He stares at me in astonishment and the silence between us seems to last forever.
“Do you really mean that?” He whispers uncertainly, the absolute astonishment can be heard in his voice.
“Yes, if you still want me.” I grin at him joyfully.
“I… I don’t know what to say. I’ve wanted this for so long; having you with me is all I’ve been able to think about. So many nights I haven’t been able to sleep because I’ve been longing for you. I need you with me, Bethany. I don’t care how melodramatic this sounds or how crazy it seems. I need you to survive. You are everything to me.”
“I know all of that, Jake. That’s why I want to be with you. That’s why I’ve made the decision to come and live with you.”
“Say that again. I need to hear that again.” His eyes desperately search mine, determined to find the truth in them.
“I’ve never been more serious. For so many years I’ve been waiting for a way out, longing for an escape I thought was impossible. I never believed it could happen for me but then I met you. You saved me, Jake. You saved me from a lifetime of misery, isolation and loneliness. I want to start our future together; I’m tired of missing you all of the time and I’m tired of the heartache I feel when we’re apart. I don’t want to live in fear anymore; I don’t want to have to savour every single second in case it might be out last. I want to share my life with you; I don’t know what the hell I’ve been waiting for.” I confess, feeling the incredible excitement building up inside of me at the thought of creating a real life with Jake, of being part of an adult relationship.
“You’ve just made me the happiest man on earth; you do know that, right?” He brings his forehead towards mine, there’s such an unconditional expression of love in his eyes. It makes my whole body tingle.
“I know.” I whisper softly.
He brings his lips towards mine, kissing me with so much fervour and euphoria, marking me as his. I confidently slide my tongue across his bottom lip and nibble on it gently. He groans in response, his arms encircle my waist as he pulls my body closer against his so that we’re chest to chest.
“I only made love to you yesterday and I already need you so badly.” He murmurs breathlessly, his grip tightening around my waist. It’s an intentional and deliberate restraint; its sole purpose is to keep me firmly in place and exactly where he wants me.
I realise that now I’ve agreed to this, there’s no turning back. I really do belong to him. He breaks away from me, searching my eyes for the permission he so ardently desires from me. I nod my head in agreement; I really don’t have the strength to say no to him.
Jake effortlessly picks me up and carries me inside. His lips devour my bare skin as he expertly trails them over mouth, jaw line and neck. He hastily takes the stairs and taps my bedroom door open with his foot before placing me down on the bed.
I hold my breath as he boldly tugs my T-shirt up and over my head. His fingertips reverently glide across my stomach.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I still can’t believe our baby is in there.” He whispers softly.
There’s so much love and adoration in his eyes, I could weep for the pain he will feel if I decide I can’t do this. He continues to undress me; an unspoken yet powerful longing consumes the air between us. As soon as I’m naked, he confidently starts to remove his own clothing, he’s so secure and at ease with himself, I’m almost jealous of the confidence he has. His boxers are all that remain and I take a moment to fully appreciate and enjoy what I have and what is mine.
He places his hands underneath my thighs and pulls me to the edge of the bed so that my lower half is hanging over the side. He kneels right down in front of me and gives me a sexy smile, causing my heart rate to increase dramatically with anticipation. His smouldering eyes meet with my own as his hands squeeze my thighs possessively. I moan loudly, delighting in the knowledge that his fingerprints might leave a bruise.
I close my eyes and lay my head back on the bed; it’s easier for me to be less self-conscious if I’m not watching his every move, I can surrender myself to the amazing sensations that Jake bestows upon me without being mortified with embarrassment.
“There’s no reason for you to be uncomfortable, baby. You’re so fucking beautiful. I’m struggling to take my eyes off you.”
I stop breathing for a second, it’s almost like he has a direct line that enables him to read my thoughts. He knows me so well. He pulls my naked body even closer towards him and I start to tremble as soon as I feel his warm breath against the most sensitive part of myself. My body jerks in response when I feel his tongue languidly slide across my skin. Of its own accord, my body arches off the bed, desperately craving more of what I’m experiencing. I try my hardest to remain still but it’s too difficult, I can scarcely control myself. He’s pleasuring me in ways I never even thought were possible.
My hands clutch the quilt beneath me whilst I writhe and twist my body, intent on prolonging this exquisite feeling forever. I let go of the rumpled quilt to run my fingers through his hair, wanting more of his tongue and the unbelievable pleasure its showing me. I’m sure I’ll be covered in fingerprints by tomorrow; he’s holding me so tight, as though he’s worried I’ll get up and leave any second, like he’d love nothing more than to chain me to the bed.
His tongue plunges deep inside of me, eliciting a bold and audacious moan from my throat. I circle my hips, craving more as my hands tighten their hold in his hair, forcefully pulling him towards me and his tongue even deeper inside. He groans deeply, a beautiful and masculine sound which is enough to push me over the proverbial edge. My orgasm is intense; it’s relentless, ongoing and powerful. It comes with so much force; I’m still trembling long after the final wave of pleasure has left my body. I slowly open my eyes and look down to see a satisfied grin playing around on Jake’s lips.
