A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C)

by Melissa Toppen

  “Busted.” He laughs, sitting up further before dropping the book face down on top of the bed.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to return this.” I hold up my arm which has Ryland’s hoodie draped over it.

  “Oh, okay. Thank you. You can just toss it there.” He gestures to the end of the bed.

  I take a few more steps into the room, stopping to deposit the sweatshirt where he indicated.

  “What are you reading?” I point toward the book, not able to make out the title given how worn the cover is.

  “It’s called 438 Days.” He glances down at the book. “It’s about a man who survived alone at sea for four hundred and thirty-eight days. It’s really quite interesting.”

  “It sounds like it.” I nod. “I didn’t realize you liked to read.”

  “I don’t, or well, I didn’t. But when you’re stuck in a tiny cell for hours a day there’s only so much you can do to pass the time. I found that I actually really like to read. It offers an escape of sorts. I guess that’s why I used to catch you with your nose in a book.” He grins and I swear my heart physically skips a beat.

  “Yeah.” I shuffle my feet. “I haven’t read for pleasure in a very long time. I’ve found that having to read over notes and countless textbooks has stolen my desire to pick up a book these days.”

  “Maybe you should force yourself. You never know, you may find it’s exactly what you need.”

  “Maybe.” I hesitate, my eyes scanning my father’s old bedroom. It’s almost exactly as it was when my dad was alive, other than some new bedding and the boxes piled in the corner that Ryland must have pulled from storage.

  When Ryland was arrested he was still living with his mom and stepdad. They pretty much told him that if someone didn’t come get his stuff from their house they were going to set it out on the curb. Finn went over the next day and collected the important stuff and stored it in our attic.

  I’m honestly surprised he even went to his parents’ house when he was released. His mom was always a selfish beast and his stepdad was even worse. I can’t imagine either have changed that much in the last five years. And given that he showed up on our front porch shortly after he went there, I’m guessing I’m right in that assumption.

  When he was a teenager, I remember him staying here for weeks on end after he and his stepfather would get into it. I can’t count how many times Ryland had a black eye or busted lip growing up. Probably more times than I even know.

  “Feels weird, doesn’t it?” he asks, pulling my gaze back to him. “Me being in here. Still feels like Brian’s room, doesn’t it?” He seems to know exactly what I’m thinking at this exact moment.

  “A little,” I admit. “I haven’t spent much time in here since he died.”

  “Yeah, I can understand. I don’t know.” He shrugs, looking around the room. “Makes me feel kind of close to him. You know how much I cared for your dad.” When his gaze comes back to me there’s sadness behind his eyes.

  “I know.” I knot my hands in front of myself. “Well, I guess I’ll let you get back to your book.”

  “You could stay.” Ryland stops me before I’ve managed to move a single inch. “You used to read to me all the time, even the most farfetched bunch of BS ever. It might be nice to have me read to you for a change.”

  “I shouldn’t. I have a lot of stuff to do.”

  “Oh come on.” He scoots over, patting the bed next to him. “Who knows, you might actually like it.”

  I look at him for a long moment, battling between what I want to do and what I know I should do – neither of which are lining up with the other.

  “Fine,” I grumble after a long moment. Crossing around the bed, I climb in next to Ryland, mirroring his position as I rest my back against the headboard. “But if it’s awful I’m leaving.”

  “Deal.” He smiles, picking the book back up. His eyes scan the page, finding where he was before he begins to read aloud.

  ——

  “Ains.” His voice is like a dream. A dream I never want to wake up from. “Ainsley.” I feel his hand on my shoulder, followed by a light shake. “Hey.” Ryland smiles the instant my eyes flutter open. “You fell asleep.” He chuckles. “Guess my book wasn’t that good after all.”

  “No, it was.” I push up on my elbow, realizing that I must have moved in my sleep, considering I’m curled on my side rather than propped up against the headboard. “I guess I was just really tired.” I shift, pushing myself the rest of the way up. “What time is it?”

