Fool Me Once

by Sandra Lee

  “You sure you ok honey? You look a bit flushed.”

  “I’m all right James, just a bit out of sort. I will tell you about it someday, although not today, OK?” She smiled shakily, her knife easing yet a bit more on the vegetables, vain attempt to prove she was alright. She would have to convince herself first before convincing anyone else. Would she ever be all right again?

  He looked unconvinced but did not press her, he knew how hard-headed she was and knew that once she had made up her mind about something it was easier to dance with an elephant on a balloon then have her change it. So he let it dropped and started working on pastry shells he would need for the small reception they were catering the next day; acting like the clown he was in the hopes to see a real smile illuminate her pretty face, he came pretty close a couple times, but still could see the turmoil in her eyes.

  That evening Eva sat down with a glass of Masi, one her favorite every day red wine, folding her long legs beneath her. Usually her living room was a safe haven, a place she could relax and reflect on the days past and those coming. Tonight, nothing could help her unwind, not the wine, not the room, not the hot bath she took as soon as she got home, nothing worked. She was seriously considering going to the store and getting a pound of dark chocolate truffles, but somehow she feared even that would be a wasted attempt and a criminal use of chocolate as she didn’t believe she would really be enjoying them at all, well maybe a little but not as much as she should. She was mad, not only was she mad at Jake, but also at herself and that made her even more furious. She was upset she had let her emotions rule her actions, a thing she had promised herself never to do again. Not after that fiasco with Jake. Yes she was angry and damn it she had the right to be! Angry? HAH, she was fuming! She had been plagued with memories of her past all day, the carrots, celery, tomatoes; all of them took a beating. But she did enjoy picturing Jake being sliced and diced. A furtive smile lightened her features as she recalled James’ face when she had started to tenderize the beef, she could have sworn she saw him squirm a few times. Then Jake’s mocking smile erased all smile from her lips. She saw a slow-motion replay oh her hand slapping his handsome face, wishing it had been a fist and a punch chipping his perfect teeth, breaking is already crooked nose. Who did he think he was, acting as if nothing had ever happened between them? She smiled again; satisfied she had at least slapped him. That had shut him up for a second and he was overdue anyway, way overdue... like 8 years.

  She had met Jake when she was eighteen years old, back when she still believed in prince charming and happy ending. She had been young and gullible, with a faith in love and people that had never been challenged. He idealism had sometimes wavered, but she had never lost her trust in people, never had lost her belief that that love existed and that it was wonderful. She had been naïve, very naive. But had she been more of a realist and less of a dreamer, she still would have fallen for Jake. How could she have not? She took a sip of her wine, her thoughts slowly slipping in remembrance, quite against her will. Taking a deep breath, she allowed the rush of memories to flood back, she allowed herself to relive the blend of love, anger, pain, mistrust and desire of that night long ago.

  Chapter 3

  8 years ago…

  She urged him to explain as she surreptitiously wiped angry tears from her eyes. She wanted to know why she had caught him in a lip-lock with Shelley Harrison. She knew he would never be able to come up with a plausible excuse, knew that even if he cared to try, he wasn’t that smart. Although she knew that he probably didn’t care to try, she desperately wanted him to deny everything, to be able to come up with some fancy reason as to why he was kissing another girl. She had been dating him for three months and she rather liked him. He was considered the cutest boy in school, was the quarterback of the football team, and he was very popular. He really was the high school dream boyfriend, and although she really didn’t think herself shallow enough to go for appearances only, she hadn’t been able to say no when he has asked her out to the movies one evening. But now, she found herself confronting him about his infidelity on the crowded main street. He had said he had football practice that night, but she had found him coming out the movies and kissing none other then Shelley Harrison, head of cheerleaders, perfect tall, slim, baby blue-eyed bimbo. Shelley had never liked her; she was always making derogative comments, snide remarks, about those less fortunate in their physical appearance. The comments had thinned down a lot when she had started dating Ben and had been accepted, if barely, in the popular crowd. Not that being accepted in the cool click had been the reason why she had been dating Ben that long, not really. She really liked him, well used to anyway. Right now, she wasn’t really sure how she felt about him, actually hadn’t been for a little while. But no matter what her feelings were at that precise moment, she felt he at least owed her an apology or an explanation for treating her this way. She looked at him through the rain, pushing her hair out of her eye as she did so. She took in his tousled blond hair, his arrogant stance, and his self-satisfied expression and suddenly she couldn’t hold back her temper any longer.

  “Why? Why did you feel the need to go kiss another girl behind my back, kiss Shelley?” She shivered at the thought. “Why couldn’t you be men enough to tell me you weren’t interested in dating me anymore?” She took in a deep breath.” I thought you liked me”

  He had the nerve to laugh at that comment, a laugh that chilled her more then any wind or rain ever could.

