The Standby

by K. A Knight

  “Logan.”

  He responds by stroking up and wrapping his hand around my throat from behind and squeezing. Gasping, I rub myself against his clothed body, aching for more. I love it when he takes charge, showing me his strength and dominance. It makes me feel small and delicate when I’m anything but, it makes me feel like his.

  “Yes, did you want to say something, beautiful?” he murmurs into my ear as he kicks open my thighs and traces his other hand down my back to my ass before gliding back up again.

  “Nope, nothing,” I rush out.

  He rewards me by pushing me forward until I’m bent over the sofa, my pussy in the air as he moves behind me, I grip on to the leather, breathing heavily with anticipation as I hear his zipper come down and feel his heat behind me.

  I push back when the head of his cock presses against my wet center, then he rubs his cock up and down me, wetting it as he nudges my clit, making me groan. He does it again and again until I’m thrusting back, needing him inside me but I don’t dare ask.

  Reaching forward, he grips my hair, winding it around his fist. “You are so wet for me, your pussy pink and glistening.”

  His dirty words have me moaning as I grip the sofa tighter, my nails digging into the leather. “Logan, please, fuck, I need you,” I beg, the pull on my hair stinging in a delicious way that only has me wetter, almost dripping against his cock and down my thighs.

  He rubs himself in my cream again, bumping my clit, making me suck in a breath at the zing of sudden pleasure which fades to a low simmering in my belly. I feel him pressing against my opening. He tightens his hand in my hair, pulling my head back until I gasp, my eyes closing.

  “I need you too,” he murmurs, and my eyes fly open as he rams inside me in one quick, powerful thrust.

  He doesn’t wait, just keeps me bent over the sofa as he drives into me again and again, twisting his hips with each thrust to drag across those nerves that have me jerking and moaning his name.

  He tugs my head to the side and bends over me to meet my parted lips with his, kissing me deepening as he keeps flexing, thrusting inside me, and my pussy clenches around him as I push back to meet his thrusts, both of us fighting to reach our pleasure.

  I let him take all my nerves and thoughts of worry, dashing it all away with his lips and cock until I’m nothing but a ball of pleasure, with no thoughts in my head other than how good it feels to have him buried inside me, his body against mine as we move together in the moonlight. Just two souls searching for love, finding it in each other’s arms and bodies.

  I feel his racing heart, and it matches mine as we both chase our release, our bodies moving in perfect synchronization. He gasps my name and pulls away, standing again as he grips my hip and fucks me harder. I can’t hide how much I want him. I feel my juices running down my legs now, the wet squelch of our bodies coming together, but if anything, seeing how much I want him only makes him harder.

  Looking forward, I notice I can see us in the dark TV screen, our bodies moving with him standing behind me, driving into me again and again. I watch, enraptured, the sight making me wild and buck against him. He groans and grips me tighter, yanking me back using my hip and his hold on my hair to meet his thrusts until it’s too much.

  I’m too full. I close my eyes in bliss as an orgasm races through me from the top of my head to my toes, my pussy clenching and milking his orgasm from him. He yells as he slams inside me and fills me with his cum.

  Flopping forward onto the sofa, we stand there just catching our breath. Every time we are together, it gets better. I keep expecting it to fizzle out, but it doesn’t, it only grows hotter, more intimate.

  He pulls out of me and picks me up, cradling me in his arms as he strolls down the dark corridor and heads to the bathroom. Keeping me in his embrace, he starts to run a bath before placing me on my feet, helping me out of my sandals then shucking his shirt.

  Naked before each other, we just stare, our bodies slick after our love making, his cock glistening with my wetness. He smiles slowly. “Do what you need to, baby. I’ll get us some wine and then we can have a bath. I noticed your shoulders were a bit tense and my back is killing me from that desk.” He leans forward, grabbing the back of my head forcefully, and kisses me, stealing my breath before walking away.

  Only then do I suck in a deep breath and my lungs ache like I’d forgotten to breathe. I do what I need to and then slip into the warm water, adding some bubbles from the side and relaxing back as I wait for him. I’m lost in my head, imagining all the ways I can tell him how I feel, because I have to. I can’t go another day without him knowing, I just hope it doesn’t ruin everything.

