Artist's Dream

by Gerri Hill

  “If you insist,” Luke murmured.

  “Hey, doll. Let’s dance.”

  Cassie raised her eyes to the puffy face of Teresa and shook her head. “Can’t.” She motioned to Luke. “Busy tonight.”

  Teresa shook a finger at Cassie, her cigarette dancing in Cassie’s face. “One of these days, doll. It’ll be my turn.”

  “I seriously doubt it,” Cassie whispered as Teresa walked away. She turned to Luke. “That woman scares me.”

  Luke gave an exaggerated shudder. “Shit, she scares me, too. Could be the handcuffs on her belt,” she said and they laughed together.

  Cassie looked past Luke again, this time to Kim and Lisa as they made their way back to the table. The fates were definitely not in her corner tonight.

  She turned quickly to Luke. “Listen… Kim… she doesn’t know that we’re … that we’ve talked. That we know each other… at all,” she stammered. “And I just can’t deal with it… right now.” She didn’t expect Luke to understand her hesitation, but Luke was nodŹding.

  “She would think … that you’re … that we …” Luke said, pointing to first Cassie, then herself.

  Cassie nodded. “Yes. You don’t know Kim,” she whispered hurŹriedly. She realized she was still clutching Luke’s arm, and she reluctantly released her.

  “Then your secret’s safe,” Luke said quietly. “Although I was hoping we’d have a chance to visit. Maybe …”

  “Well, I thought that was you,” Kim said, interrupting them. “Luke, isn’t it?”

  Cassie rolled her eyes and watched as Luke and Kim shook hands.

  “And this is Lisa.”

  “Good to see you again, Kim. Lisa, nice to meet you,” Luke said pleasantly.

  “Join us,” Earn invited. “I’ll get you a drink.”

  Cassie opened her mouth to say that Luke didn’t drink then closed it just as quickly, but Luke was already standing.

  “Thanks, but I’m here with friends. I just saw Cassie and

  thought I’d say hello.” She turned to Cassie and touched her

  shoulder lightly, giving her a quick wink. “Glad I ran into you

  again.”

  “My, but she’s attractive,” Lisa murmured.

  “Don’t start, Kirn,” Cassie warned without even looking at her. Her eyes were glued to Luke’s retreating back.

  “I wasn’t going to say a word,” she said and chuckled. “Not a word.”

  Cassie tried to pretend that her shoulder wasn’t on fire where Luke’s hand had so casually rested, but it positively burned. She wanted to touch it, but she didn’t dare. And it wasn’t fair, she thought again for the hundredth time. There was no logical reason for her to have such a reaction to Luke. Well, there was a logical reason, but Cassie refused to name it, refused to accept it. It was just something about Luke. Something that she couldn’t explain. Something that she wouldn’t dare explain.

  Oh, but she liked her. She really did. Luke was charming. Luke was attractive and likable. Luke was a woman and a lesbian. Cassie sighed. A woman and a lesbian that she was insanely attracted to.

  “It was nice of her to come over to talk, though,” Lisa said, interrupting Cassie’s thoughts.

  “Yes,” Cassie said. “She seems nice.” Cassie scanned the dance floor occasionally, hoping to see Luke dancing, thinking she could watch her unobserved. She did see Jack and Craig dancing once, but never Luke.

  It was nearing midnight, and Cassie gave Kim ‘The Look’ that said it was time to go. Kim had learned long ago not to argue. Cassie would simply refuse to go out with them the next time.

  “Had enough?” Kim asked.

  “I think so. Besides, Teresa is giving me the eye again,” Cassie said lightly.

  “I see someone else giving you the eye,” Kim teased, motioning with her head.

  Cassie looked up in time to catch the smile on Luke’s face as she approached. Her heart fluttered, like an idiot, she chided herself.

  “We’re about to go, but I thought I could steal one dance from you,” Luke said.

  Dance? Cassie’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. “With me? Oh … I don’t … I mean, I’m not very good,” she stammered.

