The Mystery of Silas Finklebean

by David Baldacci

  “Yeah!” snapped Adam with a menacing glare at Harold. Then he turned back, gave the crowd a wide, fake smile, and said in a pleasant voice, “Yes, exactly, junior assistant. I should know, since I invented it, as well as this.” He swept his arm in the direction of the towering volcano as the crowd applauded.

  “Okay, here we go,” said Harold, and he pushed a button on the remote control.

  At first there was nothing except some tiny gurgles. The next sound was a groan and not a very loud one. The crowd started getting antsy and Adam looked angrily at Harold. But then came a huge GROAN, like an elephant with a bellyache, and Adam started grinning. Next, the ground started to vibrate, and people in the crowd began eyeing each other nervously.

  An instant later came a spine-tingling shriek from the volcano, like a thousand infants wanting a bottle of milk. Terrified kids in the crowd jumped into their parents’ arms. After that, the volcano shook and quivered like it was trying to hold something back but couldn’t.

  Everyone in the crowd screamed when a huge wave of purple goop burst out of the volcano’s top and shot thirty feet into the air, coating a flock of birds passing by.

  Ziggy turned to Wally and said, “Hey, that looks like you when you’ve had too much to eat.”

  Wally watched with wide eyes at this purple tidal wave. “OOOHHH, I think I’m in love.”

  They all stared as the purple goop exploded up, up, up, and then suddenly turned and shot directly at the Patty Cakes restaurant.

  “NOOO!” screamed Stewie Spanker. He was standing in front of the restaurant and the purple goop hit him so hard he was swept away. The purple wave kept on going, covering every square inch of the Patty Cakes, and then the volcano fell silent.

  Howie and Freddy looked at each other worriedly. “Oh, boy,” said Freddy, “Did I mess up when I aimed the goop?”

  Adam was still standing there, his stupid fake smile frozen on his lips. Finally, he looked over at the now-purple Patty Cakes, saw his purple father struggling to stand up, and then pointed a fat finger at Freddy and roared, “This is your doing, Funky Funkerhouser! You messed up my science project and now I’m going to destroy you!” He turned and spotted his gang in the stunned crowd. “Get ’em,” yelled Adam.

  Spanker’s gang surged forward with their paintball guns.

  “Uh-oh,” said Freddy. “Something tells me this is not going to be good.”

  “Good? We’re going to die,” said Howie. “And even worse, I’m almost out of cheese cubes.”

  Alfred Funkhouser stepped forward and held up his hands to the charging gang.

  “Now, boys …”

  They flew right past him.

  Stewie Spanker staggered out of the purple swamp his restaurant had become and roared, “I want all the Funkhousers arrested.”

  “What for?” said a stunned Alfred.

  “For turning my restaurant purple and sticky, that’s what, you maniac!”

  Suddenly Nancy Funkhouser shot in front of Adam’s gang. She put up a hand and spoke in a very deep, dramatic voice.

  “I beseech you to cease and desist your barbaric behavior. When good confronts evil there can only be one outcome. Good shall triumph like a thunderbolt from the sky. So again, I implore you to rethink your evil ways and turn your actions instead toward the good of all.”

  “Turn this!” yelled one of Spanker’s gang and he nailed Nancy in the face with a green paintball. The gang raced on toward Freddy, Howie, and the Fries.

  “AAAHHH!” yelled Howie and Freddy as they turned and ran, along with the terrified Fries.

  “OhboyIdon’tthinkwe’regoingtogetaway,” mumbled Curly.

  “Yeah, it looks like we’re dead meat for sure,” said Si cheerfully.

  “Doomed, doomed, doomed,” moaned Meese. “And I’m so young.”

  “Yeah, and I’m so good-looking,” said Si. “But you don’t hear me complaining.”

  “This way, guys,” yelled Freddy as the Spanker gang closed in.

  Freddy had a way out of this, the only way out, in fact. He reached the time machine and popped open the hatch. “Get in!” he yelled.

  “But we can’t all fit,” said Howie.

