Holding On

by Meg Jolie

Lily’s smile returned full force. “Third.”

  “Good,” Quinn said. “I really am happy for you.”

  The waitress came and took their order. The conversation picked up again. Jake offered to help Nate with the move. Nate said he’d gladly take him up on it. Quinn was already counting off the weeks in her head. It wouldn’t be long at all before Lily and Nate were gone. And it would be around the same time Carly would be leaving, too. With Luke also gone, it would be a quiet fall.

  She grabbed Jake’s hand and squeezed, feeling lucky to have him. Though he had no idea what was really going on in her head, he smiled and squeezed it back.

  “Oh, hey!” Nate said, “Look who’s here.” He waved to Jesse who had just walked in with Betsy a step behind him. Quinn thought it could be her imagination but Betsy looked a bit tipsy already.

  Jesse waved back and glanced around the crowded dining area. There weren’t any seats available so Nate motioned to him to come join them.

  “Sorry,” Lily murmured as she scooted her own chair closer to Quinn.

  Quinn shrugged and smiled. Their table did have two extra chairs so it only made sense. She didn’t know Betsy well but figured she could get along with her just fine.

  “Have a seat!” Nate ordered.

  Jesse and Betsy got settled in and Jake said, “We just ordered. Do you know what you want? I can try to catch our waitress for you?”

  “Nah,” Jesse said. “We were just stopping in for a drink.”

  The waitress heard him and stopped as she was whisking by. She refilled Lily and Quinn’s waters and then left to get Jesse and Betsy their beers. Jake and Nate were still nursing theirs.

  “Hey,” Jake said to Nate and Lily, “if you see Luke around, tell him I said hi.” His tone was a bit wry. He hadn’t talked to his brother once since the wedding. He’d called, but not surprisingly Luke never called him back.

  “Oh yeah,” Nate said. “We saw him yesterday, ran into him at a gas station of all places.”

  “We ended up having dinner with him, actually,” Lily said.

  “Yeah?” Jake asked. “How’s he doing?”

  “Good,” Nate said with a nod. “You haven’t talked to him lately?”

  “Ah, no,” Jake admitted with an annoyed shake of his head. “I guess we’ve both been pretty busy.”

  Nate nodded and didn’t question it. “He seemed good. He said that company he’s working for finally got around to hiring two new employees. So he’s not on call as much. Or working as much overtime.”

  “Well, that’s good,” Jake said.

  Quinn was sure she was the only one who noted the edge to Jake’s tone. He should be getting updates from Luke. Not through a third party.

  “I wish things would’ve worked out with Luke and Tabby,” Quinn said quietly. Maybe then Luke would have no reason to be ignoring Jake.

  “Oh, hell no you don’t,” Jake said. He glanced around the crowded dining area but with all of the other noise, he figured he wouldn’t be heard. “I wouldn’t want that crazy bitch for a sister- in-law. Neither would you. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to wish that kind of crazy on my brother.”

  “Funny,” Quinn said dryly, “your mom said the same thing. Well, I mean, she didn’t word it that way. But she wasn’t too crazy about her, either.”

  “You know who I think would just make the perfect couple?” Betsy asked. She was looking at Quinn, making her immediately uncomfortable with where the conversation might be headed.

  “Who?” Quinn asked. Her voice was cautious. She’d been put on the spot and couldn’t find a polite way to ignore the question. She desperately hoped that Carly didn’t show up tonight with a group of her own friends. She had turned twenty-one recently and Quinn knew she spent a fair amount of time here.

  Though Betsy hadn’t really done anything wrong, Quinn felt a little awkward making conversation with her. The conversation became more awkward still when Betsy gave her response.

  “Carly and Luke,” she said. She smiled, apparently pleased with herself.

  “Not a chance in hell!” Jake grumbled.

