Man Up Husband

by Danielle Sibarium

  Is he serious? He flew all the way across the country to keep me company? "You didn't have to do that. She'll be out in twenty or thirty minutes."

  "I know. I wanted to. And now you don't have to spend those twenty or thirty minutes alone. Plus, it gives me an excuse to spend the night at home with Jaxson and Selene."

  "So I leave you for a few weeks and this is how you go off and spend your time?"

  "Noah," He’s holding a cup of coffee out for me. "Wait, what are you doing here? Where's Jagger? Did you pick him up?"

  "Lexi went so I could be here."

  "Seriously?" Cooper asks. "You sent my sister, dumbass?"

  "Yeah, what's the problem?"

  Cooper shakes his head. "For someone that's supposedly been crazy about her for years, you didn't pay much attention. Jagger's got a thing for Lexi."

  "No, he doesn't," He looks at me. "He doesn't, does he?"

  I shrug. "I don't know, he did back when they were in high school together, but no worries. As far as I know, she never gave him the time of day."

  "Worry? If I thought I had to worry, I never would've married Lexi."

  "You say that now, smartass. Let's see what you say after they spend an hour or two alone together. He's probably in better shape than the three of us put together. He's been on active duty since high school, so while you do all that yoga shit with my sister, Jagger's pounding iron and fighting for survival. I'm telling you, girls dig that shit."

  While I appreciate my friend's show of support, the bickering has lost my attention. My mind is in the room with Marlena. When she had Mia and they gave her the spinal, she freaked out once she caught sight of the needle. I hope she's doing okay.

  My phone chimes. It's Jacqueline. I was lucky when I went back to work after taking the rest of the week off when Marlena first found out about the lesions on her brain. My boss pretty much ignored me. The week after, she was on vacation, and now here I am taking personal time off again. It's a Friday, but still, her lack of communication when I notified her has me thinking she's not happy about it.

  Jacqueline: An opportunity came up. I'll be out of country all of next week. We still need to talk when I get back.

  "Who the hell is Jacqueline?" Cooper asks.

  "My bitch of a manager."

  "Your manager?" He raises an eyebrow. "I thought you worked for a guy."

  "I did, but about four months ago he was let go, and she was promoted as his replacement."

  "How come you never mentioned it?"

  "It must've slipped my mind, or maybe I did and you didn't listen because you were too engrossed in what was happening in your life. I don't fucking know."

  Cooper narrows his eyes at me. "No need to get so defensive. What's the deal with her?"

  "Beats me. She's on some power trip, and she's pissed that I'm taking so much time off."

  "Does she know why?"

  I shake my head. "No. I don't want to give her anything to hold over me. That day I'd been trying to get in touch with Marlena and she didn't get back to me, Jacqueline made it perfectly clear I need to keep my home life at home."

  "Is she hot?"

  "Coop, what the fuck is wrong with you? He's freaked out over what's going on with Marlena and you're asking him if another woman is hot?"

  "There's a reason I'm asking. Did you see that last comment? I'm wondering what she wants to "talk" about. If it's work related, she'd tell him now. I'm thinking it's something personal, and if she's looking for some out of office fun and she's hot, you're going to have your hands full."

  My blood boils inside. "It's always about sex with you, isn't it? I'm not looking to have an affair with anyone, least of all my boss. The only woman I want to be with is Marlena."

  "Look, I get that. What I'm saying is while you might not be looking for anything, it doesn't mean she's not."

  "She's married."

  "Married doesn't mean she's not looking for some on the side. I know what I'm talking about. I've been with enough married women--"

  "Hey, big brother."

  The familiar voice pulls me out of the conversation. I've never been so grateful to be interrupted by my little brother. I move away from my friends and pull him into my arms.

  "It's good to have you home."

  "Yeah, it's good to be here. Although I'm not sure if I'm staying much past the wedding."

  "Wedding?" I'm shocked. This is the first I'm hearing of it. I know I've been preoccupied lately, but you'd think someone would've clued me into the fact that my baby brother is getting married. "You're getting married? How long have you been with her?"

