Fake Love (For Now)

by Penny Wylder

  He’s right. I can’t just barge after her like this. I’m nothing to her. I’m not her fiancé, and I’m not her protector. I’m just a guy she fucked a few times.

  I need to let her go.

  And right now, that’s the absolute last thing that I want to do.

  13

  Erin

  I make it to my car before my parents can reach me, and I don’t stop driving until I get back to my apartment. I don’t care about the fact that I saw them staring after me or the fact that I left all my luggage in my guest house.

  But I do care about the fact that I heard someone tell Hudson to let me go, and he didn’t come after me. Why would he? He has no reason to. We’re not actually anything to each other.

  All it takes is three steps past the door, and I’m falling apart. I’ve never really let myself do it. All this time I’ve held myself together and told myself that I need to be strong. I can’t do it anymore.

  I’ve never let myself feel the grief of failing or the disappointment of things not turning out differently. Not completely, anyway. Instead, I just threw myself into the next thing hoping that it would fix it, and it didn’t.

  Now that I’m letting it in, it’s all coming in. And it all hurts so much more than I thought it could because along with everything else, I had to walk away from Hudson. That doesn’t even make fucking sense. It was too fast for me to feel as strongly as I do. But I fit with him in a way that I’ve never felt before. He didn’t judge me for my failure, and he seemed confident that I’d get there and be successful. Somehow, he seemed to know what I needed before I even said it.

  How is that possible?

  My phone rings in my pocket. The ringtone for my parents. But I don’t answer it. I just crawl into my bed and close my eyes. I’ll hide here in my apartment for a few days and just let things settle. I need to breathe. I need to just…not think.

  The problem is that the only way that I’ve found not to think? Is Hudson.

  Kicking off my shoes, I wrap myself in my blanket and try to forget that he ever existed. It hurts too much.

  I hide in my apartment for a few days. I don’t go to work at the clinic or answer any calls. I sleep and let the grief happen. And I try to figure out what I’m going to do. There’s no chance that I’m giving up on my dream, because that’s the only thing that I still have that actually means anything.

  My test scores were the problem. And I could take the GRE again, but even if I did, the acceptance period for vet schools is over for the year. If I want to re-apply, I have to wait anyway. I might as well take the time and study for a longer period of time.

  Though deep down, I know that it wasn’t a lack of studying that made me bomb the test. It was just me and my fucking overthinking.

  An entire year though…what am I going to do for an entire year? I can barely survive on my meager wages at the emergency vets and shelters, even though I never turn down a shift. After what I did to my parents, I can’t exactly expect them to keep supporting me.

  It’s five days since I ran away from Blue Mountain when there’s a pounding on my door—the kind of pounding that’s impossible to ignore because whoever is on the other side is going to break in if I don’t answer. My hair is still wet from the shower and I’m wearing comfy sweats. I’m not exactly surprised when it’s my mother.

  She brushes past me when I open the door, not giving me the chance to shut her out. “I’m here to make sure that you’re actually alive, since you haven’t been answering your phone and we haven’t seen you.”

  “I’m alive,” I say, and even I can hear the dullness in my voice.

  “Good, now we have to talk.” She chucks her purse on the couch and sets down the suitcase that I left at Blue Mountain and turns to face me with her arms crossed. “You know that your father and I love you, right?”

  “Of course,” I say, sitting heavily on the couch.

  “And that we absolutely, in no uncertain terms, do not consider you a failure?”

  I can’t answer that. I feel like a failure, so it’s hard for me to imagine that everyone else doesn’t see it too.

  She continues. “Of course we don’t love that you lied to us, but after thinking about it, I can see why you did. It was embarrassing for both of us to walk in on you like that, but you’re an adult, Erin. We wouldn’t have been upset to find out that you just wanted to have some fun.”

  Looking at the ground, I pick at my nails. I can’t look at her right now.

  “All your father and I want is for you to be happy, and we could see that you weren’t. You are so determined and so driven. And we love that you want to achieve your dreams. But it was draining you. If you want to still do it, we’ll support you. If you want to go be a janitor or a waitress or a regular human doctor, we’d support you just as much as when you make it into vet school. And you will. We don’t have any doubts about that.”

  I look up at my mom’s face, and there’s no lie there. She really does believe that, and I hadn’t realized how much I needed that. The last days—the last months, really—I’ve been so twisted up in my own head that I assumed that everyone else was just as disappointed in me as I was in myself, when in reality, I was the only one who was measuring.

  Tears prick my eyes, and my mom sits next to me to wrap me in a hug. “We love you, Erin. And we really do want you to be happy.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “And because of that,” she says, pulling back with a smile, “I’m leaving. I would stay longer, but I don’t want to get in the way of anything.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She just smiles and waves, pulling open the door and striding out. “Mom?”

  The door floats shut for a second behind her. But only for a second. Because then it’s opening again, and it’s not my mom standing there.

  It’s Hudson.

  14

  Hudson

  It wasn’t a hard thing to convince Erin’s parents that I want her. Hell, it wasn’t a hard thing for anyone to tell, given the way I fought to go after her. Even though I knew that Asher was right, it still took him nearly pinning me to the ground to get me to stop.

