Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  “I need you, only you. Please don’t make me beg.”

  I purposefully bite down on my lower lip, enjoying the conflicted groan he emits when his eyes drop to my mouth.

  “You don’t have to beg me but I have to confess, I do love to hear it.” He whispers flirtatiously.

  “Please, Jake.” I wet my lips, slowly gyrating my hips in the hopes of enticing him.

  It seems to work. Jake effortlessly lifts me up and I lock my legs tightly around his waist, crushing our mouths together in a frantic attempt to bring us even closer.

  “Tell me what you need.” He says huskily, causing me to tremble when I feel his breath against my damp skin.

  “I need you inside me. Now.”

  I have an undeniable need for Jake to be buried inside of me, I ache for him and I don’t want to prolong this moment any longer. I’m confident that as soon as we make love, everything bad will be erased. It’s a naive fantasy but one that I’m determined to cling onto.

  The water continues to cascade over the two of us and I cry out in ecstasy when Jake tastes the droplets that have fallen onto my breasts. I try moving my hips against him, hoping to encourage him. I want him; I need him to take me and help me to forget.

  “My girl is really impatient tonight.” He says playfully, infuriating me even further.

  How does he do this? He’s always one step ahead of me and I’m always the one who falls to pieced. Why does he have to be the one who manages to stay in control?

  I gasp when I feel Jake’s tongue run along the length of my bottom lip. He moans in appreciation when I part his lips with my own and slide my tongue inside. His hand grabs a hold of my hair, coercing me into submission. I actually amaze myself when I squeeze my own breasts together, partly for my own pleasure and also to see what reaction it will elicit from Jake. His eyes are ablaze with an undeniable hunger for me as he watches me touch myself so intimately.

  “Fuck.” He curses under his breath, taking me by surprise when he roughly plunges all the way inside of me.

  He stills for a moment, allowing me to reacquaint myself with the immense, intoxicating sensation of being filled by him. I saw the excitement on his face when he was observing me a moment ago and I decide to experiment some more with this newfound exhilaration.

  “You know, sometimes when I’m alone… I just can’t help myself. I think about you and I can’t help it, I’m moaning your name and making myself come whilst I think of you.”

  Jake’s mouth falls open and his eyes widen in astonishment. I can’t believe I just said that. I’ve never spoken like this before and I can feel myself turning crimson.

  “Tell me.” He growls, trailing small kisses up the length of my jaw.

  His strong hands squeeze my thighs; his touch firm and forceful, reminding me how possessive he can be when claiming my body.

  “I fantasise about what I want you to do to me.” I tremble, drunk on the heady excitement this sudden role-reversal is giving me.

  “And what do you imagine?” He prompts, latching onto the skin on my neck.

  I hope he’s not trying to give me hickey, I’ve never liked those things and I’ve always thought they look tacky and tasteless. If he only stopped making it feel so damn good.

  “I imagine this. You and me together, you taking what you want from me and giving me what I need.”

  Jake’s attention lands on my face, absorbing every single detail.

  “You have no idea what that image does to me. The thought of you… God, I need to see you. One day you have to promise me you’ll let me watch you make yourself come. I just know it will be the sexiest thing I’ll ever see.”

  The thought of Jake watching me pleasure myself is too much, I imagine his smouldering eyes on me whilst I give myself my first orgasm and it only elevates my desire for him. I used to envy the girls at college who would talk so openly about their sex lives and their experiences. I had hardly any knowledge of what they were talking about but I still envied their maturity and wisdom when it came to sex. I never thought I would have the courage to speak like them, I suppose I had to wait and meet the right person before that sensual part of me was brought to light. The part only Jake knows.

  I rake my fingernails over the muscles in his back, biting down on Jake’s shoulder, and tasting the water that’s pouring over the two of us.

  “Jake, I want us to do this together.” I moan, more than ready for my first climax.

