a big deal and risk her getting weird on me. Hell no. I liked this Tori.

  “No worries, Nabby-girl, as long as you’re good.”

  There were no words after that. We pulled away and I headed straight for the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before jumping into the shower. Not even midway through, Tori strode into the bathroom gloriously naked. Her eyes were locked on mine when she stepped inside the shower. There was more than enough room. I used the wall faucet while she used the ceiling. This was weird. Tori’s fucking body was art, the type you could admire, but not necessarily help yourself to.

  So, I was surprised when I finished and was stepping out, she pulled me by the shoulder toward her. So soon, I was sensitive to her touch and obeyed her prompting. I was met with her open mouth and knitted brows. She kissed me. It wasn’t smooth, as she was still a novice, but it was communicative. Tori wanted me. She fucking wanted me. She was über-eager and artless, but clear. For the first time since I started fucking, I was clueless as to what to do with a woman. Tori was different.

  We kissed hard and long, so long I’d lost sense of my surroundings and stumbled from taking a backward step out of the shower. I slipped with Tori suctioned into my chest, luckily able to break the fall with my arm and palm without pain. But…she never stopped kissing me. I was worried about us getting hurt, and Tori was on top of me like a goddamn vixen, devouring my mouth and eventually fisting my cock as she maneuvered to straddle me. Her breasts, those brown, round things that looked fake as fuck but were the best natural ones I’d had lifting into the air as her back arched. She moved up, lifting over my dick she held in her palm.

  My eyes blew open wide as hell when she sat on it, sinking down on my rod in three plunges. Oh, fuck! She was reckless and bold. Pain struck in her face, but determination colored her eyes as she kept lifting and rising in the worst rhythm known to riding dick. She was indeed a novice, but Tori’s athletic abilities were at play. Her thighs were separated, feet planted on the floor as her pussy was exposed when I lifted my neck. She strained so hard from the pain, it aroused the sick part of my fucking libido. Tori McNabb was a de
termined one. From the sight above me, I had a lesbo on my dick. There was no longer a curve to her spine, and although her nipples were pebble-hard, Tori was overwhelmed with the hurting sensation, but determined to endure it.

  “Please help me,” she squeaked.

  And with gusto, I snapped into action, grabbing one of her hips with one hand and finding her nub with the other to counter the ache. The rubbing arched her a bit, but my mouth nibbling on her one tit loosened her hips according to my guide. No, she wasn’t doing a good job, but I didn’t give a fuck. Tori was giving me her pussy, and that was blowing my goddamn mind. So, I kept licking and rubbing her clit. Her hips relaxed and helpless moans hiked. I kept going, and she kept rising.

  Then I saw heaven. I’d tasted it and had felt it between her legs, but never had I seen it on her face when she came while “riding” me. Tori was coming, making her thrusts onto me faster and the walls of her pussy clench. Her hands clasped my waist as her eyes rolled back and mouth opened to…nothing.

  Tori kept it all in, but her body told me everything. No, she wasn’t doing a great job at riding me, but this simulation of a vaginal orgasm while on top of me was enough inspiration for me to wait until she was finished. I grabbed both her hips and lifted and slammed her into me at a pace and force that wouldn’t break her, but one that sent me over the fucking moon my damn self. When my orgasm hit, I managed her off my cock and pulled her down to my chest as I skeeted into our bellies while holding on to her for dear life.

  “And you’re worried you hurt her?”

  Shit. “I don’t know. I guess, yeah, but I don’t know how. Maybe,” I mumbled.

  “Maybe what? Maybe you hurt her physically? Psychologically?”

  “Both?” was my hurried answer.

  “Well, I do agree with her: no one’s ever died from losing their virginity, at least no one I’ve ever heard of. So, it sounds to me, she made her experience what she wanted it to be.”

  “But to want it full throttle last night, and then to damn near break my fuckin’ back to ride me this morning? Her shit’s got to be broken right now. Right?” My brows shot up.

  NormaJean chuckled, voice silky and calm. “You’re well-endowed, Ashton, I will give you that. But I doubt she’d try again this morning if you broke her last night.” Then there was a pause, but not as long as what she gave when I told her I’d fucked Tori and she was a virgin. I thought the line had gotten cut. “Why are you freaking out?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “There’s something you’re not telling me. I know a few women you’ve fucked before settling down with little Miss Aivery sunshine, and never have you given them a thought past making sure the condom didn’t break after a long, hard fuck.”

  Condom…

  My eyes closed, anguish amped. I didn’t use a fucking condom either time with Tori. It was a shameful act I wasn’t ready to give thought to. Didn’t want to.

  “You’re talking about shit that happened when I was seventeen, eighteen years old. I’m twenty-two. This girl is only nineteen. Of course, I’m going to be thoughtful when handling her. I’m not that much of an asshole,” I murmured into the phone, peering behind me.

  I sat in the living room facing the large windows. After our shower, I cooked breakfast and Tori and I lay down in the bed for a bit until she fell asleep. I was the restless one this time, and got up to come into the living room. A while ago, I heard Tori go into the bathroom, which meant she was up from her nap.

  “You’re no asshole at all, Pooh. Don’t say crazy shit like that. It’s not what I was implying at all. I just don’t want you getting weirded out by what’s simply a young girl who likes what she likes and doesn’t come with the need to be handled princess-style. Some women are in control of their sexuality. They’ve read enough, heard enough, and listened enough to chart their own sexual paths from the start. Maybe that’s who this KaToria really is.”

