Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  “Is that the truth?” His stony expression is unflinching and I can’t believe that he’s actually jealous.

  “Of course it is. I’m not a liar, Jake.”

  “I just don’t understand how any man could just be friends with you and not want anything more.” He argues.

  “You don’t think men and women can be friends?” I’ve never really given it much thought before but I hate the idea of Jake thinking that it’s impossible to be friends with girls. Does that mean he fancies every girl he sees? The thought makes my stomach churn.

  “I don’t believe that it’s possible for any bastard to want a platonic relationship with you, Bethany. So, yeah, I think this Callum would have wanted more from you and that makes me fucking crazy.”

  “Don’t be silly. There’s no need for you to feel like that, there was nothing between us.”

  “Good, I want you all to myself. Thank God there hasn’t been anyone before me.” He takes a strand of my hair in his fingers and starts to play with it. Such an innocent gesture and yet it causes an indescribable and overwhelming heat to overwhelm my body.

  “Listen, I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks but I just want you to know that I’m so happy that I met you, Jake.” I can’t believe I just said that, I never meant to be so honest and forthright. I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t run away screaming in the opposite direction.

  “You mean that?” He asks me with a hint of uncertainty.

  “Of course, you feel the same way, right?” Now it’s my turn to be doubtful.

  He sighs loudly and takes hold of my chin, forcing my face up to look at his.

  “Bethany, I don’t think you quite understand what meeting you has done for me, you’ve completely and utterly floored me. The last couple of years have been hard, I’ve wanted to change but I’ve never found the incentive or the reason to encourage me to actually done it. What I’m trying to say is that I’m so thankful I’ve finally found that reason. I’ve made mistakes, some really terrible mistakes but I’ve finally found my second chance and that’s you.”

  “Wow that’s…” I’m at a loss for words; did he really just say what I think he said?

  “It’s really heavy, I know. I’m sorry if that frightens you but I don’t want any secrets between us. I need you to know how much I care about you. I’m not taking any of this lightly, what we have is special and I’ve never felt anything like this before. Bethany, you’re the first.”

  I gape up at him with my mouth slightly open in disbelief. There’s such a remarkable absence of pretence with Jake. It amazes me how he can bare his soul to me and still stand before me with such self-confidence and ease.

  “The first girl you’ve ever cared about?” I need some clarification that we’re on the same page. I don’t want to get carried away with myself only to learn that I misunderstood what he was saying all along.

  “Yes. The guy who I used to be would never have been worthy of you, I still don’t think that I really am but I’m working on it and besides, I’m way too selfish to give you up.” He exhales loudly and turns away from me, relinquishing his firm hold that he had on my waist. He runs his fingers through his dark hair and I can see that he’s fighting some internal battle with himself.

  “Jake, the future is what’s important, not the past.”

  He stills and I watch some of the tension he was carrying in his stature dissipate.

  “That’s what I love about you, Bethany. You know exactly what to say to me and I’m instantly calm again.” He closes the distance between us and my heart starts to beat erratically inside my chest. His mere presence ignites something inside of me which I still can’t explain.

  “I really, really need to get going, Jake.” I hold my hands up in front me, as though I’m somehow defending myself.

  “I know, I’m sorry I’ve kept you out here for so long and earlier I said we needed to stop otherwise I wouldn’t be able to but right now I really need to kiss you again, is that ok?”

  “It’s more than ok.” I moisten my lips and wait for him to make his move.

  He saunters over towards me and my breathing quickens in preparation for what’s to follow.

  “You are beyond amazing. You know that, right?” His thumb strokes along the length of my lower lip and before I can control myself my tongue flickers against the tip of his thumb, entranced by the taste of his skin. He inhales sharply and the fierce intensity that I see burning in his eyes for me only heightens my own desire for him, our lips our only millimetres apart when we’re interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. We both pause and I wait for Jake to answer his call.

  “Go ahead, it might be important.” I encourage him.

  “Damn it, I’m so sorry. I thought I’d turned it off.” He grumbles as he reaches for his phone, an immense look of annoyance on his face.

  Whilst he’s seeing to his phone I glance at my watch and can’t believe what time it is, I really need to be making my way home soon. The next time I look up Jake’s staring so intently at his phone and I notice that his complexion has been drained from all colour.

  “Jake, is everything ok? Who was it?” I ask him cautiously.

  He quickly tears himself away from his phone and smiles at me but I can see that it’s false and he’s trying to put me at ease.

  “Nobody, everything’s fine, I just need to be heading back.”

  “Oh, ok.” I mumble quietly.

  I’m a little surprised by his sudden change in attitude but I realise that whatever is bothering him really is none of my business. He’d tell me if he wanted me to know.

  “Come here.” He instructs me, the heat and the sizzling chemistry between us instantly returns and my feet walk towards him of their own free will. He places his hands on my hips and crushes my body against his.

  “Jake, I checked the time while you were on your phone and I really have to go.” I tell him, moving my head to the side so he can’t kiss me. I know it seems cruel but I think a part of me is rebuffing him now because I know he was hiding something from me when he looked at his phone. I have no right to be mad or to doubt him but I can’t help but feel a small amount of rejection.