  He returns with a bottle of champagne and slips into the water in front of me. Sipping from the bottle, he passes it over and I take a sip, noticing the expensive brand he picked. “Are we drinking from a ten thousand pound bottle of champagne...in the tub?” I almost choke, and he laughs as he settles back against the other side and gestures for me to turn around.

  I do, still sipping as he drags me back between his legs. Sighing in contentment, I rest against him as we sip the champagne and just relax with each other. Is this the right time? How will he react? What if it’s bad and I’m naked? Do I need to be wearing clothes, like armour?

  Fuck. I take a long gulp, wiping my mouth before steeling myself, and rest my head against his chest to hear his heartbeat, it soothes me a little.

  “Logan?” I whisper, watching him, his head relaxed back against the cushion, his eyes closed and a satisfied smile on his lips as he holds me.

  “Hmm?” he replies.

  “I—” Blowing out a breath, I force myself to take him in as I tell him, wanting to see his reaction.

  Gathering my courage, I look up at him, swallowing hard, my nerves jangling. “Logan, I love you.”

  Nineteen

  He continues to stare at me and I start to panic, my heart slamming against my chest. “I didn’t expect you to say anything back, I just wanted you to know. I fly home in two days and we might never see each other again. I didn’t want to go home with regrets.” Once I start talking, I can’t stop. He watches me with those familiar flecked eyes, his mouth parted slightly as he listens, his body rigid against mine. “I didn’t anticipate this, and I know we made no promises, but I can’t help it. I tried not to, I fought it, but it’s there and I can’t get it to go away. You’re amazing, Logan, and you don’t even know it. It just feels right between us and you are so sweet and caring…”

  Sucking in a breath, I search his gaze for any hints he feels the same, my heart dropping into my stomach as the silence stretches on. “I didn’t mean to,” I whisper. “I just wanted you to know. I do love you, it’s fragile and new, but it’s there.”

  I force myself to stop talking, my tongue darting out to wet my lips. He follows the action, but I can see his mind is elsewhere, even as his body reacts against me. “Okay, say something. I didn’t mean to make this weird...I just wanted you to know. I swear you don’t have to say it back.”

  “Ryan, baby, shut up,” he finally says, so I snap my mouth shut as he blows out a breath and cups my cheeks, looking deep into my eyes. “Love for me always comes with price tags and exceptions. I don’t know how to be in love, you have to know that.” I look away, but he drags my gaze back. “It doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could love you, maybe I do. I don’t know. All I know is that I care about you so deeply it hurts. I can’t stand to be away from you. I wake up wanting you in my arms. I turn to tell you things, and I reach for you without even realising it. I’m not saying never, baby, I’m just saying...I care about you and I don’t know how to offer you...love. I don’t deserve you, I know that, you care so deeply about everyone, giving yourself to them without thought. You’re a beautiful soul and mine is...tarnished, but, Ry? Give me time, please, baby, I want to be worth it.”

  It’s not a never, which gives me hope. I knew he struggled with love, he told me himself that he closed himself off, alway
s expecting the worst in people. I don’t regret telling him even though it hurts to hear he can’t say those words back, but it’s only been a few days. I know it’s sudden, and a man like Logan has to look at it from all angles, has to trust in it, see it, feel it. But for him to admit one day he could love me? It’s worth it.

  He kisses me softly and I melt into him. I gave him my heart, I just hope it’s enough for him. That’s all I have to offer, not money or fame...just me.

  We drink the rest of the bottle and get dressed then head to bed. He’s still here with me but slightly distant, and I can hear his wheels turning. I wonder if despite his words, his silver tongue, if I have broken this thing between us. But when he gets into bed next to me and pulls me closer, our bodies twining together as he kisses me so softly, so deeply and caring, I think maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

  I fall asleep with the taste of him on my lips and my heart so full it feels like it might explode, his touch grounding me as I drift off. But not a few hours later, something wakes me. I keep my eyes closed as I hear his phone buzzing again and again. He groans but grabs it, answering as he slips from bed and out the balcony door, keeping it open slightly.

