Between Now and Goodbye

by Hannah Harvey

  'Elizabeth?' The tutor looks up, he insists on calling everyone by their full first names, even if they usually go by a shortened version of their name. It reminds me of the weeks I spent getting Julie to accept calling me Libby when I first met her. 'Is something the matter?'

  'I'm sorry...I have to step out, it's an emergency.' I say, because Charles is not the kind of person to call this often when something isn't wrong. I've already answered the call and started walking out before my tutor can say anything else.

  'What happened? What's wrong? Is it your mom?' Panic is gripping my heart. Please don't let it be Mrs Parsons. Please.

  'She's fine, I'm sorry I shouldn't have called so much, you must have worried. Sorry.' He breathes out, and I do too, 'Nobody is hurt, but... something has happened and I need your help.'

  'Yeah of course. Anything.'

  'And...you were probably in class.' I hear the apology in his voice before he speaks it out loud, which I know is coming, 'I'm sorry, I can call back later, or you call me when you're free.'

  'I'm free now. I've left my class.'

  'Are you sure?'

  'I'm sure Char, what's wrong?'

  'It's Julie.' He replies. My heart stops. She did it, she actually broke up with him and now he's heartbroken. How could she do that to him? Just because she's bored and wants to shake things up a little.

  'Char I...'

  'It's kind of a long story, when is your next class?' He asks.

  'I have time, whatever you need.' I reply walking towards my dorm. He launches into a story far different from the one I'd been expecting. A story about a fire, one that Julie caused.

  'Libs, did Julie ever tell you about what happened the year before you moved here? About being in the hospital?'

  'No.' I say, sitting on my bed and, hugging a pillow to my chest.

  'She got into trouble because she decided to take her dad's car out for a drive, and obviously she wasn't old enough to even have her learners permit, let alone a full license. But she was bored and her friends dared her, so she takes his car out and ends up crashing it. Nobody was hurt, but she managed to put quite a large dent into her dads car. So anyway, her parents grounded her for the entire summer, and after just a week of it, she got frustrated with being home all the time.' He says, sounding like he's struggling with this, 'She tried sneaking out, but they always figured it out. So after they caught her sneaking out for the third time, they locked her windows and hired a babysitter for her. She really didn't like that, so she locked herself into her bedroom and refused to come out for anything. She didn't really need to since she had her own bathroom attached to her room.'

  'Ok.' I say, I don't like the sound of where this is going.

  'Long story short, she staged a sort of hunger strike, and even when they knocked her door down, she refused to eat anything. Even when they lifted the punishment, because...I don't know, she wanted to teach them a lesson or something. She ended up in the hospital. Basically what I'm saying is that her parents are not happy with the fire, as you can imagine, and they've decided that she's gone too far this time. When school starts back up, they're sending her to a boarding school in Colorado.'

  'Oh my goodness.'

  'Yeah.' He sighs, 'So her obvious, or at least obvious to her, response to this was to refuse to eat. She won't come out of her room, she won't talk to anyone, and her parents say they won't be manipulated by her into changing their plans. Even if it means having to take her to the hospital and get her hooked up to feeding pumps. The thing is though...I'm really scared that she's going to hurt herself, she's done it before with this not eating thing, and I don't want her to do it again. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.'

  'I'm coming home, just let me look up the next train times.'

  'Libs no, you can't give up camp for this. Just call her, see if you can talk some sense into her.'

  'And if she doesn't answer?' I ask pulling open my laptop so I can check train schedules and prices.

  'If she doesn't pick up then we'll think of something else.' He replies, 'You can't give up camp because she's acting out, I won't let you.'

  'Oh,' I smile and have to stifle a laugh, despite how worried I am about Julie, 'you won't let me huh?'

  'No,' he laughs as well, 'I won't. It means too much to you.'

  'Julie means a lot to me and she's in a bad place, you mean a lot to me and you already have a lot to handle.'

  'Please Libs, I'll never forgive myself if my phone call is what brings you home early.'

