A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C)

by Melissa Toppen

  “Nope.” She pops her lips and my gaze goes to her mouth, only further intensifying my arousal.

  Feeling like I need to get the fuck out of here for a moment, I quickly stand and head toward the kitchen to grab another beer.

  I hear Ainsley following me but I don’t turn around to look at her until I have the cap twisted off and a fresh beer pressed to my lips.

  “I want to dance,” she announces, extending her hand to me.

  “What?” I look at her hand and then back up to her face.

  “Dance with me.” She smiles, wiggling her fingers.

  “I know it’s been a while, but you know I don’t dance.”

  “Oh come on. It’s just us.” She gestures around the room at nothing in particular.

  “And?”

  “And, no one cares if you can’t dance.”

  “I never said I couldn’t dance, only that I don’t.” I chuckle when both of her hands go to her hips and she pouts out her bottom lip the way she always used to do when she was younger. “Don’t look at me like that. That only worked when you were little.” It’s totally working but I’m not going to tell her that.

  She promptly drops her hands to her sides, a mischievous grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. She steps toward me and in turn I step back. Not deterred, she takes another step forward, and then another, until she has successfully backed me into the counter.

  If I wasn’t so worried Finn might walk in at any moment, I might actually be enjoying this little game she’s playing.

  Ainsley leans in close, her tits pressing into me as she reaches up and locks her hands around the back of my neck. I tense, feeling both uneasy and turned on at the same time.

  “So then what does work?” she whispers.

  “Ains.” I shake my head, trying to put this to a stop as gently as I can. It’s not that I don’t want her. Fuck, I do. More than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my entire life. But this is Ainsley. And Ainsley is as off limits as they come.

  “Shhh,” she slurs, tugging my face down to hers. I know I should resist but for some reason I can’t bring myself to stop her. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve dreamt of kissing you?” she asks, her fingers tangling in the back of my hair.

  With her pressed so tightly against me, her warm breath on my face, I find my will power quickly diminishing by the second. I know if I don’t stop this soon, I may not stop it at all.

  “I used to lay in bed at night and think about you,” she continues. “How I wanted you to be my first kiss. How I wanted you to be my first everything.”

  The more she talks, the more my head spins.

  What is she saying?

  “Ainsley,” I choke out, needing to just say something to hear myself speak. To remind myself that this is real and not some crazy dream.

  “I want you, Ryland. I’ve always wanted you.” She leans in to kiss me, and even though it’s the last thing I want to do, I stop her. Grabbing her shoulders, I firmly guide her backward.

  Her expression shifts. It goes from sexy and playful to hurt and embarrassed in a matter of seconds and hits me in the gut with such force that it nearly knocks the wind right out of me.

  Before I can say anything, she quickly spins around and takes off toward her bedroom.

  As much as I want to go after her, I know I shouldn’t. Just like as badly as I wanted to kiss her, I knew I couldn’t. Not only because she’s Finn’s little sister but because she’s drunk. I’d never forgive myself if I let her do something she would regret, and she probably wouldn’t forgive me either.

  Maybe what she was saying is true. Maybe she really has harbored some kind of feelings for me. Or maybe she’s just drunk. Lord knows I’ve said some really outlandish things when I’ve been drinking and more often times than not, there hasn’t been an ounce of truth to them.

  Then again, Ainsley’s never been a bullshitter.

  The thought only serves to confuse me further.

  Killing the rest of my beer in one long pull, I toss the bottle into the trashcan and head back out to the living room. Finn is stretched out on the couch, some pop shit blaring from the radio, while neither girl is anywhere in sight.

  “Where’d everyone go?” I try to act completely natural, like his sister didn’t just throw herself at me moments ago in the next room.

  “Ainsley wasn’t feeling well so Lily went to take care of her.” He sits up, swaying slightly as he does.

  “Looks like you may want to call it a night.” I chuckle.

