Power & Choice

by Lucy Smoke

  Marv stared at me, blue eyes tight and angry. “No,” he repeated. Then he quietly turned and left the room. I sucked back a breath and found the anger from earlier crawling back up again.

  How dare he? I scowled. “When you’re all done deciding what I can and can’t do,” I said through gritted teeth, “I’ll be in my room.” With that, I turned and left as well.

  My hands shook as I passed through the rest of the living room and around the corner. I squeezed the knob of my bedroom door and threw it open, relishing in the crashing sound it made against the wall before I walked in and slammed it closed. I was sure the echoing noise could be heard throughout the living room as well as the rest of the house.

  I collapsed on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My room in the guys' house was supposed to be a sanctuary. It was supposed to be my place. It was the one area in the house where if I wanted the guys to leave me alone, they would. Usually, I didn't mind that Marv slept in my room. Or that Bellamy and Texas regularly waltzed in without knocking. It seemed Knix really was the only one that knocked. Maybe he felt like he should?

  Right now, though, it felt like my room was a prison. My anger swelled, and the walls closed in on me. I didn't have enough room to pace. I could hear the grinding of my teeth bouncing off the walls. I wanted to rip something to pieces. I wanted to–

  "Harlow?" As if sensing my inner turmoil, Texas hesitantly tapped on my door and opened it. I huffed a frustrated breath as he came in. At least it was Texas and not Marv or Bellamy. "Hey," he said. I sat up and stared at the wall. What was I supposed to say? I was mad at him. I was mad at all of them.

  Wasn't I?

  Well, okay, I wasn't really that mad at Marv. He was just worried about me. He didn't want me going to this camp because he didn't want something bad to happen to me. Neither did Bellamy, so I wasn't really mad at him either. But I was definitely mad at Knix because of this stupid penalty. Though, it was a pretty lenient penalty. He could have taken my phone away since I didn't technically pay for it – they did. I needed to do something about that. He didn't make me do anything stupid like give him my itinerary for every day. So, really, Knix could have been worse. I guessed I wasn't as mad at him as I thought. But Texas told Knix about what happened at the dance club – the drinking anyway. It wasn't any of his business. He was the one that had started the whole ball rolling, telling the others which led to Knix getting mad and Marv and Bellamy getting upset. I was, for sure, mad at him. Except… when Texas sat next to me on the bed, he took a deep breath and reached for my hand.

  "I'm sorry about tonight," he said. I leaned my head back and groaned. Damn it, why was it so hard to be mad at any of them?

  Finally, I sighed and straightened. "It's fine," I said. "You were just looking out for me." God, I hated being mature about it. For just a moment, I wished I could hold onto my anger, but the moment he touched my hand, I knew I was a goner. Texas wasn't a mean or malicious person. Even if he was a trickster, he was a good person. He meant well.

  "I know you're still mad," he said.

  "I'm not–" He looked at me. "Okay… I'm kind of, sort of, still mad… ish," I finished awkwardly.

  He smiled. "Do you know what my grandma once told me?"

  I shook my head. This was the first time he had ever mentioned his family. I wondered if his grandmother was still alive. I didn't feel comfortable asking, so all I said was, "No."

  "Well," he said. "She and my grandfather were married for over forty-five years."

  My eyes widened. Forty-five years sounded like an awfully long time. "They must have loved each other very much," I mused.

  Texas laughed. "I guess so, but not many people saw that."

  "What do you mean?" I asked.

  "Well, they were absolutely terrible," he confessed. "My grandma was the worst trickster the family had ever seen."

  "Oh really?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

  "Oh yes," he said. "Worse than me."

  "I find that hard to believe. Did your grandmother ever convince an innocent bystander to help paint someone's car pink and then throw them under the bus?"

  It was Texas' turn to raise his eyebrow. "You're not innocent, so don't even try that – but yes, she was much worse than the pink BMW prank – which was your idea, by the way."

  "It was–"

  "Do you want me to finish the story or not?" he asked.

  I gestured for him to continue. "Please, by all means."

