A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C)

by Melissa Toppen

  It’s about the way it feels to be pressed against him so intimately. The way his hands roam my back. The way soft groans vibrate from his lips as I grind down on his arousal. It’s all of it. It’s Ryland. It’s me. It’s us.

  “Ainsley,” Ryland breathes against my mouth.

  “I’m not stopping,” I tell him, sliding my tongue against his.

  I’ve never been this person. Forward, demanding, unapologetic about what I want. Maybe it’s Ryland and the effect he has on me. Or maybe it’s me, not willing to give him up now that I know what this feels like.

  “We have to.” His hands close around my biceps and he forces me backward, breaking the kiss. “We have to stop.” His breathing is erratic and the look in his eyes tells me that stopping is the last thing he wants to do.

  “Why?” I ask, disappointment seeping into my chest.

  “Because I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’re hurting me by pushing me away.”

  “I’ll be hurting you even more if I let you rush into this and you end up regretting it.”

  I pull back further and hit him with an exasperated expression.

  “Have you not been listening to anything I’ve said? I want you. I’ve wanted you over half my life. I’m not going to regret a single moment of being with you.”

  “You say that now.” His expression softens. “But it’s easy to throw caution to the wind in the heat of the moment.”

  “For fuck’s sake.” I rock back onto his knees, throwing my hands up in frustration. “When are you going to stop this?”

  “Stop what?” He seems confused.

  “This.” I gesture between us. “You’re always trying to protect me.”

  “I’m never going to stop trying to protect you.”

  “I’m not a little girl anymore. And it’s not like I’ve never had sex.” I don’t miss the way he flinches at my words. I hadn’t even considered that learning I’m not a virgin would be hard for him to hear but given his reaction, it certainly was. “It’s not like you’re going to rob me of my virtue or anything.”

  “Jesus, Ainsley. Who are you?” He looks slightly dumbfounded.

  “I’m still me. I’m just not the me you remember. I’m all grown up now.”

  “I know you are.” He sighs.

  “Then let me make my own choices.”

  “Ains.” He seems so conflicted that I almost feel bad for him.

  “I’m serious, Ryland. Either you want me or you don’t. Either you’re in with me or you’re not.”

  “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  “And yet you’re still fighting it. Forget about Finn. Forget about me and who I am to you. Look at me like you would any other woman.”

  “But you’re not just any other woman, Ainsley.”

  “Yes I am,” I insist. “I am. And I want you to treat me that way. Treat me like I’m some girl you just met and brought home. Don’t worry about how it’s going to make me feel or if I’m going to regret it.”

  “But I am worried.”

  “Please.” I lean forward again, sliding my hands around the back of his neck as I drop my forehead to his. “Please, for this one night, let me be the woman you want and not your best friend’s little sister.”

  “But what if you’re both?”

  “I don’t want to be both. I don’t want my brother or anyone else to have anything to do with this. I want you to look at me and only see what’s in front of you. I want you to see me.”

  “I do see you.” My skin heats as his hands slide underneath the back of my shirt.

  “Prove it.” I drop my mouth and press a kiss to his lips. “I’m not some delicate piece of glass you’re going to break.” I slide my tongue along the seam of his lips. “I want this. I want you.”

  “Fuck.” He lets out an almost painful groan before his hand is in my hair and his mouth crashes over mine, kissing me so forcefully it would probably hurt if it didn’t feel so damn good.

  He shifts with me still in his lap and pushes to his feet, taking me along with him like I weigh nothing.

  His hands are everywhere. My hair. My back. My ass. Everywhere he can reach as he carries me to my bedroom.

  It isn’t until I’m lying on top of my bed, watching him slide his shirt over his head, that the magnitude of what’s about to happen sets in.

  He pops open the button of his jeans, his gray eyes taking me in as he slowly slides them down his hips and peels them off his legs.

  I can’t look away.

  Hell, I can’t even breathe.

  Everything I’ve ever dreamt of is happening. It’s happening and yet I’m so nervous and wired with anticipation that I’m not sure I’m fully soaking in a single moment of it.

  As much effort as it took for me to get him here, I expected it to be different. I expected him to continue to handle me with kid gloves and be overly gentle. But boy was I wrong.

  He’s demanding and rough. Stripping me out of my clothes in a matter of seconds. He kisses my body, nips and sucks so hard I know there will be marks. His fingers dig into my hips as he slides me to the edge of the bed, and when he pulls one of my nipples into his mouth and bites down, I’m not sure if the scream that rips from my throat is one of pain or pleasure, or maybe both.

  I love it.

  I love every single second of it.

  Because it’s what I asked for.

  Right now I’m not Ainsley, Finn’s little sister.

  Right now I am a woman and he is a man. And together we are taking everything that we want with no real thought of consequence or what happens next. Truthfully, none of that matters.

  And when Ryland finally settles between my thighs, his condom covered erection nudging at my entrance, I feel so drunk with lust that I can’t see anything but what’s directly in front of me... Him.