  'Ok.' I breathe out, 'But Char...if it starts looking like she's going to wind up at the hospital...'

  'Then I'll let you know. Honestly though Libs, I don't think there's anything you can do here. She won't let anyone in. I just called you to see if you had any advice on how to get her to talk.' He replies, and I know he's making sense. I can't run out of here and rush back home. She could snap out of it tomorrow and try a different tactic on her parents.

  'Ok,' I put my laptop aside and lay down on my back, 'first suggestion, talk to her parents because we both know that they love you. So ask them if there's any other punishment that they'd consider. Reason with them that you realize she needs to be punished, but that sending her away isn't necessarily going to be the best option, because not only will it make her feel rejected by the people she loves, but she'll also not be around for them to keep an eye on her.'

  'Oh, you're good.' I can hear the smile on his face, which makes me smile.

  'I'm not done.' I say, 'My second suggestion is that you sit outside her door and reason with her that her behavior is childish, that she won't get what she wants by sitting in her room and refusing to eat. Keep on trying for as much time as you can spare, until she comes out of her room.'

  'Both very decent options.' He replies and now I can sense the tiredness, 'And you'll call her?'

  'Continually until she picks up.' I promise, 'So, you doing ok?'

  'Oh, you know,' I can tell he probably just shrugged, 'my mom's really sick, Katie keeps sneaking out of the house and hanging out with not so great people, because she can't handle seeing mom so sick. Lewis and his best friend keep begging me to take them away on a camping weekend, which I can't do because I can't leave my mom alone for that long. Evan and Georgia keep fighting constantly, April has a cold. My dad walked out on my pregnant mother while she was incredibly sick, and my girlfriend burnt down her dad's office building, and she's now gone on a hunger strike.' He laughs humorlessly, 'It's manic but... yeah I'm ok.'

  'Char, do you need me to come home?'

  'Absolutely not.' He says firmly, 'Stay you must, many things to learn you have.' As he says it, he even puts on Yoda's voice and causes me to burst out laughing.

  'You are such a nerd.'

  'Me? I'd never even seen Star Wars until you made me watch it.'

  'I never said I wasn't a nerd.' I reply, still laughing, 'Ok, so I'm going to try calling Julie. I'll let you know if I get hold of her.'

  'Ok, and I have some spare time because my mom is spending the afternoon with your mom, so I'll head over to her house and put suggestion one into action, since her parents have both taken a couple days off work to deal with Julie.'

  'Sounds like a decent plan.' I reply, 'Bye Char.'

  'Bye Libs.'

  For the rest of the day, every chance I get between classes, I'm dialling Julie's number. She hasn't yet picked up. I did however hear from Charles that my first suggestion hadn't gone over all that well, her parents, though concerned about her hunger strike, were unwilling to change her punishment.

  He's also sat outside her room talking to her for over two hours, before he had to leave to help out back at his house. He says he'll try again tomorrow, but at the moment I'm not holding out much hope.

  I sigh as I slip out of my room and into the hall. It's late, gone midnight already and I don't want to wake Natalie up. I don't, however care if I wake Julie up, so I call her number again. Then again, and again and I keep on calling until event
ually on my sixth attempt, the line connects.

  'Oh my goodness could you be any more annoying?' Julie snaps into the phone.

  'Answer your phone and I won't keep calling.' I reply, sliding down the wall so I'm sitting on the carpeted floor of the hall. With my legs stretched out I can almost reach the other wall, and I'm not tall, only five foot four.

  'I didn't feel much like talking.' She replies.

  'No, I've heard, you felt much more comfortable refusing to eat so that you can get your own way... like a five year old.' I say. I hope she doesn't get angry right away and hang up the phone. That's the problem with being about nine hours away from her. It gives her too much control over what she'll listen to.

  'Let me guess, Charles called you.'

  'He's worried about you,' I point out, 'He does love you.'

  'Uh-huh.' She sighs heavily.

  'Are you seriously planning on starving yourself until your parents change their minds?'

  'It's far more effective than the silent treatment.' She replies.

