When Colour Became Grey

by A Lorenzen

  ‘We’re going to Santa’s pub. It’s not far from here and you will meet other ghosts. It will take your mind off of your sorrow.’

  I had heard her speak of Santa’s pub before, when I had first met her. ‘But Blake told us not to leave the house…’

  Kim tilted her head as she threw her jacket on. ‘He isn’t going to find out we left in the first place. We’re going for one hour and then we’ll come back here. They will be out for hours! Trust me! And if they somehow come back and we aren’t here, I’ll take the blame for it. Come on, it will be good for you.’

  Kim rummaged through my clothes and picked out a green sweater with sparkles along the sleeves and a pair of black ripped jeans for me to wear. She gave me her red lipstick and a pair of earrings to add to my outfit.

  I was a bit nervous of going out without Blake but since we would stay in the pub or in the car, I told myself it would be ok.

  We tiptoed out of the house, even if we knew no one was there, and ran to her car. It was freezing outside but no snow or frost was yet on the ground. We giggled and laughed as we raced south along the river.

  ‘Here, have some alcohol,’ she opened the glove compartment and pointed to a flask behind the car manual.

  I took a long gulp and identified the mix to be gin and tonic. She reached over and took a sip herself.

  ‘Are you sure you want to be drinking while driving?’

  Kim shrugged. ‘I can’t die from a car accident and there are no cars driving here besides other ghosts so the streets are mostly empty.’

  After around fifteen minutes she turned to the left onto a large pebbled parking lot in front of a shabby-looking old industrial building. Kim swung the car sharply around and came to an abrupt stop. There were quite a few cars parked.

  Kim led me across the parking towards an old warehouse that looked to once have been used for fish packing. There was barely any noise when we stepped out of her sleek black SUV. The warehouse was dark with very few windows and only a few stories high.

  She opened a heavy wooden door. We walked into a long corridor with round opaque white lights on the ceiling. The corridor was cold and it smelled of mould. At the end of the corridor there was a second door. I could faintly make out the sound of music from the other side. When Kim opened the door, the music overwhelmed us.

  It was a cosy pub lit with small bedside table lamps of all shapes and colours, mostly nailed to the walls. There were old pictures hanging everywhere as well as various objects on the shelves along the walls, or nailed directly on the walls such as guitars, plates, decorative containers, dried flowers, vintage cameras, books and posters of advertisements featuring pin-up girls. There was a main bar to the right by the entrance filled with liquors of all kinds, but bottles were dispersed all over the pub.

  There were pool and ping pong tables, and seating areas with booths and couches. Though the pub was dimly lit, it looked cosy to me. People were having fun, drinking, playing, talking, laughing, exchanging.

  ‘Welcome to paradise!’ Kim shouted to me and walked to the bar on the right. There were no bartenders and everyone seemed to just take whatever they wanted and mix their drinks at the counter. With a drink in hand Kim took me towards the far end of the bar where people were playing board games. She turned around a corner and there I saw four dartboards. One was not being used and she immediately claimed it as ours.

  I had never played darts in my life, and after a few minutes I realized Kim was just as terrible at it as I was. We ended up playing against two men who were playing on the neighbouring dartboard. We made complete fools of ourselves, but we laughed heartedly. I couldn’t remember when I had last laughed this much.

  When we had ended our game, I went to the bar to mix us new drinks. I felt quite tired this late in the night and after having trained all day. I was about to go join Kim again, when I saw a dark corner behind the counter. There were two comfortable chairs with a small round table between them. On the table was a long candle that had been stuck on top of a bottle. Over the years of usage, the wax had dripped down along the bottle and given it an antique look. On the walls were old-fashioned posters of famous women. I sat down in one of the dark green chairs and observed the pub from my cosy corner. On the other side of the bar two men were having a discussion over a few drinks and looked pretty drunk, another played pool by himself; the rest of the pub was hidden behind the corner of the wall.

