Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  Half-heartedly, I nodded, making her think I agreed. But in reality, my brain stopped processing after she mentioned me losing my best friend.

  But I gained another best friend…

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  -THEN-

  “With the twenty-third pick of the two-thousand-seven League draft, the Connecticut Kings select quarterback, Ashton Spencer.” He looked down at his card and included, “Blakewood State University.”

  Not only did the room there at Radio City Music Hall turn up, but my neighbors here in the Greener dorm exploded with cheers, too. A group of them were watching from the lounge, and others from their rooms like me. This was a huge event at Blakewood!

  The camera changed to Ashton, sitting next to his mother. He wore a suit and looked mature, just as he did at Brick’s funeral. Ms. Wanda’s tears began to flow when she reached over to kiss his cheek. His uncle, June, jumped from his chair and grabbed Ashton by the head, kissing him, too. I didn’t think that big man could move so quickly. His cousin, Boobie, seemed self-conscious and more reserved with his reaction. His smile was big as he reached over June’s empty chair and grabbed Ashton’s hand. When they were done, Ashton adjusted his half a heart pendant over his tie, then stood for the podium.

  As I watched him put on the blue and gold Kings baseball cap and hold up their jersey, my heart swelled. I took another bite of my pizza while smiling big. He’d done it. Ashton had followed his dream and became a King. It reminded me of the Tariq Evans poster in his room the first time I’d stayed over. This was something I wasn’t used to. People creating high ass goals and actually achieving them. It was amazing.

  Samantha came into the room wearing her work uniform, holding her coat on her arm and a grocery bag in her hand. Her eyes went straight toward the television.

  “Did I miss it?”

  “By seconds, yeah.”

  “Damn!” Her shoulders dropped and she closed the door. “Who picked him?”

  I winked, feeling proud. “The Kings.”

  Throwing her fist in the air, she let out a sharp yelp. “I knew it! They’d better had—ooooh!” Her eyes locked to my lap. “Pizza! What kind? I’m starving.”

  “Margherita from Dough Brothers.” It wasn’t Verti, but was still hitting the spot.

  “Yummy! Can I have some?” she asked while hanging her coat. “I got that ginger ale soda for you. She gestured to the grocery bag. “Are you feeling better?”

  “So, so. The pizza has helped a lot.”

  I lifted the pizza box from my lap, offering her some. I’d already downed two slices and was looking forward to another. Samantha brought the bottle of soda to my nightstand, then went into the bathroom to wash her hands. As I reached for the ginger ale, my phone chirped.

  Ashton: Kings

  Happy as hell, I typed back as fast as I could.

  Me: you think I ain’t know. been watching. proud human

  While waiting to see if he’d text back, I opened the soda. Gulping it back, I thought about how, once again, Ashton had been withdrawn from me since spring break. We had no fights or arguments. That night I stayed in his room, we took a bath together, even had sex again before falling asleep. I practically stayed the night, leaving at four in the morning. Creeping around in that house wasn’t easy, but I made it happen for him. Ashton hadn’t been the same for a while. I only wanted to be a friend to him, and lately, that had seemed to be work.

  He still had his apartment on campus, but Ashton moved lots of his things back to Jersey about a week and a half after spring break. He didn’t have a reason to be here, technically. Stephan took care of his fish for him until his return. The question was, when? When would Ashton return? My boxing season had ended, making the lonely days without him even lonelier.

  Ashton: Flying in on Friday. Let’s go out on Saturday to celebrate.

  A cry pushed from my throat out of nowhere. I swallowed it down as well as blinked back the tears. My heart was racing from the unexpected invitation and not wanting Samantha to catch me tearing up. When I was able to get myself together, I hit him back.

  Me: it’s a date

  “Girl,” Samantha sighed, coming out of the bathroom wearing a loose t-shirt and biker shorts. “I’m so damn tired. I’m going to eat this pizza and fall the hell out. Dre wanted me to come over, and I told him I couldn’t do it.”

  She got a plate from on top of the microwave then grabbed a slice of pizza from my lap.

  “That’s what I plan to do.” I munched on my slice. “I didn’t think I’d stay awake to catch him. Glad I did.”