  Jagger's brown eyes look at me like I'm crazy. "Not me. Mom. Where the hell have you been?"

  This feels like a slap in the face. Just when I thought I couldn't feel another sting, nothing that would register, at least not until I have a grasp on the whole situation with Marlena, I'm proven wrong.

  "Mom's marrying him?" It bothers me. I know it shouldn't. Jagger and I are grown men, and our father died of a heart attack two years ago, but I don't like the idea that this man I hardly know is going to be a permanent fixture in our lives. Not only that, but he's taking my mother away from me when I need her the most.

  "Bro, I know you have a lot on your mind, but you need to get your head out of your ass."

  "Why didn't she tell me?"

  "She did. Why do you think they've been traveling so much? He took her to meet his family on the West coast."

  "West coast?"

  "His parents and sister, and I think he has a couple of kids there. I hear his daughter moved here to be closer to him. Ugly divorce from what Mom said. The kids took sides, and the only one he really has a relationship with is the girl."

  "Great. He's already been through one divorce. Just what Mom needs. Did they pick a date yet?"

  “Not as far as I know. For me the sooner the better, but I don’t think it’ll happen for a few months. Mom wants flowers, and a reception. Looks like she’s going for the full deal.”

  “Great. Just fucking great.”

  "On a lighter note, thanks for the welcoming committee." He aims a smirk toward Lexi and her friend Allie, who are standing outside the waiting area, talking. "I was bummed you weren't coming to get me, but when I saw her," Jagger turns his brown eyes on Lexi and looks her up and down with pure lust gleaming in his eyes. "Damn, she just got better with age."

  "Yeah, she did. And she's married. Very happily married." Noah interrupts, holding his hand out to Jagger.

  "First thing Lexi told me when I asked what she was doing tonight. Man, you are the luckiest motherfucker on the face of the planet to be tapping that."

  I see anger flashing in Noah's eyes and I walk away, wishing none of them showed up here. I don't want to be in the middle of this pissing contest or hear about how my life is going to change even further when this man I barely know tries to take my father's place. Not to mention the "talk" Jacqueline wants to have.

  As much as I hate to admit it, I think Cooper's onto something. I have gotten the sense that she might be flirting. Might be, I don't even know for sure. I've pissed her off and avoided her as best as I can since, but I still have a weird feeling in my stomach when I think of her trying to order me to go out for drinks. And the constant texts when I'm at home.

  "Mr. Evans?" Marlena's nurse is at the door. "It's all done. She's on her way back. She did great."

  "Can I see her?"

  "Absolutely. It's very important that she doesn't lift her head for the next two hours."

  "Two hours?"

  "Yes. And make sure she drinks a lot of fluids during that time. That’ll help ward off a headache."

  "Okay. Got it."

  Cooper's by my side with his hand on my shoulder. "Tell Marlena we send our love. Noah and I will drive Jagger to your mom's house, and then you just let me know when you want us to drop Mia off."

  "Cooper--"

  "Don't get all feminine and start crying."

  I smile, glad t
hat he gets what I'm feeling.

  "We all go through shit. It's important to know when you do that you're not alone. I think both you and Marlena get it. We're here for you."

  "I'll see you later."

  Chapter 16

  Marlena

  Waiting for bad news is a slow torture. It's like death by a thousand cuts. It hurts. There is constant pain. You know what the end result will be, and yet there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop it. That's what waiting for my doctor's phone call has been like. Today is day eleven since the lumbar puncture. My heart drops every time the phone rings as I wait for the dreaded call I know is coming.

  What's worse is that Troy doesn't get my anxiety. He doesn't even really understand what's going on inside my brain. I know he tries, but he still nitpicks. He doesn't understand how that hurts. It's like he thinks I don't give a shit to pay enough attention to things to make sure they're done right when that's not it at all. It's that if any little thing distracts me, it increases the probability that I'll fuck up. It could be as simple as him talking to me while I'm in the middle of doing something. Or Mia crying. Or the phone ringing.