  The alcohol had dulled the anxieties of the world. I closed my eyes and leaned back, letting my head rest on the green velvet. The music was quieter here too. There was something calming about this particular spot. All I wanted was to stay here, with my eyes shut and only open them once I was back in my human life, back with my family and friends…

  I could feel someone watching me. Annoyed, I emerged from my beautiful dreams only to find a handsome man standing in front of me, holding a tall glass in his right hand.

  ‘I see you’ve discovered my secret spot,’ he had a deep voice.

  ‘I didn’t know these were assigned seats,’ I responded playfully.

  The man smirked and sat down in the other chair next to me. He put his glass down on the little table separating us. The flame of the candle slightly flickered when his glass touched the surface of the table.

  ‘I haven’t seen you here before, are you new?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, I’m actually not supposed to be out tonight,’ I explained. ‘What about you?’

  The man took a sip from his drink. ‘Oh, I’ve been here for many, many years. But still so many left before it’s finally over’

  ‘I’m guessing you’re not a fan of his place then?’ I smiled. His green eyes looked into mine. He was attractive and I could feel my stomach tingling when he looked at me.

  ‘Of this shithole? No, not a fan!’ he laughed, taking another sip. He was so relaxed. ‘I’m Ben by the way.’

  ‘Ameerah.’

  I stretched out my hand to meet his. To my surprise he took my hand and led it up to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the top of my hand. He was definitely flirting, and he did it so gallantly. We were both silent for a moment.

  ‘Usually this is the part where I would ask what you do but … I have a feeling we do the same thing,’ Ben said.

  I burst out in laughter. Indeed, flirting here was a bit different. ‘Ok then, what about when you were human?’ I asked.

  ‘I worked at a garage in Vancouver. I used to race as well but, well I guess that’s how I ended up here.’

  It was weird for me to hear about his death. I didn’t think of myself as dead.

  ‘I studied in France and was hit by a car.’

  He smiled and I was sure I was blushing.

  ‘What do you do in your spare time?’ Ben picked up his glass again. He rested both his elbows on the table. He had broad shoulders and big arms like most men did here. But it was his eyes that really drew me in. There was something… intriguing about him, something calming.

  ‘I don’t really have much spare time,’ I answered. ‘I spend most of my time with Kim.’

  Another one of Kim’s laughs echoed through the bar. I pointed at the ceiling and nodded.

  ‘I’m not yet field approved,’ I added.

  ‘Really? I’m surprised. I’m sure you can handle a moloch or two,’ he said with a wink.

  I chuckled. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure. My trainer thinks I still need to improve.’

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘Blake.’

  I saw Ben’s facial expression immediately change; clearly, he was not fond of Blake. He sighed and turned his eyes down to his drink.

  ‘He’s alright.’ Ben shrugged his shoulders.

  Kim came around the corner. ‘There you are! Oh hello, I’m Kim, her best friend.’ She approached Ben and eyed him up and down.

  Ben got up and introduced himself, flashing a smile at her. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come in between best friends,’ Ben turned towards me and smirked.

  Kim
threw me a not so subtle look, indicating she was impressed with him. ‘I hate to interrupt but my alarm went off, Meerah we have to go. We’ve been here already an hour and a half. It was nice meeting you, Ben.’ Kim patted his bicep and headed towards the bar, leaving us alone.

  I got up and approached Ben. ‘I guess this is goodbye.’

  ‘Don’t think you’re getting out of here without giving me your number.’ Ben reached into his back pocket and held his phone towards me.

  I couldn’t help but smile. Once my number was in his phone he leaned down and kissed me on my cheek. He smelled of… comfort and strength. ‘I’ll send you a text’

  With one last look at him, I walked past the bar and Kim hooked her arm around mine.

  Before Kim started driving, she sent a text message to Dom. ‘I just told him we’re going to bed.’

  ‘Do you think we’ll make it?’ I clicked my seatbelt in.

  Kim nodded confidently and turned up the radio. With the music blasting and us singing along, we drove back to Blake’s house.

  We went to bed and fell asleep and didn’t hear Blake come home. We had successfully managed to have a night out in secret.