  "Thank you." But he didn't immediately continue. Instead, Texas moved so that his back was pressed against the wall. Somehow, I ended up between his splayed legs, leaning sideways with my shoulder against his chest. It was nice. It was comfortable. I found myself relaxing into his embrace.

  "So, my grandma was the worst at pranking people," he started again. "It's a wonder my grandfather ever asked her to marry him." I laughed, and he chuckled too, shifting me against him more comfortably. "Despite her pranking, he loved the shit outta that woman. I've always wanted their kind of relationship. They were perfect together, but they were only human.

  Sometimes, she would push him too far and he'd have to take a day or two to calm down. Usually, he just locked himself in the den to watch football." I looked up and curled my lip at that which made him laugh again. "I'm going to have to stop looking at you if I'm ever going to finish this story."

  I smirked but didn't reply.

  "Despite that, my grandfather was always the easiest. He'd go away, and he'd come back all better. But when my grandma was mad...that woman could throw a fit. She'd throw dishes at the walls and watch them shatter and then she'd break some more." I frowned and shuddered, remembering one of my mom's episodes from the month before. I knew she was sorry. She couldn't control it. Now that she was on professionally monitored medication she didn't have them so much.

  Texas glanced down at me curiously, but I shook my head at him. "Go on," I said. "I'm listening."

  He waited a moment more. When I didn't say anything else, he continued. "Well, every time she did that, I got so scared, I would hide in the den with my grandfather. Sometimes, he'd amble out, watch her for a bit before coming into the den with me. He said it was to let her work it out herself. As I got older, though, I started getting picked on more in school. I hated it. I was so mad all the time. I was a lot smaller then and I couldn't fight back as well either. Now, though, I'm more level headed." I snorted, and he poked me in the side.

  “A lot of the time, I'd come home from school just seething. Even if I didn't get into fights, I'd still be riled up. I'd be so angry that I'd feel exhausted by it. Well, of course, with my issues at school, I ticked off my grandmother a time or two. She never yelled at me. She'd simply leave the room, go into the kitchen, and I'd hear dishes breaking. When she came back, she'd be as calm as she ever was, and she would tell me to go to my room or she'd make me clean up the mess. She'd be normal. But it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to rile her up. I felt like I needed someone to yell at me, that I needed someone to be just as mad as me.”

  “What did you do?” I asked.

  Texas was quiet for several moments before he finally replied. “What I did isn’t all that important,” he said. I wasn’t sure if that was true, or if maybe he just didn’t want to tell me. “But my grandma was a smart woman. Finally, after a lot of bullshit–” I raised my eyebrows at that, but he continued, “– she sat me down, and you know what that crazy old lady told me?” I shook my head.

  “She told me, ‘Texas, if all you’re gonna be doin’ is goin’ around and gettin’ mad at every lil’ thing, then it’s not the world that’s the problem. It’s you.’” He shook his head at the memory, and I smiled. His voice was so funny when he talked in what I assumed was supposed to be an elderly southern woman’s voice.

  “I was so shocked when she said that, I thought she was blaming me for everything that was wrong. I still get mad. I get mad all the time. But she taught me to control it and to let it out when I need to let it out,” he said.
<
br />   “How do you control it?” I asked.

  He looked down at me, dark eyes glinting in the dim lighting of my bedroom. “She told me the secret was to buy a bunch of cheap glass ornaments – she had a ton of shitty glass plates and china. Whenever she got too mad, she’d go, and she’d break some and then she’d clean up the mess and she’d feel better. She said the act of breaking something is what’ll shock you out of your anger. Cleaning it up will bring you out of it completely.”

  I scrunched up my nose. “I don’t want to break anything,” I said.

  He laughed. “I’m not saying you have to.” Texas looked at me and then, he turned his gaze away. “But that doesn’t mean you should keep it all bottled up either.”

  Silence descended around us. Then… “Do you still break things?”

  “All the time,” he admitted. “Not because I’m angry, though, usually. I don’t get angry as much anymore – though it still happens.”

  “What do you do when you get angry now then?” I asked, turning to look up at him.