  “Oh, yes we can,” boomed Wally. He scooped all of them up as he ran forward and an instant later they all were all crammed inside the machine.

  “Quick, close the hatch,” yelled Freddy, who was smooshed against the other side and couldn’t reach the control.

  Theodore managed to stretch out his arm and hit the button. The hatch closed an instant before the Spanker gang reached it.

  “Ready, aim, fire!” roared Adam.

  The gang fired their paintballs at the time machine, but they did no damage.

  “Ha-ha,” laughed Howie. “You guys can’t touch us.”

  Wally, who was closest to the control panel, started poking at the buttons and switches.

  “Wally,” said Theodore, “whatever you do, do not hit the button marked GO.”

  “What, this one?” said Wally as he pressed that very button.

  “AAAAHHHHH!” they all yelled as the machine raced off to somewhere in time.

  CHAPTER 21

  THE FUTURE NOW

  Everyone inside the time machine watched as swirls of rainbow colors shot outside the window.

  “Look,” said Howie, pointing. “That looks like a plane, only a really strange one. It doesn’t have any wings.”

  “It looks more like a car flying,” said Freddy.

  “And there’s a gigantic ice-cream cone,” said Wally, his face pressed against the window and drool running down his chin.

  “Wally,” said Theodore, “that looks more like a tornado than an ice-cream cone.”

  “I love tornadoes,” replied Wally. “They’re yummy with sprinkles.”

  “Over there,” said Howie. “It’s the earth and the sun thing again.”

  “Only now it’s moving in the other direction, really fast,” said Freddy.

  “Which means that we’re going into the future” stated Theodore.

  “Look,” said Freddy, “there’s a little boy. And he’s FLYING. And over there it looks like a —”

  This time the time travel machine came to a stop so fast everyone inside was pitched forward and slammed against the windshield.

  “Where are we?” asked Howie as he peered out the window.

  Freddy was looking out too. “What does the time dial say?”

  Theodore examined it. “The year 2206.”

  “Omigosh!” said Freddy. “We went two hundred years into the future. How did the dial get set to that year?”

  Wally started wailing. “Oh, no, no, it can’t be, not two hundred years into the future.”

  “What are you so worked up about?” asked Si.

  “Yeah, I’m the complainer around here,” moaned Meese. “You’re cramping my style.”

  Wally looked at them tearfully. “Don’t you get it? I’ve missed two hundred years’ worth of meals.”

  “I’m sure they have a cornucopia of gastronomic delights in this century, Wally,” said Theodore.

  “Yeah, but do they have FOOD?”

  “That is food,” said Ziggy.

  “Oh, okay, then,” said a relieved Wally. “All that travel made me really hungry. Let’s go get some corn-, corn-, corn and copies of gassy devil lights, like Theodore said.” He hit the lever for the hatch and it opened.

  “Wait, Wally,” said Freddy, “we don’t know what’s out there.”

  “Only way to find out is to go exploring,” said Si as he and Meese hopped out.

  “I think we should go back home,” said Theodore.

  “Come on, Freddy,” said Howie. “Remember? We can find out how we turned out.”

  Freddy beamed. “Wow, that would be cool. Okay, come on.” They all climbed out of the machine. “Wait a minute,” said Freddy. He pulled a small device out of his pocket and pointed it at the time machine. He hit a button and the time machine disappeared.

>   “Cool, Freddy,” said Howie.

  “It’s based on my Dad’s Invisibrella invention. I figured if we went traveling through time we wouldn’t want anyone messing with our machine while we’re out of it.”

  They moved away from the time machine and drew close to a bunch of buildings that were made of very shiny chrome and were tall and skinny. As they peered around a corner, they all got a shock.

  Hundreds of people whizzed along — three feet above the street. Some were dressed in tight-fitting white outfits with black boots, others in burly coats with sandals on their feet. One group wore brightly colored clothes with their hair fashioned in the shapes of ducks, ships, and bowls of spaghetti. Another group were dressed as chess pieces and chased each other along the streets doing loop-the-loops.