“Come here.” I say huskily, lifting myself up from the bed into a sitting position.
He raises his eyebrow at me in curiosity, moving up the bed so that we’re face to face.
“You want more?” He teases me, a salacious smirk on his face.
“Kiss me. I want to taste myself on you.” I seductively bite down on my lower lip, entranced by the way his mouth falls open in complete and utter shock.
His eyes are ablaze with lust, a voracious desire that is so commanding and dominant. His mouth hungrily descends upon my own and I willingly allow him to part my lips with his tongue. It plunders inside my mouth, twirling and caressing my tongue with a deliberate intent. He groans loudly, cupping the back of my neck so he can hold me still, the idea of me tasting myself so intimately from his lips is turning him on and I can’t say I blame him.
“You have no idea how much I love you.” He mutters fervently, dragging his mouth away from mine.
“I do know, Jake.” I reply soothingly.
“No. you don’t. God help me but I swear to you I will never let you go, never.” He says resolutely, locking his penetrating stare on me.
“You don’t have to.” I placate him, placing my small hand against his cheek. He closes his eyes, desperately seeking comfort from my touch.
“Do you really mean that?” He asks me, insecurity and uncertainty interlacing his voice.
He’s still kneeling down in front of me, looking forlorn and helpless, all I want is to comfort him and put an end to the torturous amount of his anxiety and reservations.
“I mean it. I wouldn’t be prepared to walk away from everything I’ve ever known if I didn’t want to share my life with you. If I didn’t believe in the possibility of us then I wouldn’t have the courage to do this.”
He smiles at me weakly, he still has so much doubt and trepidation about him, I can only hope things will get better once I leave home. His hungry gaze wanders over my body one more time, a self-satisfied gleam in his eyes.
“I never used to believe in perfection. I thought it was a myth, something false that only foolish people believed in.�
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“And now?” I ask him flirtatiously.
“And now I know it does. My perfection is you.” He softly places a chaste kiss on my forehead.
“Always?” I whisper.
“And forever.” He replies.
I get dressed and we make our way downstairs. I realise there are still so many things we have to talk about, important questions that we need to discuss. I make my way into the living room and stand in front of the mirror above the fire lace. I look flushed and rosy cheeked, there’s a sensual glow that surrounds me, something I’ve never witnessed before. I’m distracted by Jake’s reflection behind me, he’s standing with both hands in his pockets and he looks uneasy, almost afraid.
“Bethany, I need to know what you’ve decided about the baby.” He avoids looking at me, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the floor.
“I’m still not sure; I’m hoping that by leaving home I’ll be able to really think about what it is I want and be able make the right decision. I’ll have the freedom to think about my future instead of being so preoccupied with the present and the fear of us being caught.”
I turn around to face him, hating the incapability I have to lie. I don’t want to be the one who’s causing him so much pain; I wish I could tell me what he wants to hear.
“So… you’re still not certain?” The devastation on his face breaks my heart; I can almost feel it shatter into a thousand pieces.
“I don’t know, Jake. A huge part of me still believes I’m just not ready for this.”
“I understand that, baby, I do. I just need you to know that I’m here for you. I know that we can do this, all of it. The two of us together and the baby, it is possible.”
“Jake, please don’t put more pressure on me. I’ve already agreed to come and live with you, even though I’m still not crazy about the idea of moving in with your family. I have so many questions about them and how we’re going to manage.”
“Like what? Ask me anything and I’ll reassure you.” He says decidedly, striding over towards me.
“I need to know where we’re going to live; we can’t stay with your family forever. How are we going to survive? I haven’t got a job and we have no money. It’s all such a mess.” I wail, overwrought by the overwhelming torment that comes with dread and panic. It threatens to consume me and drag me under like an almighty undercurrent and I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be able to make my way back up to the surface.
There’s just so much to consider, so much can go wrong and end badly for us. I hate all of the uncertainty and I despise being afraid, my fear eats away at me until there’s nothing left but an empty shell of my former self.
“Listen to me; you don’t have to worry about any of those things, ok? All of your concerns are my responsibility; they’re my problem now, not yours. I’ve already told you that I’ll take care of you. Don’t you believe me?”
“I do.” I assure him. “It’s just can’t help worrying, it’s all I’ve ever known.”
“Trust me, Bethany. The only thing you need to decide on is when you’re going to leave home. If I had it my way it would be tonight but I’m guessing you want to go back and sort things out with your mum first?” He asks, softly tracing his thumb across my bottom lip, such a sweet caress that makes me tremble.
“How about tomorrow?”
“You’re serious?” He beams at me; the excitement in his voice makes me giddy.
“Let’s do it. We’ll do it tomorrow.” I tell him, squealing in delight and joy when he lifts me from the ground, spinning me around.
“What about your mum? Are you going to explain everything to her?”
“I have to. I don’t have a choice. Tomorrow I’ll sit her down and tell her everything. She deserves to know the truth and I can’t just leave without saying goodbye to her.”
