Love Lessons

by Heidi Cullinan

“But if he did?” Kelly’s fingers pressed against Walter’s wrist. “Would you stay?”

  Walter wanted to pull his hand away, but he couldn’t, so he looked out the window. “I haven’t thought about it. I don’t want to think about it.”

  Kelly squeezed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  Their champagne arrived, but Walter held fast to Kelly’s hand. When the waitress left them again, Walter turned back to Kelly.

  “I wouldn’t leave you.” Walter tightened his grip and swallowed against the vulnerability that confession left in its wake. He meant the words, but they made him feel raw and exposed. Still, he forced himself to meet Kelly’s gaze, because reassuring him mattered more than anything else. “Whatever happens to Williams, I’ll be staying at Hope. And you’ll be the only sophomore living in the Manors, because those bastards owe us both big time.”

  That was meant to lighten the moment, but Kelly appeared as stricken as he had when Walter had first made his promise. “You can’t say something like that. You can’t stay at Hope just because of me.”

  Something in Kelly’s tone made the yaw inside Walter gape wider. “Why not?”

  Kelly wasn’t blushing—which was weird. “Because you can’t.” He rearranged their hands so his was on top, pressing down hard. His class ring glinted in the low light, and the arch lit up behind him. “You can’t sacrifice your life for other people. Look what happened with your mom.”

  “You are so not my mother,” Walter said, still trying to turn this into a joke.

  Kelly refused to so much as crack a smile, and his grip on Kelly’s hand got tighter. “If you want to transfer, Walter, you’ll transfer. If you want to follow Williams to Hawaii, you’ll follow him. Do you hear me?”

  Now Walter was getting annoyed. “I’m not choosing Williams over you, for Christ’s sake.”

  “You shouldn’t choose Williams or me over you.” The waitress appeared, and Kelly waved her away, not breaking his heavy gaze on Walter. “Walter, I will not be the person you sacrifice yourself for.”

  “Kelly, I’m not going anywhere, okay? I want to stay. Anyway, nothing is going to change.”

  “Things happen. We can’t always control them.”

  Walter held up his free hand. “Stop. This is supposed to be a romantic dinner, not an interrogation.”

  Kelly glanced back over the river behind them, a sad expression on his face.

  “Hey.” Catching Kelly’s chin, Walter turned him toward his own gaze. Kelly smiled, and the waitress came to try again for their order.

  The smile had shadows, though, Walter couldn’t help but notice, and it worried him.

  Somehow it didn’t surprise Kelly that Walter had gotten them a hotel.

  He wasn’t even surprised that it was a swanky, upscale number on the river, not far from the restaurant, and that their room had a view of the arch. What he hadn’t been ready for was the bouquet of roses, the box of vegan chocolates and the sea of lit candles floating in a sunken in-room hot tub. When he realized a hidden set of speakers played Sia softly in the background, Kelly became overwhelmed. Half-laughing, half-weeping, he sank onto the silky sheets of the king-sized bed and pulled Walter down with him.

  “Is it okay?” Walter asked, smiling, but clearly nervous.

  Kelly laugh-sobbed and hit his boyfriend gently in the chest. “You’re crazy, you know that? You’re absolutely insane. How can you even ask? Of course it’s okay. It’s beyond okay. It’s amazing.” He looked around again, sank back against Walter and caught his hand to squeeze it tight. “You know, one of us in this relationship is a hopeless romantic, and it’s not the one who owns over thirty Disney movies.”

  “It’s Valentine’s Day. I wanted to do something special.” Walter wrapped an arm around Kelly and pulled him closer, nuzzling a kiss against his temple. “I like making you happy.”

  The kisses along Kelly’s ear began to slow, turning seductive. Kelly closed his eyes and leaned into them. “You make me happy all the time.” He broke from the drugging kisses and turned to Walter, nuzzling his nose. “I love you, Walter.”

  Tucking his chin, Walter rested his forehead against Kelly’s, hands skimming up Kelly’s sides. “I love you too.”

