Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  Falling into easy conversation with our mutual knowledge of music, any concerns I’d had about supporting these guys dissipated, and we were soon discussing set lists and production details—music business.

  Rick invited us all to head over to the hotel, informing everyone we were on the same floor because it made it easier for the ‘suits’ to round everyone up in time for meetings and show time transfers. We gathered through further conversation the suits were the organizers, sponsors, promoters, and record executives.

  When we got down to our music, the band wanted to hear us do a couple of numbers just to hear our acoustics in the auditorium. Sound technicians, with measuring equipment and mixing boards, would help us make the best of our instruments for the type of space we were playing in.

  Andy almost had a coronary when Rick asked us to play while he and the other four members of the band sat at the side of the stage in the regular seats. A couple of guys in navy blue suits and crisp white shirts also appeared—they wanted to hear us play three numbers so they could get a feel for us. And probably to make sure they weren’t making a mistake in asking us to open for them.

  Glancing at Drew, he wandered over to me as he lifted his guitar strap over his shoulder. “You gotta be shitting me, Alfie. Tell me I’m fucking dreaming.” Smirking at him and patting his back as we got into position on stage, I told him, “Yeah, we both are, ’cuz seriously, if I’m awake, this is the toughest crowd we’ve ever played for.”

  Picking up Rick Far’s guitar was something else. Our instruments were being set up today, so we were using theirs. Rick sang and played rhythm guitar. Who would have thought a month ago, I’d be here? It was unbelievable that me, Alfie Black, was standing on a stage, holding on to Rick Far’s guitar, ready to play to Cobham Street.

  From scrapping out a meager existence from week to week to standing in a place like that was incomprehensible. Yet, there we were, standing on stage in one of the world’s capital cities, playing for a band who probably spent more on entertainment in a week than we earned in a year.

  Drum and heavy bass beats began to overtake my body when Des and Andy began their intro. When Drew added his guitar riffs, the combination connected with my soul. The vibrations through my feet and the sound reverberated throughout the vastness of the empty space and ignited my passion for the music.

  Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I stepped one pace forward, fingers curling around the microphone. I lifted it free of the cradle on the stand, my grip tightening. Compelled to sing, I began to deliver an energetic performance backed by my fabulous bandmates. We sounded awesome.

  Performing was the one activity where I could leave everything behind and just get lost in the love of making music. Getting lost, forgetting everything else, I poured my heart and soul into giving Rick confirmation that his instincts about Crakt Soundzz were correct.

  Only when the music stopped did I allow myself to feel any nerves, but there was only a split second between the last note fading away and Rick’s standing ovation.

  Smiling widely, he jumped sideways over the metal barrier and walked toward the center of the empty floor space in front of us. “Fuckin’ A dudes.” Shaking his head he turned to the rest of the guys still sitting and shouted, “Damn, this is our new competition!”

  All the other band members of Cobham Street strolled over to stand beside him. Aaron Cameron crossed his arms over his chest staring up at us. “Brillant choice,” he said to him before turning to look at us. “Glad to have Crakt Soundzz on board guys.”

  When those words carried across from the floor to the stage, my immediate thoughts were ‘Job done, now to find Lily’. Rick and the rest of Cobham Street had arranged dinner at Rick’s pad in the hotel. Drew and the others were stoked at being invited to hang out. Explaining to Rick that my girl was in London and I was eager to see her, I left it hanging in the air for him to decide what I did. Slapping my back and nodding, he was easygoing about me not wanting to spend time with them. “Go get laid, dude.” Rick gave me his blessing.

  Chapter 30 – Belgravia

  London underground map in my hand, I headed to Dockland’s light railway to figure out how to get to Belgravia, which is where Lily’s parents’ lived. Someone at reception at the hotel told me that it would be in excess of sixty dollars to take a cab there. I didn’t have that kind of money to throw away, besides I had a map and a tongue in my head. I’d figure it out, or I’d ask someone to help me.

