Merle

by Catherine Lievens

  Gentry smiled. “So that was why you were in here together.”

  “Yeah.”

  “When did you find out?”

  “This morning. I had a nightmare last night, so I went for a run, and I fell asleep in the woods. I know I should’ve told Mom, but I haven’t told her where and when I went since I turned eighteen, so I forgot, and she freaked out. She talked to Kameron and he sent people out to look for me. Craig and Nootaw found me. When I went home, Mom started talking about my nightmares and stuff, and I ended up telling her about Nootaw. That’s when she decided I was crazy.”

  “She doesn’t want you to be with him.”

  “Yeah. She thinks he’s no better than an animal.”

  Gentry nodded. “What about you? You have to admit not many people would be happy with Fate’s choice.”

  Merle let his arms fall to his sides and leaned back against the couch. He tilted his head backward and looked at the ceiling, wondering how to say what he wanted to say and if it would make Gentry decide he really was crazy. “I’m not going to say I’m not worried about it, or even a bit scared. I mean, he admitted he hunted and ate people.”

  Merle risked a look at Gentry, but Gentry just nodded for him to continue. “It should scare me more, I guess, but it’s not like he did it because he liked to do it. It’s what he was taught. He didn’t know there was another way until a year ago, and now that he does, he’s changed.”

  “So you’re ready to forgive him the past?”

  “Why not? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s going to be easy, but he deserves a second chance, and I’m convinced Fate put us together for a reason. She wouldn’t have if he wasn’t right for me.”

  “What about your mother, and your friends? You know they’re probably not going to take it well. I don’t know Nootaw that well, but I see how people in the pack and the enforcers treat him.”

  Merle leaned forward. “Is it that bad? They don’t hurt him, do they?”

  Gentry shook his head. “Not physically, but you know as well as I do that pain isn’t only physical. I’ve seen people leaving a room when he arrives, seen them cower. I’ve heard them insult him, and like your mother, call him an animal. Chances are you’ll lose your mother on this, at least for a while. Are you really ready for that?”

  “I think Mom should only want me to be happy, not to follow her rules, even though she thinks it’s for the better. And I think my friends should want the same.”

  “You can’t blame them for being worried.”

  “I don’t, but I can blame them for not giving Nootaw a chance, especially if they still don’t want to when they find out he’s my mate. You know what that means, maybe more than anyone else. You know I can’t just turn my back on Nootaw and try to find someone else. My wolf won’t allow it, not without at least trying.”

  Merle had said everything he wanted to say, so he stopped talking and looked at Gentry. When Gentry just nodded and got up, though, Merle had to say something. “Where are you going?”

  “To tell Kameron and your mother what my conclusion is.”

  “But... don’t you have to ask me questions and stuff?”

  Gentry smiled. “No, I already know enough to know you’re a normal man who went through some hardships and is working the consequences out as well as you can. The offer to come and talk to me is still open, and I hope you’ll take it, but you are able to make your own decisions.”

  Merle grinned. “Thanks.”

  “For what? I didn’t do anything but let you talk about what was making your life difficult.”

  “Isn’t that kind of your job anyway?”

  Gentry chuckled. “Kind of. Now, do you want to be there when I tell your mother?”

  Merle jumped from the couch. “Hell yeah. I wouldn’t miss that for anything in the world.”

  Gentry started to open the door, but Merle still had one question for him, so he cleared his throat. Gentry paused and looked at him. “Yes?”

  “So... what do you think about Nootaw? Am I right in giving him a chance, or do you think he’s a monster like everyone else?”

  Gentry leaned against the door, looking thoughtful. “I think everyone should have a second chance, and that the past shouldn’t influence what people think of him, but I also know it isn’t easy to let go of everything that’s been taught to you. He does seem to be doing well, though.”

  “So I’m right to give him a chance?” Merle might look like he knew what he wanted, but doubts plagued him. What if he trusted Nootaw and things ended badly? What if Nootaw went back to old habits?

