Holding On

by Meg Jolie

  “If they’re not careful, someone is going to break a bone,” Jill decided. She let out a nervous little laugh because she’d only been half-teasing.

  Quinn didn’t comment on her remark. They were sitting outside at one of the picnic tables even though the party was more or less over. She stuffed another piece of watermelon in her mouth so she would have an excuse not to talk. Most of the guests had already left. A group of guys had remained. They were all engaged in the game.

  To Quinn’s surprise, Jesse hadn’t shown. She wondered if he was trying to avoid a confrontation between Betsy and Carly. Or possibly he and Betsy simply had other plans. Either way, she was glad that Betsy hadn’t shown up. She was already stressed about Luke being there. He’d been trying to be friendly but it felt so awkward and stilted she had been on edge the entire afternoon. With the mood she was in, she was afraid she’d be in danger of causing a scene had Betsy even thought of starting anything.

  She felt a wave of relief when she saw Luke climb to his feet and then grin down at his brother. He offered him a hand up and Jake took it. From where Quinn was sitting, she was pretty sure she saw blood. Nothing too substantial; just bloody, scraped up legs and elbows. But if that’s what it took for them to work off their aggression. Well, she wasn’t going to be the one to interfere.

  “So Quinn,” Jill began as she pulled her eyes from the game. “How’s married life? Is my cousin treating you well?”

  Quinn smiled at her. “It’s great. He’s great.”

  “Life is great?” Jill threw at her, teasing.

  Quinn laughed this time. “Yeah, it really is. No complaints here.”

  They chatted for a while but when the first few sprinkles of rain began to fall, Jill announced that she should be heading home as well. She was one of the last guests to go. She’d only stayed so long because Jake and Luke had confiscated her husband to be part of the game.

  After she was gone Nora got to her feet. “Even if those crazy guys don’t care about getting wet, I do. I suppose I should think about cleaning up. I’ve avoided it long enough.”

  They’d been sitting at a picnic table with an umbrella but once the rain hit, it would only help so much.

  Quinn hopped to her feet, too. “I’ll help.”

  She cast one last glance out to the huge backyard. Despite the clouds rolling in, the remaining men hadn’t abandoned their game yet.

  The two set to work in the kitchen. There wasn’t a lot of clean-up to do. Some dishes needed washing so Nora set about that while Quinn dried.

  “I think today went well,” Nora told Quinn.

  Quinn knew, without having to be told, that Nora was referring to Jake and Luke. “It’s a start,” Quinn agreed.

  Several loud claps of thunder shook the house. They stopped talking when they heard the back door open. Apparently, finally the men decided they’d had enough.

  Jake appeared as Quinn put a glass bowl back in the cupboard.

  “Ah, Quinn?” he began hesitantly as he slid his arm around her waist. “I was wondering, would it be okay if I went fishing with Luke next weekend?”

  “Yeah!” Quinn answered immediately. “That would be great.” It was the first time since…Well, it had been so long she honestly couldn’t remember when. It had been a very long time since Luke and Jake actually willingly did something together.

  Other than attending the wedding. And really, that certainly did not count.

  He paused, clearly distraught. He looked somewhat disappointed by her answer. “But it would be for the whole weekend. We were thinking of going up to the cabin. Staying until Sunday.” Just the drive alone would take them several hours.

  Quinn was already nodding. “Yes, Jake. Go!”

  “But—”

  “No. No buts,” Quinn said with a laugh. “You two need this. Hell, I need this for you both.” And she did. She needed to know that they were finally taking steps to repair their tattered relationship. If Jake didn’t take this opportunity, it would be hard to say whether Luke would ask again.

  “It just…it means you’d be alone all weekend,” Jake said, pointing out the obvious.

  “Ah hell,” Luke said. He had entered the kitchen just in time to hear Jake’s remark. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Sorry, Quinn. We don’t have to go. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Oh my gosh, you two!” Quinn said with a roll of her yes. “I’m pregnant. I’m not an invalid. I can handle being home alone for a weekend.”

