Between Now and Goodbye

by Hannah Harvey

  I put my apron over my head. It's black and has my name neatly embroidered in pale blue thread on the top right corner. A gift from Charles when I got accepted into the culinary camp. I tie it around my waist and then start weighing out ingredients.

  'So do you really forgive me?' Julie asks. I'm not sure if I would have been ready to forgive her if I hadn't broken down earlier, but as things stand, I've said sorry and so has she, so it's time to move on.

  'Yes, I've really forgiven you.'

  'Good.' She smiles, 'I hate fighting with you.'

  'I know, me too.'

  'So, uh...' she plucks a cherry out of a container she grabbed from my baking shelf, and pops it into her mouth, 'you spent most of the day with Charles huh?'

  'Yeah, I guess too, why?'

  'I just,' another cherry, 'I wondered if he'd mentioned me.'

  'Are you serious,' I look at her over my shoulder, a laugh bubbling in my voice, 'he does very little else.'

  'That's nice.' She smiles and it leaves me feeling a tiny bit uneasy. I shake it off.

  'You see I don't get it, if you're still happy that he's mentioning you and thinking about you, and you want him to be doing both of those things, then why did you end things?'

  'Just because I ended things doesn't mean I don't still want him to adore me.' Julie shrugs and then laughs, 'Ok, that sounded bad, but you know what I mean.'

  'Not really,' I reply, 'I still don't understand why you ended things.'

  'Can we not go over this again.'

  'I don't feel like we've been over it at all.' I say, tossing ingredients into the mixer.

  'It's over and that's it.' She shrugs, 'He's a nice guy, but he's just not good enough for me.'

  'Good enough?' I stop working and turn to face her. That sinking, twisting feeling of unease is back. This time it's stronger. I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing, helping Charles try and win her back. Maybe it's not what's best for him.

  'No, not...that isn't what I meant. I don't mean that I think I'm better than him, I only meant that he's not really the kind of guy I'm looking for right now.'

  'Then who is?' I demand, placing floury hands on my hips. From where I'm standing there's nothing about Charles which wouldn't be right.

  'I don't know,' she shrugs, 'someone smart, and ambitious. Someone who's kind, and generous and adores me. Someone who looks good, and has nice eyes. Someone who's strong and knows how to take charge, but isn't bossy.'

  'Julie you do realize you're describing Charles.' I'm realizing I'm on the verge of shouting, but she can't be serious. 'All those qualities are his qualities. He's top of all of his classes...'

  'And dropping out.' Julie rolls her eyes. I choose to ignore her.

  'He's got ambitions of becoming a doctor.'

  'Which he's giving up on.'

  'He's kinder than anyone I've ever met. He's so generous that he'd rather give and go without himself than see someone struggling. As far as looks go, he's...' I stop myself, feeling suddenly odd and decide to change direction, 'you've never complained about how he looks.'

  'I don't like the way he dresses.' Julie points out.

  'A small detail.' I sigh. 'He adores you more than I've ever known anyone adore another person...' It's probably a good idea to start bringing it round to how he feels about her, rather than me rattling off all of his attributes like I'm his personal cheerleader.

  'And yet he doesn't make enough time for me or take me everywhere I want to go.'

  'He's also strong,' I point out, 'not just physically strong which he is, but also emotionally strong. The way he's stepped up to take care of his family and hold them all together, is really strong. He's also taking charge of his siblings.'

  'Not the kind of charge I want.' She sighs, 'I want a guy who'll take charge when the car breaks down on the way to dinner, or who will sort things out for me when my parents threaten to send me to boarding school.'

  'Is that what this is all about?' My voice lowers, 'He couldn't convince your parents to keep you here, so you didn't have any use for you anymore?'

  'No,' Julie sighs again, 'that's not what it's about.'

  'Julie he loves you.'

  'I know he does,' she smiles and that makes me want to slap her for some reason, 'and it's sweet that he feels that way. I'm just not in that head space at the moment.'

  'Not in that head space?'