  His voice drifts to me, and it sounds like he’s speaking to his manager. I force myself to stop listening, knowing it’s his business, and go back to sleep. Not ten minutes later, he climbs back in and wraps his arms around me, and I sleep so deeply I hear nothing else.

  Not even his whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  The next morning when I wake with the bright sun, he’s gone. The bed is cold on his side, but there is a warm mug next to me and some fruit and pastries with a smiley face note. I eat in bed before getting dressed and going to find him. He’s working at the table, writing like a madman. He must hear me, because he shuts his screen and smiles at me. Huh, when has he been bothered about me reading his work before? Maybe he wants me to read it when it’s all done.

  “Morning,” I murmur, and for once I’m nervous. I don’t reach for him or go to him, I just linger in the doorway unsure where we stand, even after sleeping in his arms all night. It’s not out of the blue for him to be up before me and he did leave me breakfast...are we okay? I daren’t ask and secretly I think it’s because I know the answer.

  “Morning, baby,” he greets and then stands, covering the distance between us. He grabs me in a dramatic, dipped kiss, making me giggle as he rights me. “Sorry, I’ve been trying to reach this deadline.”

  “No worries, need me to leave you to it?” I ask.

  He chews on his bottom lip as he holds me in his arms. “Maybe for today? I’m sorry, Ry, they are really pressing for these chapters and I’m almost there.”

  I cover his heart with my hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go sunbathe on the beach.”

  He sighs and kisses me again. “You’re amazing.”

  “I know.” I wink as I grab my bag and slip into my shoes. He watches me with a weird expression. “What?”

  He shakes his head. “Nothing, sorry, hey, I booked us a table for tonight, so meet again at eight?”

  “Sure, sounds good.” Leaning up, I kiss his cheek. “Get those words. See you later, cutie.”

  He smiles as I leave, and I ride the elevator down before going to my hotel. I change into my swimwear and head to the beach to laze the day away.

  I have a bad feeling all day, but I push it away knowing it’s my overactive imagination again. We are meeting tonight, after all. If he was spooked by last night, he would have just ghosted me. I think he needs time to think and work, so I’ll give him that.

  I lose myself in the sun, napping, reading, and swimming in the sea, all the while aching for the man locked up in his apartment.

  I take a long bath to de-stress before picking out my nicest dress—maybe to make myself feel better, I don’t know. It’s black and lacy with diamonds threaded through the material, and falls around me like silk, enhancing my curves. I slip on a pair of black heels and smooth my curls and even apply lipstick.

  When I look in the mirror, I realise I’ve painted it all on like armour to protect myself. Shaking off that morbid thought, I check my phone but have no messages from him, which is strange in itself unless he got lost in the words which happens.

  I sit around until it’s time to meet him and head downstairs. He isn’t waiting in the lobby, so I step outside to see him walking towards me. Logan smiles as he drinks me in, and that smiles settles me more than anything else. We have to be okay, or how could he look at me like that? Grab me like he won’t let go and kiss me like he needs me to breathe?

  Pulling away, I smile at him. “You look handsome,” I tell him, and he does. In a tight, white, long-sleeved shirt and grey jacket with matching trousers, he looks every inch the rich author and oh so attractive.

  “You look ravishing, baby,” he murmurs, taking in the dress again as he leads me to the car. “Ready?”

  “Sure.” I climb in and he follows, cupping my hand in his as he watches me. “How was writing? Did you finish what you needed to?”

  His face falls for a moment until he clears his throat. “Yeah, I submitted the chapters, they loved them.”

  “That’s amazing, Logan!” I gush. “I knew they would! I’m so proud of you!”

  “Thanks. What about you? What did you do today?” he queries, changing the subject.

  “Oh, you know, saved the world, wrote a book, the usual,” I tease, and he laughs, the sound throaty, and I can’t help but smile. I missed that today. I missed him. “I sunbathed, not much else, trying to make the most of the weather before I go back to rain.” I shudder in horror, and his face becomes strained for a moment.