  I buck upward as Ryland slides inside of me. I swear, the instant the contact is made, I’ve never felt more alive. Something awakens inside of me. Something I don’t think I ever knew existed. Like an untamed animal that only knows how to survive on instinct, I become unhinged.

  I scratch and claw. I bite and scream. I become a completely different person under the blinding pleasure coursing through me.

  I’ve never felt anything like it before and I never want to feel anything but it for the rest of my life.

  I want it deeper, harder, faster. I want everything he can give and more. And that he does.

  He takes me from the top, he takes me from behind, at one point he even picks me up and pins me to the wall. We are like two super cells coming together to create the ultimate storm, one that no one will survive.

  Together we go up and then back down, pulling every ounce of pleasure we can from each other.

  It’s unlike anything I ever thought two people could share. It’s unlike anything I ever thought I would experience in my life. And yet it’s exactly like I knew it would be.

  Ryland and I have always had a special connection, one that ran deeper than any I’ve shared with anyone else. He’s been the driving force behind every decision I’ve ever made. Whether I’ve been willing to admit it or not.

  And when he collapses down on top of me, his body spent, his lungs begging for air, his heart thrumming wildly against my chest, I know with complete certainty what I want for the rest of my life.

  I want him.

  I always have. I know I always will.

  Because now he doesn’t just own my heart.

  He owns my body as well...

  Chapter 15

  Ryland

  I should feel guilty. Looking down at Ainsley half asleep in my arms, I should feel something. Some sense of remorse. Only I don’t. I can’t bring myself to feel the slightest ounce of regret. How can I, when right now, for the first time maybe in my entire life, everything feels perfect. Like this is how it was always meant to be.

  I’m sated and spent in the best fucking way possible

  Being with Ainsley was like having an out
of body experience. I knew what was happening. My body could feel every touch, every quiver of her beneath me. I could hear every moan and whimper. But at the same time I felt like I was outside of my body, watching it all.

  It was the strangest sensation. Yet, hands down the most incredible sexual experience of my life. And truthfully that’s really saying something considering I’ve slept with more than my fair share of women over the years.

  And it’s not because it’s been five years since I was with a woman. I think it would have felt the same if I had just had sex yesterday. Because it wasn’t about the physical act of having sex. It was about who I was having sex with.

  A sound startles me out of my sleepy haze and I jump. Ainsley flies into a sitting position and hits me with a bewildered expression.

  “Shit. He’s not home already, is he?” Her mind seems to go in the exact same direction as mine.

  “I wouldn’t think so.” I glance at the clock. Finn and Lily have only been gone a couple of hours. I expected them to be out much later than this.

  “I’ll go check.” Ainsley throws back the covers and rolls out of bed before I can even think to stop her. “If he’s home this early then Lily is probably with him.” She quickly slides on her shorts and bra, scouring the floor for her tank top. I take a moment to study her curves. Her slender stomach, her ample chest, her cute little belly button that’s still an outie, even though when she was little she insisted it would eventually dip in like most everyone else’s does. She always hated that hers stuck out. “Unless it went horribly and then maybe not,” she adds, locating her shirt before tossing it on.

  “Wait,” I hiss as she reaches the door. “What if he realizes I’m in here?”

  “Who cares if he does?” She shrugs. “I’ll tell him we were talking. He won’t suspect a thing unless we give him a reason to.”

  I guess she’s not wrong there. Finn knows how close Ainsley and I used to be. It was nothing for me to be alone with her in her room often. Hell, I used to sleep on her floor all the time when she was a kid and he never thought a thing of it. And rightfully so. I never would have crossed that line with his sister. Especially given how young she was at the time. And while yes, thirteen or fourteen isn’t horribly young, it was young enough that I never would have even entertained the idea. But now? Well, Ainsley isn’t that little girl anymore and a man can only resist so much.

  “I’m coming with you,” I tell her, reluctantly rolling out of bed. I snag my boxers off the floor as I hear the door open.

  My heart just about leaps out of my fucking chest at the sound, but then I look up and realize Ainsley is the one who opened the door.

  “Just stay here. It’ll look more suspicious if both of us come clamoring out at the same time.” She slips into the hallway and pulls the door closed behind her before I’ve even managed to get my boxers halfway on.

  Deciding that I should probably get dressed either way, I quickly locate the rest of my clothing. I’m just buckling my jeans when Ainsley re-enters the room.

  “No one’s here.” She holds her hands up like she has no idea where the noise we heard came from.

  “You’re sure? It sounded like it came from inside the house.”

  “I’m sure. But by all means, feel free to go check it out if you don’t believe me.”

  “I believe you. But I’ll feel better if I look around just to be sure.”

  “Be my guest.” She pushes the bedroom door the rest of the way open and gestures to the dimly lit hall. “While you do that, I’m going to make myself a sandwich. You want one?”

  “That depends, what kind of sandwich are you making?” I give her a knowing look.

  “Peanut butter and banana, of course.” She smiles.

  “So that’s still a thing of yours, huh?” I chuckle. When Ainsley was little, peanut butter and banana sandwiches were one of the only things Finn and their dad could get her to eat. I don’t know why, but it gives me some comfort knowing that there’s still little parts of the girl I knew in there.

