The Bachelor's Baby Dilemma (Family Renewal)

by Sheri WhiteFeather

  “I don’t know. I think I would have enjoyed having a girl like Ivy. But a boy like Jude would have been amazing, too.”

  “Maybe Jude and Ivy will grow up and fall head over heels for each other.” He withdrew his hand from the crib. “And maybe they won’t.”

  She didn’t know what to say about that. Mostly she was hoping that she didn’t fall for Tanner. That those wifely feelings wouldn’t keep coming back to haunt her.

  He switched on the mobile and let “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” play. Silent, they watched the device go around, the puffy moons and stars connected to it dancing on strings.

  “We should get settled in,” Candy said while Ivy drifted off to her theme song. “She’s almost out.”

  Tanner turned off the main light switch, leaving the night-light burning. He climbed into his sleeping bag with his e-reader, and she got into the daybed.

  “It’s pretty in here like this,” he said.

  “Yes, it is.” As magical as a little girl’s room should be. The night-light was shaped like a unicorn, its mane embellished with ribbon and its horn gold and glittery.

  She pulled up her covers. While he read with his book light, she closed her eyes. But she couldn’t sleep. Knowing he was there, so close, made her want to join him on the floor. But she didn’t, of course.

  Finally, she dozed off, only to be awakened by the distressed call of an infant crying. But Tanner beat her to it. He picked up his niece and held her in his protective arms.

  Candy stumbled into the kitchen to fix the bottle. She could have gone back to bed once the formula was ready, but she stayed up while Tanner fed Ivy.

  Afterward, he managed to burp her on the first try, using the upright method. He shifted her into a normal position and said, “I think she’s wet.”

  Candy checked Ivy’s diaper. He was right. She even had a damp spot on the back of her nightgown.

  They placed her on the changing table, and together they tended to the princess who’d appeared in their lives.

  But once they returned her to the cushioned comfort of her crib, they just stood there, caught in a moonlit moment.

  In the dimness of the nursery, with the baby making soft sounds, they could’ve kissed. If they were the actual parents, they might’ve.

  To keep the longing at bay, the feeling of family, Candy moved away from him. But it didn’t do any good.

  She wanted Ivy’s uncle. In the most romantic way possible.

  * * *

  Three weeks had passed since they’d brought Ivy home from the hospital and Candy was still struggling with her feelings for Tanner. And she didn’t have a clue what to do about it.

  She gazed absently at the ingredients on the kitchen counter. She was preparing dinner for when Tanner got home from work. Ivy was nearby, in the dining room, nestled in her cradle. But the three of them being in the same house together was subject to change. The guesthouse was in the process of being remodeled and as soon as it was complete, Candy would be staying there.

  Still, she doubted that moving across the yard was going to help. Her attraction to Tanner wasn’t going to magically disappear.

  He was all she thought about, not just in wifely ways, but in wild, sexy ways, too. She was even starting to have fantasies about cracking open that bottle of tequila with him.

  The innocent girl and the dangerous boy.

  If she did something like that, would it cure her of what ailed her? Would she stop imagining him as her husband?

  Candy was so confused, she could hardly think straight.

  Things were getting complicated all the way around, even with Meagan. They’d been keeping in touch with Tanner’s sister over the phone, and she wasn’t doing well. In fact, the doctor at the prison had diagnosed her with postpartum depression. They were offering her treatment, but she didn’t seem receptive to it. Mostly, she was behaving as if Ivy didn’t really belong to her.

  That didn’t help ease Candy’s concerns. She wanted Meagan to embrace her daughter. Tanner, of course, wanted that, too.

  They’d been sending all sorts of pictures of Ivy to her. They’d even ordered a baby-safe ink kit so they could make handprints and footprints, tracking Ivy’s growth, trying to do whatever they could to keep Meagan in the fold.

  Candy returned to the food preparation. She’d found a recipe for a cheese enchilada casserole that sounded good. She’d taken to making vegetarian meals that both she and Tanner could eat, often adding meat for him on the side.

  While she spooned the sauce onto the bottom of the pan, her mind wandered back to her dilemma. If she gave in to her fantasies and made wild love with Tanner, she couldn’t regret it afterward. Or get emotional. Or pine for more. She couldn’t let it backfire.

  She needed to be sure that she could handle being his lover. That if they tumbled into bed together, she wouldn’t start thinking of it as a marital bed.

  So what did that mean? That she actually might do this? At the moment, she didn’t know. But now that the seed had been planted, she couldn’t deny that it intrigued her.

  Feeling fluttery inside, Candy placed the tortillas she’d browned in the pan, added more sauce, spread sour cream over it and layered the cheese. She repeated the process, making the casserole thick and hearty. Lastly, she sprinkled the top with olives and jalapeño peppers, knowing Tanner liked his food with a kick.

  The same type of kick he liked his women to have? With that in mind, she added more peppers, just in case she decided to let down her innocent guard in the future.

  Making sure everything was plenty hot.

  * * *

  Tanner entered the house through the back door, thinking about how much his life had changed. Not only was he learning to function on less sleep, he was trying to adjust to the arrangement he was in.