  “Yeah, I think I might.” He clamors to his feet. “Would you mind locking up and shutting all this shit off?” He gestures around the room.

  “Nah, I got it,” I tell him, watching him stumble down the hallway moments later.

  ——

  “Ryland.” Her voice is so soft that for a moment I think I’m dreaming, but then the door opens and a dim yellow light filters in from the hallway. “Are you awake?” I look up to see Ainsley standing in the doorway, her long dark hair hanging around her shoulders.

  “I’m awake.” I lift my head off the pillow as I watch her enter the room.

  Quietly closing the door behind her, the room is once again shrouded in darkness. I hear each step as she takes it and then I feel the bed shift. Moments later she curls into my side, laying her head on my chest in a way she’d done countless times when she was younger.

  I don’t have the energy to question it as I wrap an arm around her shoulder and pull her in closer.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” she whispers, her hand sliding across my stomach before settling on my chest.

  “Don’t be. You had a lot to drink.”

  “But I didn’t. I mean, not really,” she admits quietly. “I knew exactly what I was doing. I still do.”

  “Ainsley.” I attempt to interrupt whatever it is she’s planning on saying next, not sure that I want to hear it.

  “I know what you’re going to say. I’m like a little sister to you and you’ve never looked at me that way. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t wished that you would for most of my life.”

  “Ains.” I slide my hand across her cheek and pull her face upward, her silhouette illuminated by the tiny glimmer of light peaking in from under the door. “It’s not like that. When you were younger, yes. But now. Fuck. You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to hear everything you were saying tonight. How often I’ve thought about kissing you since I’ve been back. How intensely my body craves you. I haven’t been able to think of much of anything else since I got out.”

  “Then do it. Kiss me.”

  “You have no idea how much I wish I could.”

  “Why can’t you?”

  “Because Finn would never forgive me, for one. And two, because I don’t trust myself with you. And you shouldn’t trust me either.”

  “I shouldn’t. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t.”

  “You say that now. Come talk to me tomorrow when you’re sober. I doubt you’ll feel the same way.”

  “I am sober,” she insists, despite the slight slur to her words.

  “You may not be puking on yourself drunk, but you’re far from sober.”

  “Don’t do that. Don’t talk to me like I’m still a child.” She tries to sit up but I hold her in place. “My whole life everyone has treated me differently. Like I’m some helpless little girl who can’t possibly be capable of taking care of herself or making her own choices. I’m not a little girl. I’m not some delicate flower that needs to be protected. I’m not...”

  She never has a chance to finish her sentence because before she can get another word out, I press my lips to hers and for one brief moment I let myself have the one thing I want the most... Her.

  Chapter 13

  Ainsley

  I peel my eyes open, one and then the other, as I blink up at the ceiling. Only it’s not my ceiling I’m looking at.

  Turning my head to the side, my chest swells when I catch sight of Ryland’s han
dsome face as he sleeps soundly next to me.

  Memories of last night flood my mind. My drunk confession. Sneaking into his room in the middle of the night. The kiss...

  It was everything I had ever dreamed it would be yet so much more at the same time.

  One kiss. That’s all I got. One kiss and then Ryland tucked me into his side, kissed my forehead, and ordered me to go to sleep.

  That’s the last thing I remember. Falling asleep in his arms with the taste of him on my lips. And god was it the most perfect night of my life.

  It’s crazy to think that a week ago I was still harboring some childish grudge against him and now here I am, lying in his bed, feeling more in love with him than I ever have before. Which up until this morning I didn’t think was possible.

  I’m not foolish enough to believe that this means anything. He made it pretty clear last night that we can’t be together. And while the thought darkens my bright mood, it doesn’t diminish it completely. Because if last night proves anything, it’s that Ryland can be swayed.

  I didn’t come in here last night expecting for anything to happen. I thought at best I would apologize for my ridiculous behavior and move on. But then as soon as I was laying in his arms, I couldn’t stop the word vomit from pouring out.

