Between Now and Goodbye

by Hannah Harvey

  'You don't have to.'

  'See you tomorrow mom.' I reply and she smiles softly, 'I love you.'

  'You too kid,' she says, 'give the kids a kiss and hug from me, and tell them all I'll be home soon and I expect to see clean rooms.'

  'I will.' I laugh, 'Bye mom.'

  'Bye love.'

  'How is she?' Libby whispers, cradling a fussy April against her chest and swaying back and forth. I lower a sleeping Georgia down onto the couch and run my hand through my hair.

  'Broken arm, stitches in her leg, but she seems to be ok.' I reply, 'How did things go here?'

  'It took a while to calm everyone down, but after a snack and a few stories and reassurances, they all went to bed. Other than Katie, who said she wanted to wait up, she's in her room. And April woke up about twenty minutes ago, I think the heat is making her fussy.'

  'Thanks Libs, for helping out and being here.' I sigh, 'I'm just going to take Georgia to bed, I'll be back in a minute and then I'll let you get home.' I scoop Georgia up again and carry her up to her room. Katie looks up from her laptop as I enter, pulls out her ear buds and looks at Georgia.

  'Is she ok?'

  'She'll be fine, no lasting damage.' I smile softly as I lay Georgia down.

  'Charles I...I wanted to say sorry.' Katie's voice sounds shaky. I tuck Georgia in and go and sit on the edge of Katie's bed.

  'What for?'

  'For sneaking out so much, for avoiding mom, not helping with the kids more often. I'm still here, but I may as well have left when dad did.'

  'Don't say that.' I put my hand lightly onto her arm.

  'No,' she says tearfully, 'it's true. I haven't been here for mom or you or the kids, because I've been too scared to handle it. I can't handle seeing mom getting so weak, so instead of dealing with it like I should have been, I've been hiding out and that isn't right. So I'm sorry, I'm going to try my best to be better from here on out.'

  'What brought this on?' I squeeze her arm lightly. Could it just be about Georgia getting hurt tonight?

  'Libby,' Katie smiles, 'seeing the ways she's always willing to step up and help out. Like the way she rushed over here in the middle of the night to watch the kids, because once again I wasn't in the house even though I should have been. I don't know it's just...she's not even family, it's not even her mom who's sick and yet she's downstairs right now helping out.'

  'Not everyone can deal with things the same way Katie. I'd appreciate it if you didn't climb out of the window anymore,' I smile at her, 'however, I've never blamed you for needing that distance. This is a pretty rubbish situation, for all of us, and it's hard seeing mom get sicker. I know it's hard, it's just that mom wants to spend time with us, and know that we're going to be ok.'

  'I know,' Katie sighs, brushing away some tears, 'I'm going to be better from now on. I promise I'm going to be better.' She says it tearfully and I hug her.

  'I know you will.'

  I spend a couple more minutes with Katie and then head back downstairs. April is now lying in her carry cot on the couch, while Libby stands by the window, looking out at the rain which has just started to fall. I walk over to her and pull her into a hug.

  'What's this for?' She laughs, her arms sliding around my back and hugging me.

  'This is for being here, being you and just everything you've been doing since you got home from New York. In fact, scratch that, it's for everything you've been doing since my mom was diagnosed. You make a difference, even when you don't realize it.'

  'Well,' she laughs as she talks, and I pull back to look at her, she's grinning, 'you're very welcome for whatever it is I did.'

  'You're a good influence on Katie, and she really needs that right now.' I reply, 'So thank you.'

  'Any time.' She shrugs, holding my gaze for a second and then she looks away, backing up a little. 'So, uh...' She clears her throat, but doesn't say anything else.

  'Where did Julie go?'

  'Oh, I actually don't know. She didn't follow me over here so I assume she went home. I doubt she stayed at mine since it's so late.' Libby runs her fingers through her hair. 'You should know, I've been highlighting your good points while I've been with her.'

  'I appreciate that.' I smile, 'Hopefully tonight's drama won't set back phase one tomorrow or,' I glance at my watch, 'today.'