  He and Candy had been sharing the responsibility of taking care of the baby. Depending on their schedules, they rotated their nights in the nursery. He knew better than to insist on staying in there together again. That was just too dang intimate and something he couldn’t handle, not without wanting to turn the nanny into his lover.

  They’d agreed that soon it would be time to let Ivy sleep alone in her room, using the monitor to wake them up when she cried. Either way, they would keep their nights separate. It wouldn’t matter, though, not if their attraction continued to get in the way.

  He walked into the living room, where Candy and Ivy and Yogi were waiting for him.

  Well, the woman was, anyway. The baby was in her cradle, sucking on a purple pacifier, and the Lab was protecting the kid, like the watchdog she was fast becoming.

  This part was weird for him, almost as if he was coming home to his family. He could smell dinner in the oven, and the aroma was alluringly spicy.

  As much as he appreciated Candy’s delicious meals, none of this felt quite right. None of it seemed normal. Yet he wasn’t looking forward to her moving into the guesthouse, either. Strange as all of this was, he would miss her company.

  “Guess what came in the mail?” she asked.

  “I have no idea.” He pulled off his boots and dropped them where he stood. He wasn’t the tidiest guy when he first got home. He had the tendency to leave things where they lay. “So why don’t you tell me what came in?”

  “The baby-safe ink kit we ordered.”

  “Really?” he reacted like a new dad and chastised himself for it. They’d bought the kit to make Ivy’s handprints and footprints to give to Meagan, not for him to feel fatherly. Still, he was curious to use it. “Did you open it?”

  She nodded. “It seems pretty cool.”

  He dragged a hand through his hair. “I wish Meagan was doing better.”

  “At least the prison doctor isn’t ignoring her symptoms.”

  “I’m grateful that they
’re trying to help her.” Postpartum depression, he’d learned, was common with women in stressful situations. It only stood to reason that his inmate sister would be subject to it. The “baby blues” consisted of mood swings and crying spells that faded quickly. But the more severe symptoms, like Meagan’s, lasted longer and required treatment. “Maybe the ink prints will help cheer her up,” he said. “Or maybe it will just be another reminder that she’ll be missing out on the first two years of her daughter’s life.”

  “She’s going to get better, Tanner. It’s just going to take a little time.”

  “I’ll be glad when we take the baby to see her.” He walked over to Ivy and glanced down at her. “There’s no way she can reject that little face in person.” He looked up. “Is there?”

  “I don’t know how she’s going to react. I guess it depends on how effective her treatment is by then. Meagan is struggling to cope with the situation she’s in, trying to combat the ache of loving a baby who was taken away from her.”

  “I knew it was going to be tough, but I hadn’t counted on her being so depressed.”

  “It happens to lots of new mothers. Your sister isn’t alone in this.” She set his boots off to the side. “I’ve heard that postpartum can happen to new fathers, too.”

  Perplexed, he made a face. “How is that even possible?”

  “Depression comes in all forms, and having babies can be overwhelming to everyone who’s involved.”

  “I can’t argue with that.” He scooped Ivy into his arms. “This one has caused me tremendous amounts of anxiety. But she’s my sweetheart, too.”

  “I love seeing how close you are to her.”

  “That’s because she’s the best princess ever.” He removed Ivy’s socks and wiggled her toes. “Look at those pint-size piggies, just itching to get inked.”

  Wanting to share the baby with Candy, he went over to her. She smiled and joined him in playing with Ivy’s feet.

  And then he realized his mistake.

  He and Candy were only inches apart, with Ivy pressed lovingly between them. He’d just trapped himself in one of those tenderly troubling moments, making him and the nanny seem like the baby’s parents.

  He stepped back, putting a bit of distance between them. But it didn’t help. That cozy feeling was still there, dragging both of them under its uncomfortably romantic spell.

  * * *

  Eager to get away from the house, Candy spent a much-needed afternoon with Dana. They sat in Dana’s living room, with the kids napping nearby. Jude had conked out on the floor with his toys, and Ivy was in a portable crib.

  Even amid the silence of sleeping children, Candy’s thoughts were running a mile a minute. She needed to confide in Dana, to let her emotions out. Because with each day that churned by, her feelings were becoming too much to bear.

  “I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” Candy said.

  Dana cocked her head. “Do what?”

  “Keep getting tangled up in domestic situations with Tanner. But I’ve been considering a solution.” She took a deep breath, expelling the air in her lungs. “I’ve been thinking of being with him.”

  The blonde leaned forward. “You mean sleeping with him?”

  Candy nodded. “I was thinking that we could have an affair, of sorts. That if we become lovers, or friends with benefits, as it were, it’ll relieve the sexual tension and make our attraction to each other more bearable. Plus, I’m hoping that once we become lovers, it will make me stop feeling so wifely when I’m around him. That having a wild-and-free affair with him will cancel out the domestic vibe that keeps cropping up.”

  Dana appeared to be mulling it over. Then she said, “That sounds great, as long as it doesn’t have an adverse effect on you.”

  “I’ve considered that it could backfire. But to be honest, I’m getting tired of being such a good girl. I want to know what it feels like to be free, to unleash my spirit, to do something I’ve never done before. I spent all those years being committed to Vince, and where did it get me?”

