A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C)

by Melissa Toppen

  “Then I don’t understand the hold up.”

  “I just want to enjoy this a little longer. I know it probably sounds bad, but I like knowing something that no one else knows. I want to live in this secret bubble for a little longer.”

  I can tell he’s not entirely convinced with my reasoning but for whatever reason, he chooses not to push the issue further.

  “Fine. But I want to tell him soon. The longer this goes on the more of a chance he’s going to murder me when the truth finally comes out.”

  “Oh please.” I swipe my hand through the air. “You can totally take him.”

  “He’s my best friend, Ains. I don’t feel right keeping this from him.”

  “I know. Soon,” I promise. “Now can we please stop talking about my brother?”

  “Fine.” He smiles, finishing off the remainder of his beer. “I’m going to need an extra stomach to get through the rest of this food.” He gestures down to his plate where part of my burger and all of his fries still sit.”

  “I have confidence in you.”

  “I make no promises that I won’t conk out during the movie. I might go into a food coma.”

  “I’m pretty sure I can think of a few ways to keep you awake.” I raise my eyebrows up and down at him.

  “Keep talking like that and we might not even make it to the movie.”

  “In that case.” I run my finger across my mouth like I’m zipping my lips together.

  “I see how it is. You’re choosing Tarantino over me.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe I just really want to make out with you in a dark theater.” I nibble on my bottom lip. “Bucket list and all.”

  “Making out in a theater is on your bucket list?” He scrunches his face.

  “No. Making out with you in a theater is on my bucket list. Then again, in all fairness, making out with you anywhere is likely to check a box or two.”

  “What else is on this bucket list of yours?” He drops his elbows onto the table and leans forward.

  “Guess you’ll have to stick around and find out,” I tell him, popping another fry into my mouth.

  “Guess I will.” He smiles, challenge in his eyes.

  ——

  “Did you really not like it?” I ask, knocking my shoulder into Ryland’s as we exit the theater.

  “I liked every single second of it. Just none of the movie.” He gives me a seductive look.

  I may or may not have spent most of the movie feeling him up through his jeans. Truthfully, I wanted to do a lot more but since I kept catching the older couple next to us looking at me, I had to keep it low key.

  “Did you even watch it?”

  “Of course I did. Now did I retain any of it is the real question.”

  “Ryland.” I shove him playfully.

  “What?” He chuckles. “I was a little distracted.”

  “That’s the last time I go to a movie with you,” I joke, knowing I’d go sit through another two hour movie with him right now.

  Ryland opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but then instantly snaps it closed as he comes to an abrupt halt. Turning my attention forward, my jaw nearly hits the concrete when my gaze locks with Oscar, standing directly in front of us.

  “Oscar,” I choke out past the sudden knot lodged in my throat. “What are you doing here?” I ask, not able to think of a single other thing to say.

  “Seeing a movie.” He gestures to the theater behind me.

  “Right. Of course.” I shake my head. “I’m just surprised to see you. I didn’t realize you were back from Ohio. I thought you stayed there for the summer break.”

  “Normally I do, but I decided to come home this year.” He tries to act casual but there’s something tense in his features.

  “Gotcha. Well, if you’re seeing the Tarantino movie, it’s good. I recommend it.”

  “Is that what you guys saw?” His eyes dart to Ryland, reminding me that he’s standing next to me.

  “Yeah, it is.” I rock back on my heels. “Sorry, I forgot you two have never met. Ryland, this is Oscar. Oscar, this is Finn’s best friend, Ryland.”

  “The one that was in prison.” Oscar nods, giving Ryland a quick once over as if he’s trying to size him up.

  “That’s me,” Ryland answers smoothly. “Sorry, but I have no idea who you are. Guess that tells me everything I need to know.”

  My gaze swings to Ryland and I’m not sure if I want to high five him or punch the smug look off his face. I’ve never seen him be so outwardly rude before. Not that Oscar doesn’t deserve that and so much more, but Ryland doesn’t know that.

