by KK Bauer
“Let’s see, in the last four years, I’ve done your homework, cleaned out your car, lied to your mom and dad to get you out of trouble, stalked a boy so you could see if he was date-worthy or not…” I say as I count each one on my fingers, “Should I go on?”
“AJ, I really didn’t realize what I was doing. I mean, it was mostly Cara and I just went along with it. I’m sorry, I really didn’t know how bad she was to you, until the trip.”
“Are you still friends?” I glare at her and stand up.
She stares up at me with a dumbfounded look on her face. “Huh?”
“Are. You. Still. Friends?” I reiterate, punctuating each word.
“Um…” She looks down at her hands and in a huff she gains her confidence back. “Of course, she’s my best friend.”
“Well then goodbye. Ever since you started hanging out with her you’ve been nothing but a conniving bitch and I am finally tired of waiting for the old MJ to come back. As far as I’m concerned, the old MJ is gone.” I pivot on my heels and head for the door.
MJ stands up to defend herself, but it’s useless. “AJ, you can’t possibly think that. We’re cousins!”
I stop and turn to her, my hand on the door handle. “And that’s all we’ll ever be- cousins. There is no law saying cousins have to be friends. And when I think about it, we haven’t been friends since junior year of high school, the day Cara showed up.” With that, I turn the handle and exit the room just in time for the tears to come.
I sniff and run the back of my hand over my eyes and see Heather in a room across the hall. She sees me and jumps up to comfort me. “AJ, wait a second. Is everything okay?” She runs after me and I think I turned the wrong way because this end of the hallway doesn’t have a stairwell.
“No. No it isn’t. But it will be. I just need to get the hell out of here.” I spin in place, trying to find the exit. I spot a railing at the other end, where the stairs are, hopefully. I push past Heather but she follows me.
“AJ, do you want to talk about it?”
“What, to you? Why would I talk to you about it?” I snap at her and immediately regret it. She’s been nothing but nice and I’m taking my anger out at her. “Sorry, I just, I don’t know you, and you don’t want to hear my problems.”
She points to the room she came out of and smiles. “Try me.”
Why the fuck not? It’s not like she will blab my problems to every one of her sorority sisters. What am I thinking, she will probably blab my problems to every one of her sorority sisters. I step into the room that has one wall painted coral, the other two stark white. There are teal shelves nailed to the walls and framed pictures sitting atop.She closes the door behind her and Lorena is curled up on a black bean bag with the yellow Mizzou M on the side. She has a controller in her hand and she is so engrossed in the video game she’s playing, she doesn’t even know I came in.
“You and MJ don’t really have a good relationship anymore, huh?” She sits me down on her bed and sits beside me. “Listen, MJ is just confused. She doesn’t know who she is yet, and unfortunately Cara keeps pointing her down the wrong path. MJ is desperate to be liked and she thinks pushing people around does that.”
Heather continues to console me and talk about how much of a bitch Cara is and they’ve even had sorority meetings about it. Apparently, Cara is one strike away from being kicked out of the sorority. “You know we are in the same Botany class together?” She asks.
“No, sorry.”
She laughs. “Don’t be, I sit behind you a couple rows, and it’s obvious you’re dedicated to that class. I sit there and talk the whole time, you’d be glad not to hang out with me in that class,” she jokes. “You are one serious note-taker. I think I have three pages filled out so far, and you have a whole notebook! Can I steal it when midterms come around?”
I genuinely smile at her. “Deal.”
Even though I didn’t talk to MJ about what I came to talk to her about, I still leave the house fulfilled. It turns out Heather is a great listener and already I have a connection with her. She promised not to talk in class if I decide to sit with her and her friends. And before I left, she grabbed my phone and programmed her number in it, then called it so she has mine.
When I get to my car and drive back home, I let out a breath that I feel all the way down to my toes. I feel lighter, happier, and untroubled. It feels great.
20
Kellan
I had sex with Aubrey. I want to do it again and again. I had sex with Aubrey.