  “Divorced?” Dana asked.

  “Exactly. But if I do this with Tanner, there won’t be any expectation of us planning a life together. I’ll be going into it with my eyes open.” Big and wide, she thought. “I can learn to be a new kind of woman. Someone who throws caution to the wind.”

  “Are you sure about this, Candy? I mean, honestly, what if curling up in bed with him makes you feel more attached? Even more like his wife?”

  “I’m well aware that something like that could happen, considering my character and how traditional I’ve always been. But I’m going to do my best to control those types of feelings. Like I said, I really want to learn to be a new kind of woman and not get so dang attached all the time. I think it would be good for me to have my first affair, and especially with Tanner. He’s the perfect guy for it.”

  “It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”

  “It does, doesn’t it?” She put a hand against her heart, trying to stop it from beating too fast. “But maybe it was inevitable, me making a decision like this. I mean, how long can you want someone without giving in to those types of desires?”

  Dana grinned. “Not long, it seems.”

  Candy continued to rationalize. “At least I’m giving it some thought and running it past you, instead of acting on pure impulse.”

  “I totally agree. This is your method of making it work. Mine was to climb into bed with Eric the first night. But I’ve never been cautious about exploring new and adventurous things.”

  Candy’s adventurous side was just starting to unfold. Was she really going to be with Tanner? Was it really going to happen?

  “When are you going to seduce him?”

  Her pulse leaped. “What?”

  “That’s your plan, isn’t it? To slip into his room one night and seduce him?”

  “Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of discussing it with him.”

  “Really?” Dana just stared at her.

  “That will be easier for me. Besides, we’re used to talking things out. That’s part of what our friendship has been based on.”

  “Then go for it, sweetie. Sit him down and tell him how you feel.”

  It did sound a little strange, considering the subject matter. But Candy was only able to take her free spirit so far. She needed to explain to Tanner how this decision came to be.

  “He said from the beginning that people were either going to mistake us as Ivy’s parents or assume that we were lovers. Of course, we’ll still be taking care of Ivy. But if this works out the way it should, at least those parental-type moments will stop creeping into it.”

  Dana glanced at the children. “Speaking of Ivy, how is Tanner doing with her? Is he less afraid of the SIDS issue?”

  “He’s definitely getting there. It helps for him to keep thinking of Ivy as a princess from a star. It makes her seem less breakable to him. The monitor is starting to give him a measure of comfort, too. He likes carrying around the portable receiver and turning up the volume to hear the rhythm of her breathing. He’s still overprotective, but, overall, he’s made tremendous strides. Neither of us is sleeping in the nursery anymore.”

  “I’m glad he’s less anxious than he was before. It’s not healthy to obsess about negative things. And she certainly is an adorable baby. He brags to Eric about her all the time.”

  Candy smiled. “He’s the proudest uncle ever. He’s good at everything, even changing dirty diapers. Not that he hasn’t gagged a few times.” She laughed. “But after he cleans her up, he parades her around like royalty.”

  “That’s nice to hear. And cute, too.” Dana laughed a bit, as well. Then she asked, “When do you plan to talk to him about the two of you?”

  That was the million-dollar question.
“I don’t know. There’s a lot going on right now, with Meagan’s depression and all.”

  “That poor girl. Is it any wonder she feels the way she does? I would die if I couldn’t keep Jude with me. Postpartum or not, that would cause most women to be depressed.”

  “I know.” It made Candy sad, knowing that Meagan was suffering. “We’ll be taking the baby to see her next week. But we have no idea how it will affect her.”

  “I hope the visit goes well, but you should probably wait until it’s over before you talk to Tanner. It’ll be better to approach that discussion with a clear head.”

  “I agree. The most important thing right now is Meagan and the baby. But I still need to be prepared to talk to Tanner. I hope I’m not a nervous wreck when the time comes.”

  Dana sent her a warm smile. “Just say it when it feels right.”

  “I will. But like you said, for now, I’m going to focus on the visit with Meagan.”

  And do what she could to make that right.

  Chapter Twelve

  It was taking Candy forever to get ready for their visit with Meagan. They still had plenty of time, but Tanner just wanted to get this day over with.

  Would Meagan be as detached in person as she’d seemed on the phone? He remembered how unresponsive his mom had been after Ella died. Except that Meagan’s baby was alive and well, and the comparison made him feel sick. Granted, his sister was in prison, and that sucked. But when it came to Ivy, she should be happy, not sad. She should be working toward her rehabilitation so she could have a future with her child instead of withdrawing from the world. But in spite of what he thought, Meagan’s depression was real, and he couldn’t fault her for it.

  Finally, Candy entered the nursery, where he and the baby were, and he appreciated the sight of her.

  “Sorry it took me so long,” she said. “I kept going over the list you gave me with the attire restrictions, making sure I didn’t violate it. Some of the color schemes that aren’t allowed threw me.”

  He knew what she meant. Not only did you have to be careful not to wear colors that the inmates wore, you couldn’t wear clothing that resembled the custodial staff’s, either.