  “Tori,” Samantha murmured, chewing her food.

  Ashton BBM’d me again. This time, it was only a smiley face. “Yeah.”

  “You ready?”

  I was halfway paying attention because a damn glob of tomato sauce fell on my chest. “Yeah.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  The pizza slipped from my hand, hitting my tit and bouncing back into the box as my head whipped over to my roommate.

  The rims of Samantha’s eyes were red and seconds later, the tears fell.

  It looked as though the place had been renovated. My eyes roved the high ceiling and dark velvet walls. The energy had still been the same, though. Still relaxed, with confident people here for play; some pain, all pleasure. I’d come for an experiment, and my pupil standing in front of me with her hands clutching mine was the subject.

  Her attention bounced everywhere and I understood why. Being in a building with mostly naked people, observing their kink, could be a culture shock for an inexperienced party. My first time was…eventful, but I met it with enthusiasm. My first year at BSU, NormaJean brought me here to play all night. And we did. We made friends, multiplying our playmates. It was the best of times. In fact, she was how I was able to get Tori and me in tonight. NormaJean had a paid membership at the Jux Supper Club, a nationwide exclusive sex association. The reason they allowed me in with a guest as a non-member was on the strength of NormaJean, and knowing who I was in BSUland. Although my presence here was under super discretion, my name meant something in the whole state.

  “A drink?” a passing waitress offered.

  I reached down for her ear. “What do you want?” Tori shook her head, declining. Either she was overwhelmed by the show before us or still not feeling herself. A few days ago, she had told me she was sick. “Rum and Coke.”

  “Right away, sir.” She jotted it down and took off.

  “You okay?” I asked in her ear again over the loud music.

  Tori nodded, attention ahead on the scene being played out. A woman hanging from aerial ropes upside down, giving head to a man strapped to a chair. She changed positions every two minutes or so, looking nimbly seductive in just a thong.

  “Sir, your outfit is ready,” a host announced. “I’m aware of your drink. It’ll be delivered to your room.”

  I nodded, prompting Tori to follow him. We threaded through the show’s spectators toward the back of the place, where we boarded an elevator. The whole time, I closely watched Tori’s inspection of the meticulously detailed walnut woodwork and the rich crimson carpet. The ride to an upper level was short.

  While trailing behind the suited gentleman, I whispered in her ear, “You good?”

  Tori’s beautifully made-up face—thanks to ShawnNicole—peered up at me, long lashes curled and eyes were lazy. “For walking around in my bra and underwear, a mask, and heels around strangers? I’m the happiest human you’ve ever met, Spence.”

  Of course, she exaggerated. Tori wore a sexy red satin and lace set from La Perla. But I didn’t want her uncomfortable.

  Yet…

  “Here you are.” We were directed inside a playroom. It was small, but decorated well. Outfitted with a curtained bed, restraints with harnesses, and vibrators…we had more than what I needed for tonight. “Is everything to your satisfaction so far, sir?”

  Glancing around the room, I nodded. “So far, so good.”

 
“Very well.” He turned for the door. “Your prop and order shall be up soon.

  I was sure to close the door behind him and when I turned to ask if she was okay, Tori jumped me. Her mouth crashed into mine, her arms snaking around my waist to pull me into her.

  What the hell…

  I was annoyed and horny out of my mind. I also thought he expected me to have sex downstairs with all those people around. I’d done a lot with Ashton. Things I never thought I’d do, but sex in a room full of people would have been a no for me. But I understood why we were here, and I was down.

  And horny…

  God, I was wet and tingly everywhere. Seeing the different vibrators on the table in the corner sent a message straight between my legs. Pulling back from him to take off my mask, I took a few needed long breaths. Then I was back on him. I’d missed him so much, and now it felt like I needed him. He’d flown in last night, but I didn’t see him until an hour before we left for this place when he told me we were going to an adult club, and what to wear, but never said why.

  Now, I knew why and was down. Ashton lifted me in the air, wrapping my legs around his waist. His hands squeezed my ass, revving me up even more. When I landed on my back, on the bed, I stopped to breathe. Ashton stood on his knees between my legs, looking down at me with heavy eyes. He removed his mask and watched me some more.

