The Mystery of Silas Finklebean

by David Baldacci

  “See, that’s what I mean,” said Si. “That proves how funny I am. I’m a tough critic.”

  “What I want you to do,” said Freddy, “is somehow convince her that the stupid museum and theater is almost done.”

  “It is?” said Wally. “I didn’t even know we’d been working on it.”

  “We haven’t,” squeaked Ziggy. “We have to make her believe that we have.”

  “I knew that,” said Wally quickly. “Okay, let’s go trick her.”

  “Wally,” said Freddy, “do you have a plan as to how you’re going to do that?”

  “Uh,” said Wally. “That would be a no.”

  “Wait a minute, I’ve got a plan,” said Si. “A great plan. I read it in a book and it worked like a charm.”

  “You’re sure?” said Freddy.

  “Piece of cake. Just leave it to me.”

  Two hours later, after a lot of hard work down in the secret area under the Burger Castle, Si, Meese, Ziggy, and Wally admired what they’d accomplished.

  They had hung huge canvases on the walls and painted colorful scenes on them. In bright lights was a big marquee that read, THE NANCY S. FUNKHOUSER IMPERIAL THEATER. And there was a large picture of Nancy next to it dressed up in a fancy costume. A door into the theater had massive windows, and through them one could see the ticket counters and refreshment stand and the double doors leading into the theater.

  On another canvas they had painted a sign that read: THE NANCY S. FUNKHOUSER MUSEUM. Here were portraits of Nancy and windows through which one could see costumes displayed in glass boxes. Also visible through a window was a shop where you could buy coffee mugs and T-shirts. It all looked three-dimensional, like you could walk right in.

  “Do you think she’ll believe it’s real?” squeaked ziggy.

  “Sure,” said Si. “It worked great in the book. And it’ll work great here.”

  “What was the book?” asked Meese.

  “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” replied Si.

  “Uhohthere’ssomebodycomingandIthinkit’syou-know-who,” mumbled Curly.

  “Quick, to your places,” cried Si. “And, action!”

  When Nancy arrived, she saw Wally in his Wilma costume sweeping the entrance to the theater. Ziggy was busy washing windows, while Curly was on a ladder pretending to adjust the lights on the marquee. Si and Meese were polishing the knobs on the front doors.

  Nancy’s eyes grew so huge it didn’t seem like her face had room for them.

  “Oh, my gosh,” she said breathlessly. “It’s, it’s beautiful. I’m beautiful,” she added, looking up at her picture. “I can’t wait to go inside.”

  She took a step toward the doors, but Si stopped her. “Uh, that’s not a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s bad luck to go inside for the first time except on opening night.”

  “It is?” asked Nancy.

  “Absolutely,” said Si. “I’m sure an actress with your experience knows that.”

  “Right, of course I do,” said Nancy hastily.

  “And that way on opening night all of your adoring fans will be in their seats to see you for the first time in your very own theater.”

  Nancy looked starry-eyed. “Well, I better go and start rehearsing. I’m thinking of playing all the parts in Romeo and Juliet”

  After she’d rushed off, Ziggy looked at Si. “You pulled it off.”

  “You mean you had doubts?” the happy red Fry said. “Like I said, piece of cake.”

  “Oh yeah?” said a gloomy Meese.

  “Come on, Meese, why the pout? She bought the story hook, line, and sinker.”

  “That’s right, she did. For now! But what about when she comes back for opening night, tries to go through the doors, and runs right into the wall. What then, Mr. Genius?”

  “By then I’ll have left the country,” said Si, grinning.

  “Well,” said Meese, “At least you’re not as stupid as you look.”

  CHAPTER 18

  TESTING TIME

  The time travel machine was ready to test.

  “Okay,” said Freddy. He carefully poured some of the blue liquid into a special tank he’d built as part of the time machine. “Now I’ve set it up so the blue fuel won’t ignite until it’s combined with liquid nitrogen. That’ll happen when I push the GO button inside the time travel machine.”