  Finding her parents’ place wasn’t as hard as it looked on paper. The tube trains were so cramped, though, and dudes were rubbing themselves up against me because of the sheer number of people who used the underground system.

  A really strange feeling came over me as I was about to get off the tube and transfer to the circle line, and I had a sensation that Lily was close. I can’t explain it. Just a strong feeling we were in the same air, if that makes sense.

  Eventually, I found her road. Lily wasn’t joking when she said she could support herself. Affluence was definitely apparent in the road her parents lived on. Tall Victorian townhouses, on a tree-lined street. Black wrought iron railings and a regal-looking navy blue door with brass fixings. Everything about the house oozed class and sophistication, the type of house I’d have expected Lily to live in.

  With every step I took, from the time I came out of the tube station until I reached her street, the beats of my heart grew faster in my chest. This was it. My moment. Face to face with Lily. A time for me to be honest with her and to share everything that was in the way of us being anything more to one another. Wondering at the same time how she was going to react to seeing me. How my body, heart, and soul were going to react to seeing her.

  Several minutes later I was still staring at the door from the pathway trying to figure out exactly what I was going to say. My body was vibrating with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I was on edge with the anticipation of seeing her in front of me. Would she understand why I’d behaved like I had? What if she said she wasn’t going back to Miami? Self- doubt began to plague me, but I pushed past it and began making my way to the door.

  The brass knocker in the center of the door was heavy and sounded authoritative when I used it against the solid wood of the heavy oak door. Wiping my hands down my jeans, I stood nervously waiting for someone to answer. When her father opened the door, I recognized immediately that he and Lily were related. Lily had his eyes.

  Explaining that I was a friend from college who had come to London unexpectedly, and knew Lily was home, I asked if I could speak to her. Her dad frowned and looked genuinely sorry. “Sorry, would you like to come in? Lily isn’t home today, and she won’t be back until tomorrow. She left this morning to spend the day with her friend earlier this morning.”

  Disappointment washed over me and I made arrangements to drop back by the next day. He told me that he and his wife were going out of town, but that he’d ensure that Lily was home by ten in the morning to see me. After walking away there was a chance she may not be there when I returned, deciding not to see me anyway. What then? What do I do if that happens?

  The rest of the day was spent catching up on sleep. The journey to the UK, the meeting with Cobham Street, and the anticipation of seeing Lily drained me of any energy I had that day, and I was in bed by eight. The time change was killing me, and the next few days were going to be full on so I followed my own advice and took the chance to rest.

  Restless was more like it, I spent hours lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about Lily, remembering how it felt when I touched her, her smell, the way she tasted. Sighing heavily at the ways I let her down, all the horrible ways of testing her, and how hard it was for the both of us not to give in to this ‘thing’ between us that seemed to be bigger than either of us could manage to deal with.

  Thinking about her all the time was so fucking difficult. She was always there, always lurking somewhere in the back of my mind. Certain songs might remind me of her, the way a girl
laughed, moved, or just someone’s hair. Always tugging at my memories of her.

  Tension always came with those thoughts. And they triggered a mixture of feelings and emotions I could do little about, except try to ignore them and soldier on. Did she think about me? Sometimes, that gnawed at me as well. Did Lily ever lie in her bed at night, and have the same problem sleeping as I had? Even if it was only for a minute, I’d like to think she did. Much, much later into the night, I fell asleep with sheer exhaustion.

  When I woke, it was seven thirty. Excitement and anguish mingled in the pit of my belly. Today was definitely the day I would see Lily again, or find out she wouldn’t see me. Tortured by the thought that she might reject me as soon as I turned up but hoping at the same time she’d see me and talk to me. That was the best I could wish for at this point after the last few days.

  Making my way back to her place, there were a lot of doubts in my mind. Confused about how I felt, how she felt, what I was doing, was she able to feel the depth of emotion I was feeling about us? About how attracted I was to her. Walking down the street again, this time confident I would get at least one answer. Would she at least see me?