  Is this how it is?

  When people go so long without having sex, they get wild like this? Or when guys get drafted into the League? Either way, like a madwoman, I was down. Ashton had done this to me. He made me lose my mind.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  He didn’t respond right away, still staring into my eyes.

  “How much?”

  My shoulders dropped as I leaned back on my arms. “Too much.” It was a painful realization.

  “Enough to trust everything I do to you here?”

  I felt my face tighten, confused. “I’ve trusted you more than I’ve trusted anyone in a long ass time.”

  “Answer me.”

  I blinked. “Yes.” I swallowed unexpectedly, nervous out my mind. “I trust you with everything.”

  He pulled my panties down over my high heel shoes while keeping his eye on me.

  A soft snort pushed from his chest. “Yeah.” He pulled my legs apart. “Because I have this deep connection with—never mind.”

  Ashton dipped between my legs, mouth on me. I caught the sight of his tongue expanding then licking right up my slit. Ashton’s broad back was cut up, each muscle outlined. Instantly, my head fell back over my shoulders. His tongue dove inside, penetrating me fast, then slow. When he went fast again, I thought to tell him to skip to real sex; I wanted him so bad. I now knew orgasms, how there were different types and not created equally. I’d been craving one from the thickness between his legs. With him teasing me this way, with his tongue plunging into my sex, I was close to asking.

  My arms gave out and I was on my back. The warming of my belly told me I was about to come. Then the door opened and slowly, a woman wearing nothing but heels, panties, and an orange garter belt stepped into the room, carrying a tray topped with a drink. Just as my orgasm began, I tried closing my legs, hitting Ashton on the side of his face with one of my thighs. His big hands pulled my knees apart then stretched my legs straight in the air above his head. Then he held me there with one hand, taking two fingers and fucking me while his tongue flickered my clit. The woman stood there unhurried, dropped her head to the side and licked her finger at the same pace as Ashton.

  Within seconds—faster than my mind could communicate to my body—I began to shudder. I was coming, and hard. My senses heightened in every inch of me. Suddenly, the woman’s presence wasn’t unwelcomed. I wanted her to see me. Just like for some time now, I wanted to be watched while Ashton drove my body wild, fucking or eating me.

  But only by one person.

  Aivery Cooper.

  As a violent orgasm washed over me while this stranger watched, once again, it was clear to me that I’d lost my mind.

  I lifted from her dripping pussy, swallowing and licking my lips of the excitement and cum she melted on my face. Tori didn’t bolt out of here like a bat out of hell. That was good. So far, my plan was working. Amanza strutted over, handing me the rum and Coke. Her eyes went from my bulging dick in my boxers to Tori, whose muscles around her eyes were still lazy, still reeling from an orgasm.

  I offered Tori a sip. Still delirious and, likely, confused as hell, she took a sip without taking her eyes from Amanza. It was strange, I knew. I ordered her for tonight, being strategic in my decision. I had no idea of her ethnicity and could only guess her race, too, but she was thin. Too thin for my liking. That was okay, as attraction wasn’t mandatory for her. I already had physical motivation in the room.

  I took a long gulp from the cocktail, eyes still on Tori. Then I gestured for her hand and pulled her from the bed.

  “Have a seat here, Nabby-girl.” I placed the drink down on a nearby table. “One of the best sexual experiences happens when restrained. It removes your control and heightens your senses everywhere, touch…sight.” I placed her right wrist in the straps on the armrest of the chair, but I didn’t buckle it. Taking her left arm, I wrapped the wide strap around her wrist there, too. And again, I didn’t fasten it to secure her arm there. I stood back, inspecting her frame, and noticed KaToria was warping into Tori-mode where you had no damn clue what was going on behind her eyes.

  Playing it cool, I grabbed the drink and took another sip. “You said you trust me. Right?” Tori’s regard swung over to Amanza behind me. Then she nodded, thighs squeezing together. “And you’ve been saying you don’t think I’m over Aivery, and how we’re the quintessential Blakewood couple who needs to talk. Right?” Of course, Tori wouldn’t answer that. “Well, I want you to explain how you could trust a guy who does this to his unrequited love.”