  “Ok, let’s get you home.”

  It’s impossible for me to miss the dejected tone in his voice and I feel a pang of guilt for turning away from him when every instinct in my body told me not to.

  When I’m almost home we say goodbye to one another and I walk the short remaining distance by myself. I feel so terrible for the way I dismissed Jake, I was still cold with him even when we said goodbye and I just know I’m going to spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, regretting the way I left things with him. It was wrong and I behaved immaturely but I just know that he was concealing something from me, the expression on his face told me he was lying to me and my insecurities continue to torture me as I start to obsess about what it is. What is Jake hiding?

  Chapter Nine

  Jake

  I wait until she’s out of sight and I can’t see her anymore. As soon as she’s gone I reach for my phone and call Carla, she answers straight away, thank God.

  “Jake! Are you on your way home?” She asks me anxiously.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in a few minutes. I got your message, what’s going on? Is she still there?” I can hear raised voices in the background and the sound of glass smashing as well as a load of jeering and yelling.

  “Yes she’s still here, please just hurry home, Jake. She’s really freaking out. She says that she needs to see you and that she won’t leave until she talks to you, she’s pretty wasted.”

  “Ok, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Don’t worry, Carla, I’m almost home.” I hang up as soon as I’ve reassured her and shove the phone back in my pocket. Carla sounded terrible so I really need to get my ass back home as soon as possible.

  I still can’t believe this is happening. I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw Carla’s name come up on my phone. I knew she wouldn’t
be calling me unless it was an emergency. When I didn’t answer her call she sent me a text asking me to come home as soon as I could because Sarah was there and was causing a load of trouble. I know Sarah and what she can be like, especially if she’s had a drink. I also hate the idea of Carla being at home when a party’s going on so I quickly had to wrap up my evening with Bethany so I could leave and sort this mess out.

  It was obvious that Bethany was suspicious about the phone call but I had no time to try and explain things to her. I don’t want her knowing about my dark and twisted past, not yet anyway. It hurt me so much when she turned away from me and stopped me from kissing her, even when she said goodbye I could see the change in her, she was so distant. I didn’t want to let her go, especially when she was so angry with me but I had no choice. I have to get home and I’ll make it up to Bethany later… somehow.

  I round the last corner of my street and spot my house in the distance. There are far too many people here and Rihanna’s ‘Jump’ is blaring out of every window of the house. God knows why the neighbours don’t complain, probably because it’s my place and they’re scared of what I’ll do if they phone the police. Little do they know they’d actually be doing me a favour by getting rid of all of these people for me.

  I can see Carla standing on her own and away from all of the madness. She rakes her fingers through her long dark hair and I can see that she’s close to despair. I don’t blame her; the chaos taking place here is enough to scare anyone, especially someone as sweet as Carla. I’m overwhelmed by the need to get her far away from here. She shouldn’t even be here in the first place.

  “Carla, where is she?” I hurry over to her and she jumps on me, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly.

  “Jake, thank God you’re here, I didn’t know who else to call!”

  I stroke her hair and try to calm her down, she’s close to being hysterical and I know I won’t leave her side until she’s ok. Carla’s the youngest of my sisters, the baby of the family and I’ve always been extremely overprotective of her. She’s supposed to be staying at a friend’s house whenever a party is held here but when I left the house earlier Carla wasn’t even home and no one mentioned anything about another house party. I thought I’d put a stop to that last week when I kicked everybody out at midnight.

  “Shh, it’s ok. I’m here now. Where’s mum?” My eyes search the crowds gathered outside but there’s no family members to be seen.

  “She made herself scarce as usual; she’s just left us to it. Sarah got here a couple of hours ago and at first I thought she was fine, she seemed ok and she was definitely sober but as the night progressed she started drinking and then she started asking where you are and who you were with. She’s convinced herself that you’re now with somebody else and she’s been telling anyone who will listen about… well, about what happened between the two of you.”

  I clench my fists and try to control some of my impending rage. How dare she come to my house and speak about what happened. I told her before that I never wanted her to speak about it, I actually forbade her from ever mentioning it again. I did the same with my own family and that’s why Carla looks absolutely terrified right now, she’s probably frightened that I’ll bit her head off for even mentioning it.

  “Where is she?” I demand.

  “She was in the living room when I called you but I don’t know where she is now.

  I really don’t want Carla to witness this. My confrontation with Sarah is going to be ugly and the last thing I want is for my baby sister to be see anything that will upset her but at the same time I don’t want to leave her alone out here. I need to know that she’s safe.

  I breathe a huge sigh of relief when I spot my other sister Leanne leaving the house. I stride over towards her and gently take hold of her arm as I lead her over to Carla.

  “Why haven’t you been keeping an eye on Carla? Why is she even here? You know I don’t want her around any of this shit. She phoned me half an hour ago; she was really fucking scared and begged me to get back home.”

  “Jake, I’m really sorry. I had no idea. I’ve only just got here myself. I didn’t even know Carla was here, I didn’t see her inside.”