  'Can we drop it, please?' She pleads, and I know it's time to stop. I didn't want to talk about my dad this morning, and got upset when she kept pushing. If I push her now, I'm no better than her. So we drop the subject.

  I finish off the muffins and our conversation switches to Julie's end of summer party. She hosts it every year, and it always takes weeks of planning, and this year is no exception.

  Julie always has themes for her parties, and unsurprisingly this year is going to be a Marie Antoinette theme. Right now she's trying to decide on a location, because in her words, doing it at her house would be so dull.

  'Isn't being bored of hosting parties at your house, kind of the reason you're heading to boarding school this fall?' I point out.

  'Don't worry, I'll hire a venue rather than breaking into one, and I won't have any fires inside. I promise.' She grins and continues flipping through a magazine, no doubt looking for inspiration. She always takes these parties so seriously. If she wasn't so set on working in the fashion industry, she would have made a fantastic event planner.

  'Always the better option.' I say, trying my best not to sound too disapproving. What's done is done, and even if I had told her not to do it at the time, I know she still would have hosted that party at her dad's place. I know because she didn't listen to Charles when he tried telling her that it was a bad idea.

  'I'm thinking we're going to need a lot of space, both indoors and outdoors. You know how my parties go, everyone wants to attend, and everyone who gets invited wants to bring friends. So I want to get a big place. This has to be my best ever end of summer party, because it'll be my last one I host here.'

  'You don't seem...I don't know, you don't seem all that upset about going to boarding school any more. Whenever you mention it, you seem sort of ok about it?' With all of the things Julie's done to annoy me so far this summer, I sometimes forget that she's going through some stuff too.

  'I know,' she grins, so apparently she's not heartbroken about leaving, 'that's because I have a plan, and it's one that I'm pretty certain my parents will agree to.' She grabs her purse from the chair next to her and pulls out her tablet. Tapping away while I throw the ingredients for a chocolate cake into the mixer. She hums to herself as she keeps tapping, and by the time I'm scooping the mixture into a cake tin, she's found it and holds the tablet in front of my face.

  The page that's up is a picture of a castle, and all of the text is in French, and I can't understand a word of it. Julie learnt French, Italian and Dutch at her school. Charles and I took Spanish, which was the only language our school offered.

  'Please tell me your plan doesn't involve running away to a French castle.' I groan jokingly and go back to pouring the mixture into the tin.

  'Not running,' she shakes her head, 'this place isn't just a castle, it's a boarding school in the French countryside. It's one of the best schools in the country, and it's in France!' She beams at me. 'My plan is to convince them that it'll be just as much of a punishment, which it won't be.'

  'You want to move to France?'

  'I love France. I speak the language, the fashion in Paris is simply phenomenal. I think I'd fit in amazingly well in France, don't you?'

  'I do,' I nod checking the time as I slide the cake into the oven. It's fifteen minutes past midnight, I had no idea we'd been in the kitchen so long. 'A French castle does kind of scream Julie, but...all of your friends and family are here, what about...' I'm just about to sat what about Charles, but I have a feeling that he won't be an issue for her at the moment, 'what about breaks and things, you won't be able to travel home
for breaks.'

  'I will for some,' she shrugs, 'but it'll be France. I can go to Paris on my breaks.'

  'Wow...this is big.'

  'It is and I just know I can convince my parents.' She beams again, 'I'm going to give them a couple of weeks of seeing how mature I'm being, and then I'm going to approach them about it.'

  'Wow.' I nod my head and just as I'm about to say more, the back door bursts open and Charles rushes in. The look on his face is sheer panic, and there's blood on his arm.

  'Oh my goodness.' I drop the packet of flour I had been about to put away, and rush over to him. I pick up his arm and look at it carefully. 'What happened? Are you ok?'

  'It's not my blood.' He says quickly, 'Libs I need you.'

  'Ok.' I breathe out. If it isn't him, it's one of the kids. My heart practically stops beating.

  'Georgia's hurt, I need you to watch the kids, I...I don't have time.'

  'Go, I'll watch them.' I rush out after him and over to his house. When we get there I see Georgia laying on the couch, with a large gash on her strangely angled leg.