  “Almost one.”

  “In the morning?” I glance at the clock on the bedside table to confirm. “How long was I asleep?”

  “About three hours. You seemed so peaceful I couldn’t bear to wake you right away, so I let you sleep while I finished my book.”

  “How was it?” I ask, throwing my legs over the side of the bed as I stretch out. “The book, I mean?”

  “It was really good, actually. You fell asleep right as it was getting to the good part.”

  “Yep. That sounds like me.” I yawn, pushing to my feet.

  “I would have let you sleep here all night but I thought it might freak you out to wake up in here in the morning. And truth be told, I selfishly didn’t want to sleep on the couch.”

  “No, I’m glad you woke me,” I lie, knowing I would take sleeping next to Ryland over sleeping alone in my own room any day of the week. Then again, if he’s on the couch it kind of negates the point.

  “I thought about carrying you to your room but then I thought I probably shouldn’t.”

  “It’s not like you haven’t done it hundreds of times before.”

  “Yeah, but that was different. You’re not a little girl anymore. And to be frank, I worried it might be overstepping. You only just started talking to me again. I’d hate to fuck that up by pushing too hard too fast.”

  “Well, I appreciate you being so considerate.” I turn toward the door. “And thank you for tonight.” I take in his rumpled hair and wrinkled shirt and all I want to do is climb right back in that bed with him. “It was nice to shut my brain off for a while.”

  “Literally.” He chuckles, reminding me of the fact that I fell asleep.

  “Yes, but while I was awake also. Maybe next time you can read me something a little more action packed.” I smile.

  “I’d love that.”

  “Well, goodnight.” I head toward the door, knowing if I don’t force myself to leave now I may not leave at all.

  “Goodnight, Ainsley,” he says moments before the door snaps closed.

  I turn to head to my room, but my entire body freezes when Finn exits the bathroom at the exact same moment and catches me coming out of Ryland’s room. His eyes dart to the door behind me and then back to my face.

  “Ryland was reading me a book,” I say, realizing how silly my explanation sounds.

  Ryland Thorpe, badass of all badasses, reading me a bedtime story. I nearly laugh at the thought.

  “He was reading you a book,” Finn repeats each word slowly.

  “Some book about a guy who was adrift for like four hundred days or something on the ocean. I wish I could tell you more but I fell asleep.” I try to act like it’s no big deal, as my feet finally remember how to work and I take the few short steps to my bedroom door.

  “Gotcha.” A slow smile turns up Finn’s lips.

  “What?” I arch a brow at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Nothing.” He immediately wipes the smile from his face. “It’s just good to see you two finding some semblance of normal again,” he admits. “Though if I remember right, usually you’re the one reading.”

  “Apparently Ryland is a reader now. Who knew?” I shrug my shoulders. “Well, goodnight.” I shove my door open and quickly step inside.

  “Goodnight.” Finn chuckles, the floor creaking under his feet as he heads back down the hallway.

  Chapter 12

  Ryland

  “
So I was thinking, maybe we should plan a little celebratory dinner for Ainsley tonight.” Finn appears next to the car I’m working on. “Today is her last exam and I know how stressed she’s been. Plus, she’s officially a senior now. That’s something to celebrate, right? My sister, a soon to be college graduate. Who would have thought?”

  “Pretty sure we all knew it was coming,” I point out, grabbing a wrench from my work cart.

  “I know. I’m just saying, she’s the first Kenter to go to college...maybe ever. And now here she is, about to start her final year.”

  “You look like a proud papa bear.”

  “I am proud. Hell, I’m more than proud. She may have been a pain in the ass for most of my life, but she’s my pain in the ass. To see her succeed after everything means a lot, man.”

  “I know. I’m pretty proud of her myself.”

  “You two seem to have been getting along pretty nicely this past week. Am I to assume that things are good on that front?”