  It wasn’t. I knew it. What NormaJean didn’t know about was Tori’s sexual abuse as a child and how awkward it made her journey to her sexuality. That journey that led to me…last night. I didn’t want to fuck up anything for her. I may have been an asshole to her as a Panther when she first got to BSU, but that damn sure would not continue to her first sexual experience. I gave a fuck about that.

  About her…

  Tori ambled into my peripheral, shoulders and face low. She stopped at my outstretched legs.

  “You good?”

  “Yeah. I guess,” NormaJean answered quizzically, thinking I was asking her.

  “My bad. I was talking to Tori,” I explained.

  “Oh…” NormaJean replied.

  Predictably, Tori lifted one shoulder. I waved her down to me. Surprisingly, she didn’t dither. Her long, toned frame climbed my reclined body like a baby would its parent. Her arms encased me as much as the sofa chair allowed, and Tori tucked her forehead beneath my beard.

  “NJ, I’mma hit you later. Tori’s up.”

  “Oh.” She chirped, hesitantly. “Okay. Don’t forget. We need to chat about our annual New Year’s outing.”

  “You got it.”

  “Bye, sweets.”

  “Later, little lady.” I tapped to end the call and peered down to try and look at Tori; though she was so close, it wasn’t possible. “Everything okay?” She was in the bathroom for a while.

  I couldn’t tell if she nodded or shook her head, and was grateful when she mumbled, “My period came on.”

  Then I was fucked up all over again, not knowing if that was good or bad.

  “Were you expecting it?” She answered with her head again. “Nabby-girl, I don’t know what that means.”

  “It’s not always to the exact day, but I knew it would come this week. That’s why I was trying to… You know. On my birthday.”

  Sex. Tori made clear she wanted me to take her virginity on her birthday.

  “Ahhh…” I breathed out my revelation. Then I tried reaching for her face to land a kiss. “But I wanted that for my birthday.”

  She lifted her head to peer into my eyes. “Why did you get to have it for your birthday and I couldn’t for mine?”

  Because you deserved to have your first time with a guy who didn’t have an official or unofficial girlfriend, Nabby-girl…

  “The Prince of Zamunda gets to have things his way.” I laughed when she rolled her eyes.

  “What time is checkout?” Tori sat up straight. “It’s getting late. Is it afternoon yet?”

  “I asked for a late checkout. Wanted you to sleep.”

  “Well, I’m up now.” Her head swung around the suite.

  “Are you hungry? I know girls get cravings around this time of the month.”

  “Yeah. I’m hungry already. I can get something when we get back to campus.”

  “Nonsense. We can grab something on the way. I know of this pizzeria whose Margherita pies rival Verti’s.”

  Her deep chestnuts blossomed wide. “Really?” I nodded, pleased by the simplicity of her contentment. “Okay. Just give me a minute to make sure the place is straightened up.” She stood from me.

  I snorted while standing to my feet. “You don’t have to. I tip well, McNabb.”

  Tori shook her head. “Margaret Maureen would never let me not make sure I didn’t leave an extra mess like I wasn’t raised with class.”

  If I wanted to dispute her argument, I couldn’t. Tori leaped into the kitchen on a conspicuous limp without expecting another word.

  I’d finally stepped out of the bathroom from blow-drying my hair. It was in a knotted mess from the hotel. After having banging-ass Margherita pizza from the restaurant he mentioned, we stopped at a Wal-Mart just before heading back into BSU town. I needed a blow-dryer, something ShawnNicole had been telling me to get. She even gave me the name of it. Ashton tried to pay for it, but I wouldn’t let him. I had the thirty-five dollars.

  When I got back to my dorm room, I showered, washed and conditioned my hair, then dried it. It felt like a
never-ending task. Then I got super annoyed when I heard, in between parts, Samantha’s friends come in. I wasn’t in the mood for humans. But I finished up, and felt proud of myself. Now that I was done, I had to face the music.

  “Hey, Tori!” Lyricah’s eyes sparkled with warm familiarity. Her face tightened for a second as she eyed my legs. “Why are you walking like that? Looks like you got a limp, champ.”

  She smiled as her lashes batted, forcing me to look away.

  “Hey,” I returned, headed to my desk to see if my Blackberry had finished charging. I wanted to see if Ragee replied to an email I’d sent him on my ride back to BSU. Samantha was at her dresser, tossing things into her purse. “Working tonight?” I asked Samantha while tapping away to get inside my inbox.

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “But I won’t be in until late, late.”

  I paused to glance up at her. “Your shift is over at like two in the morning.” Samantha did inventory at the grocery store sometimes, too. “What’s later than that?”

  I wasn’t clocking my roommate. There was just something suspect in her announcement. I could tell I was missing something.

  She turned to face me, whole body tense while fighting a stupid human-girl blush. “Dre wants to hang out after I get off.”

  Oh…

  “You get it. Right, Tori?” Lyricah asked, her happiness more evident than Samantha’s masked one. “They’ve been talking for almost a month now. He seems to really be digging our girl here.” My eyes jumped over to Samantha. She was finally full-on cheesing. “You’re gonna be okay, Tori,” Lyricah assured. “She’ll be back in the morning.

  “Why wouldn’t Tori be okay? She spends nights out with her beau-thang.” Samantha giggled, going back to bag stuffing. This time, I caught mouthwash and a travel-size toothbrush. “She’s just now getting in from being with him last night.”

  “Oh, shit,” Lyricah swore under her breath, shocked, I guessed. “So, Tori really has a boyfriend.”

  “Of course, she does.” Samantha’s arms shot up in the air. “What did you think?”