  Quinn was not impressed with the recommendation, either. But she had a feeling it was for a different reason than Jake. So instead of agreeing she asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It’s just that Carly—” He cut himself off when Quinn’s eyebrows shot up. His eyes then quickly darted to Jesse who was also giving him a hardened look. He was instantly aware that he was stomping across thin ice. “It’s just that Carly and Luke are friends. I can’t really see them together.” That wasn’t an entirely true statement. Carly and Luke were acquaintances. ‘Friends’ was pushing it.

  Quinn knew this and was certain that Jake had been about to say something less than flattering about her sister. She had a hunch that would be playing right into whatever Betsy was playing at. She was glad he caught himself.

  “I agree completely,” she said. “The two of them? Dating? That would just be strange.” She was hoping to let Jake off the hook and steer the conversation in a different direction.

  But Betsy wasn’t ready to let that happen yet.

  “That’s exactly why I think the two of them would be good together. They’d be perfect for each other. They’re both players that don’t care who they hurt.” Betsy primly folded her hands and placed them in her lap. Quinn got the feeling it was very much for show.

  “Luke isn’t,” came out of Jake’s mouth the same moment Quinn said, “Carly is not—”

  “Whoa!” Betsy said, throwing her hands up and cutting them both off. She blinked innocently at them. “I didn’t mean to offend anyone.”

  “Then maybe,” Quinn said, her voice firm but polite, “you shouldn’t make comments about people when you really don’t know them at all.”

  Betsy’s smile was saccharine sweet. “Oh, I think I know Carly plenty well. She loves to toy with people. If anyone is a player, it’s her.”

  Quinn’s mouth flew open but the sound of Jesse’s hand slamming down on the table cut off what she was going to say.

  “I think maybe we should get going,” he said as he pushed his chair back.

  “Why?” Betsy demanded. She had her innocent look still firmly in place. She made no move to leave. Quinn got the impression that she was enjoying her effort at trying to stir up trouble. “We just got here. And I’m just telling the truth.”

  Quinn, who was normally so quiet, couldn’t let that comment slide. Carly would be the first person to jump in to defend her. She had to do the same. “Or is it that you feel so threatened by my sister that you feel the need to insult her?”

  She cringed. The comment clearly implied that she wondered if Betsy saw Carly as a threat to her relationship with Jesse. She hoped she didn’t regret bringing that up. She didn’t have a chance to regret it right then.

  Betsy made an apologetic face at Quinn. Quinn didn’t buy it for a split second. “I’m not insulting, I’m simply saying—”

  “Well, don’t!” Quinn snapped.

  “Yeah,” Jake agreed quietly as he shot a warning look at Betsy, “I think you better not go there.”

  “Yeah, we’re going to head out,” Jesse decided. Their drinks hadn’t even arrived yet. He slapped some money down on the table.

  “Why would I feel threatened by that skanky—”

  “Hey now!” Jesse said. He grabbed Betsy by the elbow and guided her out of the chair.

  “I think you’re right,” Quinn said. “You’d better get her out of here.”

  Jesse gave them all a sheepish wave. “Sorry about that,” he said. The comment was directed to Quinn. She didn’t say it was okay, because it wasn’t.

  Instead all she said was, “Bye Jesse.”

  After they were gone Nate piped up.

  “You think Tabitha is bad?” His question was directed to the table in general. He shook his head. “That girl is worse. I mean, I know he and Carly had their issues,” he glanced at Quinn, “no offense.”

&
nbsp; “None taken,” she assured him because she knew he meant it.

  “But that girl is a real piece of work. He’d be ten times better off with Carly,” Nate decided.

  Quinn glanced toward the door. Jesse had his arm slung around Betsy’s shoulders. She had her hand stuffed into his back pocket. Whether Carly and Jesse were a better fit or not, she wasn’t sure. She also didn’t think they’d be finding out any time soon.

  14

  Quinn was sitting at the McGrath’s bar, in their kitchen. An entire package of Oreos and a huge glass of milk that Jake had poured for her sat in front of her. She’d placed four of them on a napkin, forming a little tower. She’d just twisted one apart, dipped it in milk and stuffed the whole half in her mouth when Luke walked in.