  Texas’ face pinched tight for a moment as he stared across the room. “How about I tell you later?” he offered. I blinked at him as he started to pull away and get up. “I’m gonna go get some rest, we’ve got an early day tomorrow.”

  “Right,” I huffed. “Extra training.”

  “It really was a lenient punishment,” Texas said with a smirk.

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” I shot back as he opened my bedroom door and stepped out.

  With a chuckle, he leaned back in. “I just bet you will, Princess.”

  Chapter 10

  I yawned, my jaw cracking as I sat in the back of the SUV. Bellamy and Texas sat up front, but Bellamy seemed to be the only one even half awake. I was pretty sure I could hear Texas snoring from his seat. The haze of the early morning dawn was a blur to my eyes as I stared, unblinking, out the window at the passing cars and buildings.

  “No one ever told me we’d be getting up at the asscrack of dawn,” I commented.

  Bellamy flicked a gaze up at the rearview mirror. “You must really be tired,” he said.

  “Why do you say that?” I asked. I couldn’t dispute it. Right then, another yawn swept through me nearly breaking my face in half. It left me blinking furiously through clumped lashes and teary, tired eyes. I sniffed and turned to face him through the mirror as well.

  He shrugged. “You never cuss.”

  “I cuss sometimes,” I said. “It’s not like I think it’s a bad thing.”

  “No, I guess not,” he replied.

  Texas snorted and shifted in his seat and I shook my head, returning my gaze to the window. I had no clue where my “extra training” would be held, but Bellamy had shown up at my door that morning with a cup of coffee in hand and told me to dress comfortably. The coffee hadn’t done much, but at least I had heeded him. I was dressed down in a pair of slimming nylon running pants and a soft, dark green t-shirt. Both Bellamy and Texas were dressed in dark gray sweatpants and matching black t-shirts that simply read, Staff.

  Soon enough we pulled up to what looked like a large soccer field. My eyes scrunched down in confusion, but I didn’t say anything as Bellamy parked in a gravel lot next to several other cars. I couldn’t even tell what we were doing based on the rest of the cars. There were beaten up pick-up trucks, but there were also a few expensive looking convertibles and classic impalas. I got out next to Texas’ door and realized he was still sleeping.

  I shook my head and, with a sigh, gently opened his door. He started when his head slipped off of the window. “Are we there?” He asked around a yawn.

  “Yea.” I looked around. “Wherever there is.”

  Texas didn’t reply. Instead, he unclipped his seatbelt and rolled out of the SUV. I turned away and headed towards the back of the SUV where Bellamy waited. I could hear Texas stretching out the kinks in his muscles behind us. I checked my phone and it told me that it was just nearing 8 am.

  “You won’t need that while you’re here,” Bellamy said, holding his hand out. “If you want, I’ll take it.”

  “Uh, can I just put it in the car?” I asked.

  Texas or Knix I wouldn’t mind holding my phone, but because I knew there were still texts from Grayson on there, I didn’t want Bellamy to get mad if he saw them. Not that he would go looking through my phone. Oh geez. I hoped he didn’t think that I thought that. But he only shrugged.

  I slipped my phone into the pocket on the back of the front passenger seat and shut the door as Bellamy locked it with the key fob. Texas rushed by, his hand coming out and slapping my ass as he passed by. I whirled around and glowered at him. He laughed and ran straight around Bellamy. I walked at a slower pace, continuing my seething glare.

  “Looks like he’s awake,” I grumbled as I stepped up next to Bellamy.

  Bellamy laughed. “Looks like it.” He looked down at me. “Come on,” he said, “let’s get going.”

  “Going?” I asked.

  He turned me so that I faced the same direction that Texas had gone. “Start running,” he said.

  I groaned but did as he told me to. I followed after Texas, and Bellamy kept pace with me. I didn’t know where we were running to, but eventually we found an actual running trail in the woods alongside the soccer field. The guys didn’t let up.

  I didn’t know how long we had been at it when Texas finally slowed enough that we were all running alongside each other. Bellamy cut a glance over at Texas. “How much further do you think?” Bellamy asked.