  My heart beat irregularly in my chest making me feel less in control than normal. Even on my worst days. Stay calm, it’s going be okay. Knocking on the door was the easy part. The harder part was not fucking it up if and when I did see her.

  Not sure what I expected, but I wasn’t prepared for the dude who opened the door at all. There was something about how familiar he was that made me almost lie about who I was, and what I was doing here at her door. Maybe he’s her boyfriend? Shit. Was Lily even the girl I thought she was? Did she think she could sleep around at college and he’d never know?

  Pressing on, I had to say something. “Hey, I’m Lily’s friend from college in Miami. I’m here on business and thought I would look Lily up. I hope she doesn’t mind.” He was a really good-looking guy. Exactly the kind of guy I imagined would be Lily’s usual type.

  Tall and very well groomed with dark hair, almost black, designer stubble, but a gentlemanly look about him. Immaculate. His threads were tailored and expensive as were his shoes. He even had a high end Rolex hanging off his wrist, and he smelled of expensive cologne.

  I was beginning to have a crisis of confidence. The guy was everything I wasn’t—my polar opposite. Suddenly, I felt scruffy in comparison in my faded jeans, tattoos, band t-shirt, brown leather jacket and beanie. There was no way I could begin to compete with him and suddenly, if seeing her house yesterday wasn’t enough, seeing this dude confirmed she was way outside my league.

  Tension gripped me at how he responded to me. Narrowing his eyes, he scrutinized me, and as the guy looked me over, the feeling of inadequacy I had was second to none. I could feel Lily meant a lot to this guy And I had no idea what I was going to say to Lily with him in the room, so yet another obstacle in the way of being frank about everything.

  Inviting me in, the guy was obviously a regular at Lily’s place. He was definitely comfortable in his surroundings and familiar enough to answer the door. Seeing him so relaxed was a body blow.

  Curt but polite, he told me to follow him down the long hallway, passing several console tables that contained fresh flower arrangements and expensive Tiffany lamps.

  I took in all the amazing artwork on the walls in awe. If I hadn’t been going to see Lily, I would have stopped to admire them. As well as that, there was a whole wall around the door frame we were heading for. Frames above the door and down both sides, covered in black and white pictures of Lily growing up.

  One in particular caught my eye. Lily must have been about sixteen. Stunning, she was sitting at the side of a pool with her legs dangling in the water, wearing in a little bikini. Smiling at whoever took the picture, it was clear to see she didn’t have a trouble in the world.

  Smiling at the picture, I thought if I had known her then, we would be in a different situation altogether. My life had been perfect, and I’d have treated her like the princess she was. Sad, because if I had I known her at that age, she would have known Alfie Black, the cool kid from school with the sunny smile and the budding, sexy charm. I had both parents then, and my only worry was whether I could sneak back into the house on a Friday night without getting caught.

  As soon as I saw her, my heartbeat soared and swelled at the same time. Lily was sitting curled up on a huge sectional couch, which curved inside the bay window reading her tablet. “Lily, there’s some guy from college here for you,” the guy said, and Lily glanced up and looked straight into my eyes.

  Words couldn’t describe how I felt when she looked at me. Lily was stunningly beautiful, maturing, and seemed to get better with every passing day. Both of us connected with each other on sight. Brief eye contact between us, and a flash of hurt flitted over her face as she looked away. Turbulence began to play out between us—no verbal interaction, just emotions flowing between us, around us, and then she began to stand.

  The guy beside her didn’t miss a beat, closing in on her and sliding his arm around her waist. When he bent his head to kiss her temple, the possessive stare he gave me made me want stride right over to him and break his fucking jaw, no matter what he was to her.

  “You want me to go and see what dirt I can dig up in your dresser drawers, Lily, or do you want me here?” he teased, smiling affectionately at her, and she smiled back in the same way. Feeling incensed at what I saw between them, a look of mutual adulation, made me so sick with jealousy that he could get that from her.