  'It's also far more dangerous.' I point out. How is it that she can possibly think this is in any way a good idea? There's nothing even close to resembling good in her plan.

  'I know what I'm doing.'

  'Like last time? When you ended up in the hospital.' I exclaim.

  'My goodness he is chatty isn't he.' Julie scoffs.

  'Once again, he loves you and he's worried about you.' I curl my legs up to my chest. 'Julie you can't stop eating just to get your own way. You did something wrong, and yes boarding school isn't a desirable punishment, far from it. However, do you really think that doing something this immature will help you put your point across?'

  'I have to do something. I don't want to go to boarding school in Colorado. I don't want to go to any boarding school. I messed up, sure, but does that mean they need to send me away?'

  'They probably think that you need a bit more structure.'

  'Don't take their side.'

  'I'm not taking sides. I'm stating my opinion, and in my opinion you're acting crazy.'

  'I'm not going to let them send me away.' She snaps.

  'Julie,' I run a hand through my hair, 'you're going to end up hurting yourself if you stop eating, and that isn't going to get you what you want.'

  'I want you to come home.' She says confidently. A demanding tone edging into her voice.

  'You want what?'

  'Libby, I really want, need, you to come home. You can try and talk some sense into my parents, and if they don't budge, which I don't think they will, then I won't get to see you. I'll be leaving for boarding school the day before you get home from camp. We can't not see each other for the whole summer before I'm sent away in disgrace. I won't do it, you're my best friend.'

  'You can visit.' I say weakly. Hours before I'd made the snap decision on the phone with Charles that I'd go home. About ten minutes after that I'd realized how foolish it would be. I couldn't possibly go home just because Julie's pulling this childish stunt. I paid a lot for this camp and I'm learning a lot, and I've only been here a week.

  If Charles' mom had taken a turn for the worst and he needed help, I'd go back. If any of my family got ill or hurt, or if Julie was in the hospital, I wouldn't hesitate to go back. Do I really want to give up camp just to hang out with Julie?

  She was planning on coming to visit for two weeks anyway, and it's not like we'd never see each other again, even if she does end up in Colorado. She'll be visiting when she's on break from school, and we only have senior year left anyway, and then we're going to college, so in a way it'll just be like she's gone to college a year early.

  I want to spend time with her. Of course I do, but do I want to give up this amazing opportunity to do it.

  'Julie I can't. I'm only a week into the course and we will see each other. Your parents may change their minds, and if they don't, we'll keep in contact while you're away and you'll be back over school vacations and...'

  'It's not good enough. If I'm leaving North Carolina at the end of summer, then I want you here. I'm not going to start eating until you come home, I mean it. I just won't, so if you want me to end up in the hospital, then go ahead and stay at your camp.'

  'You're not serious?' How can she be this manipulative? I know she's upset and angry right now, but how can she act like this? Can I really give up my place at camp because she's doing this? Can I risk not going home?

  'I'm deadly serious.' Her tone certainly sounds serious, harsh as well and then it drops into a more vulnerable girlish voice, and I can tell she's crying. 'Please Libby, I've really messed up and I could really use your support now. I don't want to do it, but if the only way to bring you home is to stop eating...then I'll have to do it.'

  'Ok, just...ok I'll come home.' What else can I do? I'll never forgive myself if she ends up seriously hurting herself because I didn't come home. If she needs me, then that's what friends are for. 'I'll pack tonight and get on the earliest train I can tomorrow morning.'

  'Thank you.' She shrieks loudly, so loud that if he house wasn't a mansion, and her parents' room wasn't so far away from her, I'm certain she would have woken them up, 'you really are the best friend in the whole world.'

  We talk for a while longer, and then just as it's going past one in the morning, I slip back into my room and begin to pack.

  Eleven – Charles

  The doorbell is ringing downstairs, but I can't make it down there because I'm holding my mom's hair back while she vomits into the toilet. She's crouched on the floor. Her skin is clammy and pale, too pale, so that the dark circles around her eyes are even more prominent.