  Twenty Three – Charles

  I felt physically sick when I went out into the back yard and saw Georgia on the ground. She shouldn't have even been out there that late at night. I thought she was still safely tucked up in bed sleeping, and instead she'd decided to go outside and attempt to climb one of the trees at the bottom of our yard. According to Sean, who was out there with her at the time, she was planning on sleeping in the trees like the Koala bears in the nature show she'd been watching before going to bed.

  When I got to her, she was lying on the ground after slipping out of the tree. A large ugly gash was on her leg where she must have scraped a branch on the way down.

  Now, sitting in the car with me, I glance back at her and her wrist is bruised and she's holding it at an angle which I'm sure means it's broken. I press down a little harder on the gas as she whimpers in pain.

  I should have been paying more attention. I wasn't asleep, I was up in my room trying to work out a budget for next month. I should have heard her and Sean leave the house. I should have been paying more attention.

  Mom never would have let something like this happen, she would have heard them leave the house and stopped them before things got bad. If mom was here, Georgia wouldn't be hurt.

  I swallow down another wave of nausea as we hit a bump in the road and Georgia shrieks in pain.

  I need to keep it together. I don't have time to fall apart now, I need to stay strong for Georgia. She needs me to be the big brother who can handle anything. I try to think about what mom would do in this situation. It hits me almost immediately. She'd do everything in her power to distract Georgia from the pain.

  'Are you looking forward to the fun fair Georgia?' I ask her. It's the best I can come up with, and I can only hope that it'll be enough to take her mind off of the pain.

  'Uh-huh.' She grimaces, 'Will I still get to go, now that I'm hurt?' I glance at her. Her bottom lip is quivering.

  'Of course you will.' I force out a smile, 'even if I have to carry you around on my shoulders all evening.'

  'Ok.'

  'What's your favorite part of the fair?'

  'The Carousel.'

  'Do you remember it from last year? When mom and dad took you?'

  'Uh-huh.'

  'Which horse was your favorite?'

  'The white one with the gold mane.' She replies, a small smile replacing the pained expression. My grip relaxes a little on the wheel.

  'That's a great one,' I smile, 'it's Libby's favorite as well. I bet she'd ride it with you.'

  'Do you think so?' She beams, 'I was scared because mommy usually takes me on it, but she's ill and I'm too little to go on it on my own.'

  'Well, you don't need to worry about that, Libs will definitely take you on it, she loves that ride.' I make her the promise, because I know that Libby won't object to it, 'What else do you like about the fair?'

  'I like the music, and the shining lights, and I like it when I get a giant cotton candy,' she grins even wider, 'bigger than my entire face.' She says jumping up and down a little in her seat.

  'Ok,' I laugh, 'I promise to get you a cotton candy.'

  'Bigger than my face?' She asks in wonder.

  'If you like,' I nod, 'it'll be your reward for being such a brave girl.'

  We get to the hospital a few minutes later, while I still have her chatting about the fair. I carry her into the ER department. It's busy so we have to wait a while just to get to the triage nurse, but when we reach her, she takes us straight back.

  They clean up her leg, bandage it and give her something for the pain. Then they x-ray her arm and just as I suspected, she's broken it.

  She's brave as they plaster it, and she beams at them when they give her a sticker for her cast. She also makes both the doctor and the nurse sign it, and then she hands me the pen and tells me I have to sign it as well.

  She doesn't seem to be in any pain any more, and I'm more than a little thankful for that. She's even walking normally on her leg, and she's humming as we go along. A song from Meet me in St Louis.

  'Where did you hear that song?' I ask her, amused as we walk through the hospital. Aiming for my mom's ward to see if they'll let us in, even though visiting hours are long over.

  'When the posters for the fair went up a few weeks ago, Libby told me about a movie that had a big fair in it, and she said they sang about it all the time. So I asked her to show me, and when she came over to babysit one time, I watched it with her and Katie. It was a good movie, really fun.'

  'I'll have to watch it sometime.'

