Choices

by Annie Brewer

  “Toot toot.” I say sarcastically, I actually love bowling. My family use to bowl on leagues. I learned a lot about the game from my Aunt Linda who would cream all of my family members. I just have a problem with bowling tonight. “So, maybe back at my house would have been a good time to tell me about bowling. How do I bowl in this?” I ask pointing to my dress. He looks down at me and grins.

  “Well, hmm I guess you just bowl granny style.”

  “Not to sound conceited, but I’m really good at this game.”

  “Oh is that a challenge?” He asks.

  “Oh it is.” I reply.

  “I like a little competition.” We’ll see.

  Chapter 23

  We pull into the busy parking lot of the bowling alley. From the outside, it looks like an old abandoned building-plain white with a blue roof and a red and blue sign that reads: Pins –N- Strikes. It fits. We get out and walk inside. When we step through the doors, I’m drafted by a gust of air that hits me in the face. But then I see a fan blowing to my right on full speed. I guess with a lot of people, it can get stuffy. Smart, I think to myself. It’s about half the size of a Main Event but very inviting. The tile is smooth and pretty clean. The lights are a retro-y disco thing going on, and the colors glow giving a school dance feeling.

  “Hey, if you want to go pick out a ball I will get the shoes. What size are you?” A feeling of giddiness makes me jumpy and antsy and I shift from my left foot to my right foot.

  “I’m an 8.” I tell him.

  “You need to go to the ladies room? It’s over there.” He says pointing to the bathrooms.

  “No, I’m just excited to be here. I love bowling. But I really should have changed. I feel overdressed.”

  “Nah, you’re fine, though you may have an advantage tonight.” I lean a little closer to him and whisper, “Oh yeah? And why is that?”

  “Because you’re going to be a huge distraction looking like that. I’ll have to shoo the guys away that gawk at you all night. It could throw me off my game.” I laugh.

  “What are you afraid of losing to a girl?” He raises his brows in amusement.

  “Just quit doing the “I’ve got to pee dance” and go find your balls.” I playfully shove him and walk off, not daring to look back in case he’s watching me. I’d probably get all embarrassed and trip or something as equally humiliating. Okay, don’t embarrass mama tonight. Please. I whisper to my baby.

  I find a vacant table and sit down. I watch the clusters of people getting their bowl on. A part of me yearns for the days I spent with my family bowling and having fun. Maybe they’d want to have a night of it again-with Carter. I smile at that thought.

  I watch a little girl with blonde pigtails walk up to the line and hold the ball between her legs and throw it down the lane. It makes a loud smacking sound once it hits the smooth surface. It knocks in five pins. She turns to her family and smiles, her tails bouncing along with her small frame in excitement. She notices me watching her and smiles at me. Something inside me stirs-adoration I suppose. Was I supposed to feel like this so soon?

  “Hey, you ready to get smoked little lady?” Carter teases from beside me.

  “You wish.” I challenge. He laughs, gesturing to our lane. I follow him, slightly skipping and humming as we sit down. I take my shoes off and slip the bowling ones on. I march over to the balls section and pick out a red size 8 medium and 10 medium.

  “Are you hungry?” Carter asks, punching in our names on the scorecard.

  “Is this your idea of a date?” I tease.

  “Well, I thought we’d do something different. Most dates consist of dinning out and movies. I thought we’d have some fun and talk, get to know each other better.”

  “Oh I was totally kidding. This is perfect.” My smile widens when he looks at me with such intensity-his gaze holding mine and I can’t look away. Nerves, followed by anticipation fill me. He breaks contact first and stands up. “So what do you want to know?” I ask.

  “No, not yet. This is how it works, each strike we get we have to answer questions from the other. Well, we have to at least get 5 or more pins in. And if we hit less than 5 or get a gutter ball then we have to do something embarrassing.” Oh crap, is he serious? Carter leans over the table looking at me confused. “Gracie? Are you okay?”

  “Huh?” I answer feeling a bead of sweat gather on my forehead. “Oh, yeah I’m fine.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Oh, um pizza?” I reply with a question.