  This is why I don’t drink. Because when I do, I have absolutely no filter. Then again, if I hadn’t been egged on by liquid courage, I may have missed out on what was hands down the best two minutes of my life.

  Even if nothing happens from here, even if that one kiss is all I get, I won’t ever be able to bring myself to regret it. Because that one kiss was a lifetime of wishes all rolled into a perfect moment.

  As much as I want to lay here and watch Ryland sleep, I know I need to get back to my room. I left Lily sleeping on my floor when I went into Ryland’s room, and while I have every intention of telling her what happened, I don’t want her to wake up and not be able to find me.

  Reluctantly, I lift Ryland’s arm, which is draped over my middle, and gently slide out from underneath it. He stirs but doesn’t wake and I’m able to roll out of bed without disturbing him.

  Tiptoeing across the room, I pull open the door as quietly as I can before stepping out into the hallway, my heartbeat pounding in my ears like a loud bass drum.

  I look toward Finn’s room, ensuring his door is closed, before stepping out into the hall. I pull Ryland’s door shut, breathing out a deep sigh of relief that the whole incident seems to have gone undetected by anyone else in the house.

  Reaching for my doorknob, I twist it ever so gently, my attention going to my right before I’m able to get it open. Lily’s head pops out of Finn’s room, doing a similar move to the one I just pulled, and my eyes damn near bulging out of my head.

  When she sees me standing in the hallway, her entire face pales.

  What the...

  I’m not sure if I’m angry or plain confused to see my best friend sneaking out of my brother’s bedroom at the butt crack of dawn.

  “I can explain.” Her expression turns apologetic as she makes her way toward me.

  “Explain?” I question. “Explain what? Why you were in Finn’s room?” I whisper hiss at her. “How long has this been going on?” I try to think back over all the times Finn and Lily have been around each other, trying to pinpoint if there’s been signs that for whatever reason I seemed to have missed. But I come up blank. If this is something that’s been going on before now, either they are really good at lying or I’m blind as a bat.

  “What?” She shakes her head at me, reaching around me to push open my bedroom door before shoving me inside.

  “Have you two been sleeping together all this time?” I accuse before she can even get the door shut.

  “No. Of course not,” she insists.

  “Then you better start explaining because I’m really freaking confused right now.”

  Lily takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, a pink hue crossing her perfect chocolate cheeks. “It just kind of happened.”

  “Just kind of happened how? You were asleep on my floor at two in the morning. So how did you end up in Finn’s room?”

  “I woke up and you weren’t here. I got up to look for you and ran into Finn as he was coming out of the bathroom. Before I knew what was happening, it was already happening.”

  “Stop.” I hold my hands up. “Stop right there. I don’t want to hear another word.” I crinkle my nose in disgust. “I seriously cannot right now.” I turn, pacing the room. “Lily, you slept with my brother.” I throw my arms up, not entirely sure how I feel about this situation.

  On one hand, they are both adults and can do whatever the heck they want. On the other, one is my best friend and the other is my brother, which could really complicate things for me in the future should this go sideways.

  “I know. God, I’m so sorry, Ains. I mean, you know I’ve always thought he was a babe. But I never, ever thought what happened last night would end up happening. You have to know that.”

  “I don’t know anything right now,” I tell her, laughing in spite of myself.

  “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad, Lily. Confused, yes. A little revolted, maybe. Mad, I have no right to be.”

  “I swear, I never meant for it to happen. But he’s just so good looking and oh my god, can he kiss. Lord, I’ve never had a man kiss me like that.”

  I instantly hold my hands over my ears and start humming loudly and quite dramatically.

  Lily laughs, pulling my hands away.

  “Sorry. Your brother. I got it.” She smiles. “No more talk of kissing... or other things.”

  “Lily!” I scold, playfully shoving her shoulder.

  Now that the initial shock has worn off, I have to admit, the whole situation is a little bit humorous. Seriously, Lily and Finn. They are so far from two people I would have paired together that it’s almost laughable. And yet, it makes total sense at the same time.