  The echo of vulnerability lingered in Walter’s words, and Kelly caught his mouth to ease him, reassuring his lover with kisses long and lingering. It didn’t take long for passion and the promise of what pleasure there was to be had in a private hotel room, a large bed and no parents or jocks around to make them self-conscious. Lube and condoms waited on the nightstand.

  Kelly was losing his anal virginity tonight.

  Nervous, giddy, impatient, terrified—Kelly felt everything at once, but he felt it with Walter, so he didn’t care. He stripped off his shirt and shucked out of his pants, but before Walter could pin him to the bed, Kelly pressed Walter back, sliding down his chest to nuzzle his groin as his hands worked deftly to free Walter’s cock. A second later Walter gasped and Kelly hummed around the warm hardness in his mouth, smiling around his mouthful at the familiar smell and taste of Walter. He wondered if all men smelled and tasted like that or if they were different.

  He hoped, in the quiet of his mind where no one could tease him for his sentimentality, that he never got to learn the answer.

  While he blew Walter, Kelly also stripped him out of his clothes, first pants and socks, and then, when Walter pulled him up by the hair with a warning that the show was about to be over way too soon, Kelly tugged at the panels of Walter’s shirt until the buttons strained. Laughing, Walter pushed Kelly’s hands away and yanked the whole thing over his head.

  They stood a moment, nude, breathing hard, regarding each other.

  Kelly grabbed Walter’s waist. They came together in a kiss, cocks and bellies brushing, hands seeking, mouths claiming, and in that tangle, they fell back to the bed again.

  Within a minute of making out, though, Walter had Kelly on his belly, knees parted, a pillow beneath his hips. Tense, but in anticipation of pleasure, not pain, Kelly shut his eyes and curled his hands against the mattress. He knew what was coming.

  Walter’s hand stroked a lazy trail down Kelly’s spine, and Kelly shivered. Walter laughed, softly. “Don’t worry, hon. You can make as much noise as you want this time.”

  Kelly blushed. They’d tried this once back at the dorm, and in addition to bruises on their knees and arms from wrangling into position on the futon, Kelly had made so much noise the linebacker and fullback across the hall had beat on their door and promised to knock it down if they had to keep hearing “cockroaches having sex.” So they hadn’t tried again.

  Until now.

  Cool hands spread Kelly’s cheeks, a warm tongue pressed against his entrance, and Kelly felt brain cells die from sheer pleasure.

  He cried out, a long arpeggio of a gasp that gave way to a tortured moan. His upper body felt like electric spaghetti, aching and splayed and completely void of the ability to move. He could feel Walter’s tongue everywhere—it was like there were eight of them, laving his hole, trailing up and down his crack, running down the line to tease at his balls. Kelly’s jaw ached with want, and he had to actively keep himself from humping against the pillow in an effort to drive against Walter’s mouth. Turning his face into the bedspread, he tried to muffle some of his sounds, sure he was carrying on far more than was normal.

  Then Walter pulled his cheeks wider, tightened his tongue into a small, wet spear, and wormed his way inside.

  Kelly came off the mattress.

  For a second he tried to control himself, lest Walter think he didn’t like what was going on, but Walter seemed to understand, holding Kelly in place and ignoring his struggles, leaving Kelly free to moan and flail and beg incoherently for things he wasn’t sure what they were, exactly, but that he had to have them. He wanted more, he wanted harder, he wanted—

  A slick finger poked in beside Walter’s tongue, and Kelly’s whole body short-circuited. Yes. That was what he
wanted.

  For a long time that was all he got—one finger, probing gently, Walter’s tongue darting in beside it, Walter’s breath hot against his cheeks. This, outside of the rimming, wasn’t new. One of Walter’s favorite games was to sit up late with Kelly, watching TV and driving Kelly crazy with his fingers while he whispered in his ear. “If you want me to fuck you,” Walter would say, “you have to be ready. We have to stretch you, or it’ll hurt.”

  “I’m stretched already,” Kelly would complain, arching into the fingers that speared him, the smell of musk and lube heavy in the air. “Let’s do it now.”

  “We’ll wait,” Walter always said.

  They were done waiting now. Kelly clutched at the bed and submitted to the pleasure Walter gave him, as Walter relaxed him and teased him and spread him with two, now three fingers. He brushed that spot deep inside that made Kelly turn to butter, then rubbed against it so Kelly felt like he was constantly shorting out.