  Distantly, I hear someone walking down the steps. A light slapping sound made from flip-flops, which means that it's Katie, who's gone down to answer the door.

  I rub small circles on my mom's back, a small act of comfort she used each time one of us kids were sick.

  'Charles it's for you.' Katie calls up.

  'I'm a little busy at the moment, can you ask them to wait or come back later?' I call back, while mom groans in pain. 'Oh, and can you bring me some of mom's painkillers please, the ones we keep in her room.' I add. I look down at my mom as she stops retching and leans her back against the bathtub.

  She looks weak, and there's a streak of vomit down the front of her nightdress, and some in her hair where I didn't pull it back quick enough.

  'I'm sorry Charles.' Mom sobs into her hands, 'You shouldn't have to deal with this.'

  'Don't worry about it.' I smile, even though I don't feel much like smiling. She's getting worse, I can see it and there's nothing I can do to stop it. 'Think of it as payback for all the times you took care of me when I was sick.' I reply, 'Now, I'm going to go and get you some clean clothing.' I stand up as I hear Katie coming with the painkillers. I turn to take them off her and instead of seeing my sister, it's Libby smiling with concern up at me. Only it can't really be her, because she's in New York.

  I blink a few times and she's still there, holding out her hand to me, offering me my mom's pills. I look from the pills back to her face, and she's smiling at me, a smile that's tinted with concern.

  'Katie asked me to bring these to you. She's a bit...shaken.' Libby say and it really is her, her voice, her smile. She's here.

  'Libs?' I shake my head, 'You're supposed to be in New York.'

  'Long story.' She gives me a look which I read as her saying she'll tell me later. 'What do you need?'

  'Nothing, I'm fine.'

  'Char,' she puts her hand on my forearm, 'what do you need?' Her voice is soft and caring, but has a slight insistence to it, which lets me know that she's serious about helping. A weight lifts from me and I let out a thankful sigh.

  'My mom needs some clean clothes, and she'll need help changing because she's too weak.'

  'Ok,' Libby nods, 'you go downstairs and get her some water, and I'll get her changed.'

  'Libs I can't ask you to...'

  'Hey,' she shakes her head at
me, 'I'm happy to help, besides, 'she smiles at me and then my mom, 'I'm sure your mom will probably feel more comfortable with me helping her into new clothes. Does that sound about right Mrs P?'

  'She's right.' My mom nods from the floor.

  'Ok, yeah.' I nod, feeling dazed. 'You're really home?'

  'Really, really.' She smiles and then heads off to my mom's room to find some clothes. I stay with my mom until Libby returns. I use the time to wash the vomit from her hair, and then I leave Libby to help her change into something clean. Before I go though, I make them both promise to call me to help her back to her room, because Libby's strong and my mom is small now, but I'd still feel more comfortable if I could help her myself.

  My body feels heavy as I make my way downstairs, out into the kitchen and to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

  I don't head straight back upstairs because I know that Libby will have things under control, and I also trust that she won't try and move my mom on her own. So I sit down at the kitchen table and rest my elbows down, head in my hands as I force deep breaths to keep from crying.

  Ten minutes later Libby's calm voice floats down the stairs and I spring to my feet, pick up the water and sprint up the steps to meet them.

  My mom is now dressed in a loose fitting lilac shirt, and a pair of black pajama bottoms. Her hair has been properly washed, combed and braided and she's looking quite a bit brighter, even though her skin is still so pale it's practically translucent.

  'Libby has kindly offered to show off what she's been learning at camp, and cook us dinner tonight.' Mom smiles up at me warmly, and I smile at Libby. I know better than to tell her that she doesn't need to do that. I know she will anyway, and I also know that even though she can't really afford it, she'll buy all the ingredients to make something.

  Her family isn't wealthy by any means, they used to have the same income roughly as my parents did, but now with my dad gone and my mom out of work, we're relying on benefits, and my mom's job paying her extended sick leave. We now have slightly less than her family, but in her house there are just two kids and in ours there are six.