Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  But did he?

  His regard went back to the pretty sky. “Why are you looking stuck, McNabb?”

  “Because I can’t tell if you’re fucking with me—I mean, I know you are, but—”

  He sprung from the water and took me by the head, kissing me. The glass slipped from my hand when I went weak from his delicious aggressiveness. His tongue pushed into my mouth, and my pussy clenched.

  Still, I slapped him. Ashton’s head whipped to the right. His eyes returned to me hard and dark.

  My chest heaved when I warned him, “Don’t play games with me.”

  After a beat, he bit out, “I don’t fuckin’ play games, KaToria. I don’t have to.”

  That part, I believed. Attacked with emotions I wasn’t familiar with, I jumped on him. My mouth crashed into his and I kissed him like a crazy woman, throwing my sex into him, wanting him inside of me. Ashton didn’t leave me hanging. He took me at the hips, grabbing me into his growing hardness. I was wild: hands in his thick hair, titties pushing into his neck. We moved and lifted from the water, mouths busy on each other. When he carried me into the cool air, my mouth traveled down his face, clasping his chin through his beard.

  Yeah, I was wild and possibly drunk, but I felt everything in the moment. Felt the muscles in his arms against my thighs, his beating heart against my chest, and even his harsh breaths as he pulled on my ponytail, licking my neck.

  Ashton lay me down on the cool lounge chair, but the inferno burning in my pussy wouldn’t allow me to feel the cold temperature. Right away, he stretched my arms above my head, fastening our hands together. His mouth was perfect, right in rhythm with mine. Ashton was so ready for me, he didn’t need to use his hand to guide himself into me. I was so wet, I didn’t need to brace myself for his glide. From the first push inside, he kept syncing until I felt him at the back of my walls. That sensation took my breath away. Still, I didn’t give him a chance to get settled. There was a greediness inside of me, needing the friction of him.

  My mouth worked with his, breasts lifted and rolled against his chest. I moved with him, but a little faster. This could have been the last time for a while. I hated it, but wanted to take advantage of every second of this. Out of breath, we didn’t stop our mouths from dancing. Our breaths heavy, mine loud, all against the sounds of the jets of the Jacuzzi and open air.

  His mouth moved down my chin to my neck then my nipple without breaking a rhythm in his drilling into me. His mouth ignited an urging in me, making me work harder against him. My mind traveled back to when I was a kid, getting my hair braided. I was tender-headed and it annoyed my mother and my Margaret Maureen. They used to threaten me into silence, sick of my wailing. Since then, I learned to endure pain in silence.

  But Ashton’s words of letting him hear what I felt came to mind, and that command was greater than those from my mother and grandmother. I moaned, arching my back, feeling every pleasure he gave. It went on and on, longer than I deserved. But this was Ashton, hard-working and hella focused. Always.

  “You’re so good,” he growled just before his lips were on mine again.

  Chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis, we were in sync. My hands moved across his back, down to his flexing ass. So many moving parts to this one guy, who seemed larger than life to me. I wanted to ask him if this was what he felt like when having sex with Aivery. If this was what love felt like, because it was more than my heart could hold. It was more of a connection than I had with my cousins, more than my mother. The shit I felt in my chest hadn’t been felt since my Margaret Maureen. But I didn’t have the heart to speak my curiosities.

  My hips moved fast, thighs opening more. I was coming hard. Pulling my head back, I howled my pleasure into the crisp air. Then Ashton swallowed them with a kiss. So sweetly soothing my twitching body. I lost the rhythm, being attacked by pleasure. Then Ashton hit his climax, his hips suspending over me for seconds long before jerking. His neck raising his upper body as his eyes squeezed.

  The shiny gold pendant hung in clear view. Better human. I could feel my chest expand with happiness. Suddenly, fireworks exploded in the sky. Colored sparks of lightning shot all around us. That meant the clock had struck midnight and the New Year had begun. It forced me to kiss Ashton like it was our first time, only I knew how to do it. He’d taught me how to dance with his mouth. My heart hammered in my chest and I felt words spilling without planning them.