  “You need to follow your heart while keeping an eye on how things really are going. It would have been so much easier for me to leave Arlen and Nick, but then I wouldn’t have been this happy. It’s a delicate balance.”

  “Do you think he’ll start eating people again?” Merle blurted out. That was the one question he needed an answer to.

  “I’ve never really talked to him, so I can’t be sure.” Merle gave Gentry a pleading glance and Gentry chuckled. “But no, I don’t think he will. From the little I was able to observe, he seems well adjusted and repentant of his past choices.”

  Merle sagged in relief. “Good.”

  “It’s not a certainty, though.”

  “Oh, I know. It still makes me feel better, though.”

  “All right. Ready to go find your mother?”

  Merle hurried toward Gentry. “Let’s go.”

  * * * *

  Nootaw turned when the door opened. Gentry came out and smiled at him, quickly followed by Merle. Nootaw wasn’t sure what to do or if Merle would be happy to see him after whatever had happened inside Gentry’s office, but Merle smiled at him. It made Nootaw want to try to kiss him again, possibly with more success this time, but Gentry was already walking toward the kitchen. Nootaw looked at Merle and Merle nodded.

  “I’m fine. Gentry says I can be on my own, and he’s going to break the news to my mother. Wanna come see?”

  “Wouldn’t it be better if I left? Your mother didn’t seem to like me much.”

  Merle smirked. “That’s why I want you there. She’s going to have to get used to having you around.”

  “I don’t understand why you want to antagonize her. She’s your mother.”

  Merle sighed. “I know, and I love her, but she went too far. I know she was trying to protect me, but she tried to take away my free will. She has to understand what she did and that I make my own decisions, even though she doesn’t like them.”

  Nootaw nodded once. “All right.”

  “Are you two coming?” Gentry asked from in front of the kitchen door.

  “Yup,” Merle answered, hurrying toward him.

  Nootaw followed more slowly. When he entered the kitchen, Merle and his mother were staring at each other, stubborn expressions on both their faces. Merle’s mother looked at Nootaw, grimaced, then looked at Gentry and asked, “What do you think?”

  Gentry sat in front of her at the table and linked his fingers together. Kameron looked amused, like he already knew what Gentry was about to say. He probably did. Merle’s mother’s request had been ridiculous, and Nootaw knew he’d been at the root of it. She probably wouldn’t have done this if it weren’t for him, and Nootaw couldn’t help but wonder if he was worth it.

  “That Merle is more than able to live his own life without help from anyone.”

  Merle’s mother made an indignant noise. “Are you sure?”

  “It’s my job, so yes, I’m sure. Merle is a normal young man who’s been through difficult moments and who is trying to heal from them as well as he can. The last thing he needs right now is to fight with his family, who should be loving him instead of judging him.”

  Merle’s mother paled. “That’s not what I did.”

  “It is. You’re judging him because he wants to try and be happy with his mate and you don’t like Nootaw. You know as well as everyone
around this table that we don’t choose our fated mates, and I’m sure you haven’t even talked to Nootaw. You’re letting gossip and other people’s judgment get in the way of your son’s happiness just when he needs it the most.”

  “Fine. Maybe you’re right and I was too hasty in my judgment of Merle. But you can’t tell me he’s not dangerous.”

  There was no need to ask her who he was. Nootaw could tell she was talking about him just by the disgust that dripped from her words. At least she seemed to be the only one in the room to think so lowly of him. Kameron’s face was grim bordering on angry, Zach had narrowed his eyes at Merle’s mother, and Merle was obviously pressing his lips together, probably to stop himself from lashing out.

  Gentry took his time before answering, and Nootaw wondered what the man thought of him. He’d thought most of the people in the pack didn’t want anything to do with him, but the reactions he’d just seen went against that.

  “Nootaw is dangerous, just like every one of us is. We’re shifters. We can become beasts with claws and fangs. His shifted form is just more peculiar than what we’re used to seeing.”