  “Well she is here and she’s in a right state so go over there and stay with her. Don’t leave her side until I get rid of this lot. I mean it, Leanne. Don’t let her out of your sight.”

  By this time we’ve reached Carla and I force another reassuring smile on my face.

  “Are you ok?” Leanne embraces Carla and some of the tension I’ve been carrying since I first got Carla’s message disappears. At least I can now leave her and know she’s ok.

  “Where’s Katie? She’s not in there, is she?” I abruptly turn to Leanne, anxious to know where my other sister is.

  “It’s ok, Jake. She’s not here; she’s spending the night at a friend’s house.”

  “Thank God. Listen, I want both of you to stay out here and try to call mum, you never know she might actually answer her phone once in her life. She needs to get back here; she should be taking some responsibility for this.”

  Leanne nods her head in agreement and I squeeze Carla’s shoulder when she smiles up at me with a look of appreciation. I never want her to be afraid like that ever again. I’m her older brother; it’s my job to keep her safe.

  Turning my back, I walk towards the chaos and disorder that’s taken over my house. I’m so fucking angry right now, this has got to stop. I’m absolutely determined that this will never happen again.

  A few people try to stop me to talk but I ignore them and continue forward. Carla said Sarah was last seen inside so that’s exactly where I’m heading. I can only imagine what I must look like right now. My eyes will be blazing with fury, I can feel the tension in my shoulders and I probably look like I’m about ready to murder someone.

  I spot one of Sarah’s friends outside my house and I grab hold of her arm, spinning her around to face me.

  “Where is she?” I demand.

  People close by inevitably turn to stare at us, it’s clear by the sound of my voice that I’m not playing and they’ve known me long enough to know that I’m not fucking around when I get like this.

  “Jake, it’s not her fault. She’s wasted and she’s still so upset over what happened.”

  I love the fact that this bitch is trying to defend her. She knows exactly what Sarah did and she still has the audacity to stand up for her.

  “Where. Is. She?” I ask her again, making sure my voice sounds menacing and devoid of any emotion.

  I would never lay a finger on this girl but I need her to know that I’m not messing around; I’m serious about putting an end to Sarah’s bullshit.

  As though she instinctively knew that I was outside and looking for her Sarah exits my house right at that moment. She can barely stand up straight and almost stumbles to the ground as she walks down the front door steps. Her long blonde hair is loose and hanging down by her face. I’d recognise it anywhere; it was her golden hair that first attracted me to her, that and her piercing eyes which resemble the colour of the sky.

  My resolve to throw her out suddenly wavers and I almost feel sorry for her when I see how drunk she is and what state she’s allowed herself to get into. However, my sympathy doesn’t last for long when I remember all of the pain and suffering she’s caused me over the last few months. I need to end this between us, once and for all.

  “Jake, thank God you’re here.” She slurs as she makes her way over towards me unsteadily.

  I stride over to her with purpose but before I can reach her she ends up falling over on her ass as she twists her ankle in one of her skyscraper heels. I haul her up by taking hold of both of her arms.

  “What the fuck are you doing, Sarah?”

  “I knew you would come, Jake. I knew you would come back for me. People have been saying that you’re with someone else but I told them they were wrong, you wouldn’t do that to me, Jake. I know you wouldn’t.”
She smiles up at me, trying to be seductive but her blatant attempt at flirtation makes me feel sick. She’s a part of my past that I thought I’d left behind. I don’t want her around anymore, reminding me about what happened. I shouldn’t have to deal with this; never again do I want to have this conversation with her. This is the last time.

  “Sarah, you need to go home. I don’t want you here.” I try my best to convey my lack of feeling for her, hoping to sound adamant and firm.

  She inhales sharply and I will myself to remain strong when I see the tears start to fall down her face. You can never tell with Sarah if they’re real or fake, she can be a spectacular actress and has managed to fool many people in the past by her convincing performances.

  “You can’t mean that, Jake.”

  “I do, I want you to leave. Now.”

  “What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere, I belong here with you! You said you loved me, you told me that we were going to be together forever, you said you’d never leave me!”

  “I never said any of those things! It’s all in your head, its all lies. I never told you that I love you, I never promised you anything and I certainly didn’t say that we were forever.”

  By now we’ve managed to attract the attention of a large crowd of people, there’s a large circle been made around us, all of them seem to be enthralled by our embarrassing public display.

  “I haven’t imagined anything; I remember everything you told me!”

  “You’re delusional. You need help.” I say determinedly, fixing my cold stare on her. I feel absolutely nothing for this girl. She nearly destroyed my life and now she’s trying to finish what she started.

  “The truth is that seeing me hurts you. It’s because you still have feelings for me, you just don’t want to admit it. You were crazy about me once, Jake. I know I can make you feel that way again. Don’t you remember how incredible it used to be between us? We were amazing and we can be like that again. Just give me a second chance.” She runs her long fingernails across the palm of my hand; I jerk it away but can still feel the scorching heat tingling on my skin from where she touched me.