  “Okay, I’ll be right back. If you want, you can start bowling or wait for me. Either way is fine.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” What the hell is wrong with me? I won’t get a gutter ball. I can’t. I stand up and grab my ball, taking in my surroundings. The little girl is bouncing around again; I catch her eye, staring at me and smile as I watch her gracefully roll the ball down her lane again. She has four pins left…can she do it?

  “Mommy, look! I got them, I got them!” She’s jumping up and down and her parents are shouting enthusiastically, clearly excited for her. This girl is good. I Think. She reminds me of myself when I was young. I give her thumbs up right before I prepare for my strike, that I know I will make. Focus, Gracie.

  I stand with my feet together planted firmly on the ground, bouncing my knees-hands up in concentration and go for it…

  “Hey look at you Mrs. Pro-Bowler.” Carter teases from behind me. I turn and wink. Strike one. “Okay, question number one…favorite color.”

  “Purple.” I answer. “You’re up.” He slides to pick up his ball and prances around the smooth floor. His clothes glow in the dark along with his skin. I chuckle at his performance, but also find it cute.

  “Watch and learn.” He says to me over his shoulder. I do just that. I watch and learn the movements of his body. The way his hips sway from one side to the other, the way his legs fit in his khakis-lean and perfect, the contours in his arms when they flex inside his shirt, and the way his hair falls into his face and cover his right eye-oh what a perfect lesson. I took plenty of notes.

  “Boo-yah! Did you see that? Did you watch and take good notes? That’s how it’s done baby!” Oh you bet I did. I watched every bit of it...

  “Yes, I watched.” I look over and all the pins are knocked down. Damn, I missed that part-wrong lesson. I grin and get up to retrieve my ball again. “Okay, my turn. Favorite band?”

  “Queen.” I turn around, my head cocked to one side.

  “Really?”

  “Okay, it’s a tie between them and the Beastie Boys.” I nod in agreement.

  “Okay, that’s more like you.” Before he has a chance to respond to my stereotype, I am up at my spot and getting ready to show off again with another strike. I hit in 8.

  “Oh, so close. Now you’re screwed.” I look at the pins and of course they are so far apart I may have trouble getting both out. I’ve done it before though; it’s just hard to angle it just right for the ball to bounce from one side to the other without hitting the gutter. So I just go for the one on the left. I hear Carter muttering something that is probably smack a bitch worthy.

  “Don’t get too cocky Mr.” It rolls down the center then the last minute it curves to the left right where I want it and knocks the pin down. Yes! In your face, jerk. I want to say out loud, but instead I just smile. “Okay, that was good. Favorite scary movie?” He asks as he takes my place.

  “Uh, I don’t do scary movies very well. Scream is the closest I’ve come to really watching them and that’s more suspense than scary.”

  “Oh, well then you’ll have to try it sometime…with me.” I raise my brow in surprise but keep my mouth shut before I say something stupid. I guess, I’m a little rusty in the dating department. He turns and does his thing, knocking in another perfect strike. I bite my lip a little too roughly, a bloody metallic taste in my mouth. I’ll be damned, I’ve met my match.

  He winks as I pass him, while I glare at him not letting him deter me. This is goi
ng to be interesting.

  After about an hour of trying to show his “better” bowling skills, Carter finally realizes that I’m his equal since he missed a couple of strikes. I was afraid my game was off, but I quickly remedied that and evened with him, which meant no embarrassing moments for me. Thank God.

  “Just give up already, we are the same.” I state proudly. I plop down in the seat taking a sip of my soda. Carter is slightly agitated, which amuses me.

  “So who taught you how to bowl?” I ask him, hopeful of lightening the mood. Not sure where he inherited the sore loser skills though. “Hey, we’re both winners tonight.” He looks up and cracks a smile. “My father taught me.” He smiles to himself. “We used to go bowling every Sunday. It was our way of bonding. He was really good.” I could tell talking about his father was hard. Change the subject Gracie; he’s not ready to talk about it.

