Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  “What is it?”

  She shrugged. “MS. I never heard of it, but told her I’d do some research and get back to her. The doctor gave her a whole bunch of pamphlets on it, but she ain’t reading none of that shit.”

  I whispered, considering it, “Multiple sclerosis. My high school coach’s wife had it.”

  “Is she still alive?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t heard otherwise. How’s your mom holding up?”

  “I don’t really know. She didn’t say much besides she’s tired. My aunt told her to file for disability.”

  “And how do you feel about the news? You need to process that shit.”

  Her eyes gazing up at me said it all. “I don’t feel like being around a lot of people. I wish…” She moved closer, falling into me. “Christmastime in an upstate New York village. Champagne—or even rum.”

  “Am I included in that fantasy?” Tori’s fro ponytail bounced when she nodded. “Say no more.” I exhaled over her head. We were on the same page of needing an escape. “I’m with you. I can get us a flight out of here. Anywhere you wanna go.”

  Her head lifted, looking me dead in the face. I wanted her to see how sincere I was. On second thought, I realized Tori knew how dead ass serious I was.

  She murmured. “I brought Samantha out here.”

  “Then we could always escape up to my room on the third floor. Spend the rest of the week up there.” I lifted a brow. “Naked.”

  Tori scoffed. “So Aivery could find out about us?”

  “DJ Paulie, too.”

  Her forehead wrinkled. “We’re just friends. Are you…”

  “What?”

  “Being jealous?”

  “Nah. I’m just being real.”

  “Real about what?”

  “He wants you.”

  “I’m not available. Not interested.”

  “That hasn’t stopped him, Nabby-girl.”

  We eye-warred. It wasn’t fair that I called her out on whatever the hell she had going on with Paulie, but I felt crappy and didn’t give a shit about right or wrong. After some time, her eyes were around my shoulder again while her hand traveled down to my crotch where she began stroking me.

  “Neither has it stopped your ex-girlfriend, but I haven’t complained.”

  When I was about to fuss her ass out about the Aivery mention again, Tori dropped down into a squat, shoving her phone in my hand to hold. She undid my shorts, releasing my semi-hard dick. She wasted no time, taking me into her mouth and working her magic. Once again, I struggled with her giving me head, and not for her lack of skills, but because she did it to communicate gratitude and if that were the case, what was she grateful for now?

  I hadn’t given her anything, but my bitchiness. A foul mood I couldn’t quite explain and ideas I could never articulate to her. That aside, it seemed that Tori understood my vibrations were low. Did she have to give me sloppy head to comfort me? Hell no! But as I pumped into her head, peeking over my shoulder to be sure no one saw us, I was the one fucking grateful.

  As her tongue roved over my head in between her taking me in, I considered the worst of us being found out. I wouldn’t mind anyone thinking she was mine. Shit. I wouldn’t be mad at all. But Tori wouldn’t fare well from the backlash. She had a whore-complex, thanks to her mother, although she didn’t come close to the title. I’d been the first and, apparently, the only to have her sweet pussy. I was the only dude who’d seen her lose her mind in the fit of an orgasm.

  And I’m the only man she’d fall to her knees to pleasure willingly…

  “Shiiiiiiit,” I cried, feeling the preamble of my orgasm.

  By the time it crested, I almost lost balance. The sounds of her sucking damn near sent me over. And the sight of her wiping her mouth and swallowing when done had me feeling dizzy. She jumped up and looked around me again while helping to tuck my deflated dick back into my boxers, then fasten my shorts.

  I couldn’t keep my eyes from her. Tori’s attention was behind me, being the lookout.

  “Come on. I think I saw Jerome and Dre.” She took her phone from me. “They must be coming back from the beach.” I followed her from the side of the house to the back. “Would you wake up?” She snickered. “You’re totally giving everything away.”

  “I feel like I’m giving you away by not fuckin’ your sweet ass into a screaming fit,” I murmured, adjusting the waist of my shorts.

  Tori stopped and smiled. “Later?”

  “You have no other choice. The fuck you mean?”

  She laughed, leading us to the back.

