Because I Love You 2

by A'zayler

  “It’ll be okay, Brina. They figured it out and fixed it.” I rubbed my hand through her hair.

  “Yeah, now, but they could have killed him.” She closed her eyes and scooted closer to him. “Y’all just don’t understand how much I love B. There’s no me without him.”

  I hurried to look away from her before I started crying again. I’d been crying right along with her all night, and I didn’t know how much more me or baby Zon could take.

  “BB is a soldier. He’s got this shit in the bag, Zebrina. Don’t think like that,” Egypt tried to encourage her while walking over to me.

  As soon as he grabbed me in his arms, I rested my head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “Always.”

  The room was quiet while we all watched a person we loved dearly suffer. With there being nothing that either of us could do for him, it made his sickness hit us that much harder.

  “Egypt.” Brina’s voice was a little muffled by her cries. “Can you please handle whatever he wants to do with Pat? I want to keep him home with me for a little while. This street stuff isn’t what he needs right now.”

  “I got you.”

  Her eyes went to me next. “Take care of him.” She nodded toward Egypt. “B won’t rest if something happens to Egypt.”

  I exhaled roughly. “None of us will.”

  When Egypt squeezed me tighter, my heart skipped a beat. We stayed with Zebrina for another thirty minutes before leaving. I was jittery all over again as I thought about having to take Egypt to Pat’s house. After the scare we’d had with BB, all I wanted to do was lie down and get my feet rubbed. I was thankful that I served a faithful God when Egypt stopped at the passenger side of his car and grabbed my hands.

  “We can do all that other shit tomorrow. I’ma just take you back to my spot. Cool?”

  I hurried up and nodded my head. I wanted to make sure he knew there were no objections on my end.

  “After seeing my nigga like that, I just want to love on you some. Kiss you a little longer tonight, cuddle up under you, get high off your smell and shit.” He pressed his forehead into mine. “Let you know that a nigga is real life scared to lose you.”

  My heart jumped for joy as I listened to him speak to me. I’d been so infatuated with Egypt for so long that hearing him say things like that made me lose myself. The same tears that had become my best friend today returned for one final hurrah.

  Egypt wiped my cheeks before raising my chin and kissing my mouth. Me being the greedy slut that I am, I had to make the kiss nasty and add some tongue to it. Our lip lock released the heaviness that had made itself comfortable in my life since the day I drove away, leaving him at his sister’s house. This was my baby, the one I’d been secretly in love with since forever, the one who drove me nuts, but the same one who made me want to love him in any way possible.

  “You’re the one thing I’ve dreamed about consecutively for years.” I sniffed to keep from crying any worse than I already had been. “Just hoping that one day you would see me and understand how you make me feel.”

  I adored the way Egypt watched me so intently as I spoke to him. It made me somewhat nervous but made me bold as well. There was something about knowing he wanted to hear what I was saying that made me want to say more.

  “I’d been so lost behind Dream that I feared you’d never see Azayna.” I smiled hard and pulled him to me again. “Finding love with you was my favorite prayer… now keeping you has replaced that.”

  I was sap as hell for telling that man all of my feelings, but nothing was promised. I’d seen that for myself. Then, having to stand there and watch my best friend care for her man while he lay sick in a hospital bed made me that much more grateful for what I had with Egypt, even if it was dysfunctional. I’d been extremely happy with Blue; he was mad cool and kept me laughing, but not even he had given me the feeling that Egypt did.

  “I’m out there with you, boo. I swear I am.” Egypt’s words were few, but I felt them.

  They were just as real as the look in his eyes.

  “Let’s go home before I find somewhere to marry you.”

  I was smiling on the outside, but on the inside, I wished like hell that he would do something like that. I’d marry Egypt in a heartbeat. Not one ounce of thought would weigh me down. We held hands the entire ride to his house and all the way up the sidewalk.