  “Wow, Freddy,” said Howie. “This is so cool. We’re really going to travel through time.”

  “That’s the general idea,” said Freddy. He picked up three football helmets and handed one to Howie and another to Theodore.

  “What’s this for?” asked Howie.

  “In case something goes wrong.”

  “Will something go wrong?” he asked nervously.

  “I don’t know, Howie. That’s why we wear the helmets.”

  They climbed in and sat on the Elvis blue suede seat, and Freddy closed the hatch-like door. They went through their checklists like pilots did before a flight.

  “Check-check-check-check and double check,” said Howie in answer to Freddy’s questions. “We are roger wilco and ready to GO-GO.”

  “Okay, Theodore,” said Freddy, “engage the time dial.”

  Theodore set the time dial for five minutes earlier. He nodded at Freddy, who took a deep breath and hit the GO button.

  Instantly, there was a feeling of tremendous speed and blazing colors right outside the machine. As they looked out they could make out a swirl of things moving, like people and buildings. Freddy and Howie screamed once when something flashed next to the window. It looked like a large bird, but it was flying upside down.

  “Look!” cried Howie. “That looks like the earth.”

  Sure enough, right outside was a large shape that looked just like the earth. And just beyond it was a far larger shape.

  “That’s the sun,” exclaimed Freddy. “Wait a minute. The earth is going around the sun, but it’s going around it backward. Because we’re moving back in time!”

  Then there was a humming sound, and they could feel themselves slowing down. A few seconds later the machine came to a smooth stop, and everything was calm again. They peered outside.

  “Oh, my gosh,” said Freddy. He was staring at himself, Howie, and Theodore. Freddy was just pouring the blue stuff into the time machine, and he was speaking the exact words he had spoken five minutes earlier.

  They all looked at each other in stunned silence. Finally, they all cried out together. “It works! It works! We did it!” They high-fived each other, and Theodore even gave Howie a couple of head noogies.

  After they had calmed down, Freddy set the time dial for the time they had left and hit GO. They were instantly blasted by waves of color again. Things swooped and darted by the windows.

  As they were watching this the strange humming sound started again, and they cruised to a smooth stop.

  Freddy shouted, “We can go anywhere in time that we want! We can see everything.”

  Suddenly, Howie’s eyes got really huge. “Freddy, do you know what that means? If we go into the future, we’ll know things before they even happened. Like, I could see the answers on the math test and then come back and get a hundred.”

  “Howie, that would be cheating,” scolded Freddy.

  “That’s just because you always get hundreds anyway. But you could go into the future and see what’ll happen to you. And if you don’t like it, you could change it.”

  Theodore said sternly, “Changing the future can have very serious repercussions.”

  “That’s right, Howie,” said Freddy. “Besides, we have something else to worry about right now. Remember the volcano? Adam’s going to use it to cover the Burger Castle in goop.”

  “That’s right!” exclaimed Howie. “I know. If he does, we can go back in the time machine and change it.”

  Freddy chuckled. “I don’t need the time machine to take care of Adam and his stupid volcano. I’d say his future looks pretty bad.”


  CHAPTER 19

  THE SPANKER SWITCHEROO

  Late that night Freddy, Howie, and the Fries snuck back to the Burger Castle after it had closed. Howie and Freddy put on dark outfits and covered their faces with masks. Then the two boys put on their Red Rocket tennis shoes.

  “We look like burglars,” said Howie.

  Wally said nervously, “Burglars?”

  Theodore answered, “Yes. Felonious types who pursue their malfeasance on an unsuspecting public.”

  Wally looked relieved. “Whew, and here I was thinking they were bad guys who stole from people.”

  “Okay, guys, here’s the plan,” said Freddy as he handed walkie-talkies to all of them. They huddled together.

  A few minutes later Freddy and Howie slipped out from the bushes around the Burger Castle and headed across the street to the Patty Cakes. They reached the parking lot of Patty Cakes and then hit the ground well away from the completed volcano that now towered over the restaurant, huge and scary.