That is all I can think of in class and during practice. Coach comments on my goofy grin and lack of attention, but I just shrug and blame the upcoming weekend as an excuse. Last night was the first time in months I’d gotten some and it’s amazing how good it feels after that long.
I take a quick shower after practice in the locker room and see a missed call from Josh when I jump into my car.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey, Kel. Hey, have you talked to AJ today?”
“Not since this morning, why?”
“Um, I guess she went to see MJ tonight.”
“Holy shit, really? What happened?” I knew Aubrey was still mad at MJ and by Josh’s tone, their chat didn’t go well.
“Aubrey yelled at her and who knows what, and then left. MJ came straight here and has been crying for three fucking hours. She was completely incoherent the first hour. Then Cara came over and when MJ told her what happened, Cara threw a bunch of shit and left. I tried calling AJ but she didn’t answer.”
“I’m leaving the field now, I’ll be at her house in a few minutes. I’ll call you back.” I hang up and speed down the street. I know Cara wouldn’t do anything harmful to Aubrey, but I know just a few choice words from Cara and all the hard work we put into therapy would be out the window.
I screech to a halt in front of her house and barge through the front door. Aubrey is in her room lying face up on her bed, singing to the music. I stalk closer to her and see that her eyes are closed and she is smiling. I remember last time I scared her, so I knock on the wall beside me and watch as her head falls to the side and she smiles at me.
“Hey,” she grins.
“Hey, yourself. Had a good day?” I lean against the wall and cross my arms and bend my knee so my foot is flat against the wall.
“Mmhmm,” she hums and closes her eyes again. “I talked to MJ, well, yelled at her really. I felt like shit after, but now I feel great. I finally told her to shove it.”
I push off the wall and crawl on the bed to her. “And you’ve been here ever since?”
“I felt daring so I went to the grocery store. I bought a box, Kellan. It’s sitting on the kitchen counter.” Her eyes are clear, no longer haunted. I feel happier just being near her.
“Do you want to eat it?” I cringe because I still don’t know if I can down that stuff anymore.
She cackles and combs her fingers through her golden brown hair. “Hell, no! But… baby steps.”
Her laugh and demeanor is contagious and before I know it, we are both lying on our backs, staring at the ceiling, and singing to Jason Mraz. She is definitely better than I am, and I quit singing so I can hear her beautiful voice ring through her room. I roll to my side and watch her.
“That’s a little creepy, you know,” she says, still not looking away from the ceiling.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“What did I tell you about saying that if you don’t mean it,” she prods.
“Okay, I’m not sorry. You’re beautiful and I want to kiss you badly right now.”
She drops her head to the side and smiles at me. “Okay,” she says breathlessly.
I cup her cheek and kiss her heartily, making sure to not miss a single inch of her. She crawls over me and peels her shirt off, followed by her jeans. She slowly makes her way down to mine and unbuttons them. She slides them off and grins as she holds them up then drops them to the floor. I am a little stunned how forward she is about this but she
is in such a good mood I don’t want to interrupt it.
She lightly drags her nails down my chest and abs and pulls my boxers off. I sit up and watch as she stands off of the bed and shimmies out of her tiny black satin underwear. Her matching bra comes off next as she slowly drops the straps down her arms and to the floor. She steps to me and straddles me, her knees on each side of me.
I’m so turned on I forget the condom… again. She lowers onto me and a tiny sigh escapes her lips. I wrap my arms around her waist and let her make the pace. Our kissing mimics the tempo and dominance of the rest of our bodies. When she goes slow, our mouths work together painfully deliberate. When I dig my fingers into her butt and thighs and pull her into me harder, the kiss intensifies as well.
I can see beads of sweat form on her delicate skin and I bend my head to suck at her neck, tasting her. She groans and pushes her hips faster, effectively triggering my voice.