  “So what, are you two a thing now?” I ask after a brief pause.

  “What? No. I mean, I don’t think so. We really didn’t talk that much.” She gives me another apologetic smile.

  “Oh god. I think I’m going to be ill.” I hold my stomach, clearly messing with her.

  “Stop.” She giggles, her shoulders relaxing slightly as the tension in the room eases. “Speaking of ending up in someone’s room, care to explain to me where you were last night when I went looking for you?”

  “The kitchen, I guess.” I shrug, plopping down on my bed.

  “The kitchen.” She gives me a doubtful look.

  “Maybe if you had made it past the hallway you would have known that,” I challenge, giving her the stink eye.

  “Fair enough.” She holds her hands up in front of herself. “I wasn’t sure. You went to bed so abruptly last night and when I tried to talk to you, you were babbling incoherently about no one wanting you and how you were going to die alone. It was all a little melodramatic.”

  “Well, how about you remember that the next time you force tequila on me.” I point my finger at her.

  “I brought it. I didn’t force you to drink it.”

  “You didn’t pour it down my throat, I’ll give you that. But you sure weren’t letting me just say no either. Ever hear of peer pressure.”

  “Pul-ease. We both know you wouldn’t have touched the tequila if you didn’t really want to. Ainsley Kenter doesn’t let anyone push her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.”

  “Well, I think the least you can do is make me breakfast to make up for it.” I smile, honestly surprised I feel even a little hungry after a night of drinking. In fact, I feel really good considering everything.

  “Or better yet, how about we go load up on those red velvet cupcakes we didn’t eat last night and call it a day.”

  I think on that for a moment and decide cupcakes sound fantastic right about now.

  “Deal.” I push up off the bed and practically sprin
t out of the room, Lily fast on my heels.

  We’ve already managed to demolish a half dozen cupcakes between the two of us when Finn comes strolling into the kitchen a few minutes later. He takes one look at us and shakes his head.

  “I don’t even want to know,” he grumbles, heading straight for the coffee pot.

  “No, no you do not.” I throw Lily a knowing look. Finn doesn’t know that I know what transpired last night. And what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t have a little fun with the information. “Lily and I were just discussing this guy she slept with recently. Apparently, he was the worst lay she’s ever had,” I say, ignoring the shocked look on Lily’s face or the way she mouths for me to stop.

  I shove another bite of cupcake into my mouth to cover my laughter as Finn’s shoulders go rigid as he works to make a pot of coffee.

  “She also said he has a tiny peter.” I choke out a laugh, garnering me an elbow to the ribs from Lily.

  “What the hell did I just walk in on?” Ryland stops in the doorway and the second my gaze lands on him, all humor leaves my body.

  I’m instantly transported back to last night. Laying in his bed. His lips moving against mine. The way my body came to life under his touch.

  My skin heats just thinking about it.

  “Umm.” Finn seems extremely uncomfortable as he turns around to face us. “I don’t think you want to know,” he finishes, the last part of his sentence meant for Ryland.

  “Oh no. I definitely think he does,” I chime in, refocusing my energy on Lily and Finn rather than obsessing over Ryland. I’ll have plenty of time to do that later.

  “Know what?” Ryland looks around the room, confusion clear in his expression.

  “Apparently, these two had one hell of a night.” I gesture between Finn and Lily. “Like a really good night, if you know what I mean.” I wink dramatically.

  “For fuck’s sake, Ainsley,” Finn groans. “So what was all that shit just now? You were purposely fucking with me?”

  “Maybe.” I shrug innocently, shoving another large bite of cupcake into my mouth.

  “Fucking little sisters, man,” he grumbles to Ryland before turning back to the coffee pot. I meet Ryland’s gaze and throw him a cupcake filled smile. He rewards me with his own smile and it makes me feel like melting into a puddle all over the floor.