  “He sounds really great.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Yeah, he was. Well, I gotta say I’m quite impressed with your mad skills. This has definitely been fun and enjoyable.” He smiles his breathtaking smile.

  “You’re up.” I say. “Oh, wait it’s my turn to answer a question.” He turns to look at me in thought. “Hit me with your best shot.”

  His grin turns wicked as if he’s cooked up something evil in his mind. “Do you sleep with guys on the first date?” My face turns red and I can feel the heat rise up my neck. Is he serious?

  “Umm, I plead the fifth.”

  “Okay, fine then, what’s your favorite part about tonight?” Caught off guard by his question I blush while trying to keep my nerves from showing and act casual.

  “Showing off my skills and almost kicking your ass.” He laughs and gets all but two pins out. But of course his are side by side so it would be hard for him to miss. Just his luck. “Okay, so what’s been your favorite part about tonight?” I ask, standing with my feet apart and bouncing up and down.

  “Seeing you smile.” He says. A feeling inside my belly stirs, having nothing to do with the baby or adoration-but something more. I look away, watching what’s going on around me to avoid his gaze. “Your turn.” He points to the screen showing my score at 150.

  Parked in front of my house, I’m stalling to end this night. It felt perfect. It was perfect.

  “Hey, I’m sorry for acting like a baby. I guess I should have warned you beforehand I suck at losing.” I shift in my seat to face him.

  “You were great. Like I said, we were both winners out there.” He smiles, the porch light casts a glow on his amazing features and his eyes twinkle.

  “I had a great time. I’m sorry it wasn’t a fancy dinner and a movie kind of date.”

  “I’m not a difficult person to please. Tonight was great.”

  “I have a question.”

  “Shoot.” He looks toward my house, and then shifts his eyes back to me.

  “Would you consider a second date with me?” He asks, almost bashful. My heart races at the thought of seeing him again, in a romantic setting.

  “I’d love to. But I get to pick the place right?” He laughs and relaxes in his seat.

  “Sure anything you want to do, I’m game.”

  “Okay great. By the way, I love everything. I am very adventurous. I love long walks on the beach, picnics in the park or hiking.” Even though hiking now would not be a good idea.

  “Hiking?” I laugh at his puzzled expression.

  “Yes, hiking. I love a good sweat.” I grab the door handle but I pause, turn to kiss him on the cheek and flee the truck without looking back.

  Chapter 24

  Lying in bed, I stare up at my uneventful ceiling-not even bothering to count the sheep. Who does that anyway? And how do you really keep track? Maybe that’s the point though. I let out a long breathy sigh. I’m so confused. Tonight was amazing and apparently he thought so too, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked me out on a second date, right? I don’t know what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be doing this. I mean I work with the guy and yet, I have an attraction to him and he doesn’t know my secret. Maybe this is all wishful thinking. I want to believe that he’s different and would care less about my pregnancy. If he knew…

  Sleep eludes me and I begin to feel uncomfortable, tossing and turning every which way. Focus Gracie. Focus on the important stuff.

  Baby.

  I have a sonogram on Monday and get to hear the heartbeat. That’s what I need to think about. A smile then touches my lips right before sleep whisks me away.

  “Hey Gracie.” Carter greets me as I saunter into work.

  “Hey. Look, I wanted to apologize for rushing off the way I did.” He smiles.

  “I was wondering what that was about. I thought maybe I scared you off.”

  I shake my head. “If you scared me off, I wouldn’t have done that.” I say, remembering the peck on the cheek move.

  “True. So I guess you had fun then.” He lifts an eyebrow, waiting for me to answer. Of course I had fun. Who wouldn’t have fun around him? He’s so laid back and funny. That’s the problem though; I have too much fun with him. I need to back off.

  I stand behind the counter surveying the amount of customers needed tending at the moment. Everyone seems happy, conversing amongst themselves. I grab a glass to fill with water since I’m still reluctant to drink coffee. Luckily, I’ve become immune to the God awful smell that permeates the café, but I’m not completely used to it yet. Sometimes a whiff of the beans makes me gag a little.