  Freddy pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked around. He saw two of Adam’s gang guarding the volcano. Freddy looked at Howie next to him. “Okay, time for the diversionary tactic.” He spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Ready, guys?” said Freddy.

  “READY!” said a voice back.

  “Go!” said Freddy.

  A minute later down the street came Theodore dressed in a top hat and a red jumper suit, with big black boots. He carried a baton that he was twirling. Under his top hat was a small CD player. When Theodore touched the top button of his red jumper suit, loud marching band music started playing.

  Behind Theodore was Wally dressed up as a very large clown, holding a rope. At the end of that rope floated Si and Meese. They had held their breaths, which caused a chemical reaction in their bodies, producing helium.

  Behind them came Curly, who was wearing a very long shirt and had risen twenty feet up into the air, as though he were on stilts. He was tossing something into the air and then catching it. It was Ziggy, made up and painted to look like a volleyball. Ziggy screamed with laughter every time he went sailing up in the air.

  Adam’s two guards looked over at all the commotion.

  “Wow,” said one of them, “It’s a parade. Come on!”

  “Wait a minute,” said the other boy. “Whoever heard of a parade at night?”

  Right then Theodore called out loudly, “All right, everyone, let’s have a good practice for the real parade tomorrow. But we really need some volunteers to test our super special tricks with.”

  The two boys looked at each other. “Super special tricks!” they exclaimed together. When they raced away to join the practice parade, Freddy and Howie jumped up.

  “Okay, engage Red Rocket tennis shoes,” instructed Freddy.

  Both Freddy and Howie clicked the red tennis shoes they were wearing.

  VRROOMM! They shot across the street and up the sides of the volcano, disappearing into the opening. They clicked their shoes again and stopped.

  “Wow,” said Howie, catching his breath, “Can I use these shoes when I run track?”

  “That would be cheating, Howie.”

  “I know that, so what’s your point?”

  Freddy examined the machinery that would make the volcano erupt. “Okay, it’s just like Harold said, an ACME Turbo Booster 3000 with the special option package.” He studied the directional control and the instructions contained in a small sign over it. “According to the instructions, I just have to turn the control knob forty-five degrees counterclockwise to aim it where I want it.” Freddy turned the knob. “There, that should do it.”

  “You have it pointed at the Patty Cakes restaurant so it’ll get creamed, right?” said Howie.

  “No, I set it so it’ll just shoot straight up and then down the sides of the volcano like it was supposed to.”

  “But Adam was going to cover the Burger Castle in goop, so why not get him back?”

  “You remember what Adam said; he’ll blame Harold.”

  “Good point.”

  “Okay, it’s all set. Make sure the coast is clear.”

  Howie peered over the lip of the volcano.

  “Oh, my gosh!” he exclaimed.

  “What?” said Freddy.

  “Look!”

  Curly was tossing one of Adam’s gang into the air. The other kid was being held upside down by the floating Si and Meese. Apparently both boys were having a ball, because even from here Howie and Freddy could hear them laughing.

  “The Fries sure know how to have a good time,” said Freddy, smiling. “Okay, engage Red Rocket tennis shoes.”

  They clicked their heels together.

  VVRROOMM! They shot out of the volcano, down the sides, and across the street in a matter of seconds.

  When they were safely back at the Burger Castle, Howie said, “Aw, come on, Freddy. Let me wear these on the track team, please!”

  “No, Howie.” Freddy pulled out his walkie-talkie and spoke into it. “Okay, mission accomplished. Cease diversionary tactic.”

  The Fries played with the boys for a little bit longer and then marched back down the street. They joined Howie and Freddy right after that while the gang members went back to guard the volcano.

  “Thanks, guys,” said Freddy. “It worked to perfection.”

  But after they left, Adam Spanker came out of hiding near the volcano and told his gang members to go home. He climbed into the mouth of the volcano and looked at the instructions to aim the eruption. “Funky, when this baby blows, you and the Burger Dump are history.”