  FRICTIONS

  ‘Again.’ Blake returned to his position.

  I tried to steady my breathing and drank some more water. My hair was sticking to my neck and face from the sweat. Taking one last deep breath I returned to the end of the mat, looking straight at Blake. In one swift movement, I lunged towards him. He easily pushed me to the side, but I got close enough to land a punch to his ribs. He moved away, but my jab had thrown him off guard. I kicked up with my left leg, aiming for the same spot. My heel plunged into Blake’s ribs and he tumbled against the table.

  Blake reached out and grabbed one of the many guns lying on the table. I jumped at him, reaching for the gun. He fired just as I pushed the barrel upwards. We were pressed up against each other, hot and sweaty, both holding on to the loaded gun in Blake’s hand pointed at the ceiling. Our faces were so close, I could feel the heat emanating from his body.

  ‘Good,’ he whispered.

  ‘Are you gonna let go of the gun?’ I challenged. Previously he had tricked me into backing off only to shoot me afterwards.

  Blake smirked and I could feel the tension in his arm slowly decrease until he let the gun slip from his grip. I mirrored his actions and relaxed my muscles. Eventually, I removed myself from his body.

  ‘Next time you-’ Blake started.

  I didn’t let him finish his sentence. ‘Oh come on, I had you! You played dirty with that gun! You said we would do physical fighting and last time I checked, that means without guns!’

  ‘Do you think this world plays fair?’ he retorted.

  I shook my head. ‘I had you,’ I reiterated.

  After a cool shower, I mixed myself a cocktail to celebrate the end of another hard day. I had put on a pair of jeans and a white top paired with small earrings. Winter had finally passed and the temperatures were getting mild again.

  After many nights of begging, Blake finally conceded to let me go to Santa’s pub. He only agreed to one hour at the pub under his supervision. He still insisted it was not good for me to develop habits of drinking and socialising, but I explained I needed to be around other ghosts besides him to feel more at ease in my new world. My first night out with Kim still resonated in my mind as the best night since coming here.

  I had thrown myself into training with all my heart to forget about Ben and to get field approved. Supposedly, Ben had to take care of some things and had not texted me much in the last months. He had been eager in the beginning and we had exchanged many messages, but then around January it had almost completely stopped. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong. Maybe it was all an excuse and he had simply lost interest… I tried to keep him off my mind by dedicating myself to training.

  Blake stopped his old blue truck in front of the industrial building.

  ‘You will not leave my sight,’ Blake warned me, heading for the door.

  ‘You want to hold my hand while I go to the bathroom as well?’ I smirked at him.

  He shook his head and rolled his eyes as we walked through the long corridor. It all came back to me. The deep rhythmic thumping of the bass was audible even before we reached the second door.

  Blake headed for the bar. ‘One drink only,’ he announced and prepared me my usual gin and tonic that tasted like a glass of lemonade.

  With my drink in one hand I walked to the first pool table. I wanted to meet new people and forget about Ben.

  Blake stayed at the bar, his eyes scanning the crowd. I knew he was watching me and I had to be careful. Even though I was an adult, I didn’t want him to find any reason to keep me away from this magical place. It annoyed me he had this much power over me, so I had to be a good girl and get field approved to become independent.

  There were only a few balls left on the pool table and two guys were playing, both deeply concentrating. One of them was an older guy, mid-forties, grey untidied hair, unshaved short beard, brown eyes, and of average height. He was opposite me and leaned over the pool table to take his shot. He was clad in a white tank top and a checked shirt that he had left unbuttoned. His hands were thick from usage. I assumed he had done manual labour back in his human life. He pulled off a tricky shot to sink in the eighth ball. Spectators around celebrated or rumbled with annoyance; his gaze fell upon me.

  ‘What’s your name?’ the man asked with a raspy voice that sounded like he smoked a few packs a day.

  ‘Ameerah,’ I replied. His skin was scraggly and made him look older than he probably was.

  ‘Carl.’ He stretched out his hand. I shook his warm abrasive hand.