  “We’re getting there. I think she’s still hesitant but every day that passes I feel like we get a little closer to breaking down those walls.”

  “See, I told you.” He clasps my shoulder. “I knew she’d come around eventually.”

  I nod.

  Finn may have been confident, but I certainly was not. I know the issues Ainsley has with abandonment. And at the end of the day, despite everything else, I think she’s made it pretty clear that that’s where her anger stemmed from. She felt abandoned by someone she thought she could count on.

  I hurt her. Even though that’s the last thing I wanted to do. Hell, that’s why I did what I did. I knew there would be blow back, but I was willing to take it if it meant that she was safe and with her brother.

  I wanted to be able to salvage what little childhood she had left and I like to think in some ways, that’s exactly what I did.

  But the Ainsley I left is not the Ainsley I came home to. That was apparent the moment I walked in the door the day I was released. And the more time I spend with her, the more I realize just how much she’s changed.

  Sure, she’s still Ainsley at her core. The same girl I’ve known and loved since before she could talk. But there are new parts to her, too. Parts of her that I’m still getting to know. Parts that I’m finding draw me to her even more than I already am. And with that I find my attraction for her grows as well.

  I know how fucked up it is to pine after your best friend’s little sister, trust me, I do. It’s even more fucked up that she’s always been like my little sister. But when I look at her, I don’t see the same sweet and innocent little girl I used to. In her place is an irresistible young woman who has consumed my thoughts for days on end.

  When she’s near, it takes everything in me not to touch her. When she’s away, it’s impossible not to be thinking of her. And while I know nothing could ever happen between us, it certainly hasn’t stopped me from wishing it could.

  “So what do you say?” Finn interrupts my thoughts, pulling me back to the matter at hand. “Dinner, tonight? I’ll text Lily and see if she can come over. We can order food from Ainsley’s favorite Chinese place over on Hopkins. Maybe grab a case of beer.”

  “Chinese food and beer?” I crinkle my nose.

  “Good point. Maybe we should play it safe and go with pizza. Oh, and I can stop at the bakery and get her those red velvet cupcakes she loves so much.”

  “Sounds good to me. Anything I can help with?”

  “Nope. Just make sure you’re at the house no later than seven.”

  “Well, considering I don’t get off work until then, I’ll do my best. But you’ll have to forgive me if I’m a few minutes late.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” He shakes his head. “It’s not like it’s anything formal. Just make sure you’re there. The last two years it’s just been me and Ainsley. I think she’ll appreciate it even more if you and Lily are there, too.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it.”

  “Perfect. Well, I guess I should get my ass back to work. I’m due to be off at five, but if I don’t get this transmission finished I’ll be lucky if I get to leave at all.” He lifts his chin before turning and walking away.

  ——

  It’s six-thirty when I walk into the house. After telling Jim about Finn’s plans for Ainsley, he let me bounce out a little early. But now I’m starting to think that maybe I should have stayed a little longer considering it appears I’ve beat everyone home.

  I know Finn had to go pick everything up, and given that he didn’t leave the shop until nearly five-thirty, it shouldn’t surprise me that he’s not here yet.

  Deciding to take a quick shower, I head to my room to grab a change of clothes before I slip into the bathroom. After spending ten minutes under the near scalding water, I emerge feeling like a new man.

  Rubbing a towel through my wet hair, I open the door and turn, damn near taking Ainsley out in the process. She runs right into me, clearly not expecting me to step into her path.

  Her hands go to my biceps and she squeezes, trying to steady herself. I swear to Christ I can feel the effects of that touch everywhere.

  “Shit. Sorry,” she fumbles out, looking up to meet my gaze.

  “No, I’m sorry. I should have looked before I stepped out.” I smile, not able to resist the urge to reach out and sweep a chunk of hair that’s fallen into her face away.

  When my fingers graze her cheek, her entire expression changes. She blinks once, then twice, tiny puffs of air sliding past her lips.

