Because I Love You 2

by A'zayler

  “Thanks, P.” Azayna looked from Pat to me with pleading eyes. “Stop,” she mouthed.

  My nose twitched, but I nodded at her anyway.

  Blue, on the other hand, chuckled and touched her hair. “Aight.”

  I wanted to blow his fucking hand off, but I chilled because Azayna moved and shook her head. “Quit playing.”

  I didn’t like how soft her voice was when speaking to the nigga, but I chilled anyway. She looked at me once more, winked, and then glanced at Pat.

  “You got it?”

  He looked at her like she was crazy. “Come on, baby girl.”

  The way they laughed and interacted was definitely on some father/daughter shit so I could respect it, but only as long he respected me. Once she left the room again, he looked between Blue and me before nodding his head toward the sofas. I waited for the two of them to sit down before I followed suit. The tension between Blue and I was still heavy, but it was tolerable.

  “Egypt, tell me what’s good. BB explained some of it, but he said you’d fill me in on the rest.”

  I nodded and paused, trying to think of where to start. When I found a good place, I began to fill them both in on my visit. Blue was quiet, allowing Pat to do all the talking and decision making. He’d added a few opinions and comments in on the side, much like I did when I went anywhere with BB. It was hard as hell for me to acknowledge anything the fool was saying at first, but the more the conversation progressed, I eased up some. By the time it was time for me to leave, I somewhat respected the niggas. Damn sure didn’t like their asses, but I could do business with them.

  Blue had gone, and I was on my way out as well when Pat touched my elbow. I gave him my attention, waiting for him to say whatever he needed to say.

  “Baby girl is in love with you. You know that, right?”

  I nodded.

  “So, if you know this, why you had your ass in the streets and not over here seeing about her?”

  I licked my lips, trying to decide whether I was going to answer this fool.

  “You can lose the attitude. This ain’t no gang shit. That’s my daughter, and you the li’l nigga that got her swollen up with a baby. You need to get to talking, because right now, I can respect you as a blood, a block boy, and businessman, but as a daddy, you ain’t shit in my eyes.”

  I wanted to go off in that nigga’s shit so bad, but he was right. I had been missing in action for months, and that was wrong on so many levels.

  “I thought she set me up.”

  He frowned. “Set you up? Nigga, the fuck? You know how she feels about you?”

  I ain’t say shit because I felt too stupid.

  “She ain’t even that type of person, and judging by the way she been around here moping all these months, she’d probably die before she sends somebody at your head.”

  “I know now.” I sighed. “I kind of knew it then, but I was just so fucked up after I got shot. I couldn’t be sure. I been in the streets heavy for years now, and soon as I get with her, I get sprayed on.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t add up.”

  “Nah, it doesn’t, but she ain’t the direction you need to be looking in.”

  I looked him in his face because it almost sounded like he knew something that I didn’t. His eye contact was on point as he stared at me.

  “You do a lot of shit out here. I hear about you all the time.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “I think you know my point.” He rubbed his chin. “All that shit doesn’t matter to me, though. That’s your shit. You figure it out. All I can tell you is when it comes to baby girl, you need to get your shit together.”

  “I got it.”

  He nodded, and I assumed the conversation was over, so I headed for the door when he dropped a bomb on me.

  “Egypt.”

  I looked to the side, not giving him eye contact but letting him know he had my attention. “That nigga Master.”

  I spun upon hearing those words.

  “He invited me to his crib, let me meet Azayna there, put me on the li’l fling she had with you.” He exhaled. “I don’t know what type of shit you and him got going on, but he had a bunch of bitch nigga shit to say about you.”

  “What you saying?”

  “I’m saying you need to direct your assumptions in another direction. If your car didn’t get sprayed until you started messing with baby girl, then you might need to wonder why.”

  Fucking right. I turned all the way around that time and looked at him. Now, that was the shit I was talking about. He had given me something to respect, and I would definitely be putting BB on that shit as soon as I got into my car.

  “Respect.”

  Pat extended his fist in my direction. “Respect.”

  I pressed mine to his and left his office. I wasn’t exactly sure where Azayna was, so I pulled my phone out and prepared to call her, but her laugh caught my attention. I looked over my shoulder, and she was coming through the front door with a laughing ass Blue right behind her. My face got hard as shit as I watched them. Her smile left as soon as she saw me.

  “You ready, babe?”

  “Shid, are you ready?” I asked her sarcastically.

  When she stopped in front of me and put her hands on her hips, I looked her up and down with a nonchalant expression on my face.

  “Don’t do that.”

  I scoffed and looked from her to Blue. “Yeah.”

  “Egypt,” she whined, grabbing my face. She kissed my lips and fixed my bandana around my neck. “Stop it, I love you.”

  “Love you too. Get your shit.”

  Her arms went around my neck as she smiled extra hard. I frowned because I didn’t know what the fuck her problem was.

  “Hell you smiling so hard for?”

  “Because you told me you love me.”

  “Damn, I did?”

  She smiled and kissed me again. Blue finally caught a hint and walked his ass off. I kissed her back and pinched her butt.