“God, baby, you feel so good,” I whisper in her ear. Her fingernails bite into my back and she buries her head into my neck as she comes for me. All the little noises coming out of her mouth are my new favorite sounds, aside from her laughter.
I work inside her a little longer until I can’t take it anymore. “Um, I can’t hold on much longer. What should I do?” I don’t want her to stop moving on my lap but I don’t want to do anything she doesn’t want to.
“’S’kay,” she mumbles, her breath coming out in tiny puffs. She connects her mouth with mine and soon I’m groaning into her mouth, releasing inside of her. One hand is at the small of her back and the other is behind me, keeping us stable. We don’t move for a few moments, both of us waiting for our hearts to lessen to a normal beat. Her head is still tucked into my neck and I can see a small trickle of sweat at her hairline. I swipe at it with a finger and run it down the spine of her back.
She leans back slightly and gazes at me. She is smiling, a genuine smile and it melts my heart.
“What?” I ask her, wanting to know why she is so damn happy.
“Nothing, that was, just… perfect.” She wiggles a little so she slips off of me and starts to stand but her legs are shaky and she stumbles backwards and falls on her ass- hard. She immediately starts laughing hysterically and I can’t help but join in. We are in her room laughing like children while we are both naked and sweaty.
Then suddenly the world slams down on top of me. My entire body is tingling and the heart inside my chest pounds out a rhythm I’ve never heard before. At first I’m freaking out because I think I’m having a goddamn heart attack. But my head knows better, it knows what it wrong with me. I’m in love with Aubrey and I just figured it out.
21
Aubrey
This week is going to be buuuusy. Kellan has a home game tonight, which I am getting ready for once I find my eyeliner… there it is! Tomorrow we have our therapy meeting and another late baseball game, followed by about fifty straight hours of staring at my computer for a ten-page paper that I have due Friday. On top of classes during the day. It’s three o’clock on Monday and I’m already freaking exhausted.
“Sit behind our dugout so I can see you,” Kellan instructs me. His voice is barely audible through the background of his teammates in the locker room. I click the button on the side of my phone a couple times to up the volume, hoping that will help. “Did you bring that sign I told you to make?”
“No,” I laugh. He told me this morning that I should make a glittery sign saying ‘Kellan is a sex machine.’ So in between classes I made one and even included a phallic picture in the corner, then texted it to him. I got a ‘LOL perfect’ back.
“Why not?” He actually sounds offended.
“Are you really asking that question?” I step into my car and turn the key, waiting for the sound of the engine to quiet before I continue. “I don’t know if the sex position I put on there is university appropriate. Do you want me expelled?”
“Depends, will you become my sex slave twenty four hours a day if you are?” I am completely mortified because he is having this discussion in front of his team and I’m sure they know it’s me.
“Will there be compensation?”
He laughs into the phone. “I think me giving it to you all hours of the day is enough compensation, don’t you think?”
“Quite confident in yourself, Kellan. Are you sure you’ve got what it takes? I’m not sure you have enough stamina to keep up with me.” This conversation went south, fast.
“Absolutely.”
“Hmm, well as much as I’d like for you to prove this theory, I have made it too far in college to quit now. But maybe we could work out a part-time slave deal?”
There is a long pause before he speaks again. “How the hell did this conversation even start?” He chuckles. “Not that I’m complaining, but I don’t even remember what started this.”
“The sign… the grotesque fornication picture… the expulsion…” I rattle off the beginning points of our conversation to stimulate his memory.
“Oh, yeah! And that picture is not grotesque. I do believe that position is called the corkscrew.”
“Oh, my God, Kellan! I’m done with this topic, and I’m pulling into the parking lot. Go… I don’t know, do basebally stuff and build team morale or whatever unity bullshit you do before games. I’ll be behind the dugout, signless.”
The crowd funneling through the entrance is small but decked in black and gold. The weather is actually quite nice so I see a few shorts and scandalous skirts within the group. I glance down at my attire- faded jeans that I folded up into capris, my favorite black logo tee, and black flip flops. My hair is pulled back into a ponytail and my bangs are French braided out of my face.