  I glance at his arms and notice the prominence of his veins in them when he flexes his muscles. My legs are still wrapped around him, his arms supporting my entire weight without any struggle or exertion. My tongue eagerly tastes the skin on his neck, gliding over him and savouring his mouth-watering taste. He groans loudly, closes his eyes and cups the back of my neck, pulling me even closer to him. I trail my lips along his collarbone, taking delight in the gratifying moan I evokes from him.

  “Are you close?” Jake asks, transfixing me with those captivating eyes of his.

  “Yes.” I murmur, feeling delirious and wanton with invigoration.

  He lowers his forehead to mine, our noses touching. To my utter dismay and infuriation, Jake starts to slow down his movements and I’m left squirming with anticipation, dangerously close to experiencing my impending release.

  “Don’t stop!” I scold him with frustration.

  “Maybe it’s really fucked to admit this but I love to hear you beg. Come for me baby, let go. I want to hear you.”

  His carnal, uninhibited words embolden me to do as he asks me and a glorious surge of exhilaration soars through my body, enabling me to convey exactly what I’m feeling.

  “I’m coming.” I cry loudly, throwing my head back against the shower wall behind me.

  “You are? Prove it.” Jake growls, whilst tracing the outer shell of my ear with his tongue.

  The guttural masculinity in his voice makes me tremble and the volume of my cries increase. The force behind his thrusts increases and so does his speed, widening my legs so I can take every single inch of him. I trail my nails down his spine, eliciting a deep rumble from Jake in the back of his throat. His attention is quickly diverted back to my mouth as his tongue finds its way back inside, urgently seeking an entry. I willingly open up for him and beg him to come inside of me. Our collective moans of pleasure merge together, bouncing off the four walls of my tiny shower. The steam and high temperature only increases my arousal and I squeeze him tightly when I feel him start to release himself inside me. I’m not ashamed to admit that I want every single drop of him. His fingers grab my rear, forcefully clasping the skin until I’m close to crying out in protest. He says my name over and over, something which makes me glow with price.

  Afterwards, I open my eyes and silently absorb every breathtaking feature of this man. He’s so beautiful; I can scarcely believe he’s really mine. I love how protective he is and how important it is for him to keep me safe. I don’t question his loyalty to me; he’s proven himself time and time again. I realise how rare it is to find a love like this and I’m absolutely determined to hold onto it. His past is no longer important, if I want out relationship to last then I need to come to terms with who he was before we met, I need to understand how little the past matters and appreciate who he is now, the person he is when he’s with me.

  “Wow.” I mumble incoherently, opening my eyes and lowering myself to my feet.

  “Every time we do this I convince myself it can’t get any better… and then it does.” He chuckles softly.

  I sigh with contentment, losing myself to the exquisite sensation of his lips trailing kisses along the length of my jaw. He moves onto my eyelids, making his way down to my mouth. I’ve never felt so cherished.

  He gently removes himself from my body I immediately feel the loss. I’m certain I’ll never tire of this man, it would be impossible.

  After our shower together we wrap ourselves in two large towels from the small en suite cupboard. Jake looks adorable all wet, tiny
little droplets keep falling from his hair and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

  I’m taken by surprise when Jake pushes me back against the wall, placing his hands on either side of me, sheltering me from everything but him. He studies me intently; his eyes wandering down my half naked body now concealed by the towel.

  “I love you.” He says, unblinking and resolute.

  “Love you more.” I reply, grinning from ear to ear.

  He moves closer towards me and my heart rate accelerates.

  “That’s impossible.” He whispers huskily.

  Jake has nothing else to wear so he’s going to have to put on his own clothes which are still covered in blood. He assures me he’ll get rid of them as soon as he gets home but I’m still uneasy about the thought of him walking home like that. If someone spots him they’re bound to think the worst and what if his appearance arouses suspicion?

  It’s only when we have a few more minutes before we have to leave that I decide to go ahead and ask the question that’s been bugging me all night. If I don’t do it now I never will and after tonight I never want her name to be mentioned between us again.

  “Jake, I need to ask you something.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s about Sarah.”