  When he unlocked the door and let me in, I smelled him instantly. His entire space smelled like him. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ambiance until I felt him messing with my feet. When I looked down, he was removing the straps of my sandals. I lifted my leg a little just to help him out. When he was done, he locked the door and pulled me down the hallway behind him.

  I looked around, checking out how he lived. The place wasn’t extremely decorated, but it wasn’t completely empty either. It had a nice little feel to it, one that I could see myself getting used to, but after I added my touch to it. His bedroom was much like the rest of the house. Half decorated, only with clothes and shoes adding to the furniture and stationary decorations along the wall.

  “You can take a shower and put on one of my shirts.” He pushed the top of my dress down, and I smiled.

  “I’m starting to think wearing strapless dresses around you is a bad idea.”

  He smiled guiltily. “Yeah… don’t do that shit or I’ma fuck with it all day.”

  I steadied myself by holding onto his shoulder as he freed me from my dress.

  “I knew you wasn’t wearing no panties.” The feeling in his statement made me laugh. “I should have followed my mind and bent you over in that parking lot today.”

  I shrugged. “You could have. Where’s the bathroom?” I walked out of his room in search of some soap and warm water.

  I found it before he could tell me and flipped the shower on. I went back to the mirror, nude, and pulled my hair up, tying it into a bun so that it wouldn’t get wet. I was in the shower enjoying the feel of the water against my skin when I felt him climbing in behind me.

  His arms came around me, cupping my stomach, while his chin rested on my shoulder. “You know I kind of wanted a girl.”

  I smiled because I wasn’t surprised. Egypt looked like the type who would be wrapped all over a little baby.

  “Why? Boys are so much more fun.”

  “Because,” he paused and didn’t say nothing for a while. “All of the women in my life show me real love. Y’all be coming straight for my heart, no holds barred. Y’all don’t fuck around. My mama, my sister, you, even Zebrina.” He chuckled. “I bet my li’l baby daughter would have been even worse.”

  I was gushing with love and giggles as I listened to his reasoning. “A boy is good too. You can be his hero. Teach him how to be a man, how to love a woman, how to be a protector, provider, and all of that other good stuff.”

  “I know, and I plan to.” He pecked my shoulder. “I plan to do a lot of stuff in the near future.”

  My eyebrows creased. “Like what?”

  More silence followed his admission before he opened up to me a little more. “I kind of want to start going back to church again.” He cleared his throat. “When I got shot, I think I talked to God. I mean, I don’t know if it was him, but it was somebody, and my mama was there. They kept asking me was I ready to die, and at first, I was like ‘hell yeah if I can be with my mama.’”

  I elbowed him in the stomach. “You were going to leave me?”

  “At first, yeah. I miss my mama so much, but once I saw how bad me dying hurt y’all, I kind of changed my mind.”

  “What you mean saw us?”

  “It was like a dream or an out of body experience. It was like I could see everything. The doctors working on me, y’all waiting, me bleeding out on the table, then dying. It was surreal, but it was a wake-up call too because it helped me realize that I’m not ready to die. I be in the streets every day now, nervous about getting caught slipping because I don’t know where I’ll
end up… maybe hell. More than likely that’s where I’ll be.”

  I held my breath, unsure of what to say.

  “But, enough of all of that. I just wanted you to know why, if I start telling you I’m at Bible Study and shit.”

  I giggled, and his deeper laughter followed.

  “I won’t judge you, babe. I think that’s good. I’ll go with you. The way I live and act, I’m sure I’ll be sharing a house in hell with you.”

  His laughter came fast and hard. He even let my body go in the process. I hated that part, but I loved how much joy he seemed to have in that moment. When he finally stopped, he grabbed the side of my neck and pulled me to him. He pecked my mouth a few times before smiling hard.

  “My mama said you’re beautiful and she wished she could have met you.”

  I was floored but just smiled to keep him at ease. He stared at me for a long time before kissing me again.

  “I wish she could have too.”