I wiggle my way through the throng of fans and plop down behind the dugout, like Kellan asked. I sit there with my hands tucked under my thighs and I hum to the music overhead to pass the time. A friend to talk to would be nice right about now. Too bad I don’t really have any, other than poor Kellan. I’m sure he is getting tired of me by now, I feel like we spend too much time together.
Our relationship has taken a turn I wasn’t expecting. It’s still complicated, but now there is a name for it. Friends with benefits. I remember sitting in class and laughing to myself when I would overhear girls around me talk about their friends who they hooked up with- now I’m that girl. What a hypocrite I am.
I start wiggling my toes and chewing on my lip, needing to expel whatever nervous energy I have in my body at the moment. It doesn’t help. Thankfully, a body plops down beside me.
“Hey, AJ!” Heather chimes. Lorena leans forward from the other side of Heather and waves. “Nice seats.”
“Thanks. Kellan is making me sit here for some reason.”
Heather’s eyebrows jump up slightly and a small smirk spreads across her face. “Oh, really?” She singsongs. “So you’ve never sat here before?”
“No, I’m usually the one up on the top row, or on my couch,” I smile.
“Interesting…” she quips.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing, it’s just interesting.” She lifts her chin slightly and stares out toward the field, which is still deserted.
“You said that, quit being so cryptic and tell me why this is interesting,” I glare at her for extra emphasis.
“I’ll tell you after the game. Don’t want you skipping out.” She smiles at me and quickly looks at Lorena who is holding back her own grin.
“Grr, you are such a butthead!” I cross my arms and huff, wishing there was a back to the bench so I could slump backward and pout more comfortably.
“I can’t believe you just called me a butthead. What are you, five?”
The two of them snicker beside me and look out on the field. Within a few minutes the announcer’s voice booms over the speakers and everyone around me starts to cheer. He announces the visiting team and boos echo through the air. I don’t like heckling the other team for some reason so I just sit there and be a spectator.
&
nbsp; The announcer’s voice changes slightly, growing in intensity and volume as he gears up for the announcement of our team. As soon as the word ‘tigers’ rings through the speakers, deafening cheers and applause surround me. I take pride in being one of the people involved. The players step out of the dugout and wave at us then disappear again. I spot Kellan a little ways down the line before he ducks back into the dugout.
The game is actually a little boring. We are completely dominating the other team. Their starting pitcher is giving up so many hits, they bring in the reliever in the third inning. And still, our guys tear through him as well. By the eighth inning we are up nine to one.
Since it isn’t very exciting, I spend most of the last two innings chatting with Heather and Lorena. That is until Heather elbows me and nods toward the baseball diamond.
“Somebody is trying to get your attention,” she says. I glance over to where she indicated and see Kellan on deck. He is staring right at me and smiling, not even paying attention to the guy batting before him. He has his bat across the back of his neck and resting on his shoulders with his hands on each side. I shamelessly eye him up and down in his uniform. Yum.
Suddenly Heather begins laughing loudly to my right, her head thrown back and everything.
“What?” I ask irritatingly.
“Wow, I’ve never seen two people want to tear each other’s clothes off as much as the two of you. And that’s saying a lot, I go to a lot of frat parties.”
“Whatever,” I flush, knowing my cheeks are becoming an embarrassing shade of red. I try to brush off her comment, but I am suddenly paranoid whenever I look at him. I tear my eyes to the scoreboard. It’s the ninth inning and onlyone out. The guy who just batted got a single and is standing at first, listening to the first base coach and nodding as he peels off his batting glove.
Kellan stands at the batter’s box and takes his stance. I can see the focus in his eyes all the way over here. His fingers grip the bat a little tighter and his left leg bounces around, waiting for the pitch. I’ve already seen him bat a few times already today but for some reason this time it looks different. His intensity and confidence has multiplied, and I know before the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand that it’s going over the fence.