  Texas huffed. “Probably not much further. We’ve already bypassed the first stopping point. We should catch up to them soon.”

  “Catch up to who?” I panted.

  Sweat beaded on my temples and rolled down my face. I was glad I had managed to put my hair up in a ponytail before we left. I could feel the sticky strands on my nape plastered to my skin.

  “You’ll see,” Bellamy said with a smirk.

  I huffed but was too out of breath to really argue. I could have stopped and demanded they tell me where we were going and who we were catching up to, but I had a feeling that if I stopped, they wouldn’t stop with me. So, I kept going.

  Around another bend in the running trail, the woods opened up to another field without soccer goals or much of anything other than flat land and a large group of people in exercise gear, just standing around. When the guys suddenly slowed, I followed suit. We came to a full stop not more than a couple of yards from the group and Bellamy took my hand, leading me around the center mass of people.

  “Max!” Bellamy called out, waving to someone I couldn’t see. I tried to push up on my toes to see over the heads of the others, but it was no use. I scrunched up my nose and Bellamy noticed.

  “Don’t worry, shorty,” he teased, “I’ll introduce you.”

  A skinny, older gentleman dressed in running shorts and a gray Staff t-shirt – instead of a black one like Texas’ and Bellamy’s – made his way through the throng of people and called out for Bellamy in a jovial manner. He stopped right in front of us and shook Bellamy’s outstretched hand as Texas ambled up behind us.

  “Good to see you boys again,” the man said.

  “Good to see you too, Max,” Texas greeted.

  Max’s eyes met mine. “And who might this pretty little lady be?”

  “Max,” Bellamy began, “I’d like you to meet Harlow. She’s a new recruit.”

  “Ah, is this the girl Alex was telling me about?” Max looked to the guys for confirmation.

  “Yup.” Texas nodded. “The very one.”

  “Ah, well then,” Max returned his gaze to me and held out his hand. “It’s lovely to make your acquaintance, Miss Harlow.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too,” I replied, shaking his hand with an awkward smile and a nod.

  He smiled brightly and then returned his attention to the guys. “So, we’re starting with the next half of the run soon. We have water bottles and coolers ready just over there…�
� he gestured somewhere beyond the crowd of people. “Will you remain for the entire training session?”

  Texas blanched. “Yea,” he sighed, “we’re staying.”

  “Ho!” Max laughed. “What did you do to piss off your team lead?”

  “They didn’t,” I said. “I did.”

  Max looked back at me. I couldn’t tell if he was restraining more laughter or surprise. He simply smirked at me and then nodded to the boys. “That explains it entirely. You boys know what to do then. I’ll see you at the end.” Texas and Bellamy nodded politely, and Max turned and disappeared back in the crowd.

  “Max is a part of Alex’s team,” Bellamy explained. “They’re all mostly retired – families and all that. Training, advising, and managing is about all they do now.”

  “What about Alex?” I asked. I knew for a fact that that wasn’t all Alex did.

  Texas quirked a smile. “The day that Alex actually retires is the day pigs fly,” he said. “Alex isn’t the idle type.”

  “Max doesn’t seem the idle type either,” I pointed out.

  Texas shrugged. I didn’t get an opportunity to ask further questions because the next thing I knew, Bellamy and Texas were urging me through the crowd, calling out hellos to people they recognized. We stopped by a water cooler and Bellamy bent down, pulling out three water bottles and handed one to both me and Texas before opening his own.

  “We better hurry up and stretch,” Bellamy said. “They’re about to start again soon.”

  “More running?” I groaned. “This is not lenient at all.”

  Texas laughed and bumped me with his shoulder. “You should see it when he gets mad at one of us.”

  I grimaced. I certainly didn’t care to see that.

  We carried our water bottles as we ran. I liked running even less in a group. Too many people talking. I wished I had known beforehand what we were doing. The running wasn’t so bad, even though it had my legs cramping and feeling like jell-o. I wished I had my phone and some headphones. Music would have made the entire experience easier. I might have even run faster if I had some harder beats between my ears.