  She’s so fucking beautiful I almost lose my mind for a second and pull her closer. Luckily, before I can make what would likely be a colossal mistake, a loud bang sounds through the house.

  We quickly break apart, Ainsley turning to head toward the living room with me hot on her trail. When we reach the end of the hallway, we see Finn trying to wiggle his way through the storm door with his hands full.

  “What the hell, man.” I laugh, taking off toward him. I quickly relieve him of two pizza boxes, waiting until he’s inside before closing the door behind him. “You should have called and told me you were here. I would have come out and helped you.”

  “I thought I could get it all.” He laughs. “But then I almost lost the pizza...Twice.”

  “Well, luckily everything still appears to be in one piece.”

  “What is all this?” Ainsley asks, pulling both of our attention to where she’s standing next to the couch.

  “Oh shit,” he blurts, clearly having not seen her standing there. “Surprise.” Finn smiles, holding up the white bakery box. “We’re having a little impromptu dinner to celebrate you completing finals and officially being a college senior.”

  “Finn.” She tries to hide her smile but fails miserably. She opens her mouth to say something else, but her attention moves to the front door as someone else enters.

  “I brought beer, bitches!” Lily holds up a case of beer in one hand and a fifth of tequila in the other. “Oh, and tequila.” She laughs, holding her arms open. “Come give me a hug, senior.”

  Ainsley shakes her head and then crosses the room, wrapping Lily in a hug.

  “You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” I hear her say. “I’m pretty impressed. I didn’t know you knew how to keep a secret.” The two women release each other and Ainsley immediately reaches for the tequila bottle. “But I already told you, no tequila.” She turns, shoving the bottle into my chest. “Hide this,” she whispers, sliding past me before disappearing into the kitchen.

  “Don’t even think about it.” Lily snags it back out of my hand before I’ve even thought to move, and quickly follows after Ainsley.

  “Women.” Finn looks at me and shrugs, laughing as he heads toward the back of the house.

  ——

  There are two things I’ve learned tonight.

  One, Ainsley is a funny ass drunk who is as light weight as they come. Three beers and three shots in and she can barely keep her words straight.

&nb
sp; And two, Finn has a serious thing for her best friend. And if I had to guess, I would say the feeling is mutual. I just haven’t figured out if either knows how the other feels or if they’re both that oblivious.

  Either way, the more they drink, the more their obvious attraction shows through. I know probably better than anyone how Finn behaves when he’s trying to impress a girl and let me tell you, he’s pulling out all the stops tonight.

  While everyone has been throwing back beers and toasting shots, I’ve spent the last hour nursing my way through two beers. It’s not like anyone needs to stay sober for any reason, but I have no desire to get drunk. I just want to sit back and enjoy this feeling. Being home. Being with my family. Things are starting to feel right again. Why would I ever want to drink that away? After being deprived of it for so long, all I want to do is soak it all in and revel in how incredible it all feels.

  Eventually, the party moves to the living room where Ainsley gets the bright idea that everyone should play Twister; which ends up being the funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a very long time. Or maybe ever. Because I’m the only sober one, I’m the only one that has any idea what the hell is going on, which makes the whole thing even more comical.

  After several attempts and failures to complete a game, Lily announces she’s had enough. And by enough she meant of the game, not the night. Because moments later she has the radio blaring and is pulling Finn into the middle of the living room like it’s some glorified dance floor.

  Ainsley, either completely clueless as to what’s happening between her brother and her best friend or simply not caring, flops down next to me and looks at me with hazy eyes.

  “You’re really cute.” She smiles, a small hiccup bubbling from her throat.

  “And you’re drunk.” I nudge her shoulder with mine.

  “Am not,” she argues.

  “Oh no?” My eyes go down to where her hand settles on the top of my thigh. My groin instantly tightens and I have to fight the urge to guide her hand upward.

  Calm the fuck down, Ryland. This is Ainsley...