  “Wow, crazy clothes and crazy folks,” said Si. “I love ’em.”

  “They’re scaring me out of my brain,” moaned Meese.

  “Well, that shouldn’t take long,” added Si.

  “Those look like anti-gravity belts they’re wearing,” said Freddy, “only a lot more sophisticated than the ones we have.”

  “Look at those vehicles,” said Theodore, pointing. Flying along next to the people were large rainbow-colored contraptions with lots of people sitting inside.

  “They must be like our buses,” said Howie.

  “Come on,” said Freddy. “It’s time we checked out the future.”

  “But what if someone sees us?” said Theodore.

  Freddy replied, “I never thought I’d say this, but from all the crazy things I’ve seen so far, we actually look pretty normal.”

  They drew close to one of the rainbow buses, and it immediately stopped and lowered to the ground. The door opened and a robot driver addressed them. “Where would you like to go?”

  Freddy looked around at the others. “Uh, I’m not sure.”

  “The library!” cried Howie.

  “Library?” said the robot. “That term is not in my destination databank.”

  “You know, where they have books and things,” said Freddy.

  “Books?” said the robot.

  Theodore, who was studying everything very closely, said, “I think what my young friends mean is we would like to go to your place of knowledge and wisdom.”

  “Ah, the Center of Enlightenment, at the corner of Celsius and Andromeda. Please take a seat.”

  As they boarded, Freddy said sheepishly, “Uh, we don’t have any money.”

  “Money?” said the robot.

  “Yeah, you know, to pay for the ride.”

  The robot hit a button and the doors shut. “The ride is free. Everything is free in Pookesville.”

  They all stared at each other and then looked out the window as the bus shot off, causing them all to tumble into their seats.

  “This is Pookesville?” said Howie.

  “Look,” said Theodore as they flew past an intersection.

  They stared out the window. Sure enough, sitting in the town square was the statue of Captain Peter Pookes, who had founded the town.

  “Of course,” said Freddy. “When we went into the future we did so only chronologically, and stayed in the same place.”

  Howie stared out the window at all the strange buildings and people. “Boy, things can change a lot in a couple hundred years.”

  The bus dropped them off at the Center of Enlightenment, a huge building that looked like a model of Earth. As Wally was getting off the bus, he stopped next to the robot.

  “Hey, buddy, you wouldn’t happen to have any food for a starving Fry, would you? I haven’t had a thing to eat in over two hundred years”

  “Certainly,” replied the robot, and he handed Wally a pill the size of an aspirin.

  Wally looked very disappointed. “You don’t have anything in super size, do you?”

  The robot said, “Don’t eat it all at once. Goodbye.”

  The bus took off, leaving Wally looking very depressed. He studied the pill, shrugged, and then popped it in his mouth. “At least it tastes good,” he said. Suddenly, his eyes grew huge and his belly shot straight out two feet. “WWWOOOWWWW!!!” he shouted, rubbing his enormous stomach. I feel like I just ate all the food in the world.” He added tearfully, “Me love the future.”

  “Come on, Wally,” said Freddy, and they headed into the building.

  Inside they quickly found that there were no books. All one had to do was sit in front of a small screen that was at each desk and say the name of a subject, and all the information about the subject would appear on the screen.

  Howie sat down at one of the screens with a very determined look. “Okay, I want the winning numbers for all the Powerball lotteries for the years 2006 through 2050.” The numbers flashed on the screen and Howie started writing them down.

  “Howie!” said Freddy sharply. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Creating my own personal gold mine,” answered Howie happily. “Do you have any idea how many cheese cubes I can buy with all the money I’m going to win?”

  “But that’s cheating.”

  “It’s only cheating if someone catches me.”

  “Howie, you can’t do that.”

  Howie looked at Freddy’s screen and said, “All the plans for all the greatest inventions for the last hundred years.” The screen started filling up with information.

  “WOW!” said a wide-eyed Freddy. “This is so cool. Do you realize what I can do with this? I can go back to our time and build this stuff and help the whole world.”