  “Oh come on Eva, did you really think I would pass up the chance. I’m only a man honey, and really I mean no offence, but you couldn’t keep any red-blooded man away from a babe like Shelley. You are cute and stuff but Eva look at yourself. You can’t compare to Shelley. You have great potential but you hide it behind jeans and baggy sweaters. You never try to make yourself look better; you never made yourself up to make me proud to be with you. And as if that wasn’t enough, you don’t even put out!” He looked disgusted.“ I thought that to make up for obviously lacking in certain area, you would at least…” he made a lewd gesture “ but you are so uptight, chastity belts could learn from you. You barely allow me to kiss you, let alone touch you…a man has needs and I have from good authority that Shelley knows exactly what those needs are.” He added smugly as if he had had first hand experience of her abilities.

  Shaking like a leaf in the cold wind, Eva lifted her chin bravely and looking squared at him she forced herself to ask the question that was nagging at her.

  “If that’s what you think of me, why did you ask me out? Why didn’t you break up with me as soon as you figured out I wasn’t going to spread my legs in gratitude? Why bother with me at all when you could have had Shelley?” She hated that her voice wavered and almost got plaintive. But as soon as she heard his answer, she wished she had kept her mouth shut and just walked away with the remaining shred of her dignity.

  “Simply because Shelley wasn’t available, and I didn’t think you would be that hopeless. You are a funny girl and you seem to know stuff, but as girlfriend material, frankly you suck. Maybe you’d be ok for a lesser man…maybe.” That had been his closing remark. He left, turning his back on Eva, and went back to Shelley who was waiting for him by the theatre doors. They had left arm in arm and Shelley had had the gal to wink at her.

  Her pride had gotten hurt that day, very hurt, and she had vowed to make Ben swallows his words. She had by then realized her feelings for Ben had been superficial, had been nothing more then a silly schoolgirl crush, a desire to be accepted in the popular crowd, but that didn’t lessen the fact that she still needed to make him regret his decision so she would have the pleasure to turn him down. She couldn’t fault his reason for dating her, hers weren’t any better, but the way he had spoken to her; that she could totally find fault with. She would show him she was more of a woman then Shelley Harrison ever would, she just hoped she would find a way before the Christmas dance which was only 2 months away. She was going to make him beg, and then she wa
s going to tell him he wasn’t man enough for her. She had never thought she was vindictive before, but she had needed to do this. It was a matter of pride! Plans started forming in her subconscious the following week.

  ****************************************

  “Josh is coming home tonight Eva, could you make sure you are home for dinner on time for a change? He is bringing one of his friends along.”

  Her mother was wiping her hands on the neat white apron tied to her still slender waist. With her cheeks flushed from the heat, the perpetual smile on her face or the amazing sparkling blue eyes Eva had inherited, she could easily have passed as Eva’s older sister.

  “Mum c’mon, I had planned to go to the mall with Alex. She was going to show me the dress she is going to buy for the winter formal. Why do I have to be here for dinner, it’s not like Josh would care if I wasn’t here!”

  “Eva, its not a question as to whether he would be upset if you were here or not, but I’m sure he likes to see you now and then. You can always go to the mall tomorrow night.” Then changing the subject, she looked at Eva with her all knowing eyes, eyes only a mother could have.” What about you, are you going to the formal with Ben?” Eva hadn’t told her mother she wasn’t seeing the jerk anymore, but somehow her mother was sensing something amiss.

  “Huh no, not with Ben mum. I’m not seeing him anymore.” Her mother just nodded at the statement, as if totally unsurprised by the news.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Eva liked the fact that her mother never pried in her private life but always made sure she knew she was there is she needed.

  “No mum, it’s alright.” She started and walked towards the living room when she suddenly stopped and asked:

  “Mum, what type of friend is Josh bringing; a girl or one of his boring friends? Because if it’s one of those, don’t expect me to stick around after dinner. It would, like, totally suck.” She said, flipping her hair in her best imitation of Shelley Harrison.

  “Eva, for a smart girl you can be quite a pain sometimes. There are days when I wonder whether you forget to grow up and others when I think you matured too fast.”

  She smiled at her mother.

  “Sorry mum, I just had to do it. I was trying to be the bimbo Ben wanted. Like totally!”

  Eva and her mother erupted in her laughter.” I can’t believe I went out with him for three months!” She shook her head in wonder.

  “Anyhow mum, I’ll be here for dinner, but I cannot guarantee I will stay afterBens. You know how boring Josh can be with is computer talk, if his friend is the same way, I’m afraid I may fall asleep standing up. How charming would I be snoring and drooling though yet another argument as to what was the best programming language is.” Eva yawned as if to illustrate her point.” Boring!”

  Suddenly, she had a feeling that they were no longer the only ones in the kitchen, as if to confirm it; she heard deep laughter coming from right behind her. She looked at her mother who winked at her. She slowly turned around and found herself staring at a broad chest. Her gaze traveled up to meet laughing green eyes. WOW. He was tall, he was dark, and oh god, he was handsome. His eyes were the most wonderful she had ever seen. Intense, they were drawing her in, she found herself unable to look away. She swallowed hard. The broad shoulders, his full lips stretched in a grin and his height, she was by no means short, yet he towered over her 5’7”, all of it added to his mysterious appeal. She felt as if she was going to burst in flame, felt the need to be close to him, to have him against her. Oh my…

  “Hi Eva. Mum could you tell her to please close her mouth and stop drooling over my friend?” He added as he bent to kiss his mother rosy cheek. “We decided to come a little early, hope it’s not a problem.” He knew full well it wasn’t. “Oh, this is Jake, we have classes together at the university.”