  “I…” My hands roved busily over his beard, neck, and hard chest. “I like this—you.” I licked my lips, feeling the usual sense of difficulty expressing myself. “I wish…we could—I want to be like this. A lot.” My heart thundered. “Like we are up here.”

  Like you and Aivery…

  Eyes low, Ashton reached down to lick my nipple, sucked on it lightly, then kissed the center of my chest. “Like this?”

  I shook my head and licked my lips again, defeat engulfing me. His heart galloped over me, breath still wild and sexy. “Like…real—”

  His phone began chirping. Grunting, Ashton reached down and grabbed it from the ground. I caught his heavy eyes flashing wide when reading the caller’s ID.

  “Hey,” he answered, out of breath.

  And he was so close that it was impossible for me not to hear her.

  “I need you.” Aivery’s voice sounded different. Deeper and with feminine authority.

  Ashton’s eyes circled around me, where our bodies met, and he sighed. “Yeah.” He scratched his head. “Give me a minute.”

  His lips pecked mine. “Gather your thoughts,” he murmured before pulling out of me gently and leaving me cold on the lounger.

  I watched the grooves on his back as he headed inside the cabin.

  Cold and alone, my body shivered in painful jealousy I’d never forget.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  -THEN-

  “I don’t feel like going to this two o’clock class,” Teefah grunted, scrubbing her face with the palms of her hands over the table. “I hate this shit.”

  Samantha pouted sympathetically. “And why does it feel like spring semester drags longer than the fall?”

  I finished slurping on my milk and dropped the empty carton on the tray with the rest of my discarded food. This diet shit was harder this semester. Coach Luke wanted me to lose the few pounds I’d gained over the break.

  “Because Dre’s basketball season spills into the spring semester.” Lyricah flashed a fake smile.

  “That’s why I decided to give a freshman a chance.” Neemah gloated with a seat dance. “And one that has no interest in barbaric sports. Feels like the damn semester is flying by.”

  They’d only been back on campus for exactly two weeks. Imagine how long the semester had been for me, having returned five weeks ago to start training. It was cool having the campus practically empty, like those earlier days when I was new here last fall. The only difference was instead of feeling abandoned, I felt lonely.

  “Oh, god,” Neemah sighed, dropping her face toward her tray of food. “Here comes the get down crew.”

  Teefah busted out laughing. “What did Tori call them? The West Beverly High kids?”

  “But wouldn’t they be the Beverly High kids, because the West Beverly High crew were more down to earth.” Her face wrinkled. “Right?”

  Before I could answer about the old show my older cousin watched reruns of like crazy, Karmen and Aivery were at our table. My heart dropped from my chest when Aivery’s face lifted in a grin.

  She acknowledged me with her eyes alone. Aivery always looked stylish with long wavy hair, neatly made-up face, a cute bubble vest, and high heeled boots. “We’re two weeks away, huhn?”

  “Wha—what?” I sounded like an idiot, but was seriously confused.

  Aivery chuckled, rolling her eyes. “You’re so…different. The Combine, girl!” Her head angled as she grinned with a tight forehead. “He leaves in two weeks. I heard he’s been killing it in training.”

  My damn belly rolled over, mouth stret
ched wide, but with empty words. I shrugged. “I haven’t heard from him.” That was mostly—painfully—true. I’d seen Ashton three times in the past five weeks, and two of those times were before he began training. The last time we hung out was three weeks ago, when he came to my room one night and stayed over. Other than that, Ashton and I BBM’d each other when we could. “I’ve been training.” Which was true.

  Luke and Tyrone had been working on my endurance. Sometimes, I wondered if I should have never left campus for Christmas break. My body wouldn’t have lost momentum and I possibly wouldn’t be feeling as…strange as I had about not seeing Ashton like I used to.

  “Oh,” she sighed, strangely, eyes locked to mine. I didn’t know how to take that. Did I say something stupid? “I mean…” Her eyes fell to the tray of food she held. “…I saw him over the weekend. We talked about our annual spring break trip. I guess he wouldn’t mention that to you.” Again, Aivery searched my face for something. Weird human. I had nothing for her as she basically jabbed me with, “Okay.” She shrugged and strutted off. Karmen laughed in tow.