  “Bethany, I really don’t-”

  “Did you love her?” I interrupt him, not giving him a chance to finish his sentence. “You told me you didn’t but I need to know. I’ve seen her, Jake. She’s beautiful and any man would want her. I can’t help wondering what you see in me when you were with someone like her.”

  Sarah is gorgeous and startling. I’m dreary and plain. She’s tall and slim; I’m tiny but envious of her toned body. There’s a remarkable contrast between us and I’m not sure why Jake would choose me when he could have her.

  Jake doesn’t speak for some time, walking out of the en suite and into my bedroom.

  “Come here.” He motions for me to join him and I willingly comply.

  He sits me down on his lap, sighing heavily. He’s still only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, not wanting to change into his tainted clothes until he absolutely has to.

  “Well?” I prompt him.

  “I’m just thinking how badly I despise the person who taught you to think so little of yourself. You’re astonishing, Bethany, you really are. I don’t understand how you don’t see what is so clear to me. You’re gorgeous, beyond sexy and breathtakingly beautiful, why don’t you see any of these things? What makes you doubt yourself and the beauty that is blatantly obvious to everyone else around you? That’s the reason why Sarah chose to hate you tonight, she was jealous of you. She not only noticed how God damn perfect you are but she also recognised your innocence and your virtue; those are the qualities she envies the most because she’s never had them. It pisses me off that people like that have made you so unsure of yourself. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you otherwise. I’m going to make you see how incredible you really are. Bethany, I wish I could erase every single day I spent with Sarah but it’s just not possible. So until then… I’ll keep on reminding you, until the day you truly have faith in my commitment to you.”

  I gape at him in amazement, questioning what on earth I did to deserve this unbelievable boy. How did I find him and am I even worthy of his inconceivable love for me?

  “You know one day I’ll be able to do that. I’ll be able to express my own devotion for you and make it sound just right. Until then, know that I love you and that I’m feeling everything you’re feeling. You’re my whole world, Jake.” I tell him, lovingly stroking my fingers through his damp hair.

  “I only need to hear three words from you, Bethany. But right now I need you to promise me something.” He says with a solemn expression on his face. I need you to promise me that you won’t call Callum. I know you were just trying to hurt me earlier tonight when you mentioned getting in contact with him again but I’m begging you, please don’t do it. It would kill me, Bethany.”

  I see the uncertainty in his eyes and the pain behind them. Taunting him about Callum was childish, reckless and really stupid. I only said it to punish him and I’m now questioning how I could have been so spiteful.

  “Jake, you have nothing to worry about. I’m yours and you have no reason to worry about Callum. I have no feelings for him whatsoever.”

  Later that night as I lie in bed, staring up at my bedroom ceiling, I start to think about my life and the dramatic changes that have taken place in the last few weeks. I’ve had to face heartbreak, loss, jealousy and revenge. Through it all there has been one man’s love; there has been this magnificent person who has stood by me through it all. My own love for him is irreversible, it’s changeless and enduring. It is with me for life and I’ve come to embrace my enslaving rapture for him.

  There are still many trials and tribulations that Jake and I must conquer. Something deep down inside of me knows that despite everything, we’re at the very beginning. We’ve only just begun. I’m terrified when I consider what’s in store for us and question whether we’ll ever get our happy ending.

  Despite everything, I’m going to fight. I’ll fight for him and for our future together. I would take on the devil himself to share one day of paradise with Jake by my side. I would willingly walk through hell if it meant that I could be with him and save him from the demons of his past.

  I eventually fall asleep and inevitably dream about Sarah and the unknown man who attacked me. I wake up in fear, trembling and afraid, longing for Jake and panic-stricken when I start to contemplate the return of my father in two days time. I managed to escape the clutches of a monster tonight but the one I live with is coming home. He is the one I can’t escape, the one whose clutches will never let me go. Never.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jake

  Jesus, what a night. I feel utterly exhausted and emotionally drained. Saying goodbye to Bethany was even more difficult for me than usual; it just didn’t feel right leaving her after everything she’s been through this evening. At least I know her bastard of a father isn’t home. I wouldn’t be able to handle leaving her if I knew his was there. I need to get her away from that house, he’s due home in a couple of days and I need her out of there by then. Now that I know about the bruises and how he really treats her, there’s no way I’m letting her anywhere near him. The hard part is going to be convincing Bethany. She’s so stubborn and wilful; it’s going to be tough for me to make her see sense.