  “We’re only a phone call away if something happens,” Nora pointed out. She knew, too, how important this weekend could be for her sons.

  Jake’s eyes widened at that. “Why? What could happen?”

  Nora laughed. “Nothing is going to happen. I was just saying, if anything comes up, we’re right here.”

  “Go!” Quinn ordered.

  “Maybe we could just leave early Saturday morning, go up for the day?” Luke suggested.

  Quinn stubbornly shook her head. “No. Go for the weekend.”

  “If you’re sure…?” Jake hesitantly agreed.

  “I am completely sure. I want you two to go. I’ll call Lily and Jemma. We’ll have a girls’ night. It’ll be fun for all of us. I promise.” She gave them both a firm, no nonsense look.

  “Okay,” Jake said as he turned to Luke. “I guess the fishing weekend is a go.”

  “Great,” Luke said as he turned to the cupboard. He reached in for a glass to get some water.

  Out of habit, Jake leaned in to kiss Quinn just as Luke was turning back around. She couldn’t help but note the expression on his face. The way he looked away almost immediately even as his posture became rigid. She ducked out of Jake’s grip but it was too late. Luke had seen and even though he had his back to them now, it was too late.

  She couldn’t help but wonder how she had never noticed it before. It was so clear, now that she knew how much it bothered him. Now she noticed it all the time. She silently vowed that she would be more careful in front of him.

  15

  “What if I pass out?” Jake wondered.

  “Oh my gosh, Jake,” Quinn moaned. “You won’t pass out,” she assured him.

  “But if I do?”

  “Jake, come on! You’ll be fine.”

  He didn’t look convinced. They’d just finished up their last childbirth class. The instructor had shown a movie. The movie had left Jake feeling lightheaded and queasy. His heart had started racing and he’d nearly panicked. He had barely been able to watch it…And now he was going to have to actually attend a real birth? And he was going to have to be helpful. And with it. And not queasy and lightheaded. And he just wasn’t sure he was going to be able to pull it off. The movie had been awful on the verge of terrifying, really.

  Just thinking about Quinn in that much pain, about those things happening to her body, was setting his mind into a tailspin. Not to mention everything else he’d seen. He wasn’t sure that he could handle it. In fact, he was pretty sure he couldn’t. He couldn’t even handle thinking about it.

  “I really don’t want to do this,” he finally said as he opened the door and let her into the house first.

  “You don’t want to?” Quinn asked with a laugh.

  He shook his head, looking clearly traumatized.

  “Well, too bad, mister. I’m not doing this alone.”

  He had been so cool. So calm during the first few classes. His usual take charge attitude shining through. It had been clear that he had felt completely confident in his abilities. They’d worked their way through the exercises. They’d listened to the instructor as she led the class, telling them what to expect. He’d listened to the questions people had, clearly absorbing the answers the instructor gave.

  And then they’d watched the movie.

  And now he was panicked.

  “What did you think it was going to be like?” Quinn demanded. She was equally parts amused and flustered.

  “I’ve never thought about
it,” he honestly replied.

  She wandered into the kitchen and he followed. She had steaks marinating and Jake took them out of the refrigerator. Quinn started scrubbing potatoes to put on the grill with the steaks. She didn’t mind making dinner but Jake liked to cook, too. So most nights they split the tasks. For Quinn, it was one of her favorite parts of the day.

  “You never thought of it,” she repeated. “Never? Not even lately?”

  “Not that part of it. No. I think maybe I’ve been in denial.” He nodded his head, more to himself than to Quinn. As if he’d decided then and there that was indeed the case.

  “Well,” she said firmly, “I’m sure you’ll do just fine. There are probably millions of dads who get through it every year. You’ll be no different. You’ll do great.”

  He made an unpleasant face. “Aren’t I supposed to be saying that to you? Telling you how great you’ll do?”

  She nodded and grinned. “Yeah, probably.”

  “I don’t see why they can’t just give you something for the pain right away. Before it gets bad. That would be so much better.”

  “She told us why. It could slow things down, remember?”