  Luke reached for her hand and pulled her up before Cassie could object. “Well, we’ll be not very good together,” she said. “I haven’t been dancing in years.”

  “But…”

  “Just one.” Luke’s strong fingers locked around her own, ignorŹing her protest.

  Cassie was amazed that her legs supported her. She was having a hard time breathing, and when Luke turned and slipped an arm around her waist, she was certain that she was going to pass out.

  “Okay?”

  Cassie nodded, afraid to speak, and her body turned rigid.

  “Relax. You’re all tense,” Luke said.

  “I am relaxed.”

  Luke smiled and pulled away a little. “You have this very large space around you, don’t you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know, personal space. Some people don’t need very much, like me. Others need a lot of space.”

  “Yes,” Cassie nodded. “I tend to require a large personal space.” In truth, she never allowed anyone close, maybe Kim. Another side effect of her childhood, she suspected, and Luke was much too close.

  But Luke pulled her closer again. “Kinda hard to do when dancing, though,” she teased, and Cassie could hear the amuseŹment in her voice.

  Cassie’s feet slid along with Luke’s. She was on automatic, she realized. She didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to think about the arm around her waist or the warm hand holding her own. Soft. She didn’t want to think about the strong shoulder that her own hand rested upon. And she certainly didn’t want to think about the breasts that were only inches away from her own. Oh, dear Lord, she thought, I’m going to faint. How embarrassing. Her face was flushed, and she felt as if her skin were on fire. She felt perspiration trickle down her back, and she breathed deeply, her feet still moving along without a care in the world.

  “We didn’t get a chance to talk,” Luke was saying, and Cassie managed to nod at her. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable in front of Kim,” she teased. “Seeing as how we hardly know each other.”

  Cassie smiled and felt herself relax. She was thankful for the conversation. It beat the thoughts running through her head.

  “I wanted to invite you over for lunch tomorrow,” Luke said.

  “Lunch?”

  “I have something to show you.” Luke spun her around quite nicely and Cassie managed to step on her foot only once.

  “I sold my house, by the way. I’ve been in the city on and off the past two weeks, cleaning and moving stuff out here. In between that, I’m trying to squeeze in work. That’s why I haven’t had a chance to call you.”

  “So you’ll finally move in all the way, then?”

  “I brought a few pieces of furniture with me and the rest of my clothes.” Luke spun her around again. “So, lunch? About one?”

  If Cassie had any sense at all, she would decline. Maybe seeing Luke and attempting a friendship was more than she could handle right now. Maybe she just needed to get her feelings under control before she saw her again.

  “Okay,” she heard herself say.

  “Great.” As the song ended, she pulled Cassie in close and whispered in her ear. “You’re a very good dancer, by the way. And,” she added mischievously, “you appear to still have your eyesight.”

  Cassie nearly broke speed records pulling out of Luke’s arms,

  murmuring thanks for the dance, and hurrying back to her table. She thought her legs would fail her at any moment. She could still feel Luke’s hot breath on her ear, still feel her breasts as they brushed against her own.

  But she slowed and took a deep breath as she approached the table. She hoped her face showed none of the emotions rolling around inside of her. Cassie smiled pleasantly at Kim and Lisa, then waited for their teasin
g.

  For once, Kim appeared speechless.

  “What? Nothing to add?” Cassie asked.

  “God, she’s cute,” Lisa said.

  “Yes,” Cassie said, wagging her finger at Lisa. “But she’s gay, and I’m not, so it doesn’t really matter how cute she is.” She tried to sound firm and convincing, but her voice cracked with nervousŹness. Thankfully, neither Kim nor Lisa commented further.

  As they walked to the car, Kim put her arm around Cassie affecŹtionately, ignoring her immediate stiffening, as she always did.

  “I think you should invite her to the wine and cheese party next weekend,” Kim said.

  “And why would I want to do that?”

  “She probably doesn’t know many people out here. It would give her a chance to meet someone.”

  “Well, if I happen to see her again, I’ll mention it,” Cassie said, although she knew she shouldn’t. If for no other reason, Luke did not drink wine.