  After giving her a chance to rebut, I stepped back to the bed and gave Amanza the cue. She strutted over, eyes sweeping over Tori on the way. After pushing me onto the foot of the bed, I fell back, opening myself to her. Amanza began at my ankles, kissing me with lip and tongue all the way to the hem of my boxer briefs. She paid the same actions to my right leg, all while I peered over at Tori. She didn’t move, eyes were still impassive, giving away nothing.

  I took another sip of my drink, observing my unpredictable, and maddeningly frustrating tomboy. Amanza moaned when her mouth touched my abs, just above the elastic waist of my boxers. Her tongue swirled over my trail of pubic hairs. When my regard swung over to Tori, her fists were balled and she twisted in the chair. I took another sip and watched Amanza ascend to my nipple. Her tongue had freckles, grossing me out. So I decided to look away and finish the rum and Coke. When I glanced over at Tori again, her face was tight, and that shit swelled my heart.

  Showtime…

  Abandoning the tumbler, I reached for Amanza’s hair, encouraging her mouth. I even rolled my hips against her to ramp up the performance. Her moans turned louder, professional. She switched sides, starting at the bottom all over again as her hands worked on my thighs. When my attention returned to Tori, I saw she’d looked away, fists still clenched. But she hadn’t uttered a word to stop us. Suddenly, I was uneasy hoping this woman wouldn’t try to kiss me in the mouth. I was sure I made that clear in my “order” of her tonight.

  Right?

  Amanza’s mouth had worked back up to my neck. Her little hand was in my beard, fingering.

  “I want to fuck you,” she mumbled beneath my chin. “Please. I won’t charge.” Her hand roved over my dick. “I can get you hard again. Please. I want to.”

  Just when my ego deflated about this idea, I opened my mouth to reply. Hard, swift fists hit my chest and shoulder. Tori roared, attention fixed on Amanza. Thinking quickly, I jumped up to cover Tori, although she was the aggressor. Amanza flew into the wall, curling over in a fetal position.

  “Okay. Okay!” I grumbled in Tori’s ear,
remembering how strong she was. I turned to a heaving, spooked Amanza and asked, “Are you okay?”

  She nodded, eyes big as fucking saucers, which mirrored my state. In all of my planning of this night, never did I think Tori would attack the girl. She had been such a gentle soul. Once they were visibly apart, Tori collapsed into my arms.

  “Fine!” she shouted. “You did it. Okay? I’m out of my mind, peace is fucking ruined?”

  My head swung back and all I could do was blink.

  It felt like I was snapped out of my sleep. When I remembered where I was, immediately, my search went straight ahead for the alarm clock. Closing my eyes again, I was relieved to see I still had time before my class. Ashton woke me earlier, saying he had his last photoshoot with the athletic department this morning. With my eyes still closed, I tried to see if I sensed food. I was starving. Still tired and sore.

  Last night was crazy. I still couldn’t believe Ashton pulled that stupid stunt to test me. It was immature. Stupid! I couldn’t remember the last time I was mad enough to hit someone outside of the ring. And he wasn’t expecting that either. Ashton paid the girl all the cash he had on him for her willingness to not call the cops on me. She was fine, though. I didn’t hit her, because I was too damn emotional to throw a real punch.

  Yo, this girlie shit makes me really act like one…

  All my open-hand hits landed on him. I was not myself at all. Hadn’t been in about a month. Even now, I felt sick all over again. Being sick and hungry was a strange combination. I sighed, reminding myself it was all a part of the game.

  “Are you finally awake?” My head swung up from the pillow. NormaJean was standing in the doorjamb of Ashton’s bedroom. Her hands were folded over her chest, makeup beautifully done. And with her high-waisted jeans, off-white silk blouse, Hermes belt with the H buckle, and high-heeled thigh-high boots, she had an advantage over my naked body. “I’ve been waiting patiently for you to wake up. But when the time kept going, I had to do something to interrupt the snoring.” She knocked on the frame of the door.