I can’t stop myself from smiling as we leave gran’s house. I know that we still have a long way to go, there’s still so much we don’t know about each other, so many things that have yet to be resolved but at least one decision has been made, my decision to leave home.
“Do you know how amazing it feels for me to know that by this time tomorrow night you’ll be in my bed with me? I can’t believe I’ll finally get to have you all to myself, no more separation and no more sneaking around so we can see each other. I’ll no longer have to share you and that’s a miraculous and extraordinary feeling.” He sighs with contentedness and relief, his demeanour so relaxed and happy.
“You don’t have to try and explain it to me, Jake. I’m feeling it too.”
He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me towards him. He’s just about ready to kiss me when we’re interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing.
“Damn it. Hold on a second, baby.” He reaches into his back pocket and looks at the screen; his right arm remains protectively around my waist, keeping me close.
“Who is it?” I enquire.
“It’s Ritchie, my boss. I better answer this, do you mind?” He asks.
“Of course I don’t.” I go to move away from him, thinking I should give him some privacy.
He tightens his hold on me, refusing to let me go and I glow with pride. Jake doesn’t want us separated for a second and it feels really, really good. I can’t help listening to Jake’s end of the conversation and it doesn’t take me long to realise that Jake’s boss must be asking him if he can work tonight.
“Hold on one second. Bethany, is it ok with you if I work tonight?” He asks, looking at me expectantly whilst holding the phone away from him.
“Of course. Besides, I need to hurry back.”
I have to figure out what I’m going to say to mum. I plan on explaining everything to her tomorrow but really need to spend some time to think about what I’m going to say. I still can’t believe that tonight will be my last night at home. I never thought this would happen. I never believed it was possible.
“So it looks like I’m working tonight, are you sure that’s ok with you? You don’t need me to be there with you when you tell your mum everything?” Jake finishes up his conversation, placing the phone back in his pocket.
“No, I want to do this by myself.” I say determinedly.
“Aargh, it’s just too damn hard for me to say goodbye to you now. Thank God this is the last time I’ll have to do it.” He mutters quietly, almost to himself.
We’re standing at the entrance to my road and I can see my house in the distance. I have mixed feelings about it now that I know I will be leaving it all behind tomorrow. It embodies everything about my past; everything I once hated and despised. The place I thought would always be my prison. My future is standing right next to me. He’s the only reason I’ve found the strength to do this, I owe Jake everything.
“This is goodnight, Jake, not goodbye.”
“Mmm, that sounds good. Goodnight, Bethany. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.”
“I’ll let you know how things go with mum and when you can come by to pick me up.” I’m practically beaming with joy and elation.
“Deal.” He strokes my jaw line with his thumb before winking at me and walking away.
He’s only gone a few steps when he turns back around, smiling at me with so much jubilance. His happiness is contagious and it’s a beautiful moment when I turn and walk away from him because I know it will be the last time we have to say goodbye to one another. For the first time in my life I’m optimistic because I know that every step I take is one step closer to a future that is so bright and beautiful, a future I thought I’d never know, a life with Jake.
My rapture and euphoria doesn’t last long. I instinctively know something is wrong as soon as I enter the house. The hallway is in darkness and the only light left on in the whole house is coming from the living room. It’s eerily silent. There’s no sound to be heard from the TV and no noise from the kitchen where I can usually find mum clattering about.
“Mum?” I poke my head around the living room door, hoping to find her aslee
p on the sofa or something but there’s no one there. I wonder if she went upstairs and fell asleep up there, maybe that’s why the house is so quiet. I check the time and realise it’s far too early for her to have gone to bed. I swallow nervously when the first prickle of fear crawls up my spine.
Glancing through to the kitchen, I notice the lights are off in there and there’s no still no sign of her. I bite my lip in anguish, sinking the teeth into the skin until I accidentally draw blood. What am I supposed to do now? It doesn’t take me long to realise that I only have one choice. I have to go and see if she’s upstairs. Something might have happened to her, she might have collapsed or be unconscious, I can’t just leave without finding out.
I switch the light on in the hallway, there’s no way I’m brave enough to go up there in the dark. I hesitantly start to climb the stairs; desperately afraid and wishing that Jake was here with me right now. I think about calling him to ask if he would hurry back here and check the house out for me so I don’t have to do this alone. I quickly change my mind when I remember he will already be on his way to work by now. God, why do I have to be such a coward? There’s nothing to be afraid of, this is my house and I know mum wouldn’t have gone anywhere if it wasn’t an emergency, there’ll be a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, I’m sure of it.
I gently knock on mum’s bedroom door. My stomach is churning with anxiety and dread, I’m terrified about what I’m going to find on the other side of this door. Trying to rid myself of my fear, I consider all of the other possibilities. She’s probably having a little lie down and fell asleep if she wasn’t been feeling well. I cautiously open her bedroom door, curling my fingers into fists as I enter her room. I turn on the bedroom light, blinking until my eyes adjust to the brightness. I look towards the bed, hoping to see her lying there.
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