  We smiled and hugged each other, making up for lost time. Being there with him put me in a place that I couldn’t explain with any other word except happiness. Pure, unadulterated happiness.

  Chapter Ten

  -Egypt

  I sat straight up on the side of the bar, looking around at all the things in Pat’s office. He had all types of shit everywhere, but my attention was on the framed newspaper clippings on his wall. One of the papers looked older than the other. That one expressed thoughts on the killing of OG Crip, Stanley Tookie Williams III. While the other one was so recent that it almost made me shed a tear.

  Pictures and even a couple of framed album covers of Nipsey Hussle the great. Even though I was Blood to my core, that was one Crip nigga who had my utmost respect. A real standup guy, and true motivation for young, street niggas like me. He’d grinded and worked hard and smart until he’d gotten where he needed to be. If I could be like that nigga in even the smallest way, I’d feel accomplished.

  Shit was truly fucked up how they took him, but I was a firm believer that his life spoke for him and that his legacy would live on. Damn, I shook my head and looked away from the Victory Lap poster next to the framed CNN clipping reporting his death. That was one wound that was still too fresh for me to dwell on. I’d have to focus on something like that in the privacy of my own home.

  Being in my feelings in a nigga’s house that I didn’t trust nor respect was the wrong thing to be. The only reason I was even in there right now without any backup was because my MAC stayed ready, and so did I. If Pat or any of his niggas tried me, I was shooting my way up out of this bitch, and that was on my son. Azayna had promised me all morning that she’d talked to him and that things would be okay, but I’d have to see it to believe it.

  “Egypt.”

  I looked toward the door, and Azayna was standing there smiling. I didn’t smile back right away, but it came eventually. It was hard for me not to smile when Azayna was around. She was always doing or saying some silly shit. Like, right then she’d turned around and was bent over shaking her ass. All I could do was laugh and shake my head.

  “Man, come here.” I reached for her, and she came.

  Once she’d wedged herself between my legs as I sat on the bar stool, she started touching my face and hair like she always did.

  “You look so sexy. I love when you wear all black.”

  Slowly, her hand moved from my head until it was on the red flag around my neck. She knew how I felt about people touching it, but of course, she felt like she was different, and she was. Normally, I would have moved her hand, but she and I were past that stage, and I didn’t give a fuck about what she did to me.

  I would really let her do whatever she wanted to do to me, and I wouldn’t care. She had it like that. After spending all of those months without her, I was grateful for pretty much anything she had to give, even if it was something as simple as her touch.

  “Ain’t you supposed to be getting your stuff?” I rested one of my hands on the side of her butt while the other rubbed up and down the back of her thigh.

  I admired the curve of her full breasts as they sat perfectly in the fitted li’l pink shirt she was wearing. Both of her gold necklaces hung in the creases while the large, gold earrings rubbed against her cheeks every time she made a move. Her skin was radiant, and I was lowkey in love with the extra light and warmth that came with her being pregnant.

  “Yo, you got this mama shit on lock. I might have to keep you pregnant. You fine as fuck.”

  When her hand came up and covered her face as she leaned over and hid between my neck and shoulder, I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Whenever I said anything to her, she got on some shy shit.

  “Egypt,” she sang before pecking the side of my face.

  “You fine, anybody with eyes can see that. Ain’t no point in hiding.”

  “I’m not hiding from nobody but you. You make me shy.”

  I was rubbing her back and kissing all over the side of her face when I saw Pat at the door. With a hand full of his daughter’s ass, I glared back at him. Maybe, had the look on his face not been so deadly, then I would have at least let her butt go, but since he wanted to test me, then I’d fail—purposely.

  “Azayna, let us get a minute, baby girl.”

  She jumped when she heard his voice and tried to pull out of my embrace like a little ass girl. I held on to her tighter and looked at her face with a frown on mine. I ain’t say shit, but I knew she got my drift. She’d better act like I was her nigga. I didn’t give a fuck who we were in front of. I could touch on her any way that I pleased.