  “He’s just messing with you.” I laugh nervously. “Well, we should probably get going. Finn will be expecting us back soon.” I snake my arm through Ryland’s and pull him alongside me. “It was good seeing you again, Oscar,” I lie, not looking back as I practically drag Ryland through the parking lot.

  “Finn’s best friend? That’s how you introduce me.” He stops just shy of my car and whips around to face me.

  “I’m sorry about that. I was trying to downplay it in front of Oscar.”

  “What the fuck for?”

  “It’s...” I shuffle my feet. “It’s complicated. Oscar and I dated for a while and he’s an extremely jealous person so I was trying to ruffle as few of his feathers as possible.”

  “What do you mean he’s extremely jealous?” Ryland’s aggravation quickly morphs into concern.

  “Just that. He’s jealous.”

  “When you say you dated him...” He gives me a look I pick up on instantly.

  “Oh my god, Ryland. Yes, he is the guy I lost my virginity to. The only other guy I’ve slept with to be exact. Anything else you’d like to know?”

  “You gave him your virginity?” He points back toward the theater. “Fuck, I don’t even know the guy but one look at him and I knew immediately that he’s a douche bag of epic proportion.”

  “Well, I guess I’m not wired with the same Spidey sense as you.” I uncross my arms and then cross them again, growing increasingly more uncomfortable with this conversation.

  “So what happened then?” he asks.

  It takes a moment for my brain to process what he’s asking. “You mean between me and Oscar?”

  “Yeah.” He nods.

  “Nothing. We dated a few months. Broke up. He left for college. End of story.”

  “So you haven’t seen him since he left?”

  “I saw him a few weeks ago when he was in town for a baseball tournament.”

  “So he’s a jock. Makes more sense now.”

  “What does?”

  “Nothing.” He shakes his head.

  “Listen, this whole territorial thing you’ve got going on is cute and all, but Oscar is not a threat. Hell, he’s not even a blip on the radar. I’m not being dramatic when I say that the day he left for college was one of the happiest days of my life.”

  Ryland steps toward me. “I take it things didn’t end well?” He slides his hand under my chin and forces my face up.

  “That’s one way to put it.”

  “Did he hurt you?”

  “What? No.” I have no choice but to lie. With no idea of what Ryland would do if he found out the truth about what kind of guy Oscar really is. Douche bag doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  “You’d tell me if he did, right?” His eyes bore into mine.

  “Yes, of course.” I have to force the words out, praying to God they sound even remotely believable. “Now, can we please get out of here? We started something in the theater that I would very much like to finish.”

  “Oh would you now?” His expression relaxes as his sexy smile slides back into place. “Tell me,” he leans down, brushing his lips against mine, “where is sex in a car on that bucket list of yours?”

  “Right now, it’s at the very top.” I smile, forgetting all about Oscar the second Ryland’s tongue slides into my mouth.

  Chapter 19

  Ains
ley

  “Hey, Ains. Have you seen my gray button down? The one with the collar,” Finn asks, poking his head into the laundry room where I’m currently switching over my clothes from the washer to the dryer.

  “You mean the only button down you own?” I tease, turning to retrieve it off the back of the door where I hung it earlier today. “You left it in the dryer,” I tell him, shoving it in his direction. “Got a hot date or something?”

  “A job interview actually.”

  “A job interview?” I question, surprised. “I didn’t know you were looking for a new job.”

  “I wasn’t. Well, not really. But Lily introduced me to this guy she knows who works at Smithville Auto Mall selling cars at the Lexus dealership. Apparently, they’re looking for a couple new sales guys.”

  “A car salesman?” I give him a funny look, having a hard time picturing my brother selling cars.

  “Why not? You’d be hard pressed to find someone who knows more about cars than I do. Besides, the money’s good.”

  “If you sell cars the money is good.”

  “Which I will. Plus, with this job I’ll be able to quit my other jobs and just work one job like a normal person.”