  “What about what he eats?” Merle’s mother asked, her gaze flitting to Nootaw again.

  “I don’t know.” Gentry turned his head toward Nootaw. “What do you eat? What did you have this morning?”

  “Cereal.”

  “And yesterday for dinner?”

  “Baked pasta.”

  Gentry turned back to Merle’s mother. “How is his diet different from yours?”

  Merle’s mother looked like she was ready to strangle Gentry. “You know what I meant. He’s a wendigo. He eats people.”

  Gentry nodded slightly. “He used to, because he never knew any different. Have you eaten anyone since you left your tribe?” Gentry asked Nootaw.

  “No.”

  “Have you felt the need to do it?”

  “No.”

  Gentry looked at Merle’s mother again and arched a brow. She looked like she was looking for more reasons to keep Merle away from Nootaw, and Nootaw didn’t blame her.

  Merle scoffed. “Jeesh, Mom. He’s not going to eat me. You worry too much.”

  “How can you know that?” she answered.

  “I’m not,” Nootaw told her. “It’s not like I ever wanted to eat human beings. I thought that was the only way I’d survive, but now I know better. I never enjoyed hunting people. I never enjoyed living with the tribe and having to do what I was ordered to do or die. I never had a choice.”

  Merle’s mother finally looked at Nootaw. “Why did you change your mind, then?”

  “My brother got out. He found out he was a shifter’s mate, and when the pride he lives with came to kick our tribe out of the place we’d settled in, he explained there was another way. Only a few of us agreed to go with him, and I was one of those. I’ve never looked back.”

  That wasn’t exactly true, but Nootaw didn’t think she needed to know that. He had wondered if he’d done the right thing sometimes, usually when he felt lonely, or when the hateful stares became too much. It never lasted long, but he couldn’t deny he’d thought of going back.

  Merle’s mother leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms on her chest. She examined Nootaw, then looked at Merle. “I really can’t convince you to stop whatever you’re doing with him?”

  Merle sighed. “I’m not doing anything with him right now, Mom. But I’d like to have the opportunity to get to know him and maybe even mate with him without having to choose between him and you. If he wants it, anyway.”

  Merle looked at Nootaw as he said it, and Nootaw knew Merle wanted an answer he didn’t have. Still, Nootaw had to say something, and saying yes didn’t mean they’d mate right away—or ever. So he nodded, and Merle smiled at him.

  Merle’s mother got up. “Fine. But I don’t want him anywhere near me or my house.”

  Kameron got up too and squared his shoulders. He towered over her, and while she didn’t look scared, she wasn’t as sure of herself as she’d just been.

  “I can’t force you to welcome Nootaw into your family, but I won’t stand for anyone bullying him. We as a pack know exactly how having to obey orders we don’t agree with feels like, and I won’t let you try to separate Merle and Nootaw. Even if they weren’t mates, they’d have the right to be together, and I hope you’ll make the right decision, Johanna. You’re a teacher, so I hope you have more compassion in you than what I’ve seen today.”

  Merle’s mother didn’t look happy, but she obviously knew better than to challenge her alpha. She nodded curtly and left the kitchen, pausing next to Merle just long enough to tell him, “I expect to see you at home tonight. You’ll need to tell your father about your mate.”

  Her last word still sounded angry, but Nootaw hadn’t expected anything else. She might have been forced to somehow accept him, but he didn’t fool himself it would be easy. The last thing he wanted was for Merle to lose his family. Nootaw knew exactly how that felt. Even though he still had his mother and his brother, the rest of them were still with the tribe, and Nootaw didn’t know what had happened to them. As far as he knew, they could all be dead somewhere in the woods, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it, about not trying to talk to his siblings. He hadn’t cared much for them, but they’d still been his family.

  Chapter Three

  Merle’s mother left and Merle didn’t know what to do. It was something he didn’t like, so he looked at the other men in the room. Zach and Kameron didn’t look happy, and Merle hoped it wouldn’t mean a sanction for his mom. “She means well,” he said to no one in particular.