  He sighed. “Oh, yeah. Right. Well, maybe as long as I don’t have to cut the cord…maybe then I’ll be okay.” His shudder was visible to Quinn and she just blinked at him for a moment.

  “Oh, here I thought it was the realization that I’m going to be in pain and misery that had you queasy,” Quinn teased. “Now I found out it’s just a matter of you being a wuss.”

  “Hey!” He pretended to look offended.

  She cocked her hip to the side and raised an eyebrow at him as she moved away from the sink. He was just getting ready to go through the sliding glass door and out onto the deck to turn the grill on.

  “Okay. Fine. I’m a wuss,” he admitted.

  This only made her laugh. He disappeared and came back in while Quinn was rummaging around in the fridge, looking for produce to throw a salad together.

  “What time are you leaving tomorrow?” she asked.

  “Right after work. Luke’s picking me up there.” He paused. “If that’s okay?”

  “Yeah, sure,” she said. “But I just thought he’d be picking you up here.”

  “I guess not. He was finally able to get a weekend off. He wanted to make the most of it. Since the drive is a couple of hours, he asked if it would be alright,” Luke explained.

  Quinn simply nodded.

  She was pretty sure that Luke only wanted to pick up Jake at work so he could avoid seeing her. Their house wasn’t more than fifteen minutes out of the way. And when they had the whole weekend, really, what was fifteen measly minutes?

  She wondered if this awkwardness was ever going to end.

  “Quinn?” Jake asked. “Are you okay? You got quiet all of a sudden.”

  “Yes,” she said with a sigh. She placed lettuce, a tomato and a cucumber on the counter. “I’m fine.”

  “Can you meet me in town for lunch tomorrow? So I can see you before I go?” he asked.

  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  They made a lunch plan as they made their dinner. While they ate, Quinn managed to tease Jake a bit about how pasty his face had gotten during the movie. When they were almost finished eating and just chatting and enjoying the time with each other, Quinn finally spoke up about Luke again.

  “You know, I was thinking,” she said, “that if Luke is still having such a hard time with this…With us…That maybe you shouldn’t call me this weekend.”

  “Not call you?” Jake asked. He was obviously confused by the request.

  “I just think,” Quinn reasonably told him, “that this weekend should be about you and Luke. And I think things will go more smoothly if I’m not involved in any way. That means no phone calls.”

  He didn’t look like he was following.

  “All I’m saying is that it won’t kill us to go a few days without talking,” Quinn pointed out. She and Jake had never been one of those clingy couples that called and texted non-stop. But now with a baby on the way, Jake had gotten into the habit of checking in much more frequently.

  “I get it,” he said with an unhappy sigh. “It’s kind of like still rubbing our relationship in his face. Although, he’s going to have to get used to it,” Jake pointed out.

  “I know. And he’s obviously trying,” Quinn said. “But I saw his face when you leaned over to kiss me. He…” She faded off, unable to finish.

  “He’s not over you,” Jake agreed.

  She shrugged. It felt so…conceited to say it. But she thought that it might be true.

  “Okay. But I don’t like it. It’s hard enough to go a whole weekend not seeing you. But not talking to you either? How about just no phone calls in front of him? But I’ll call after I’m in bed. Is that okay? And if anything, I mean anything comes up—”

  “I’ll call. Cross my heart,” Quinn said in a teasing tone.

  *~*~*

  “I feel like we’re in high school again,” Jemma said as she slipped past Quinn and into the kitchen. Quinn wasn’t sure if she was joking or serious. Annoyed or amused. So she waited for her to elaborate. Which she did. “I cannot remember the last time we had a girls’ night that didn’t include going to the bar,” she informed Quinn. She set the pizza box on Quinn’s kitchen counter.

  “And yet,” Lily said as she followed them into the kitchen, “I’m sure you’ll survive the evening just fine.” Lily opened the freezer and placed a carton of ice-cream inside. She had two movies tucked under her arm. Once both hands were free she plucked them out to show them to Quinn.

  Legally Blond. One and Two.

  Quinn grinned.

  “See?” Jemma demanded. “Just like high school.” But she was smiling so Quinn took that as a good sign.