  CHAPTER 20

  A MATTER OF TIME

  The morning of the science competition was nice and sunny. Because the Patty Cakes parking lot was so large, it was being used to hold the competition. Plus, the volcano was so big it couldn’t be moved anyway. Freddy’s father had put the time travel machine on the back of a trailer and hauled it to the parking lot. Dozens of other kids and their parents were showing up with their science projects. It became clear quickly, though, that the volcano was the one to beat.

  “Hi, Harold,” said Freddy as he passed by the volcano where Harold was putting on some finishing touches.

  “Hey, Freddy. My mom baked a bunch of goodies for everybody. You should go get some.”

  “I can smell them from here. Good luck in the competition.”

  “Good luck to you too, Freddy.”

  Freddy walked over to Mrs. Pumpernickel and got some cookies. At that instant the Fries showed up along with Howie. The Fries weren’t wearing their disguises because they’d been entertaining the crowd like they did at the Burger Castle.

  “They just love seeing me and Meese floating like ballons,” said Si. “We’re the best.”

  “Speak for yourself,” moaned Meese. “I’m not the best, I’m the worst.”

  Wally sniffed the aroma of Mrs. Pumpernickel’s cooking and rubbed his belly.

  “OOOOHHHH BBBOOYY! Me love everything in the whole world.”

  He grabbed a bunch of cookies, two cakes, and four pies, and would have eaten everything else including the table the food was on if Freddy hadn’t stopped him.

  “Okay, guys,” said Freddy. “It’s time to get to work.”

  They headed over to the time machine. Standing near it was an elderly woman. As they drew closer Freddy recognized her. It was Mildred Maraschino.

  “Quite an interesting machine you have here,” she said.

  “Thanks, Ms. Maraschino,” said Freddy.

  “I see you found a use for the thing you borrowed,” she said, pointing at the gyroscope on top of the time machine.” She paused and asked, “So what exactly does it do?”

  “Well, actually, it’s kind of based on some plans of Silas Finklebean’s that we found,” explained Freddy.

  “I was hoping you would say that,” said Ms. Maraschino.

  “What?” asked Freddy.

  “I wish you the very, very best of luck, Freddy,” she said, smiling. “Goodbye.”
As she quickly walked off, Freddy stared after her until his gaze caught on something else. Across from the time machine, Stewie and Adam Spanker were standing proudly in front of the volcano while a photographer from the Pookesville Tattler took their picture. All around the volcano Adam’s gang was positioned, armed with paintball guns.

  Freddy looked angry. “They don’t even have Harold in the picture, and he did all the work.”

  “And look at Adam’s goons all over the place,” added Howie.

  However, Freddy wasn’t listening. “Nanny Boo-Boo?” He said as he stared at the person walking up to him. She was wearing a long trench coat with the collar turned up and big sunglasses. She slid the glasses down her nose, and Freddy saw that it was indeed his sister.

  “Why are you dressed like that?” he asked.

  In her British accent she said, “You silly boy, so my fans won’t recognize me. Do you realize how hard it is for someone like me to go out in public?”

  “Yeah, well, it’s not so easy on the public either,” said Freddy.

  “Hmmpphh! I guess I have to be somewhat nice to you since you did build me a wonderful theater and museum. But remember, you unimportant little peon, my good nature does have its limit,” she added, and flounced off.

  Alfred Funkhouser joined them. “It’s going to be hard to beat that volcano, son.”

  “Don’t worry, Dad, after I take the judges on a little trip we’ll have this contest in the bag.”

  “Look!” yelled Si. “They’re about to make the volcano erupt.”

  Freddy looked at Howie and winked.

  “Boy, the Spankers are in for a real surprise,” said Freddy.

  Harold stood off to one side holding a remote control while Adam held up his hand and faced the crowd. “And now I will have my very junior and very inexperienced assistant push the button on that… um … thingie to make the volcano … um … blow up.”

  “Do you mean this electronic digitized wireless remote transponder unit that’s required to engage the eruption phase of the volcano?” asked Harold with a little grin as he held up the device.