  Howie beamed. “And you’ll be the most famous inventor of all time. You’ll knock Edison right off the top spot.”

  “Wow,” said Freddy again. “Freddy Funkhouser number one, Thomas Edison, a distant second.”

  “Uh, Freddy?” said Theodore.

  “Not now, Theodore, I need to print these plans out.”

  “But, Freddy, haven’t you thought about what you and Howie are doing?”

  “Of course,” said Howie. “We’re taking full advantage of our situation for purposes of pure greed.”

  “And world fame,” added Freddy.

  “I think someone else might have traveled down this same path of temptation,” said Theodore.

  “Who’s that?” asked Freddy absently.

  “Silas Finklebean.”

  Both Freddy and Howie whipped around to look at him.

  Theodore continued. “I think Silas Finklebean went into the future and did what you’re doing now. You remember what the librarian told you? That Silas was very lucky when it came to betting on things?”

  “That’s right,” admitted Freddy. “That’s what she said.”

  “So what,” said Howie. “She also said he made a lot of money.”

  “And he also disappeared, Howie,” Theodore reminded him.

  Howie paled. “Oh, boy, he did, didn’t he?”

  “Silas Finklebean,” mumbled Freddy distractedly as he looked at his screen. Suddenly the screen changed and they were staring at a picture of Silas Finklebean with all the information from the computer’s database, including his current address in Pookesville.

  “My gosh,” said Freddy after they’d finished reading. “Silas Finklebean is right here.” He jumped up. “Come on, guys!”

  CHAPTER 22

  BUSTING OUT THE BEAN

  Freddy knocked on the apartment door on the top floor of the tallest building in Pookesville. As he listened to the footsteps coming toward the door, his heart started to pound faster and faster: He would finally be meeting Silas Finklebean, the only person who’d ever figured out how to travel through time.

  When Silas Finklebean opened the door, Freddy and the others realized that they’d all been holding their breaths. Now they let it all out with a collective whoosh. As Freddy stared up at the very tall man, he noticed that Finklebean appeared to be wearing the same clothes he had on from the picture in the book.

  Finklebean’s first words were very surprising. “Come in, come
in, I was expecting you.” He shook all of their hands as he led them inside and motioned them into chairs. The apartment, Freddy noticed, didn’t look modern at all. In one corner stood an old-fashioned radio. On the wall across from Freddy was an antique clock with a long brass pendulum. Hanging on another wall was an old mercury barometer.

  “I like to keep things from my own time around,” explained Finklebean.

  “It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Finklebean,” said Freddy.

  “Well, it’s an honor to meet you, Freddy,” replied Finklebean.

  Howie’s eyes nearly fell out of his face. “How’d you know his name?”

  “Your present is my history, so of course I know all about you.”

  “So you came into the future and stayed because you wanted to?” said Freddy.

  Finklebean smiled sadly. “Well, that’s not exactly what happened.”

  “Indeed, if you had liked the future so much you wouldn’t have surrounded yourself with the past in your apartment,” deduced Theodore.

  Finklebean sighed and sat back. “The future has its good points, but being out of your own time isn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be.” He suddenly sat forward and said very earnestly. “That’s why I wanted you to come and help me.”

  “You wanted us to come?” exclaimed Freddy.

  Finklebean nodded. “I didn’t know what else to do. I was desperate to get out of the future. I just don’t fit in here.”

  “So why couldn’t you just go back in your own time machine?” asked Howie.

  “It’s not that simple,” replied Finklebean. “I need your help to do that.”

  “Before we can help you, we want to know everything,” said Freddy very firmly.

  “You’re certainly entitled to an explanation,” Finklebean acknowledged. “Well, my story is quite simple. None of my inventions made any money. And then I invented the time travel machine and started traveling through time. It was a lot of fun at first. I had all these ideas of the good I could do for people. To go into the future and get the cures for diseases and bring them back. And to build inventions to help people, like for solar power and growing crops more efficiently, things like that. But the only person I really ended up helping was myself.”