  It took a whole lot of self-control and physical restraint to watch her walk through her front door tonight. I literally ache for her when we’re apart and I’m so sick of carrying around the weight of this anxiety, the nauseating pain in the pit of my stomach which I only experience when she’s not with me. It’s getting worse and worse, it’s now a struggle for me to deal with on a daily basis and I know the feeling won’t subside until I have her. I need her to live with me, I need to take care of her and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen.

  I’m finally alone, meaning I can stop with the pretence. All night I’ve been putting on a brave face, pretending that everything will be alright and reassuring Bethany that it’s all going to be ok. The truth is… I’m not so sure.

  What I did tonight will have repercussions. I knew this as soon as I started beating the low life piece of shit that was hurting her. That’s why I was so reluctant to walk away, I knew my actions would have consequences and by letting him live those repercussions would follow.

  I’ve often struggled to control my anger, I’ve always had a short fuse and a lot of people have been hurt because of it. However, none of it even begins to compare to the fury and the intense hatred that I experienced just a few short hours ago. If it wasn’t for Bethany I’d probably be in prison charged with murder right now. I really, really wanted to let that cunt die and if it wasn’t for her and her good heart, that’s exactly what I would have done. Even now, a huge part of me regrets the fact that I allow
ed her to phone an ambulance and I also know I would have been proud to have known I’d cleansed the world of that evil fuck.

  I really thought I’d blown it when she ran away from me again. I was convinced that I’d ruined everything. I didn’t blame her for running out on me, how could I? God knows what she must have been through during that hideous confrontation she had with Sarah, finding out about her and then the miscarriage was enough to tip anybody over the edge.

  I always wanted to be the one to tell Bethany the truth and I came close to doing it so many times. I guess I’d try to find a way out of it and frequently find an excuse why it wasn’t the right time to tell her. I was so scared she would freak out and leave me when I told her and that’s why I kept my past a secret for so long. I guess I’m just ashamed of my relationship with Sarah and what we were to one another. There were times I wanted to confide in Bethany about the baby but I knew there was no way I could talk about it without mentioning Sarah. I never wanted the two of them to meet because I knew how Sarah would react to Bethany; she would be jealous and deal with it by tearing her apart, which is exactly what happened.

  I couldn’t believe Bethany had managed to outrun me for a second time. I didn’t even see the direction she took off in. My girl is so quick and I was still in a dreamlike sort of daze over the heartbreaking argument we’d just had. I tried phoning her a few times but it kept saying I had no signal and it wouldn’t work. I decided I would search for her until my phone decided to cooperate, when it finally did I kept on calling. I didn’t really expect her to answer but I was determined to keep on trying. I planned on making my way over to her house if she didn’t respond to her phone and deal with the aftermath later. I knew her mum would be there but I was going out of my mind with worry and I no longer cared about what her mother would think of a stranger turning up at her door out of the blue. I just needed to know that Bethany was safe.

  I was walking around in circles, aimlessly persisting with my search for her. I was hoping my endurance would soften her steely resolve and eventually persuade her to answer her phone. I was going out of my mind worrying about her and wondering where the hell she went. I stopped walking when I overheard raised voices, I could make out that they belonged to a man and a woman but I just presumed I’d stumbled across a couple rowing having an argument. I was in the midst of my own crisis and I wasn’t sure if I should get involved in something that didn’t concern me. There’s nothing worse than someone inviting themselves into another person’s drama. My internal deliberation ended as soon as I heard the young woman crying out. My mind was instantly made up, there was no way I was about to walk away and ignore her. My conscience would never allow me to plead ignorant and walk away whilst some poor girl needed my help.