  The fingers slipped out, and after a kiss on Kelly’s backside, Walter’s mouth moved away.

  Here it comes, Kelly told himself, feeling dizzy.

  The crinkle of the condom seemed to echo like a gunshot. Walter had been tested already in October, just after the last time he’d been with anyone else, but he wouldn’t be with Kelly sans condom, he said, until he had the follow-up in April. Walter’s caretaking made him feel good, and this safety mingled with the truth that sex, always, was something a little dangerous—the whole business simply ramped Kelly’s nerves all the way up to eleven. The lube slick against his skin felt cold, and his arms ached, a thin rust of fear sliding through his veins.

  Walter nudged at his entrance, and he tensed. Walter’s hand massaged the small of his back. “Relax, baby. Push into it.” Kelly tried, he did, but all of a sudden he panicked, and he wasn’t sure, and—

  The tip of Walter’s cock moved inside, and Kelly pushed up to his hands and knees, eyes wide open. For a long time they remained frozen in that pose, breathing hard, waiting.

  Kelly shut his eyes, drew a breath. “More.”

  More came, tighter and more impossible than before. Kelly let out a sigh laced with pain.

  “Breathe,” Walter advised him. “Breathe and push, and we’ll be at the good part.”

  The funny part was that Kelly had read about this—extensively, back in high school and again as he’d come closer to this moment with Walter. He knew to push like he was trying to go to the bathroom. He knew once the sphincter relaxed, the game would change. He knew all of it. Except that was academic. This was his goddamn ass, which he was no longer quite sure was meant to have a cock in it.

  Except he wanted a cock in it. He let out a breath and bore down.

  With one good thrust and only one more moment of pain, the sphincter gave way, Walter pushed in deep, and Kelly entered a whole new world.

  It wasn’t so much that a cock was so much different than fingers. It was, but it wasn’t about girth or length or even the sure, strong thrusts—though those were great. It was that he could feel Walter’s heartbeat against his back. That he felt the nest of hair brushing against his ass, tickling him, teasing the strained, spread skin of Kelly’s asshole. Their balls banged and danced together as Walter pushed deep and withdrew, sawing in and out of Kelly as his hands roved across Kelly’s skin, as his mouth made love to the back of Kelly’s neck. Walter was in him. Inside him. With him.

  Kelly wanted more.

  He tried to turn his head and catch Walter’s mouth—he met his lips a few times, but it was a tease, not what he wanted. Figuring it out, Walter pulled out, leaving Kelly aching and empty until Walter rolled him over, pushed his thighs against his chest and pressed into him again, catching his mouth in a kiss as his cock resumed its previous engagement. Kelly moaned into Walter’s mouth, shaking—from this angle, Walter could fuck deeper, and it made Kelly feel like he’d die with want.

  Walter nipped at his lips. “I have to be careful. This is your first time, and I don’t want you to be sore.”

  “God, I want to be sore.” Kelly nipped back, thrusting his hips against Walter’s cock to take it deeper inside. “Oh God, please.”

  “We have all the time in the world, Red. No need to rush.”

  Kelly was done with all the time in the world. He wanted now. “Fuck me, Walter,” he whispered. “Please. Fuck me.”

  Walter did. Kissing Kelly with so much tongue it gave him goose bumps, Walter spread Kelly’s legs wide and pounded against his body until their skin slapped, until Kelly’s cock bounced between their bellies. Walter fucked Kelly hard, fucked him deep, fucked him long and slow and fast. He tucked Kelly’s legs to one side, then another, placing Kelly’s legs over his own shoulders until Kelly lay flat on the bed, speaking in sexual tongues as Walter both pounded into him and jerked his cock toward its inevitable end. Kelly came abruptly and hard, feeling like his whole body exploded and shattered across the room. When he came around, Walter was winding up for his own release. Kelly watched him through bleary eyes, watched his lover’s eyes close, his mouth open, watched everything strip away as he lost himself and came.

  When Walter collapsed onto the bed beside him, Kelly made his weakened limbs move enough to pull him close, twining them back together. His backside twinged, and he realized Walter was right. He was going to be sore.