  “Well, well, well.” I freeze at the sound of the familiar voice that haunts me-filling my bones with dread and bitterness. Please tell me I’m dreaming. Please let this be a dream. I turn around and face an amused Jana. Dammit, this is the opposite of a dream.

  “Can I help you?” I ask with as much politeness as I can muster, given the unfortunate circumstances.

  “Oh I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by and see with my eyes that it’s true.”

  “What’s true?”

  “That you work here, and you do. Nice clothes. They seem to be shrinking, or you’re just getting bigger.” My face and neck heat up and probably turn a shade of crimson. Still, I keep my composure. I look around for Carter but don’t see him. Good, please stay away.

  “Why do you like tearing people down Jana? Is it so you can feel better about your miserable, pathetic life?” She narrows her hazel eyes at me and presses her lips together in menace.

  I walk away taking a drink of water to keep from passing out. Breathe Gracie. Just breathe.

  “I want Nick.” I flinch at her words, meeting her gaze confused.

  “What?”

  “I said I want Nick.” I roll my eyes from one side then to the next, still bewildered.

  “You do know we’re not together anymore, don’t you?”

  “Yes, but he’s still pining for you for whatever reason. He doesn’t want to date anyone.”

  “Well, that’s not my problem. If he doesn’t want to date you, it’s because you’re a bitch.” I grab a wash rag and start washing down the area to keep busy-hoping she’ll go away. She doesn’t take a hint.

  “Talk to him.” I lean forward with my hands gripping the counter for support. Is she insane?

  “Excuse me?”

  “Talk to him. He’d listen to you.”

  “I’m not telling my ex-boyfriend to date my worst nightmare.”

  “Do it, or I’ll tell the whole school your little secret. I mean it’s going to come out anyway, when you start waddling like a penguin. Why prolong the inevitable? But if you talk to him, I won’t spread lies to make it sound worse.” My eyes bore into hers, while giving her the most evil, menacing facial expression a girl like me can give, which isn’t much.

  “Is everything okay?” Carter stalks out of whatever hole he was hiding in and stands beside me. He notices the tension in the air, or it could be the white knuckles gripping the edge of the counter that gives it away. “Gracie? What’s going on?”
/>   “Just think about it, sweet friend.” Jana says as she prances her jerk ass out the door. I’m too angry to cry.

  “Hey.” Carter lightly touches my arm and my head mechanically moves in his direction. I loosen my grip. “Are you okay? Who was that?”

  “I’m fine. She’s my worst nightmare. I need to work now.” I take a deep breath and head to a table with known customers.

  “Gracie, glad to see you.” I give a fake smile and nod.

  “What can I get for you?”

  “I want a banana muffin and a cappuccino.” A man I know as Mr. James tells me, then he looks at his friend Jesse and says, “They’re sandwiches are delicious.” My heart is still beating above normal and my chest feels tight.

  “Yeah, I will try one another time. I just want a cinnamon bagel, not toasted with strawberry jelly stuff and decaf coffee please.” Jesse says. They are regulars who always ask for me when I’m working. They are good tippers so I’m not complaining. A couple of other tables get my attention for service and I start to relax a little, keeping myself busy.

  Since the day I ran into Jana, it’s been awkward around Carter. Our conversations have been so short and not at all sarcastic or playful as it had been. I know it’s my fault. I’ve put up a barrier for my defenses to protect myself-and my baby. I shouldn’t have gotten close to Carter. It was stupid. It’s bad enough people at school suspect something and soon enough everyone will know.

  October is here, my favorite month of the year. Or it used to be. To me Halloween was the best holiday growing up, which is ironic since I hate scary movies. Every year I went to haunted houses with Meg and Mason. And every year we dressed up to go to parties. This year, I won’t be doing either and I’m kind of bummed. Well, I suppose I can still dress up and take Tyler trick or treating. He’d love it.