  “Hey! Quinnie!” he said with a big grin. Then he spotted the cookies and started to laugh. “What are you doing? You don’t even like Oreos.”

  Quinn quickly finished chewing and chased the bite down with a gulp of milk. She pointed to her growing tummy. “The baby loves cookies,” she said meekly.

  Luke laughed again but seemed to avoid looking at her ever-growing stomach. “Oh yeah?” He rounded the bar and pulled her into a sideways hug. She leaned into him. She wrapped one arm around him as he leaned over and kissed her cheek. “How are you?” he wondered. “You look great. Are you doing okay?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I’m good. How are you? I didn’t know you were coming home! It’s so good to see you!” She was excited to see him and didn’t bother to try to hide it.

  He gave her a sheepish smile. “Well, I realized that I can’t exactly stay away forever. Since I missed the famous McGrath Fourth of July Barbecue, I haven’t heard the end of it. I was hoping this might make up for it a bit.” He let her go and went to lean on the countertop.

  Anyone else, anyone who didn’t know him as well as Quinn did, would think he looked calm and relaxed. But Quinn, she could see the underlying tension. He still wasn’t comfortable with the situation. But he was trying damn hard not to show it. She realized he’d probably chosen today for a reason. There would be a crowd. He could be here, make an appearance, and yet there would be plenty of other people around for a distraction. Or a buffer.

  Her heart sank because she didn’t want it to have to be that way. Then again, she reminded herself she should just be happy he’d come back at all. It was progress and she should just be grateful for it.

  “Does your mom know you’re here?” she wondered. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, well, even though I don’t live here, it seems weird to ring the bell. I told Mom I’d try to make it. I haven’t seen her yet though. I thought she’d be in here.”

  Nora had spent most of the morning in the kitchen. She’d just stepped outside to clamp the tablecloths onto the picnic tables. While their Labor Day celebration was nowhere near the size of their Fourth of July one, they did still entertain a pretty large crowd. Quinn had offered to help but Jake had insisted on helping instead.

  Because she had an intense cookie craving to contend with.

  A silence fell between them. It had been so long since they’d spoken Quinn realized conversation should be easy. They should have so much to talk about, lost time to make up for. But it wasn’t that way at all. It felt slightly awkward as she tried to think of something neutral to bring up. She knew it shouldn’t be that hard but Luke’s sudden, unexpected appearance had taken her by surprise. Her mind was frustratingly blank.

  “Are your parents coming?” Luke finally asked.

  She was sure it was just an attempt at keeping the conversation going. She was willing to jump in and help with that.

  “Nope. They’re going to Dan and Gen’s,” she explained, noting her aunt and uncle. “They’re having a small get-together. Just some family.”

  “Carly?” Luke asked. “Is she coming?”

  Quinn shook her head. “She went camping with some friends this weekend.” She paused, debating whether or not to throw the rest of it out there. In the past, she wouldn’t have hesitated because she talked about these kinds of things with Luke. She finally decided to go ahead and say, “I think she didn’t want to come because she knew Jesse would probably be here.” Quinn wasn’t at all looking forward to seeing Betsy and it would’ve been infinitely worse for Carly, she was sure.

  “Ah,” he said with an understanding nod. “Are they on the outs again?”

  Quinn shrugged. “Worse. Jesse’s got a girlfriend.”

  “Oh,” Luke said as he glanced at his feet. “Yeah, that’s gotta suck for her.”

  Quinn internally cringed at the comment but decided it would be best to quickly change the subject.

  “So what’s new with you?” she wondered. She refrained from pointing out the obvious. That she hadn’t seen him or heard from him in what felt like forever.

  He looked at her and shook his head. “Not a damn thing,” he admitted. He gave her a smile that looked sadly forced.

  She used to know Luke so well. Now she had no idea what he needed. Should she go wrap her arms around him in a hug to let him know she understood? Or should she keep her distance and let him believe his façade was working? She was saved from having to decide.

  “Luke!” Jake boomed as he came back into the room. He crossed the short distance in a few strides and pulled his brother into a hug. Loud back clapping ensued and then the brothers released themselves from the hug.