  He couldn’t, however, bring himself to care.

  Holding Walter tight, he pressed lazy kisses to his cheek and chin. Walter burrowed in against him, laughing with little breath to spare.

  “Shit,” he said, and laughed again.

  Kelly kissed him on the mouth, slow and lazy.

  I’ll never leave you. Walter’s words from the restaurant echoed in Kelly’s heart, sinking there like lead. Kelly shut his eyes and threaded his fingers into Walter’s hair.

  I love you, and I don’t want to ever leave you, either.

  Except even as he thought this, he thought too of his family’s dwindling bank account, of his mother’s lack of a job, of what three more years of Hope would do to their finances, what it would mean for Lisa’s chance at going to school, any school—and Kelly knew that while he didn’t want to leave, he couldn’t promise, not honestly, that he wouldn’t.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The documentary production went very well, and Jax promised an Oscar-worthy film by the time they returned from break. Ethan’s computer nerds stood by ready to roll, and Rose printed the posters and prepared the graphics and copy for social media. Really, Walter thought, it was a shame they couldn’t put all this on their resumes, because it was better than half the internships they could sign up for.

  He had dinner with Williams before Walter went back to Northbrook—Thai takeout in Williams’s office with the traditional bad coffee. They’d remained in their usual contact since the campaign began, but their conversations were always slightly stilted, and they kept the door wide open and their voices at levels allowing others to verify they weren’t colluding on plans. Tonight, however, they were the only two in the building, and Williams declared he didn’t care. Wearily, he shut the door and handed Walter a box of red curry and rice.

  “Don’t give me details,” he said, “but tell me that you’re not killing yourselves over this. If I lose my job and you all flunk out of college, I’ll never live with myself.”

  “We’re fine. You give us most of our grades, and last I checked, we’re still working our asses off for them.” He aimed his fork at Williams. “You’re not losing your job.”

  Williams shrugged and dipped into his green curry. He looked so defeated. “Holtz says there’s good odds that this Regent meeting will smooth things over.”

  Walter brightened. “There is a meeting then?”

  Williams winced. “Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

  “Already forgotten.” Except he was so calling Rose on the way home. He didn’t want to torture the professor any further, though, so he changed the subject. “How’s the family doing?”


  “Fair. Stressed. I have applications out all over the country, and a couple of colleges have put me into consideration for interviews. Karen wants me to wait until Holtz does his thing, but honestly, I have to have a back-up plan in place. Getting a new position isn’t easy in any event, but add my age and lack of publishing and it’s almost impossible. But she doesn’t want to move, and neither do the kids. So it’s hell.” He sighed. “Sorry, I’m a real Debbie Downer.”

  “I hate that they’re doing this to you. It makes me insane.”

  Williams reached over and squeezed his arm briefly, then fussed with his mouse, scrolling through his email while he continued to speak. “I’ll make it through. It’s you I worry about. Tell me good things about your life, Walter. I know you’re hopelessly in love with your roommate and he with you, so I assume that’s all good. Doing anything together over break?”

  Thinking of Kelly made Walter ease a little. “No, he has to go back home. His mom got laid off, and he wants to be with the family. I think he has some crazy idea about getting a job over break, but yeah, that’s what he’s doing. I’m heading home to do First Attendant prep work with Cara.”

  Williams stopped messing with his mouse. “Is Kelly’s family okay? Do we need to look at some scholarships for him?”

  “That’s probably a good idea, though they’ll have to be academic, not need-based. He’s in that crappy middle bit where his family still has income but is about to lose it. So he won’t qualify for loans until next year. I know too that his dad won’t want him taking loans, either. But Kelly’s obsessed because his sister is on deck to go to school.”

  Williams frowned. “Hope is pretty damn expensive. I hope he’s able to continue.”

  Walter went still. His shoulders tightened, so much so that he felt a sharp pinch in a tendon on his left side. “What do you mean?”

  “Just that if he’s in that much of a financial snarl, he may have to transfer out.” When Walter went white, Williams swore and sat up. “Shit. God, I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. He won’t transfer, Walter. Ignore me.”