  My mind was still reeling when I heard, “Say cheese, you two.”

  My head swung up to find Karmen with that damn camera. I knew I looked stunned: I felt that shit. That’s until Tori pulled me next to her. Nervously, I dropped my arm around her shoulder and caught the flash.

  Karmen moved along as Tori conspicuously, yet smoothly announced, “I think Aivery’s room is the second door on the left.”

  Huhn?

  But I knew what time it was. Tori was being extra fucking sneaky. And in this instance, I had to eat it. I watched her take off toward the beach, leaving me bereft. All that I needed to boost my foul ass mood floated away.

  My Blackberry vibrated on my lap.

  Ashton: A walk on the beach to talk?

  My eyes swept up to him on the upper level of the deck where the guys were hanging out, drinking beer and playing ping-pong. A pain ran through my belly. Something was definitely off with him. He may have laughed on cue and talked to people when spoken to, but Ashton was not himself. And we hadn’t had a moment alone since he got here yesterday.

  And to make matters worse, I was forced again into a “sister circle” with the girls on the lower deck in the pool. We were all “dipping our feet,” as Karmen called it after dinner. This was girlie shit. Samantha may have been down for it, but I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be here with them. The only exciting prospect of coming to Macen Beach was to be with Ashton. Only, I wasn’t with Ashton. I was with Samantha and ShawnNicole, something I didn’t quite mind until I remembered Aivery, Karmen, Al, Dre, DJ Paulie, Andrea, and Jerome were here, too. And because all these people were here, I couldn’t be with Ashton. I couldn’t even sneak in a moment to find out what was going on with him.

  Me: paulie asked me out for a walk. gonna leave in a few.

  I pretended to return to the conversation drowning me.

  “Yessssss, daaaaawling!” ShawnNicole slapped her palms together then swung her arms in the air with her tongue down to her chin. “I came into my college career with skills and they only got better since being here.” She rolled her spine in a seated dance.

  We all laughed at her. Samantha’s head lay on my shoulder as she laughed. She’d come to like ShawnNicole now, too.

  “Girl, of course you had some skills before you got here.” Aivery rolled her eyes, smirking. She flicked her hair over her shoulder. “No girl should come into college without knowing how to fuck, unlike some people.” Her eyes and bouncing head brought our attention to Andrea, who sat to the right of her, left for me.

  All humor drained from Andrea’s face.

  “Damn!” Karmen choked out laughing.

  Ashton: Damn

  When I looked over to the upper deck, I saw Ashton scratching his head. Then he took a big gulp of his Corona. I groaned internally.

  Me: leave your door cracked

  To hell with them all. I needed to see about him.

  “Wait.” Samantha’s eyes were big. She was tipsy, as most had been since we’ve arrived. “You were a virgin when you started Blakewood State?”

  “You mean still is,” Karmen announced, sputtering. She and Aivery found it funny.

  “But I thought you and Hakeem McDowell had a thing last year?” Poor Samantha was stirring the pot unintentionally with her curiosity.

  I cringed at the mention of Hakeem. Ughhh! He couldn’t look me in the face after that bonfire party homecomi
ng night.

  “Ha!” Aivery shouted. “This bitch wouldn’t dribble the ball!” She fell into Karmen laughing.

  ShawnNicole shook her head. “Y’all mad weird.”

  Andrea rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her drink.

  I sat with my mouth open. “So, it’s funny that she’s still a virgin?”

  “Let’s rewind. It’s funny that she came to college a virgin and is still a virgin.” Aivery pretended to pull her hair out. “I don’t know what I would do if I found myself in college and ain’t never have an orgasm or my pussy caressed.” She made heavy emphasis on her Ss like the mother on the old Tia and Tamara sitcom.

  Again, Karmen found that funny. Andrea tried focusing her attention to the other end of the pool. Familiar with being picked on and singled out, I saw her shrinking where she sat.

  “You okay, Andrea?” I asked. “Maybe we should change the subject to make sure everyone’s comfortable.”