  “You got all your stuff?”

  She nodded. “Blue helped me.”

  I shook my head, and she laughed, but we left. I was happy as hell too because I had some serious shit to do. Gotdamn, Master. I couldn’t wait to tell BB this shit.

  Chapter Eleven

  -BB

  The warm bubbles from the bath that Zebrina had run felt good as a muthafucka. I’d been on my feet chasing her ass from one store to the next. It felt good to finally be able to relax. It had been a hectic few weeks since we’d begun distributing with Pat, and I hadn’t been able to spend the kind of time with her that she was used to, so I’d made it up to her the only way I knew how. An all-inclusive trip to Cancun.

  She’d been happy as hell to get those tickets. I didn’t think she’d stopped smiling since getting them. If it was one thing that made me happy, it was making her happy. She’d been working hard in school, studying and shit, so she deserved this break just as much as I did. I’d been on the block, and she’d been in her books. Not to mention how much I’d been putting her through with my sickle cell.

  I’d had two crises back to back over the past few weeks, and it hadn’t been easy on her. Breen stressed hard as hell when it came to me. So, between the block and the hospital, I knew she was worn out. She was an expert at putting on her game face for me, but I could always tell when she was stressing.

  “You plan on staying in here all night?” Zebrina peeked her head through the bathroom door.

  I smiled and shook my head. “Nah, just as long as it takes you to come in here and get in with me.”

  The glass door pushed open, and in she walked with a large smile on her face. “I should have known you were up to something.”

  “I don’t know what made you think I wanted to take a shower by myself in the first place.” My eyes trailed over her body as she removed her clothes.

  I moved around in the water, watching her bend over to free her foot from her shorts. Breen was a fucking goddess. Every part of h
er needed to be worshipped. Anything as perfect as her belonged on top of the fucking world. When she was finally completely naked, and my dick was rock hard, she got into the large oval tub with me.

  “Gotdamn girl,” I cursed as the bubbles covered her. “Took your sexy ass all night.” I rubbed my hand up her leg before raising her foot up to my mouth.

  I kissed all over it before switching to the other one and doing the same thing. My kisses lasted until I began to rub them for her.

  “You enjoying yourself?” I questioned her.

  She nodded and closed her eyes before resting her head on the side of the tub. I continued rubbing her foot, getting turned on just by the way she seemed to be enjoying my touch.

  “I love you, B.”

  My lips touched the top of her big toe again. “I love you too, Breen, forever.”

  When her eyes opened and found mine, I winked at her with a smile to match. The way she blushed, you’d think we were new to each other. Not a married couple who had been together for years. I loved that shit, though. Nothing with us ever got old.

  “Would you love me if I dropped out of medical school?”

  I frowned. “What would you do that for?”

  She looked away and shrugged. “I don’t know. It just takes up too much of my time. We never really see each other anymore. You’re always gone, and so am I.”

  “That’s no reason to quit.”

  “Yes, it is. I want to spend time with you.”

  I sat up in the tub so I could get closer to her. “We have all the time in the world, baby. We have the rest of our lives. You’re my wife.”

  I watched her swallow hard before shaking her head from side to side. “What if we don’t.”

  My chest sank because I already knew where this was coming from. She was scared of me dying. Every so often, she would get into one of her moods and worry herself about my health condition. I hated when she got like that because it was damn near impossible to get her out of that somber mood.

  “We have forever, Breen. I promise. I’m never leaving you.”

  “You can’t say that, B. You don’t know what life holds. We could be here and gone tomorrow. Why do you keep ignoring that?” She scooted all the way to me and draped her legs over mine. “I want to be with you every day until I can’t anymore. It’s so hard not knowing whether you’re going to die. When you’re not sick, you’re in the streets, and either way it goes, I can barely rest behind it.”

  I took a few deep breaths, trying to figure out what I wanted to say to her. This was my life and had been since way before I’d met her. True enough, the last couple of years had been good, only because with Master I had established shit that my younger foot soldiers could do, but now being with Pat and his niggas, I was back having to supervise and regulate shit to make sure it ran right.

  “What if I cut back some of my street time, will that keep you in school?”

  She didn’t say anything, so I knew her mind was still where it had been.

  “Zebrina.”

  “Breen,” she cut me off.

  I smiled, she did too. “Breen, you can’t give up on your dreams for me.”

  “Yes, I can. I don’t have to be a doctor. I can just be your wife. You have enough money. It’s not like I need to have a job anyway.” She grabbed the bottom of my face and just looked at me. “I’d rather be your wife.”

  When she pressed her forehead against mine, I wrapped my arms around her back and held us together. We sat breathing in each other’s air for a few minutes, neither of us having anything to say. Well, I didn’t know about her, but I knew for a fact that I didn’t have shit to say. I loved her too and wanted nothing more than to spend all of my free time with her, but what kind of nigga would I be to let her give up on her dreams for me?

  “How about this? You finish school, I’ll quit the dope game, and you can take care of me instead.”

  She smiled big, showing me all of her teeth. “I’ll do it!”