  “Always. Though I’ve now taken to sprinkling cinnamon on top. It elevates it to a whole other level. You have to try it.”

  “You’re really fucking cute, you know that?” I can’t resist the urge to say.

  “I’m cute?” She crinkles her nose.

  “What? Cute is a good thing.”

  “Cute is what you call a kitten or a child.”

  “Then what would you prefer I call you?”

  “I don’t know. Whatever you want. Sexy. Irresistible. Drop dead gorgeous.” She hesitates when I step up in front of her. “You take your pick.” She fakes indifference.

  “How about, all of the above?” I slide an arm around her waist and tug her toward me.

  It still feels crazy as fuck to look down and see that it’s Ainsley in my arms. Ainsley, the girl that used to make me walk around the house with her little body wrapped around my leg. Little Ainsley. My Ainsley.

  Well, I guess some things haven’t changed. Because mine is exactly what she is. After touching her, tasting her, feeling her come undone beneath me, there’s no way I’m ever giving her up.

  I lean down and brush my lips against hers, my groin stirring when she whimpers against my mouth.

  “Sexy.” I slide my nose against hers. “Irresistible.” I nip at her jawline. “Drop dead gorgeous.” I kiss the side of her neck. “How’s that?” I pull back, not able to hide my smile.

  “Not bad.” She presses up on her tip toes and kisses my cheek. “But your delivery could use some work.” With that, she spins around and takes off down the hallway, leaving me with her laughter floating around me.

  I have half a mind to chase after her, but wanting to make sure Finn isn’t home first, I head to his room, knocking before pushing the door open. The lights are off and there’s no one inside. Pulling the door shut, I check the bathroom next, not bothering to check my room as I know he wouldn’t go in there, before heading out into the living room. Everything appears to be quiet and there’s no sign of Finn.

  Once I’m satisfied that we are still alone, I head toward the kitchen. I find Ainsley standing at the counter with her back to me, a butter knife covered in peanut butter in one hand and a piece of bread in the other. She glances back at me when she hears me enter.

  “You didn’t actually say if you wanted one or not, but I’m making you one anyway.” She leans into me when I slide up next to her.

  “Good, because I’m famished.” I chuckle, dropping a kiss to the side of her head.

  “Will you...” Her words die in her throat when the sound of glass breaking echoes through the house. “What was that?” she whispers, her eyes wide with fear.

  “I’m not sure. Stay here. Let me go check it out.”

  “No wait.” She drops the butter knife and bread onto the plate before grabbing my arm. “Don’t leave me in here alone.”

  “Okay, but stay behind me,” I tell her, holding an arm behind me so that she can hold onto me as we make our way through the house.

  Like the first pass I made, everything seems normal. The doors are locked and nothing seems out of place. When we reach the end of the hall, I peer into Ainsley’s open door. The light is still on and everything seems fine.

  Turning, I hold a finger to my mouth before releasing Ainsley’s hand and stepping into the room. I do a quick scan to make sure no one is inside before gesturing for her to follow me.

  “Ryland.” I freeze at the sound of Ainsley’s voice, turning to see her gaze locked on her dresser. “My drawers are open,” she whispers.

  “They weren’t open before?”

  “No.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Don’t move,” I instruct, getting on the floor to check under her bed.

  “Check the closet,” she says, her arms wrapped nervously around herself.

  I cross the room and peer inside the small closet. If someone was hiding in here I’d know it instantly bec
ause of how tiny the space is.

  “Nothing.” I turn back toward her. “We’ve already checked everywhere.” I realize as I finish the sentence that’s not actually true. “Shit,” I grumble, quickly stepping past Ainsley back into the hallway.

  “Ryland,” she hisses, following so close behind me that she runs into me when I slow to a stop in front of my bedroom door.

  Slowly turning the knob, I throw it open fast so that if anyone is inside they won’t have time to hide. Flipping on the light, it takes me less than a second to realize where the glass breaking noise came from. The lamp that normally sits on my bedside table is now on the floor and there are broken pieces of the glass base scattered over the worn hardwood.

  I feel Ainsley tense as she steps up next to me and my gaze swings to her.

  “The window.” She points, drawing my attention to the back wall where the window is wide open, the curtains blowing in the light breeze coming in from outside.

  Doing a quick sweep of the room, I check under the bed and in the closet just as I did with Ainsley’s room, before finally assessing the window situation.

  Upon initial inspection it looks like someone may have entered and exited the house through my bedroom window, likely knocking over the lamp on their way back out. But other than the broken lamp, nothing in my room seems out of place. In fact, my wallet is still sitting on top of the dresser untouched. Which leads me to believe that whoever came here didn’t come here to rob the place.

  My insides instantly tighten at the thought.

  Shoving the window closed, I click the lock in place before turning back toward Ainsley.

  “Do you have any idea who would want to break into your house or why?”

  “No.” She shakes her head adamantly.

  “Let’s do another full sweep of the house and make sure that whoever it was is gone.”

  “Okay, but I’m staying with you,” she tells me, like I would let her leave my sight for even one second knowing that someone could still be inside.