  Lily pulled some plates out of the cupboards while Jemma opened the pizza box. It was an extra large Canadian bacon with mushrooms and extra cheese.

  Yeah, Quinn thought, just like high school. And I’m loving it!

  She was pretty sure that Jemma really didn’t mind. With the three of them being so busy and now with both Quinn and Lily having husbands, it was getting harder and harder to make time for each other.

  Especially now that Lily and Nate lived out of town, but she’d come back to Lanford for the weekend when Quinn had asked. Jemma kept herself plenty busy as well but said she’d clear her calendar for the girls’ night.

  “How’s the job?” Quinn asked Lily.

  Lily made a face. “It’s busy. It’s good…but it’s busy. I think I’m going to love it. I mean, we’ve only got a week behind us so it should get better from here. Once they get into a routine.”

  “That’s good,” Quinn said.

  “How’s the stay at home thing going?” Jemma asked.

  Quinn shrugged. It was her first week off. “So far, so good. I’m finding plenty to keep busy with right now.”

  “Nesting?” Jemma asked.

  Quinn laughed, surprised that Jemma was familiar with the term.

  “I suppose,” she said. She had scrubbed the house from top to bottom, much to Jake’s dismay. He’d wanted her to have time off to relax. Scrubbing on her hands and knees or up on a ladder had not been on his agenda for her. Quinn couldn’t help herself, unsure of when she’d have the chance to do such a deep cleaning if she didn’t take advantage of her time off now.

  They continued to chit-chat about miscellaneous, random things while they dished up. Quinn took out some lemonade and poured everyone a glass. Then they made their way into the living room and got settled in.

  “How is Carly doing?” Lily wondered. “With the whole Jesse situation,” she clarified.

  Quinn made a face to answer Lily’s question. The face implied that Carly was…not doing so great.

  “That bad?” Jemma asked. Her tone turned all-knowing. “I told that girl she needed to step things up a bit.”

  “I’m not sure that’s what she needed,”
Quinn disagreed. “I think she needed to settle things down a bit.”

  “She not ready to settle down yet,” Jemma argued.

  “She might be,” Lily disagreed. “I mean…She’s not a kid anymore. And when it comes to Jesse, she might be ready.”

  Quinn wasn’t sure she agreed with that either but decided not to argue. “Regardless of whether or not she’s ready, she’s pretty torn up about it. To be honest I’m not sure if it’s that she really wants him that badly…or if she just…” She didn’t want to say it because it felt suspiciously close to bad-mouthing her sister.

  “Just wants him now that she can’t have him?” Jemma pointed out with raised eyebrows.

  “Yeah,” Quinn said with a resigned sigh. “Or maybe not. I just can’t get a clear reading on how she really feels about that guy.”

  “I don’t think she even really knows herself,” Lily pointed out.

  “Now that she’s back at school, I’m sure she’ll meet someone,” Quinn pointed out. Although, with Carly, Quinn knew, it wasn’t a matter of meeting someone that was ever a problem. It was a matter of keeping them. But maybe if she met someone that could at least be a distraction, it would help.

  “Oh, the Johnson girls,” Jemma said with mock exaggeration. “Such trouble with men.”

  Quinn frowned at that. “Jake and I aren’t having any trouble at all.” She caught the warning look Lily gave Jemma. She wasn’t sure what it was about.

  “Guess who I ran into the other day,” Jemma said. She had a sour look on her face that perplexed Quinn. It seemed like too sudden of a shift in conversation.

  “I have no idea,” Quinn said. She had been about to take another bite of pizza but her stomach suddenly felt a little…squirmy.

  “Tabby.” Jemma said her name with raised eyebrows, which raised Quinn’s suspicions immediately. “I ran into her at the grocery store of all places. Apparently since things didn’t work out with Luke, she’s moved back to town.”

  “Jemma,” Lily chastised. “You said you weren’t going to go there.”

  “Oh, come on, Lily, how can I not?” Jemma scoffed. She turned back to Quinn. “That girl had a whole lot to say.”