  And when I knew she was gone, I stopped. Her parents told me to give her time after I’d explained everything. In front of everyone. That I wanted her, and I couldn’t explain why, but that it wasn’t a lie for me anymore. They were eager to help, but they knew their daughter, and she needed some space to breathe.

  It wasn’t easy. That new protective instinct that she’d pulled out of me had driven me nearly to madness, and there wasn’t anything that made me feel better without being able to make sure that she was okay, because I knew that she wasn’t okay. And the thought of her not being okay pissed me the fuck off.

  Asher and Leo—the bastards—had done a piss-poor job of hiding their amusement over it. They told me that they knew this would happen sometime and they were reveling in the fact that it was now happening to me so I could know what they went through.

  Fine, they had their revenge. That didn’t keep me from fucking climbing the walls waiting for when I could see her again. From sleeping in her guest house just so I could smell her on the sheets. Reliving the moments between us that wove a connection that I can’t fully explain.

  But now I’m standing in the doorway of her apartment, and she’s looking at me like I’m not real. Her hair is damp, and she’s wearing clothes that are too big for her. I can see the strain of the last days on her face, and she’s still the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen.

  I barely stop to shut the door behind me, crossing the room and kissing her like I’ve wanted to for days. Showing her exactly how real I am. I’ll be real for her as long as she wants me to be. Forever.

  The tiny sound of shock that she makes when my lips meet hers makes me hard. But that can wait. I gather her into my arms and lift her nearly off the floor, devouring her mouth. I curl around her tongue with mine and taste her. Weave one of my hands int
o her damp hair and pull it out of its ties so it spills through my fingers.

  Erin wraps her arms around my neck out of instinct. I can feel her shock, but also that she can’t help herself. The shirt she’s wearing is thin enough that I can tell she’s wearing nothing underneath it, which does nothing for the state of my cock. But we need words before I can fuck her into oblivion.

  And yet I can’t seem to stop kissing her long enough for us to have a true shot at any words. The feeling of touching her again—of having her in my arms—is the sweetest relief that I could ever ask for. I only pull back when we’re both desperate for air.

  “Hudson.”

  I always want my name on her lips. Every time she says it, it sounds like something new that I’ve never heard before.

  “What are you doing here?” she breathes. But she’s still holding onto me like I’m the only thing that’s anchoring her to the world, and I don’t want her to ever let go.

  “Don’t you know?”

  Erin shakes her head, or tries. My forehead is pressed against hers, green eyes so close and so vivid. Fuck, I’m in love with this woman. Time and space be damned. Asher was right. When love hits, it hits hard and it doesn’t hold back.

  I pull her up further into my arms, settling her legs around my waist so that her face is even with mine. I’m tempted to kiss her again with her this close. But she needs to hear this, and I need to say it out loud.

  “I don’t give a damn that we’re not engaged,” I say. “I want you.”

  “You…want me?”

  “Yes.” I tighten my arms around us so that there’s no space left. “I want you. I want to date you and love you. Because no matter how long it’s been since we met, I can’t imagine my life without you now. You slipped into it perfectly, and I don’t want you out of it. I want you to come with me on hikes and swimming. Be in my bed. I want you to be with me, Erin.”

  Her eyes are wide, breath coming in shaky gasps. But she doesn’t scream or run, she doesn’t push out of my arms and tell me to fuck off. She’s just staring in utter disbelief. Of course she wouldn’t believe me. Everything that she’d set up for herself and gone after has fallen apart. The idea that she’s good, just as she is, is foreign to her. But there isn’t going to be a day that I’m with her that I don’t tell her that she is enough. She is more than enough, no matter what.

  I walk forward and sit down on her couch so that she’s straddling me. It would be so easy to pull down her loose sweats and thrust up into her perfect pussy. There’s no doubt that she can feel how hard I am already.

  “If you don’t want this,” I say gently, “I understand. But I want to tell you that we’ll figure everything out. I will help you in any way that I can. You’re going to get into fucking vet school because you’re amazing and brilliant, and then you’ll get the job of your dreams. Have your own practice. Or you can move to Blue Mountain with me and take care of the animals there. You can do whatever you want, and I will do it with you. Because I want you. I’m falling in love with you.”

  Erin still stares at me. I can see the way she’s listening to my words and pulling them apart. Letting them sink in. Her hands grasp my shoulders, and slowly, a smile appears on her face. “You’re falling in love with me?”

  “Yes,” I say simply. There’s no other explanation. Every second I can’t stop thinking about her. I breathe her.

  Her smile grows wider, and there’s a brightness in her eyes that could light up the whole damn world. And that smile, I make myself a vow to try to see that smile every fucking day. I want her that happy—this glowing—all the time.

  “I’m falling in love with you too,” she whispers.

  I can’t keep my hands off her now, running my hands up her ribs and pulling the neck of her t-shirt aside so that I can kiss her shoulder. “You’ll be with me?”