  “What should we talk about?” Aivery asked. “Your rich boyfriend?” She took a sip of her drink. “Shiiiit. Even after all that, Andrea’s still gonna be a shriveled up pussy.” The girls found that funny, too.

  I’d had enough. Standing on the step of the pool, I offered, “Andrea, wanna leave this cesspool of toxicity some like to call friendship?” I offered her my hand.

  “Oh, hell no! Andrea knows we’re just fucking with her,” Karmen hissed. “You don’t know shit about how we get down.”

  I wanted to ask her if how she gets down with Aivery was by trying to date her boyfriend, but decided against drama.

  “Oh, knock it off, dog!” Aivery rolled her eyes. “We can clown anybody for anything we want. You’re not a part of our crew. You got a pity invite, then had the nerve to invite your mutt friend. We’re just joking here. She knows it’s weird. You know it’s weird, too!”

  “Weird!” My head fell to the side. “Weird? Nah. What’s weird about waiting? There’s nothing wrong with going to college with your virginity. I had my first kiss, orgasm, and fuck this school year—and in that order, to be real with you. So if I’m weird and you’re not, I’m good with that. I don’t wanna be anything you are.”

  I extended my hand to Andrea again. She glanced at it, then over to her friends. She stood, meeting my palm, and allowed me to walk her out of the pool.

  “I had sex for the first time this school year, too,” Samantha told the girls, and then was right behind us.

  By the time we made it to the steps of the deck, I realized what I’d done. My body froze.

  Shit…

  I lifted my head and found Ashton’s eyes were on me. His face was tight, looking down over the railing. My first thought was he was pissed at me for running my big mouth. But then I caught his wink before he pulled the bottle of beer to his mouth and stepped away.

  “You okay?” ShawnNicole asked, making her presence known. She must have left the mean girls to themselves.

  Then Paulie was at my side, hand on my arm. “You good, Tori?”

  I swallowed, trying to calm myself down. Nodding, I took a deep breath. “Paulie, you mind if we all take that walk down to the boardwalk? We can get some ice cream and walk back behind them.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “That’s cool. C’mon.”

  I asked the girls with my eyes, and they all agreed.

  My head shot up from the pillow when I heard light footfalls growing closer. The room was dark except from the light of the moon shining through the open balcony. She whizzed inside, slowly closing the door, trying to be quiet. I watched her toe over to me. Tori had no words, but an agenda when she placed her knee on the mattress, straddling and crawling up my body. When her hips moved up my chest, I knew the vibe she was going for—or that I wanted in this position—and scooted down the bed until my face met the bed of her pussy.

  Damn…

  Tori was wet already. Her hips moving in rhythm with my tongue almost right away had me aroused out my mind. She smelled amazing and tasted even better: like the heaven I’d grown addicted to. I pushed inside of her and let her ride my tongue. Her harsh breaths echoed around and one hand held onto my forehead. And when I started sucking on her clit, her dance on my face turned wild. Tori’s breathing transitioned to grunts, and I felt her cum flowing into my mouth deliciously.

  I shuffled from beneath her, then flipped her sweet ass on all fours. It took no time for me to be inside her, making sure the impressions of my dick hadn’t been forgotten: it had been so long. The moonlight shining through the doors cast a shadow on her back and I could see her muscles so defined as she arched deeply for me.

  Reaching over her back, I removed her damp ponytail, fanning out her wild mane. When I could feel her pussy tightening around me, I pulled her up by the hair until she fell into my chest. Tori angled her head, offering me her mouth. That was a damn mistake. In this position, so deep inside her—so close to her again—my nut tipped, and I was coming before I knew it. I came so hard, I could have easily crushed KaToria if she wasn’t a strong girl.

  When I loosened my grip on her, my arms weakened, falling onto the bed, and my face burrowed into her back. The mist of my forehead stained her skin and was cooled by my deep heaving.

  “KaToria…”

  “Talk to me,” she whispered.

  I want to…

  “You first.”

  She leaned over, sliding from beneath me to lay flat on the mattress. Tori patted the empty area next to her. “Come here.”

  Still out of breath and enduring goosebumps, I plopped down next to her, rolling onto my back. She turned toward me on her side, her head propped up on her arm.