  Chapter Twelve

  Cassie spent a fitful night. Her father’s voice boomed at her constantly. “Unnatural!”

  She tossed in her sleep, fighting off the soft hands of a woman that kept coming to her again and again. Then she wasn’t fighting anymore. She was welcoming the hands upon her. She welcomed the soft caresses and the promise of passion that she had only dared to dream about.

  “Unnatural!”

  She struggled out of her dream, pulling out of strong arms and away from too tempting lips that sought to capture her own. Her pillow was soaked with sweat, and she sat up, her body still hot, her heart still pounding. She tossed off the covers and walked through the dark house, sitting silently in the living room while she got herself under control.

  “Just a dream,” she murmured. “Doesn’t mean anything.”

  She wished she still smoked. Her fingers itched to hold a cigaŹrette, and she thought that this was the second time since she had

  met Luke Winston that she longed for a smoke. She leaned back finally and closed her eyes. It was just the dance, she told herself. Having Luke hold her like she had, just set her off.

  No, she admitted. That wasn’t it. She was … attracted to her. Sexually. She cupped her head with both hands and squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to muster up her usual attitude of indifference, but it wouldn’t come. The walls weren’t creeping back up. Instead, they lay shattered at her feet, exposing her to feelings she was cerŹtain she would never experience. And most likely, it was totally one-sided. Luke had never done or said anything to make her think differently. And the dance … she had simply been teasing her. Right?

  No, she wasn’t in any danger. She just… had to deal with this. A test, her father would say. She didn’t actually believe it was a test, but still, she felt frightened by what she was feeling. She had nothŹing to compare this to. In all her thirty-three years, no one person had ever affected her so, had ever haunted her dreams. But deep in her heart, she always knew that if someone were to come to her, it would be a woman.

  She crawled back into bed just hours before dawn and slept soundly until nine. It was a beautiful October day, and she took her coffee out onto the back porch and sat in the sun. She was still tired, she realized a short time later when her eyes closed heavily.

  She made herself get up and she moved to her workshop. As was her custom, she put in a CD, skipping her usual selection of soothing guitar music and choosing instead an early Tracy Chapman. She turned the volume up and selected a newly sharpŹened chisel from her assortment of tools, intending to work on the sleek back of the seal she had started. She soon lost herself in her work, only stopping at the last possible minute to allow enough time to shower. She thought that maybe she should call Luke and cancel lunch, but that would hardly be fair. Cassie decided she was being silly. After all, Luke had done nothing wrong, and the seal would be here when she got back.

  But still she was nervous as she drove down the long drive to

  Luke’s house. She wished she could be more nonchalant about their lunch date. She certainly did not want her uneasiness to show. She wanted to be friends with Luke, she really did.

  Luke opened the door even before she could knock and all her plans fell right through the roof. Luke was wearing short shorts and a tank top. Cassie’s eyes burned as she pulled them away from her muscled legs and arms and tried to match Luke’s lazy smile with one of her own.

  “I’m glad you came. Come in,” Luke invited and she stepped aside to let Cassie pass. Cassie tried not to breathe as she walked past her, but she did. She caught the scent of her, the scent she remembered from last night, the scent she remembered from Luke’s pillow, and she felt chill bumps on her skin. How funny, she thought, when her skin felt so hot.

  “I’m sorry. I just got through working out, and I haven’t had a chance to shower yet.”

  It was only then that Cassie noticed the light film of perspiraŹtion on Luke’s skin and her slightly flushed face.

  “It’s okay. Am I early?”

  “No, of course not. I’m just running late,” Luke explained. “Make yourself at home while I take a quick shower.”

  Cassie nodded and looked away, suddenly extremely nervous.

  “I’ll finally get to see your … oh my God!” she gasped. She turned and clutched Luke’s bare arm tightly, forgetting her nervŹousness. “You’ve got him!”

  She had glanced out the windows toward the patio, curious as to the view Luke had on a sunny day like today, and there he was. Her eagle.

  “I told you I had something to show you,” Luke said.