  “I don’t doubt that,” Zach answered. “I’m not even angry at the ridiculous attempt she made trying to convince us you’re ill. I don’t like how she talks to Nootaw, though. He’s a pack member just like the others.”

  “I’m an enforcer,” Nootaw intervened.

  “As of today, you’re also a pack member. You’re Merle’s mate.”

  Nootaw nodded once. “But she didn’t know you consider me a pack member now.”

  Zach snorted. “Of course she did. That’s the way we’ve been doing it ever since Kameron became the alpha, and it was also done before. Erskine wasn’t always happy at who some people’s mates turned out to be, and he certainly wouldn’t have allowed same-sex matings, but when someone found their mates in another pack, he let them in. It didn’t happen often, but it did.”

  “This is how shifters work, Nootaw,” Kameron added. “Mates are a precious thing for most of us, and very few people would try to separate them. It’d be seen like a sacrilege.”

  “Merle’s mother obviously doesn’t see it the same way.”

  “She does,” Merle said. “But she likes to try to bend things until they take the shape she wants them to have. It’s not only you, really. She’s been trying to keep me at home with her ever since I came back from the hospital. It’s kind of my fault. I shouldn’t have given in, but in the beginning I wanted to reassure her, and after that, well, it was easier to say yes than to fight with her.”

  “Are you going to go back to training, then?” Kameron asked.

  Merle bit on his lower lip. “I want to. I’m just not sure I can.”

  “Why not?” Gentry asked.

  “I, well, you know about the nightmares. I’m not sure I wouldn’t be a liability in combat or even only in patrolling the borders, especially now we know Tom is prowling. Besides, what do you think will happen if Tom finds me out while I’m on patrol? He’ll gun for me, and he’ll have it easy.”

  “That’s assuming he’s going to attack the pack.”

  “Even if he doesn’t, I’m useless.”

  “You’re not. Besides, you can still train without actively participating,” Zach pointed out. “Or we could team you up with Nootaw.”

  “Doesn’t he already have a partner?” Merle asked, looking at his mate.

  Nootaw nodded. “Angelo.�
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  “Is he treating you right?” Kameron asked.

  “Yes. I never had any problems with him. He’s better than most.”

  Kameron nodded. “Good.” He looked at Merle. “Look, do whatever you feel up to. You know I’m not going to push you or anything.”

  Merle hesitated. There was one thing he wanted to do, and he knew his mother would spit fire when she found out about it. “Can I move in with you? I know my mom will be angry, but I feel like I won’t heal if I stay there. She loves me, but she coddles me too much because she doesn’t want me to be hurt. I think I kinda need the pain to heal, though. I won’t if I don’t face what I went through.”

  “Of course you can. You know that. Good luck with your mother, though.”

  Merle grimaced. “Yeah. She’s not going to make it easy on me.”

  “Do you need help to move your things? You just have to ask and I’ll come with you.”

  Merle had to smile at that. “Don’t you have some super important council stuff to do?”

  “Pack members are more important.”

  “More important than the wellbeing of the supernatural world?”

  “Yup. The pack’s my family. They always come first.”

  “Seeing us fight like I just did with Mom can’t be easy for you, huh?”

  Kameron leaned back in his chair and tapped a finger on the table. “It’s never easy, especially since I know a lot of the problems come from being under Erskine for so long. I try to be as fair as I can, though I know several pack members don’t approve. The pack is healthy again, and thriving, so it seems I’m doing the right thing.”

  “You are. And thank you for the offer, but I’ll be fine. I don’t know how Dad will react to Nootaw being my mate, but I know Brent will be happy for me.”

  “All right, but call if you encounter problems.” Kameron looked at Nootaw. “Are you going with Merle?”

  Nootaw looked like he didn’t know how to answer, and Merle decided to help him. “I don’t know yet. Mom said she expected me to be home tonight, so that leaves us some time to talk. Unless he has to work, of course.”