  ‘I’m Vladimir,’ a guy to my right introduced himself with a heavy Eastern European accent. He had a pool stick in his left hand having just lost the match to Carl. He was incredibly tall and sturdy. He had short black hair and a potato-nose. His skin was pocked with acne scars.

  ‘I’m Carl’s recruit.’ Vladimir pointed to Carl, who was now chalking his cue.

  I looked to Blake. He was still scrutinizing me.

  ‘Blake’s recruit?’ Carl asked, ‘Good man.’

  ‘You want to play?’ Vladimir asked and stretched the pool cue my way.

  I nodded and took my jacket off while Carl reset the table. I had played a few times in my human life, but I was no match for Carl. He was incredibly focused. He seemed to only see the table. I on the other hand, was distracted by the people around us watching, most of all Blake, whose eyes I could feel burning on my back.

  ‘Good game,’ Carl said at the end with a warm smile. It had been over in just a few minutes.

  ‘Vlad, play,’ he handed Vladimir his cue and walked over to Blake. They started talking and Blake wasn’t looking at me anymore.

  ‘How long you been here?’ Vladimir asked me as we started a new game. The crowd had turned to observe other games. The pub was full though and I had to be careful not to accidentally poke someone in the back with the end of the cue.

  ‘A few months. You?’ I didn’t want to admit I had actually been here over six months and was still closely watched by my trainer.

  ‘A few years. Have you met your master yet?’ he inquired.

  ‘No,’ I answered, missing my ball and adjusting my position to observe Blake and Carl. They were talking calmly, not paying any attention to us.

  ‘He watches you like a hawk,’ Vladimir whispered in my ear. I was surprised to find Vlad right behind me and closer than I cared for.

  ‘He just wants to make sure I’m ok.’ I wished Blake would look over and see Vladimir. Normally, I was a no-bullshit kind of girl, but Vladimir was a large man and I didn’t want to provoke him.

  ‘I wish that wasn’t the case,’ he continued and moved past me to line up his next shot.

  I knew exactly what he was implying but it took me so much by surprise I didn’t know how to respond. Vladimir sunk his shot and approached me
again. Next to him I felt ridiculously small and breakable.

  ‘I bet you would do better with… my stick,’ he leant closer to me.

  ‘I’m not interested,’ was all I said and I turned away from him. I was done. This was not what I had expected when I had begged Blake to take me to the pub.

  Vladimir grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him.

  ‘I said no!’ I tried to speak up, but the noise in the pub drowned me out.

  ‘Come on, I know you want to,’ he responded and pushed the hand he was still holding against his hard crotch.

  What was wrong with this guy?!

  ‘Leave me alone!’ I shouted at him and tried to wriggle free.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he teased and tightened his grip on my wrist, crushing my bones.

  A shot echoed. Immediately, the crowd panicked and guns were drawn everywhere. People pushed and shouted, trying to see where the gunshot had come from. Others charged towards the exit.

  Someone grabbed me by the hip and pulled me backwards, out with the crowd. I tried to run but the movement of the people carried me outside. Desperate, I searched for Blake but he had disappeared in the mass. I called his name, but my voice was drowned out in the panic.

  Outside of the pub, I was still being pulled by my hips. When I turned my head around, I saw that Vladimir had been the one pulling me.

  ‘Let go of me!’ I tried to unholster my gun and point it at him, but he ripped it out of my grip easily.

  What was happening? Was this really happening? I wanted to kick him, but he hoisted me up over his shoulder and hurried away into the darkness, away from the large crowd gathering in front of the pub. I called for help, but the panic at the pub commanded everyone’s attention within earshot. My screams went unheard.

  With my hands and feet, I punched and kicked as much as I could. I swung myself back and forth to destabilize the massive body carrying me off. I knew exactly what he intended to do with me.

  He had trouble keeping his balance and eventually let go of me. I fell to the ground onto the floor and hurt my back. Unable to get up I tried to crawl away from him. I could hear him unbuttoning his belt. Tears were streaming down my face. This could not be happening!