  We laughed together as I rubbed up and down her back. The silence gave way to the unresolved issue we’d been discussing.

  “Blaze?”

  I sat up when she called my name because she only did that when she wanted to be serious, and given the direction our conversation had just gone, there was no telling what she was about to say. I looked at her beautiful, dark skin and the way it glowed for me. It was impossible for me to be that close to her with her looking at me the way she was and not get turned on.

  “You’d better hurry up and say what you have to say. I don’t know how long I can keep this moment appropriate.”

  She smiled and playfully pushed my forehead. “Beeeee.”

  “I’m just saying, come on now. Say what you got to say.”

  Her little giggles were cute and did nothing to lessen the way I was feeling.

  “Have you ever thought about moving away from here and never looking back?”

  I pushed some of her hair out of her face while thinking. “I used to.”

  “Why’d you stop?”

  “Money.” I shrugged. “This is my home, and niggas know me. I didn’t see a point in leaving only to have to re-establish who I am. I’m getting too old for that shit. I did young gang shit years ago. I ain’t doing it now.”

  “So, you were thinking of just leaving Miami but still doing the same things you’re doing now?”

  I hadn’t thought about it that deep, but I guess so. All I’d known was that I’d wanted to leave at one point, and now I didn’t. There wasn’t too much complexity in that.

  “Basically.”

  Zebrina sucked her teeth with a disapproving look. “What’s the point of that?”

  “It wasn’t one. That’s why I’m still here.”

  She was quiet for a long time, looking anywhere but at me. I knew there was more on her mind, I could tell. She was probably just thinking of a good way to say it. That was how she was. Words needed to be right when she spoke, or else she’d be recanting the shit that she’d said all day. I thought it was funny, but it stressed her out, so I didn’t push.

  “Would you leave with me?” she made eye contact and rubbed my Adam’s apple with her thumb. “And never look back?”

  “Without question.” I was straight faced when I answered her because I would. “I’d go to the end of the world with you. Whatever you want, I’m there.”

  Her eyes watered as I spoke, and it broke my fucking heart because whatever was on her heart really had her shook. Being that I knew a lot of it had something to do with me, I carried that weight.

  “I love you so much, B.”

  “I know you do, Breen, but you can’t let it consume you.”

  “I can’t help it. Everything me wants to love you, live you, breathe you. I want you all day, every day. If I could have just you and nothing else for the rest of my life, I’d be okay with that.”

  “What about your family?”

  “I’ll call them.”

  I smirked, but she didn’t. “You serious about this, ain’t you?”

  “More than you know.”

  I fell deeper in love with her as we sat there looking at each other. No words were spoken, but our feelings were the loudest thing in the room. That’s how you knew it was real. We were in complete silence, expressing our deepest feelings for each other. I could feel that shit in the pit of my stomach, and I knew without her saying it that she could too. That’s why her next statement wasn’t as surprising as it probably should have been.

  “If you die, I want to die with you.”

  “Breen.”

  She shook her head to quiet me. “I don’t want to hear nothing. That’s how I feel.”

  “That’s not even possible, Zebrina. You and I are on two totally different ends of the world, even if we are together. You don’t do the shit I do or have the shit I have. You’re probably going to live one hundred years after me.”

  “No, I won’t. If I don’t die from a broken heart, I’ll kill myself.”


  That made me shake her. “Don’t say that, ever!” I shook her again.

  My wife’s tears rolled down her face before she covered them with both of her hands. Her crying made me feel so bad because I was no good for her. Had I known that she and I would develop these types of feelings for each other when I first met her, I would have kept my distance. She had just been so fucking pretty that I had to have her for myself. Lord knows, if I knew her loving me would make her want to kill herself, I would have fought that feeling.

  “Zebrina, there’s more to your life than me. You can’t say stuff like that.”

  “But, I mean it, BB!” she yelled at me with fresh tears in her eyes. “I really mean it. If you die, I want to go with you. I don’t know how I’ll live here without you.”

  “Who says you have to? My sickness doesn’t have to be fatal, bae, and I can get out of the streets. We can live and be happy forever. You believe that?”

  She sniffed and nodded, but that didn’t appease me because the more she sniffed, the more tears fell. It was crazy. I hugged her to me, making the water move around us. The coolness of it alerted me to just how long we’d been in there.

  “Don’t cry, Breen. I brought you here to be happy, not to make you cry.”

  “I can’t help it. Spending time with you just makes me love you more, and I can literally feel my heart breaking every time I see you and think about you leaving me.”

  The whites of her eyes were red, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t feel my own throat getting tight. This love shit was a muthafucka. It felt good to have, but it also made you feel shit you didn’t want to feel. The saddest part of Zebrina’s whole meltdown was that I felt the same way. I’d thought about her being left behind without me plenty of times in the past, but I just always assumed she was tough and would move on. Clearly, that wasn’t the case.

  “I’m in your heart, Breen, I can never leave you.”

  What the hell I say that for? She really started crying then. Afraid to put my foot further into my mouth, I held her and didn’t say anything. She cried for a good little while before pulling away and wiping her face. I watched her do her best to gather herself before smiling at me.