  'It won't,' she says firmly, 'all you have to do is tell her you're not going to give up, and that you love her. Phase one is the easy part.' She smiles, 'Ok, do you need anything else?'

  'You've done more than enough, go home and get some sleep.' I give her one more quick hug, 'Thanks Libs.'

  'Like I said, any time.' She smiles back and then walks out of the room, turning back to give one last smile.

  Twenty Four – Julie

  Sleeping in until noon doesn't do much good when the night before I was up until around five. I hadn't meant to stay up quite that late, but after Libby ran out last night to play superhero for Charles. I decided to drive over to Carly's and we stayed up until the early hours discussing the details of my party, which I had planned on doing with Libby.

  Once we stopped chatting at around four, I decided to drive home and crash in my own bed. Now it's just after noon and I feel like I haven't slept at all, but there's an annoying ringing preventing me from going back to sleep. I hate doorbells.

  I sigh and sit up, listening hard. I hear Anita, our housekeeper, open the door so I lay back down and curl up again. Finally some peace to fall back to sleep. Until there's a tapping on my bedroom door. I groan loudly and sit up just as Anita is stepping inside.

  'Your boyfriend is here to see you.' She smiles kindly, smoothing back a wispy of stray black hair into her bun.

  'Charles isn't my boyfriend any more.' I reply, pulling myself out of bed and tying back my hair. 'Did he say what he was here for?'

  'He just said he needed to speak with you. I told him to wait in the lounge.' Anita smiles a little sadly. She'd always liked Charles. 'I hadn't realized the two of you weren't together anymore.'

  'It's recent.' I reply.

  'I'm sorry to hear that.'

  'Why? I'm not.' I reply.

  'He's such a nice young man.'

  'Uh-huh.' I nod and head out of the room, down the stairs and find Charles sitting on the couch in the largest of our three lounges.

  It's strange. As I look at him now I realize how out of place he looks at this house. How awkwardly, he sits on the large beige couch imported from Italy. How odd he looks surrounded by golden picture frames, crystal candlesticks and expensive soft furnishings.

  I hadn't ever really paid any attention to it before, but now it's painfully obvious to me. He's in cheap looking black jeans, a white button up shirt with thin white stripes, and a gray waistcoat with large black buttons. As always he's in his black and white converses. He looks so strange in this room.

  When he notices me he smiles, stands up and walks over to me. It seems like he's coming over to kiss me, but stops himself and keeps a little distance between us.

  'Hey, sorry, did I wake you?' He asks, clearly noting that I'm still in my pyjamas.

  'Yeah.' I nod and sit on the edge of the couch.

  'Sorry, I was heading back from the hospital and thought I'd pop in.'

  'Oh, right you were at the hospital with your sister last night, was everything ok?' I ask. I suppose I should have called him last night to check in, but I'd got so caught up at Carly's that I didn't think of it.

  'Fine,' he nods, 'well, Georgia broke her arm, but she's fine.'

  'Poor thing.' I reply, 'I remember when I broke my arm, it's nasty.'

  'Yeah, she's being really brave though. She's being pampered by Katie and Libby right now. They're doing a sort of spa day thing at Libby's house, while Matt took the boys out to mini golf, since Matt had the day off work.'

  'Sounds fun,' I reply. I'm starting to wonder what he's here for. Did he just come to pass on a general update? 'So, uh... was that everything?'

  'No, act
ually, I, uh... actually I wanted to see if you wanted to come to the fair tonight. We always do opening night, the three of us, and so I wanted to check if you were still coming, what with all the...with things being different now.'

  'I'd totally forgotten that the fair opened tonight.' I think about it for a minute, 'I suppose I'll be there, it's tradition right and it's just as friends. Last year we all went as friends, because you and I weren't even together, so it's not any different, right?'

  'Well, yeah I just didn't want you to feel awkward.'

  'Do you not want me to go?' I fold my arms over my chest.

  'No, that's not what I meant.' He responds quickly, his eyes softening, 'I really want you to come with us.'

  'Well, ok then.' I lean back slightly. 'Who's watching your brothers and sisters?'

  'Oh, they're coming with us.'