  “Since when have you cared about being normal?”

  “Is it so wrong that I want to work a normal five day a week job and not spend every waking minute earning nickels and dimes at dead end jobs that will never get me anywhere?”

  “Of course not.” I instantly lighten my approach, seeing that I’ve struck a nerve. “But you’re going to need more than one nice shirt if you get the job,” I tease.

  “I’m aware of this, thanks,” he grumbles, spinning around before heading back into the kitchen.

  I close the dryer and turn it on before following after him.

  “So what time is this interview of yours?” I ask, picking up the basket of clean clothes I left sitting on the kitchen table.

  “At four.”

  “So that’s why you’re home early.”

  “Yes and no. Jim needed someone to work this weekend so I told him I’d work a half day Saturday if he was good with me taking a half day today. That was actually before I knew I had the interview.”

  “How’s he going to feel if you end up leaving? You’ve been working there since you were a teenager.”

  “I think he’ll be happy for me. I started working there to earn a little extra cash. I never dreamed it would turn into a full-time gig.”

  “Well, you also never thought you’d be responsible for raising a twelve-year-old when you were only eighteen,” I say, reminding myself of just how much my brother has sacrificed for me.

  “True.” He drapes his shirt over the back of a kitchen chair before heading toward the refrigerator. “I’d do it all again though,” he says, his back to me. “But, you’re not a kid anymore, Ains, and I think it’s about time I start doing things for myself.” He pulls out a Pepsi and pops the top of the can as he turns back toward me.

  “I couldn’t agree more.” I smile, wondering what the hell has gotten into my brother. But then I remember a certain someone in his life that is having quite the impact.

  When this whole Lily thing started I didn’t think it would ever get off the ground, but boy was I wrong. They both seem quite smitten with each other and now here’s Finn, trying to move up in the world by getting a new job. One that could potentially change his financial future if he turns out to be successful at it.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you,” I tell him, wishing I hadn’t reacted so negatively when he told me about his interview.

  “You are?” He grins, taking a sip of his soda.

  “I am. It’s about time you start thinking about your future. Like you said, I’m not a kid anymore. Soon I’ll be a college graduate that will hopefully be able to land a decent job and get a place of my own.”

  “Or you can stay here with me forever.” He shrugs. “Just saying.”

  “You’d like that too much, Mr. Overprotective.” I roll my eyes.

  “Speaking of overprotective men, has Ryland seemed a little weird to you recently?”

  A nervous pit hollows inside my stomach.

  “No, why?”

  “I don’t know. He just seems a little off. Distracted, I guess, is the right word. You’ve been hanging out with him more than I have. Certainly you’ve noticed it, too.”

  “I think he’s still adjusting.” I try to seem completely at ease, even though on the inside I’m freaking out a little. “He’s only been home a few weeks. I think he’s still finding his footing.”

  “Has he said anything to you about seeing someone?”

  “Seeing someone?” I choke on the words. “No. I don’t think he’s seeing anyone. Or at least, not that he’s told me. Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just get the impression there’s something else going on. If he hasn’t said anything then it must be serious.”

  “Why would saying something make it less serious?” I question his logic. “You would think if it were that serious he’d want to tell his family.” I gesture between the two of us.

  “Maybe. Or maybe he’s afraid if he says something it will jinx it.”

  “Jinx it?” I give him a doubtful look. “Since when has Ryland Thorpe ever been superstitious? Do you really think he would intentionally not tell us something if it was important to him?”

  “I don’t know. He’s different since he got out of jail.”

  “Of course he is. He spent five years locked in a prison cell. That’s sure to change anyone.”

  “I know that. Of course I do. It’s just, at first he seemed like normal Ryland. The same dude I’ve known my entire life. But the last couple of weeks he seems distant. It’s fucking weird.”

  “Maybe it took being out for a few days for it to really sink in.” I shrug, grasping at straws at this point.