  “I’ll get my stuff,” she whispered, trying to right her wrongs.

  I didn’t open my mouth, but I did let her go. She pecked the side of my face and turned to leave. Pat winked at her on her way out before touching her back as she passed.

  “We’ll be cool,” he told her while looking at me.

  I scoffed and looked away from the fool. He could tell her whatever he wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t speak for me. If he got out of line, I was handling his ass. I didn’t care what he told her. It would be a bold face lie if he didn’t come at me the right way. BB was already the only reason I was there in the first place because, in the back of my mind, Pat was behind my shooting.

  I didn’t have any solid reasoning or evidence, but I’d shot a few of his niggas at the party house that night, and that he knew it. I’d heard little sideways shit from the streets since then but nothing to my face. When my car got sprayed, I figured it was retaliation. Speculation, but I was sure there was some sort of truth to it. If he knew what was good for him, he’d do his best not to let me get anything concrete on him. Azaya would be daddy-less once again.

  “You want a drink?”

  I shook my head and watched him approach me and round the back of his bar.

  “Nah.” I got up from my spot and stood so that my back was no longer to him. He and I were probably thinking the same things about each other. He wouldn’t catch me slipping.

  His eyes were on me when a slick smile curved his lips. “Is this how this meeting is going to go?”

  “It’ll go how you want it to go.”

  We stared at each other before he drank the shot he’d just poured. He laughed and walked to the sofas in front of his TV and sat down. I followed his lead without permission. I stayed on the edge of the chair, never getting comfortable in another nigga’s house.

  “So, BB tells me y’all looking for distribution.”

  I nodded.

  “What’s wrong with Master?”

  “He’s been around all them bitches too long. He be on some sneaky, female shit.”

  Pat chuckled while looking at me. I didn’t laugh because I was serious as hell.

  “Any nigga around that much pussy, I can’t fuck with it,” Pat said through laughter.

  “Same shit I said.”

  “Aight, so how do we form any type of partnership with no trust?”

  I shrugged. “Respect.”
>
  “Respect?”

  “Yeah. We don’t have to trust each other. As long as we establish some sort of respect, then getting money shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “What if we don’t like y’all asses?” Blue’s voice had me reaching for my gun.

  Pat’s hands stretched out. One toward me and the other toward Blue. He was leaning on the door frame with that same calm look he’d had in the park that day. That was one ballsy muthafucka.

  “Y’all cut that shit out. This is a business meeting. Measure your dicks later.”

  I sneered and removed my hand from my gun but kept my eyes on that fool. “You got something to say to me, my nigga, then I’m right here. Get it off your chest.”

  Blue chuckled. “Nigga, I ain’t got shit to say to you. I’ve said it all to Azayna already.”

  I was out of my seat and about to put a bullet between his eyes, but Azayna conveniently found her way into the room again.

  “Stop it, Blue.” She looked at him first then at me. “Egypt, quit trying to shoot him all the time.”

  “Hell yeah, both of y’all young niggas kill that shit.” Pat agreed with his li’l peacemaking daughter.

  Blue and I both had visible hate for the other, but we chilled. I didn’t sit down again, though. If this nigga made a move, I was wasting his ass, and that was on me. I guess since Pat figured neither of us was really going to back down, he stood and looked between the two of us.

  “Aye, we’re about to do business together. Y’all don’t have to like one another, but you’re damn sure not about to kill each other on my watch.” he looked at me. “I’ve spoken with BB a few times, and I know like hell he ain’t for this shit, so cut it.”

  I frowned as I stood there listening to this nigga son me. He eyed me for a minute before looking at Blue.

  “You my boy, so you know I got you, but you already know I don’t play like this. Azayna is with this nigga and has been. Get your shit together.”

  Neither of us had said it, but we hadn’t needed to. Everybody in the room knew Azayna was our real issue. Sure, we were a part of different gangs, but that didn’t automatically qualify us to dislike each other.