  “She’s such a bitch!” Samantha hissed. “Don’t say anything, but even Dre says she’s a snobbish bitch.”

  So badly, I wanted to ask if Dre had mentioned anything about how Ashton was doing. I knew I could ask myself, but after our last night in the upstate New York wintery village, I decided never to let myself fall into the fantasy. It was the foolishness my mother likely had fallen into when she fucked every married man she did. Maybe she, too, felt the hope of being an Aivery. I did. That night on the balcony, I was prepared to ask Ashton if we could be a couple. I’d lost my mind, I know. But I’d finally lost sight of this thing he had with Aivery and felt the hope of having a boyfriend, something I hadn’t considered since…before Paul. That was killed when Aivery called, “needing him.”

  “You heard about her brother-in-law?” Teefah whispered.

  “Yeah. He died New Year’s Eve morning,” Neemah replied. “Boating accident. I heard the family was fucked up over it.”

  The food in my stomach turned over. Is that why she called him? Ashton never said. Maybe it was because he found that personal, as in family business. I’d been right all this time. Those two would never be over. And I could never be a homewrecking whore like my mother.

  “Wonder where they’re going for spring break. I think they went to Aspen last year.” Teefah’s nose wrinkled. “Nah. I think that was last winter break. For spring break, they were in Cabo San Lucas. Hmmmm…” Her gaze was to the ceiling.

  “Macen Beach,” Samantha murmured, staring down at her plate.

  “What?” Lyricah asked loudly.

  Samantha shushed her. “Dre told me they’re going to Macen Beach this year.”

  “Shit,” Lyricah sighed. “Macen Beach is that hot spot. What I would do to be there.” She looked my way. “You going, Tori?”

  I wanted to roll my eyes. Lyricah didn’t know her truth was out, but I did. She wouldn’t use me to get to Ashton.

  I stood from the table and grabbed my tray. “Why would I go? Like I told his girlfriend: I haven’t heard from him.”

  Without waiting for a response, I left them and headed for the trash. On my way to the door, DJ Paulie was at my side, crooked smile and high ass fade, just as I recalled it last fall.

  “I’ve got a question to ask and you can’t say no.”

  Without looking at him, I pushed the door open. “Shoot.”

  “You and me. A movie this Thursday night. I’ve got a gig all this weekend.”

  I didn’t think when I replied, “Let’s do it.”

  I didn’t stop either. DJ Paulie stayed in the doorway with his mouth hanging to the damn ground.

  I watched Andrea count the cash. She stopped midway, eyes filled with confusion searing into me.

  “This is more than what you owe.”

  “I know.” I tossed my chin toward her hands. “It’s double. Tori gave me hers.”

  The crew decided on Macen Beach for spring break. It would be my last one with them and luckily, there was time in my schedule to do it. By that time, I would have successfully completed the Combine—because that was non-negotiable—and would be waiting on the draft. It was going to be a fucking blast down on the South Carolina coast. Andrea was responsible for collecting the money for the big ass house we were renting there on the beach. Of course, Tori hadn’t known about it: we hadn’t seen much of each other since we got back on campus. She’d been distant. I didn’t have the time to feel her out. Even now, I was meeting Andrea at the entrance of the sports complex to give her the money. Training had been great, but busting my ass.

  Her face dropped. “Tori? Who invited her?”

  “I did.”

  “But Karmen said she was with Aivery when she ran into Tori in the cafeteria last week. Tori said she hasn’t heard from you since the semester started.”

  Damn…

  I shrugged. “I’ve been training. I ‘on’t see nobody nowadays except trainers and my damn fish. I ran into her last week on the sports complex. How do you think I got her money?” It wasn’t the truth, but I made it sound convincing.

  Andrea rolled her eyes and went to jot down something in her notebook. “You and ShawnNicole with that fucking Tori McNabb.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “ShawnNicole said she was thinking about inviting her to stay in her room.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  Andrea’s annoyed gape rose to my face. “Tori isn’t down with this crew. You know that. You only hung out with her last semester because A.D. Jones made you. You’re done with that charity.”