  Cassie followed numbly behind her, her eyes locked on the beautiful bird ready to take flight.

  “But you said you got it for a client,” Cassie accused.

  “No. I told you I had a buyer,” Luke reminded her.

  Cassie nearly shoved her out of the way, and she went out onto the patio, hands clutched to her chest.

  “God, he’s so beautiful. He belongs out here, not inside some stuffy building,” Cassie said quietly, almost to herself.

  “And, he’s in love,” Luke said.

  Cassie turned around and looked where Luke was pointing. The first eagle that stood guard inside seemed to be watching.

  “They stare at each other all day,” Luke said, her face breaking into smile.

  “He’s perfect here, Luke. He really is.” Then Cassie turned on her. “How dare you pay me twelve thousand dollars! If I had known it was you, I would never have taken it,” she said.

  “I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you,” Luke said easily. “Don’t underestimate your work, Cassie. He’s well worth every penny.”

  Cassie turned back to the eagle, then pulled out a chair to better watch him. Luke laughed. “I guess you’ll want to eat out here.”

  “Do you mind? It’s such a nice day and … God, your view!” For the first time, Cassie looked past the eagle. Luke’s house sat on a rise, and falling down the slope was a beautiful meadow, giving way to forest which eventually gave way to vineyards. It was as if she could see all the way to the Pacific. “How much land do you have?”

  “Just ten acres,” Luke said. “Part of the forest is mine, the rest belongs to the recreation area.”

  “No wonder you don’t have any curtains or drapes in your house,” Cassie said.

  Luke smiled. “To quote Thoreau, ‘it cost me nothing for curŹtains, for I have no gazers to shut out but the sun and moon, and I am willing that they should look in,’” she said quietly.

  Cassie met her eyes as she spoke and their gazes held for a quick moment. Long enough for Cassie to feel the heat down to the bottom of her toes.

  “That’s… beautiful,” Cassie said softly.

  “Well … let me shower, and I’ll get lunch,” Luke said, and Cassie watched her walk away, wishing with all her might that she did not like Luke Winston. But she did. She liked everything about her.

  While she was gone, Cassie inspected the deck, walking around her eagle. Her eyes slid along the natura
l wood railing, following the steps to the second level, lingering on the hot tub for only a brief moment before continuing past the deck. Luke had only begun landscaping. Small fruit trees, apple she thought, were planted close by. Flowerbeds were designed and built, but not planted, and only the planters on the deck held flowers. But still, it was very nice and inviting. She could tell Luke had spent many hours planning the deck and surrounding gardens. Once everyŹthing was planted and flowering, it would be a feast for the eye. Cassie wondered if Luke would have it finished by next spring— and if she would be around to see it.

  “I went to the farmer’s market yesterday,” Luke was saying as she pushed open the sliding door with her elbow. “This salad has a little bit of everything in it.” Her arms were loaded with salad and two bowls and Cassie stood to help her.

  “I’ve got it,” Luke said. “But there’s pasta in the kitchen, if you could bring that out.”

  Cassie was glad to escape Luke’s presence, if only for a moment. It allowed her time to collect herself. Luke’s hair was damp from her shower, but her legs and arms were still bare, still tempting Cassie’s eyes.

  Luke followed her back inside and took a pitcher of tea from the refrigerator.

  “Is this okay?”

  “Tea’s fine,” Cassie managed as she grabbed the bowl of pasta from the counter.

  They brought everything out from the kitchen, including hot French bread, and Cassie settled at the table, her eyes alternating from the eagle to the view, anywhere but Luke.

  “I wouldn’t be able to get any work done if I lived here,” Cassie said, determined to lose her nervousness with conversation.

  “I know. That’s why I put my desk against the back wall.” Luke tore off a piece of bread and handed it to Cassie. “Actually, I do most of my real work at night.” Then she smiled. “I’ve started

  painting again. Whenever the sun’s out like this, I haul all my stuff down the meadow and find something interesting to paint. That’s why I’m running late today. Inspiration struck this morning.”