  “Can you give us some time, please, Jack? We’ll go to the kitchen. Stay, watch your movie.” Lily turned on her heel, her long dark hair cascading down her back, waving gently from one side to the other. She was dressed in a stunning dark red dress that clung to every inch of her body, a slit at one side showing her thigh and accentuating her fabulous ass once again.

  My eyes ticked down the length of her body. There was no way I couldn’t. Lily was irresistible. That dress—her perfect cleavage, her fabulous ass, and the black killer heels she had on, it was a wonder I hadn’t pushed her against a wall already.

  Lily led me down a flight of spiral stairs to the basement of the house. The kitchen was the length of both sides of the house and about the whole size of my house back in Miami. Contemporary off white units and black granite lined all sides of the kitchen, but with the warm oak flooring and stunning low lighting, the room was welcoming and inviting.

  “Take a seat.” We looked at each other eye to eye properly for the first time since I had arrived, and I waited a few seconds for my heart to beat again. The arc of electricity was still there between us, my body humming and vibrating slightly. Despite whatever Lily said next, from that moment onwards the smouldering look in her eye was a sign she was definitely still hot for me.

  Staring at her for longer than should have been comfortable, my mind went blank. When I had a coherent thought, and not knowing who the fuck the dude was upstairs, I smiled and said the only thing that came into my mind.

  “Surprise! You look absolutely amazing, Lily. The mental image I carry of you does you no justice. You just look more fantastic by the day.” Everything I had promised myself—no flirting, no declarations of love, no referring to her appearance—I had managed to kill in one fell swoop. Go me!

  “No shit, Alfie, really? What are you doing here?” Desperate to make amends and determined to try harder I said, “I came to see you. I couldn’t come all this way and not. I thought you would be pleased I was here. Our band is set to play on New Year’s Eve. Cobham Street’s support band had issues, their lead singer’s in rehab, so they asked us to step up.”

  “My turn.” First thing I needed was to establish how to proceed with my visit. “Who’s the guy?” I’m not sure what I was expecting, but maybe at least for her to look nervous, or sheepish, or just to react. As I was waiting for her to explain, my pulse was racing. Beautiful lips turning into a brilliant smile. That’s how Lily reacted. And it
tore my heart in two.

  “Jack? Jack isn’t going anywhere Alfie, if that’s what you’re asking.” Jack appeared in the kitchen doorway, his face scowling at me, and his eyes flicked to Lily and searched her face. “Everything okay, honey?” he asked concerned, his eyes taking in her face. My eyes taking in his, not liking what I saw at all.

  Looking over my shoulder, I said, “Can you give us a bit of privacy, dude?” Again, Jack appraised Lily and shook his head slightly. That was difficult to read, but I thought he was saying he wasn’t leaving her with me.

  “I think anything you have to say to her can be said in front of me. Isn’t that right, Lily?” Lily nodded meekly, and Jack flung his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to his chest possessively. I wondered if this guy was going to get out alive if he didn’t stop pawing my girl.

  Aching from the sheer physical tension, my jaw hurt. I’d been grinding my teeth but tried to keep my voice controlled and natural. Keeping the conversation vague as well because I still had no clue what Jack was to her.

  “I just thought it would be good to catch up with you on your home ground and talk about everything that has happened over the past couple of months, without the pressure of college and other commitments.”

  Jack turned to her and raised his eyebrow. He was watching Lily as intensely, as was I. “I really don’t see what else we have to say to each other.” And fuck. There it was. She was trying to blow me off. How the hell was I supposed to argue my case, especially when he was standing right beside her like the proverbial elephant in the room?

  Lily’s eyes flitted all over the place, everywhere but at me, and I was feeling so frustrated and stilted because that guy was still standing beside us. My head was about to explode, and if I didn’t come out of this with a result in my favor, I really had no clue whether I would survive her rejection.