  'You should watch it with Libby, she knows all the songs and she sings along and she even knows a lot of the talking words.' Georgia looks up at me with wide excited eyes, 'It's like she can act the whole thing.'

  'I'll make sure I watch it with her.'

  'Can we watch it tonight?' She asks.

  'Nice try. When we get inside you're going straight to bed, where you should have been instead of trying to climb a tree.'

  'But I'm not a bit sleepy. Promise.' She tugs on my hand, 'I want to watch it with you and Libby.'

  'Then we'll watch it another day.' I laugh as we reach the ward. The nurse at the desk recognizes me, and she gives me a warm smile as we approach the desk.

  'You guys know that visiting hours ended several hours ago, right?' She makes a very obvious point of looking at the clock behind her. It's gone two in the morning.

  'We do.' I say sheepishly, 'but Georgia's had a bit of an accident,' I wave down at the cast on her arm, which she holds up proudly, 'and she really wants to see our mom.'

  'I really, really do. Charles tell it right,' she huffs, 'I really, really want to see her.' Georgia says, her mouth set in a firm line. I hold back a laugh.

  'That's right, she really, really wants to see her.' I smile.

  'Well,' the nurse looks at us for a moment, 'I suppose since it's for a special reason. Just so long as it's only a few minutes, and you don't wake anyone up.'

  'Thank you.' I let out a breath and smile at her. Georgia beams and pulls me towards our mom's room. I'm surprised to see my mom awake. Her little bedside lamp is on and she's got a book open, but she isn't reading it, she's just staring into space.

  'Hello you two, this is a surprise, what are you both doing here so la...oh my goodness, Georgia honey what happened?'

  'I broke it.' Georgia grins, again holding her cast up proudly like it's a trophy she won. 'And I was really brave. Charles said so.'

  'Charles,' mom looks at me, a slight edge to her voice, 'what happened?'

  'It's ok, she's fine. She broke her arm and got a nasty cut on her leg. They gave her some stitches, and as you can see they put a cast on her arm.' I say as Georgia uses her good arm to scramble up onto the bed and curl up against our mom. 'She got out of the house and tried to climb the tree in the yard, and I didn't hear her, I should have but...I messed up. I'm so sorry.'


  'Charles, come here.' Mom holds out her hand to me. Her other arm is curled around Georgia. I walk over to the side of the bed and she takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  'When Lewis was seven, he fell off of his bike and broke his wrist. When Sean was two, he fell off of a counter and got a gash on his head. When Katie was eleven, she tried to walk along the top of the fence and wound up with a broken leg. When you were four, your dad tried to teach you to skateboard, and you dislocated your shoulder, and got a huge cut and bruise on your side.' She squeezes my hand again, 'You can't always protect children from getting hurt. You can't watch them all of the time, especially when they're supposed to be in bed and you should have been asleep yourself. Even if you do watch them all the time, you can't always prevent injuries. Katie once fell from the top of a jungle gym right in from of my eyes. I couldn't stop it from happening.'

  'I just feel like I'm doing a lousy job of looking out for them.' I say quietly.

  'You're not.' She smiles reassurances up at me, 'You're doing a fantastic job, and I couldn't cope with any of this without your help. Don't put yourself down kid, you're doing better than you think.'

  'Thanks mom.'

  'Who are the kids with now?' She asks after a beat of silence, in which I let go of just a little of the anxiety that's been pressing down on me since I found Georgia.

  'They're with Libby.'

  'Good.' She nods and then smiles down at Georgia, who has fallen asleep on my mom's side. 'She always looks so peaceful when she's sleeping. It's almost hard to believe the mischief she gets into when she's awake.'

  'Yeah.' I smile. The sound of the door opening makes me turn my head, spotting the nurse who's just entered.

  'Ok guys, it's really late so you have to get going, ok?'

  'Yeah.' I nod while turning back to my mom. I bend down and kiss her cheek.

  'They say I'll be out of here the day after tomorrow.'

  'That's great mom.' I smile, scooping Georgia up into my arms. I hold her carefully so that I don't knock her arm. 'I'll swing by tomorrow and see you, ok?'