  I scoffed, anger expanding my chest. “She’s cool. It’s sad how after a whole damn semester, you guys haven’t gotten to know her. You’d probably learn something from her.”

  Her nose lifted. “Like what? How to fight?’

  My phone chirped as I nodded. “Amongst other things, yeah. It may come in handy for when she finally snaps on y’all’s asses. Tell ShawnNicole Tori’s getting her own room. It’s cool for her to act like a damn adult when her friends are still childish as shit.”

  Andrea rolled her eyes turning to leave. “Eat shit, Spence.”

  Ignoring her, I took off in the opposite direction, toward the complex taking the call.

  “Hello?” I didn’t think to look at the caller ID.

  “Damn.” Her breathy tenor always struck. “Who pissed in your damn cornflakes?” NormaJean laughed.

  Her silly ass had me fighting back a smile. “Good to hear beauty nowadays. How are you, gorgeous?”

  “I’m good. Just wanted to return your call before hopping on this conference call. I got your message last night.”

  I made it to the door, pulling it open with a sore arm from gruesome workouts. “I had some time on my hands for a change and wanted to check in. How’s your moms?”

  “She’s good. I plan on flying in to see her soon. I just decided to fly out next Thursday.”

  “The day after Valentine’s Day,” I noted. “Take her a beautiful bouquet.” She told me how her mother loved flowers.

  “That’s the plan. Just need to book the flight. But you’re good? You ready for the day of lovers yourself?”

  I chuckled. “Getting there. I had to fight for the night off, though.”

  “Oh, yeah. Will princess Cooper appreciate the sacrificed time or will she spend the night crying about not seeing you while you’re training? Shit. I shouldn’t be so mean. I know she’s still in mourning. I can take a break from my ‘being annoyed by that child’ campaign to show some compassion—fuck!” she groaned. “I did it again. I’m sorry.”

  That made me laugh again. Ignoring the jabs, I answered her original question, “I wouldn’t know, sweetheart.” I stopped at the door of the boxing gym. “I don’t plan on spending the day meant for lovers with her.”

  “Uh—oh,” she had a drop in octave. “Then who—Tori?”

  Sweat dripped from
her entire torso as she rolled a barbell with one hundred-eighty pound weights against the wall over her head. Her spine was perfectly aligned, making her ass look pronounced. Her coach and trainer near, watching and charting. Sweat running down mahogany skin, long thighs in leggings and a puffy ass ponytail were serving as an aphrodisiac. Seeing the chain I bought her swinging on her neck blew my mind. My free hand pulled mine from inside my compression shirt, fingers brushing against the engraved pendant. I’d played the peeping Tom like this a few times since being back from Christmas break. If not, I wouldn’t see her.

  Damn…

  I missed her frustrating ass. My dick twitched at the sight of her. I never imagined getting much ass while training for the Combine. In fact, I wanted to discipline myself to focus on aligning my mind, body, and soul for this endeavor. But I found myself longing for a goddamn tomboy.

  Tori dropped the weight and lowered onto a BOSU ball to do pushup holds. Super focused, awfully strong, and unmistakably determined, Tori was exactly that when fucking. The crazy thing about us was that fucking was a bonus with her. Getting her to trust me is what I liked. I enjoyed getting to know her. Tori was a creature unexplored. A blooming flower before me. She had my head fucked up.

  I had my head fucked up over this cute tomboy. Hearing about her little date with DJ Paulie had me on one.

  Sighing, I answered, “Yeah.”

  “What do you have planned?”

  Shaking my head, I turned away from the window and leaned against the wall. “Nothing extravagant. I can’t move how I want with this schedule. I’m actually due back on the field now.”

  “So, what? Mario?”

  I started for the practice field. “Nah,” I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes. It was only seven at night and I still had another set of drills. “Looking like dinner at my place.”

  “But no private chefs or restaurants,” she sang out of tune. “Just a little home cookin’ on the spot, yeah…”