  “Maybe.” He sighs. “But you two seem to be getting back on track. I knew once he was home you wouldn’t be able to stay mad at him. You two were always thick as thieves.”

  “Yeah. It took me a little while but we’re getting there. I forgot how much I loved having him around. I don’t think I realized just how much I actually missed him.”

  “Well, he missed you, too. Every time I went to see him you were the very first person he asked about.”

  “I was?” I smile, trying not to act too overly excited by this news.

  “You were,” he confirms, looking at the time on the wall clock behind me. “Shit, is it already three?”

  I glance at the clock before turning back toward him. “Yep.”

  “Shit, I gotta get ready.” He grabs his shirt and heads across the kitchen, pausing in the doorway. “You’ll let me know if Ryland says anything to you about what’s going on with him, yeah?”

  “I will,” I confirm, feeling extremely guilty for continuing to lie to my brother, especially since he’s starting to pick up on Ryland acting different.

  “Thanks, Ains.”

  “Good luck at your interview. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,” I call after him as he heads out of the kitchen.

  “Thank you,” he hollers back before he disappears around the corner. Seconds later, I hear the bathroom door shut.

  Taking in a deep breath, I slowly let it out before grabbing my laundry basket off the table. Propping it onto my hip, I head toward my room, an uneasy feeling settling deep in my gut.

  ——

  “Everything okay?” Lily slides up next to me where I’m busy cleaning tables as I close down the dining room.

  It’s rare that I pick up a closing shift, but after my run in with Finn yesterday I was eager to have a reason to avoid going home after class today. I hate lying to him. Almost as much as I hate asking Ryland to lie to him.

  “Yeah, everything is fine. Why?” I move to the next table, spraying cleaner across the top.

  “You’ve been really quiet today. Is everything okay with Ryland?”

  �
��Everything is really good with Ryland,” I answer honestly. In fact, other than the fact that we’re lying to the person closest to us, things couldn’t be much better.

  We’ve gone out several times together, revisiting some of our favorite spots from when we were younger. I feel like we’ve reconnected on a level I never thought we’d get back to again.

  “So then why do I get the feeling something is off with you?” Lily knows me too well to take me at my word.

  “I think Finn is starting to suspect something,” I tell her, stopping mid-wipe to look at her. “He asked me yesterday if I had noticed anything off with Ryland. He thinks maybe he’s dating someone and for whatever reason isn’t ready to tell any of us.”

  “Yeah, he mentioned something of that nature to me as well. But he didn’t seem worried about it or anything. Maybe it just freaked you out because you know what’s actually going on.”

  “Maybe,” I admit. “I just feel so bad. I thought keeping this from him would be easy, but the longer it goes on the sicker I feel about it.”

  “Well, you and Ryland have only been seeing each other, if that’s what we’re calling it, for a few weeks. Things are still new. It’s not too late to tell him, ya know.”

  “You say it like it’s just that simple. What am I supposed to say, hey Finn, remember when you asked me if Ryland was acting weird? Well, the reason he’s acting that way is because we’ve been sleeping together and hiding it from you. You’re welcome.” I phrase overly cheery and dramatic.

  “Well, maybe don’t use those exact words.” She chuckles.

  “I’m serious, Lily. I know it’s a conversation that needs to be had, but I have no idea how to even broach the subject. It’s horrible. I’ve never had any issue talking to Finn about anything before. But this, I don’t know. I’m scared.”

  “Listen, I know it’s not going to be an easy conversation, but you need to do everyone involved a favor and have it. Once it’s out in the open then that’s that.”

  “And if Finn loses his mind?”

  “Then he loses his mind.”

  “Says the person who doesn’t have any stake in the game.”

  “I don’t have any stake in the game?” Her expression instantly shifts. “Have you forgotten that you’re not the only one keeping things from Finn? I’ve known about you and Ryland from the beginning and I haven’t said a word. How do you think he’s going to take that news? Knowing that not only were his sister and best friend lying to him, but so was his girlfriend?”