  Eva glared at her brother, hesitating between killing her darling brother slowly and painfully or disappearing into a hole and never resurface. ARGH! Why did brothers always think it a necessity to embarrass their little sisters?

  Jake smiled and nodded to everyone.

  “So, you are Eva. Josh did mention you at one of our LAN fest.” He winked at her, and tried pulling up his pants to his armpit. She felt her cheeks flush a deep red, well deeper then it already was.

  “I’m huh…I’m very sorry about that, I mean I never meant to say you were boring…what I meant to say was…that… well…” Before she could force her brain to function again and put her thoughts together, Josh started laughing.

  “Ah! It seems you have struck Eva almost speechless, I never thought I’d see the day.”

  He slapped his friend on the shoulder and proceeded to ask his mother all about dinner. Jack once again winked at her, and she smiled back. Maybe that evening wasn’t going to be a bust after all. And it wasn’t, nor were the weekends that followed. For the following two months, she got to know Jake well, or so she had thought. He could always make her laugh and listened to her opinions as if they really mattered. He didn’t seem to care that she was a jean wearing kind of girl. He had this way of looking at her that made her feel beautiful. She didn’t even really mind Josh’s annoying comments anymore, as long as Jake would smile and wink at her as if they were sharing a secret joke, she didn’t feel quite so silly. She could endure the slight humiliation her brother caused her, although she did keep track and one day was going to make him pay for them. Jake had this way to include her in their conversation, making sure they never got too involved in their programming discussions. Never did he seem annoyed by her presence, and he would always be in a cheerful mood, although sometimes she thought she saw some emotions darken his usually laughing eyes, but she never dared ask, if he wanted to talk about them he would, and she hoped one day he would trust and confide in her.

  Her plans of revenge almost lay forgotten at the back of her mind, still, subconsciously she knew that the thought of asking Jake to the dance was due in part because she wanted to show Ben she was a desirable woman; even to a college man. She remembered talking about it with her best friend Alex. What she was going to wear, and how she would be accompanied by Josh, a man who would easily eclipse all the others at the dance. As time passed however, such thoughts slowly drifted towards the darkest recesses of her mind, lying there forgotten. She remembered the exact moment when she realized Ben was not worth the trouble; he wasn’t even worth revenge. It had been a sunny afternoon, her brother, Jake and herself had been sitting in the living room arguing politics when Josh decided to go get drinks, leaving his sister and his best friend continue their friendly argument. She remembered how she tried to have him admit he was wrong by bending his left hand back, thus getting close to him. When laughingly she raised her face to him to tell him to give up, she found his face to be mere inches from hers. He no longer had a smile on his face; he was looking at her intensely. It shook her, she hadn’t known how to read that look, but she knew she never had wanted him to stop; it had made her breath catch in her throat. Their eyes had locked, their argument forgotten. Suddenly she knew with certainty he would bridge the couple of inches separating them and kiss her, and she had also known she had wanted that kiss desperately. Unfortunately, it had been the moment her brother chose to reappear. They had sprung quickly apart at the sound of his footsteps, and looked away from each other. She would never forget the sad little smile he had given her; never forget that it was the moment she realized she had fallen in love with him.

  She knew then that she couldn’t give a damn if Ben was dating Shelley and Madonna, and that in fact she had never really cared. Nor did she care about what he thought of her. She had met the men she was meant to be with; all she had to do was to convince him she was the one for him as well. Her hopes grew every time he smiled at her, every time she saw a quick flash of the longing she felt for him reflected in his eyes. And the day when, clammy handed, stomach knotted in three, she went to ask him to the dance, her initial reason for the invite lay completely forgotten, all
she could think about was that she would be able to spend some time alone with him. To her complete joy, he had accepted, although his comment that “he couldn’t let his friend’s little sister go alone to a dance” made her grind her teeth; she would have to make sure he saw her as a woman as opposed to someone’s little sister.

  Finally the day of the dance had come. Eva had bought the perfect dress. It was red and simple and she thought she looked rather good in it. The cut of the dress hinted more then it showed her high rounded breasts. The dark color offset her fair complexion. It hugged her tiny waist and flared around her slender hips, to stop a couple of inches above her knees, showing long tanned legs. Her long wavy black hair was left untied and flowed silkily down the middle of her back. For only accessories she had the sparkles in her eyes, an instead of lipstick she opted for lip-gloss that made her full lips look wet and inviting. She knew she looked a far cry from the usual pony-tailed jean clad girl, but she wanted Jake to be proud to be seen with her, wanted him to see her as a woman. Just as she took a last look in the mirror and was ready to go downstairs to meet her date, her phone rang.