  “Did I hear you say—” Nora cut herself off as she spotted her youngest son. “You are here!” she said excitedly. She darted between Jake and Luke to give Luke a hug.

  Luke laughed. “I might try staying away more often if this is the kind of greeting I get.”

  “Absolutely not!” his mother warned. “You better not wait until the next holiday to show your face around here.”

  He gave her a sheepish look. “Can I help with something?”

  “No,” Nora said. “I think I’ve got it all under control. Now we’re just waiting for people to start showing up.”

  “Okay,” Luke said with a nod. He gave Quinn a little half-wave. “Well, I’ll see you all in a bit then. I’m going to go see what Dad’s up to. I saw him puttering in the garage but I don’t think he realized I walked by.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Jake said. “I think he was just checking the grill over. He’s out back now.” The two left the kitchen and Quinn heard Jake’s voice, carrying down the hallway. “So, bro, what’ve you been up to?”

  He was given the same ambiguous response that Quinn had received.

  Nora noticed her slight frown.

  “It will be okay, Quinn,” she said quietly. “He’s coming around. He’s here so at least he’s trying.”

  “It’s just that…” Quinn said and then stopped. She was trying to find the words for what she wanted to say. She shrugged. “I just don’t get it. I mean…it’s just me. Why do I have two guys barely speaking to each other over…me?”

  Nora laughed. “That’s exactly why Quinn! Because it is you! They’ve both known you forever. They both know you. That’s why you have the two of them, head over heels for you.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “That makes me sound like I’m begging for compliments or something, doesn’t it?”

  “Not at all,” Nora assured her.

  “It’s just that I know Luke has never had trouble attracting girls.” She knew this better than she would like. All of those years she’d wanted to be with him…and he’d almost always been with someone else. “I just thought that by now he’d have found someone. I mean, it’s been a few months since the wedding. It’s been almost two years that Jake and I have been together. I just can’t believe…” She faded off, unable to say it.

  “That he’s still hung up on you?” Nora said for her. She leaned across the counter and plucked one of Quinn’s cookies out of the bag.

  “Well, yeah,” Quinn admitted.

  “Oh, sweetie,” Nora gently began. “Did it ever occu
r to you that Luke was always trying to get over you? I think that’s why he always had a steady string of girlfriends. It never helped. In fact, I think it just made it worse. I think he always realized that they would never compare to you. And now…well, after the big explosion with Tabby, I think he’s afraid to get into a relationship. He’s just not free to do that yet. I think he’s afraid he would just end up hurting someone the way he ended up hurting her.”

  All because of me? Quinn thought. It just didn’t seem right.

  “You need to put me to work,” Quinn decided. “I need something to do.”

  Nora thought about arguing for just a moment. But realized Quinn really meant it. She did need something to do. She needed something to take her mind off of things.

  “Alright,” she agreed as she moved toward the fridge. “The only thing I have left to do is the fruit. Do you feel like cutting up fruit?”

  “I would love to cut up the fruit,” she decided.

  *~*~*

  “Ouch,” Quinn said with a grimace. Both Jake and Luke had slammed to the ground. There was another friendly, or maybe not so friendly, game of football under way. Fewer players than the game on the Fourth of July, but still enough to allow for a rowdy game. The brothers seemed to be taking out their aggression on each other. They seemed to be enjoying it so she decided not to worry.

  The weather had dropped several degrees and the wind had picked up just a bit. The scent of rain was in the air but it hadn’t started yet. Quinn wasn’t sure whether she wanted it to come or not. Rain would be one way to end the game. Or possibly not…men were stubborn.

  The boys’ cousin, Jill, laughed. “I’ve never seen those two go at it quite like that before. The way they keep going after each other, you would think they’re the only two playing. What is up with them?”

  “Oh, you know,” Nora said with a smile. “Just a friendly case of sibling rivalry.”

  “What is it you always used to say to us when we were kids?” Jill asked. “It’s all fun and games until someone breaks a bone?”

  Nora laughed. “Something like that.”