  “So, this restaurant is supposed to be one of the best in town, the food to die for. I’ve never been, but I can’t wait to try it with you,” he comments, and I nod with a smile and look out of the window to where we’re going.

  It takes us around ten minutes to get there. We pull up on the outskirts of the beach where a lone skyscraper stands. He helps me from the car, and as we head inside, I’m glad I dressed up. It’s all so posh and fancy and definitely not what I’m used to. Hell, they even have a red carpet. I just follow Logan’s direction and stay with him as we are led to an elevator and straight to the top floor.

  It’s a terrace with amazing views of the city—not as good at the one we had last night, but this one is romantic. The tables are lit with candles, and roses and flowers hang everywhere, even surrounding the balcony. We are led to a two-person table on the very back edge of the balcony, with a wall of flowers between us and other diners for privacy.

  Logan pulls out my chair for me and I sit as he scoots me under before taking his own. The waiter greets us, and Logan orders us some drinks as the man passes us the menus and then leaves again. “This place is amazing,” I whisper, gazing around with wide eyes. It’s busy, filled with the rich and famous, and the world is forgotten beneath us apart from the view it provides.

  Grabbing the menu, I flip through, and when I’ve chosen, I sit back and watch everyone else, just happy to be with Logan. He reaches over the table and covers my hand. “I need to tell you something,” he says seriously. Considering him, I nod, suddenly nervous.

  Just then our waiter appears and takes our order. When he’s done, I look back at Logan. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

  He licks his lips and smiles. “Just that you look beautiful tonight.”

  “Aww, thank you.” I grin back. “So tell me everything about the chapter.”

  He grins and starts in on what he’s written, and we settle back into our normal, the storm averted.

  Twenty

  He carries on telling me as we eat. The food is amazing and he lets me taste his, and I share mine as well. I’m so full I feel like I might explode when Logan orders dessert. Sitting back, I watch him and the view, thinking on what the future holds. He’s still playing with my hand, both of us quiet, so I decided to bring up the next two days so I know when
I can see him.

  “Tomorrow I thought we could check out that restaurant, you know, the one with the big fancy sign…” I trail off as Logan stares down at the table like it has offended him. “Logan?”

  He sighs and looks up at me with crinkled eyes. “I’m sorry, Ry, they’ve moved a signing forward. I have to fly out to New York tomorrow for the first leg of the tour,” he rushes out.

  I sit back, pulling my hand away from his. “Oh, okay,” I mutter, my heart sinking. I mean, it’s not great and it’s out of the blue, but I was hoping to spend my last two days with him. I decide to suck it up and let him explain.

  “Ry,” he starts, leaning forward. “I wish I could stay, but I can’t miss this. I have your number, and when I’m home some point next year we can meet up and see each other. It’s my job, baby, I have to...”

  I can see the shadows in his eyes though, he’s not telling me the whole truth. “The call last night, that was your manager? Did he give you a choice?” I snap.

  “Ryan.” He sighs, and I know I’m right. It’s all an excuse, nothing more than a facade to escape his own fear.

  “He did, didn’t he? But you jumped at the chance, because you’re running scared from what I said last night.” I snort and cross my arms. “The big bad horror writer scared of three words. I knew something was wrong today, but I thought I’d let you deal with it, work your way through it...”

  “That’s not true,” he argues, leaning forward even farther. “I told you I cared, but I have to go, Ryan. Did you really think I could stay here forever? You knew, you knew it was just a holiday, but you’re right, I want to see you again maybe, and maybe after some time apart I can think about what you said.”

  “Yes it is. I told you I loved you. Something I haven’t told anyone in years, you knew that. I didn’t expect to hear it back, I know how crazy this is, but I can’t help what I feel, and I knew if I didn’t tell you I would live to regret it. You could have done anything, said you weren’t ready, reminded me it was a holiday fling, but you didn’t have to run. You could have given me the truth, instead you tried to give me pretty lies.”