  “It’s been hard…this semester,” she whispered.

  “Damn hard.”

  “And your little gir—” Tori caught herself. “That fucking annoying ass human, Aivery, has pushed me to my limits. I was two seconds off her ass earlier.” Her whispers turned hard and I could hear her lips tightening. “What she did to Andrea is fucked up. And she probably is still riding high from having a camera crew interview her on campus for an ESPN show.”

  I rubbed my eyes. “I swear, I spoke against that. Because of my hype for the League, there’s a lot of attention on me and Blakewood. That was in the works for about a year with the contingency of me doing well at the Combine. It’s a fluff piece to add to the hype. I told A.D. Jones and Tamir, my agent, we should nix it but they didn’t agree. They felt it was harmless and can only help bring attention to the school…and me.”

  “How did you feel about it?”

  “I haven’t watched it. Won’t watch it.”

  Her lips met my forehead as I gazed out onto the balcony. “They say you guys are getting engaged this year.”

  I knew that because it was the original plan.

  I peered up at her. “Things change, and so do people.” Tori stared at me in her usual empty way. “Do you believe that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you, at least, believe you and I have a real connection?” I was desperate.

  Fucking desperate.

  Tori nodded. “I told Trisha when I asked her about running off at the mouth with you. I still hate that you were upset. Not just with me, but about me lying when I tell you I feel safe with you. I meant that.”

  “I believed it the first time you told me.”

  “Good. Now, what’s going on with you? Are you still in mourning?”

  “Kind of, yeah, but not about Brick.”

  “Then over what? Has he been to see you again?”

  I shook my head. “If he does, it’s only when you’re with me.”

  “Then what is it?”

  Rubbing the side of her thigh, I tried to explain. “There’s too much up in the air for me. It’s the end of March now. Draft night is a whole month away. So I have no fuckin’ clue where I’ll be living in the near future. I’m now stuck with finishing my media obligations and moving back home.”

  I felt her tense next to me. “Home?” I nodded. “Like New
Jersey?” I nodded again.

  “What are you doing this summer?” She lifted that one shoulder. “When’s your fighting schedule done?”

  “Next month. I have one more to go.”

  I sat up to kiss her. “Don’t make any plans until I find out where I’m going to be. Okay?”

  She didn’t say yes…and right away. That shit twisted my gut.

  “Can I say something and you don’t get mad?”

  “Okay…”

  “One of the things that came out of my conversation with Trisha last month is something that’s stayed in my head. You and Aivery have a history. I didn’t tell her anything you told me about the breakup, but she knew it had to do with the Pettiford guy. She said Aivery’s known him since they were kids and probably had a crush on him, but Pettiford never made a move on her until she came to Blakewood.

  “Trisha’s point was, whatever it was that she had with Pettiford that broke you and her up, it’s not as strong as the bond you two have built since meeting at BSU. And that’s because since December, when you two broke up, she’s been in the clear to have whatever she wants with that guy, but she hasn’t.” Her head lowered toward me, and Tori’s voice got softer. “Because she’s been wanting you back all this time.”

  Anger seized my fucking lungs. “What if that doesn’t matter to me?”

  “I’m not finished. Just listen to me for a minute. I like you, Spence. A lot. Probably too much. No.” She shook her head. “I know too much. I don’t want to think I’m going to replace Aivery, just to be hurt—”

  “But you won’t be—”

  “God!” she murmured, tossing her head back. “Please let me finish.” Then she was back, inches away from my face. “Talk to the girl. She’s been beasting to have your attention for more than a few seconds at a time out here. You need to talk to her to make sure you’re on the same page. You need to close—end—the chapter with her, or however the saying goes.” Tori rolled her eyes. “But you’ve been through a lot this school year, starting with losing your best friend, who was your blood cousin. I have one of those: I can’t imagine what that pain is like. Renata’s been away for three months and even before she left, I was gone for months. It’s been hard. Now, you’re on a fast track into the League. Talk to her. Make sure you two understand each other. Then we can talk about the summer.” She bit the inside of her mouth. “Okay?”