  'Are you serious? You're bringing along your five brothers and sisters?'

  'Katie's getting a lift with us, but she's meeting her friends there. So it'll just be the four younger ones.'

  'Fun.' I roll my eyes, already regretting the decision to go. 'Ok, so can you pick me up?'

  'Oh uh...yeah I'll just get Libs to drive some of the kids over, because the minivan only has enough space for seven, and Libs was coming with us, but I'm sure she'll be ok with driving herself.'

  'You know what, never mind. I'll just meet you all there.' I shrug. Sitting in the car with his siblings isn't really want I want to be doing anyway.

  'Are you sure?'

  'I'm sure,' I nod, 'you and Libby are coming from the same place, so it makes sense for you to ride together.'

  'If you're sure.'

  'I already said that I am.' I reply. 'So was that everything?' I want to have a shower, and head out to do some shopping. Maybe get something new to wear tonight.

  'Actually, there was something else.' He seems nervous, which is actually sort of sweet. 'I know that I wasn't the best boyfriend, at least not since my mom got sick, and I know that things were not the way they used to be, and that isn't fair on you.' I also totally respect your decision to break up. If that's what's going to make you happy, then of course I respect it. I just need you to know, that I am still very much in love with you, and I'm not ready to give up on is yet. So I will fight for what we had, I'll fight to get it back, because I love you.'

  'Charles, you know how I feel.' I shrug my shoulders. Why does he have to make this so hard? 'I don't want to hurt you, and I know how you feel about me, but we're over.'

  'I just wanted you to know where I stand.' He's oddly calm, and I wonder how many times he's gone over what he'd say. I wonder if he discussed it with Libby. He probably did.

  'Well, now I know.' I reply, 'I should go, I have things to do.'

  'Sure.' He nods and smiles, 'I'll see you tonight Julie.'

  Normally shopping is a cure for anything that's been distracting me. It doesn't matter what it is, I get into a store and all of my other stresses, or preoccupations float away as if they were never there.

  Today, this isn't working. I spent three hours shopping in all my favorite stores. I spend a huge amount of money, fill my car with bags upon bags of clothes, candles, make-up, things for my room, and shoes. Yet still, as I'm unpacking and trying on everything in my room, even though I tried all the clothes on in the store. I can’t help thinking about Libby's outburst last night.

  I haven't ever seen anyone react like that to receiving a gift before, and even though she apologized and said she was just having a funny five minutes. I'm not convinced she was telling the truth. Actually, I'm entirely convinced that there's more to it than she's letting on, because if there wasn't, then she's got some serious issues.

  The way she spoke during her outburst made it seem like she'd had someone try to buy her off in the past. Perhaps some people at her old school, one of the many she's attended in all her travelling around. Or, and this is the thought that keeps coming back to me, maybe it has something to do with her mysterious dad.

  Perhaps he was an absent parent who tried to make up for never being around by buying her gifts. Perhaps he walked out on them, and the only contact she had was money or gifts. Whatever it is, I know it's a sore subject for her.

  Charles doesn't like talking about his dad now that he's walked out. He gets angry and upset when people mention him. So it makes sense that if her dad walked out on her, she may not ever want to mention him. It just seems weird to me that she won't say anything. I don't even know his name, that's how secretive she is about him.

  I get that she's probably mad at him for walking out, but to act as though he doesn't even exist. That seems strange to me.

  I'm her best friend, shouldn't I have the right to know stuff about her? She knows my parents, and she knows all about my other family members. I don't see why she had to be so stubbornly silent.

  I push aside the bag of clothes I'd been sorting through. Hop up onto my bed and pull open my laptop.

  If Libby won't tell me anything about her dad. I'll just have to do a little digging until I can find out who he is, and why he's not in her life.

  Twenty Five – Libby

  I don't dress up often, but the first day of the fair is always something I make an effort for. When I moved her two years ago, the fair was the first event I'd really ever attended. Before that I hadn't ever been to school dances, or sports events. I'd never been to a gig or a show, a fair or anything like it. I'd never stayed in one place long enough to have people to invite me.