  “I’ll be with you.”

  My arms come around her hard, locking us together again, and I take her mouth. I can’t be without her anymore. But she pulls back for a second. “You got my parents to help you?”

  “They helped me seconds after you were gone, when Asher had to wrestle me to the ground to keep me from going after you. They wanted to give you time, and this whole week I’ve been going crazy. It took everything in me not to come before they let me.”

  Erin wraps her arms around me and holds me tight. “I thought you just didn’t want me.”

  “I will always want you,” I growl. “Always.”

  Without another thought, I stand up with her in my arms and carry her into the bedroom. “And we can talk about everything that needs to happen. But right now, we have to make up for lost time.”

  Erin grins. “My neighbors might not like it if you make me scream too loudly.”

  “They can deal with it,” I say with a smirk. “Because I’m a man on a mission.”

  She laughs as we fall onto the bed together—the best sound in the goddamn world.

  Epilogue

  Erin

  Eight Months Later

  I’m sitting in the car staring at the nondescript building that feels like it’s the center of the universe. The testing center. I’ve been here before, and the last time that I walked out of this stupid place I was devastated. I don’t want that to happen again.

  But my mind is already spinning, even though I’ve studied until my brain felt like it was going to melt. And Hudson helped me study too in…uniquely creative ways. My husband got the idea that I had to earn my orgasms with correct answers to test questions and has taken great pleasure in driving me out of my mind.

  I’ll never tell him that there were times that I got them wrong on purpose.

  My ring spins around my finger as I twist it. It’s a nervous habit that I’ve picked up over the last few months. It’s comforting, feeling the ring that connects us. Makes me feel a bit of the calm that I have when his hands are on me. Not quite as effective, but close.

  My mom got to help me plan a wedding, and even though it was smaller than I think she wanted, it was nice. Intimate. And all I really cared about was the fact that I was marrying Hudson. It was a struggle not to let him carry me directly away from the ceremony to consummate our marriage. But when we did manage to escape…I’ll never forget that night as long as I live.

  I push the thoughts of our wedding night and honeymoon away, because getting distracted with that will be almost as bad as my classic overthinking and spinning.

  Fucking hell, I still have a half-hour before the test starts and my mind feels like scrambled eggs.

  I hear the screech of tires, and I look in my rearview mirror to see a familiar car pull into the parking lot. Hudson gets out of the car, hair still mussed with sleep and eyes like fire, and stalks towards my car. There isn’t a moment where my husband isn’t sex walking. But the determined set of his walk right now has me pressing my legs together.

  This morning I got up before him, and he was still sprawled naked in our bed. I would have much rather stayed with him, but the last thing I wanted was to be late for this. Even being close to late would make the anxiety that much worse.

  I unlock the door as he approaches, and he opens my door, leaning against the door with one eyebrow raised. There’s a sternness on his face that makes my heart race. “You didn’t wake me.”

  “I wanted to let you sleep.”

  Hudson narrows his eyes. “You shouldn’t have left before I was awake, beautiful. I had plans to help you with your test.”

  I blink. “What kind of plans?” He hadn’t said anything about plans.

  That sternest melts into a grin and he reaches down to take my hand. “Guess I’ll have to improvise.”

  He pulls me out of the car and I barely have time to lock it before he’s pulling me toward the building and around the back of it. In one movement, he pushes me against the brick wall and takes my mouth in a powerful kiss. One that makes me moan.

  Hudson and I have chemistry that’s undeniable. It’s never gone away, and I hope th
at it never does. “This is your fault,” he says playfully against my lips. “We could have done this in our bed. Now this will have to do.”

  My breath is short, and I manage to catch enough of it to look up at him and ask. “How is this going to help?”

  Hudson laughs softly in my ear. He knows that it makes me shiver when he does that and never misses an opportunity. “I know my wife well enough to know that you’re calmer when my hands are on you. When I touch you. So my plan was to make sure that you’re well fucked so your head is entirely clear for the test. That’s still my plan.”

  I shudder. He’s not wrong. I’m never more focused or clearer than when I’m tangled in his arms. “Here? Now?”

  “Could have been at home,” he smirks.

  I wore a dress today. My thought was simply to be more comfortable. But it only works in Hudson’s favor as he draws the skirt up my legs and slips his hand between them. He barely has to touch me for me to grow wet. Because I always want him, and my body has sense memory from his hands, lips, fingers, and cock. The minute he puts his hands on me, I need him.

  “You’re going to have to be quiet here,” he whispers.

  “Quiet? With you?” I laugh. “I’m not sure that’s possible.”

  Hudson rubs a finger around my clit, drawing a soft moan from me before he reaches under my skirt with his other hand and tears my thong in two. He puts it in his pocket. “You won’t be needing that.”

  “Oh my God.”

  It only takes him seconds to free himself from his pants, lift me off the ground, and thrust into me. We left condoms long behind when we got married, so every time he pushes into me I feel his brutal friction. I’ve never quite gotten used to his size, and I don’t care because he’s mine. And every time he fucks me, I get to feel that perfect, complete fullness.