  The fairs big opening was three weeks after I moved here with mom, Pippa and Matt. I'd already met Charles, because he came over and offered to help us unload boxes when he saw the moving van pull up. I'd also met Julie, because Charles had introduced me about a week after I'd moved.

  I already had friends, and they already had a yearly tradition of going to the fair together. That year, they invited me and I was so excited to actually have friends, and be included in their traditions, that I vowed I would always make it one of the occasions that I dressed up.

  This year, dressing up includes wearing a knee length white chiffon skirt which has clusters of pale yellow, blue and coral flowers over it, and flares out a little so that it swishes when I move. I've got that on with a pale yellow sleeveless button up blouse which is tucked into the skirt, and then some white sandals.

  I leave my hair down, wavy and just a little windswept. I put on a small amount of mascara and light pink eye shadow and then a clear lip gloss.

  Now fully dressed, I check out my appearance in the full length mirror hanging on the back of my bedroom door.

  'Are you sure you don't want to come?' I ask Pippa, while I scrunch up my hair a little to give it a little more volume.

  'I'm sure.' She replies, 'Fairs are noisy and crowded, and the smell of all that food makes me feel like throwing up.'

  'Fair enough.' I reply turning from my reflection to her.

  'Besides, you don't want me tagging along.'

  'Pip, Char is bringing all of his siblings along. I don't think there's any possible way that you could be tagging along.' I laugh.

  'Is Julie going?'

  'Yeah,' I nod, 'she's meeting up with us there.' I say. I was so pleased when Charles told me she'd agreed to come with us. I was worried that the breakup would have changed a lot. She agreed, though, so phase two can safely start taking place.

  'Is Charles hoping she'll take him back?' Pippa asks, getting up and rifling through her jewelry box.

  'Yeah, he is.' I nod, 'He loves her.'

  'I really don't see what he sees in her.' Pippa replies, 'I don't see what you see in her as a friend either. She's so...high maintenance, and that's choosing the kindest phrase I could come up with.'

  'It's true that Julie can be a little high maintenance. She's used to having her own way on pretty much everything, and that can sometimes make her seem a little self-obsessed. The thing is though, she's also got this incredible ability to make you feel so special, like you really belo
ng to something.' I shrug, 'When we moved here, you know how ad a place I was in, and then I met Charles and Julie, and they both made me feel like I was home. Charles because he was so sweet and generous with his time, and he had this natural ability to make people feel safe.' I smile, 'With Julie, she just had this presence about her, it's like she makes you feel like you're a part of something epic.'

  'I just think Charles could do better.' Pippa shrugs. She pulls a long silver chain out of her jewelry box. On the end of the chain, there's a circle glass pendant with a pressed daisy inside. 'Here you should wear this.'

  'Thanks,' I smile, 'as far as Char is concerned,' I sigh, 'he loves her and that's what matters. He deserves to be happy.'

  'But,' she looks at me, 'do you think that she's right for him?'

  'I...Doesn't matter.' Do I think she's right for him? I hadn't given it a lot of thought beyond thinking about how much he loves her.

  'Why not? You're his best friend.'

  'Yeah, but I'm hers too, so if I started saying that he was too good for her,' I sigh, 'I don't think it's the best option for me to say if I think Charles could do better.'

  'Do you think Julie could do better?'

  'No.' It slips out before I can filter my comment.

  'Huh.' She raises an eyebrow and a smile tugs at her lips.

  'That's not what...I only meant that...I don't know what I meant.' I sigh.

  'The problem with Julie is that she thinks everyone and everything is hers to play with. Then she gets bored and sets it aside. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few weeks she gets bored of being single, and decides to pick Charles up off the shelf again.'

  'Is that where Char is then? On the shelf?'

  'It is if he just sits around waiting for her to take him back. He's better than that, better than her.' Pippa shrugs, 'I know Julie's your best friend as well, and I don't want to upset you or anything, but I just don't like her.'

  'You're entitled to your own opinion.' I shrug, 'I'll admit, there are times when she drives me absolutely crazy. Other times, though she's just so fun to be around.'