  Troy has no idea how bad I feel and how much I beat myself up on the days I find the breadcrumbs in the refrigerator and the eggs in the pantry. And the day I lost the tissues, he didn't get it at all. I knew I bought them. I knew I brought the bag in from the car. Where I put them after that, I had no idea. And then he started looking. The more he looked, the louder he got yelling about stupid things, the more like shit I felt. He just kept at it, like a kid picking at a scab, until I couldn't take it anymore.

  "Just leave it alone, Troy."

  "Don't tell me what to do. Things don't just disappear."

  "Yeah well, with me they do," I stormed off and slammed the door behind me. This just reminds me that as hard as he tries, as much as he wants to, he doesn't get me. He doesn't get what this does to me. Maybe it's better this way. Maybe if he really did get it, maybe that would only turn him off and push him further away.

  The ringing doorbell is a distraction. I hope it's a welcome one.

  "Lexi," I say, surprised to see my friend standing on the other side.

  "OMG, I need your help." Her green eyes are wide and frazzled-looking.

  "Mine?"

  "That brother-in-law of yours. Troy needs to get him to back off. He doesn't leave me alone. He's been calling every day since I picked him up at the airport."

  "Maybe you should have Noah chat with him then."

  "Believe me, I thought of that. But if Noah talks to him, I'm afraid things are going to get out of hand. He's already made it clear that we're VERY married and happy to be so, but Jagger doesn't stop."

  "Have you come out and told him you're not interested?"

  "I have. He swears it's not me, it's Allie he's after, but, c'mon, you know when a guy is into you, when his eyes are always on either your tits or your ass and he lights up when he looks at you."

  I laugh at my friend. "I'm sure if it comes to it, Noah will kick his ass. Not enough to seriously hurt him, but just enough to get the message across."

  "I’m not so sure. I'm afraid they'll end up beating the shit out of each other trying to prove a point, and it makes me really nervous."

  The phone rings. My heart leaps into my throat. I look from Lexi to the phone.

  "Answer it," she says, as if I have no idea what to do.

  I don't hesitate. I look at the caller ID. This is it. This is the call I've been waiting for, the call I've been dreading.

  "Please hold for Dr. Varik," the voice at the other end says. Great, more waiting. I pace around the kitchen, trying to breathe. These seconds or minutes are worse than the days that came before them, because the moment of truth is no longer coming. It's here.

  My heart races and my hands are trembling.

  "Mrs. Evans."

  "Please, doctor, call me Marlena."

  He ignores what I just said.

  "We have the results back."

  "Oh?"

  I don't know what I'm hoping for, that it is MS so I know I'm not crazy, or that it's not MS because I don't want something like that wrong with me for my whole life. My mouth is dry and I swallow hard waiting for him to continue.

  "There were oligocional bands present in the spinal fluid."

  "What does that mean?"

  "It's what we needed to make the positive diagnosis. You have MS."

  "Oh." I cover my mouth. I feel like my chest is being crushed by an invisible weight.

  "We need to calm down this flare up. I'm sending you for IV steroids. You'll go to the hospital for about an hour a day for five days. Hopefully once this is done, we'll see some improvement. In the meantime, we'll schedule an appointment to go over the results of all your tests and talk about where we go from here."

  "Ok." I can't say anything more. Instead I hang up the phone and drop into a seat at my kitchen table.

  "Are you okay?" Lexi asks.

  I shake my head and cry. I cry for me, for Mia, and for Troy as my friend holds me in her arms.

  *

  I need Troy. I need him more than I've ever needed anyone, and he's not here. He called to tell me he'll be home late from work. A dinner meeting popped up. Of all nights, it had to happen tonight.

  "Are you okay, honey?"

  I don't want to tell him over the phone. I don't think I can handle saying it without anyone here in case I fall apart.

  "Just a bad day."

  "Okay. Go rest, and I'll be home as soon as I can."

  "Who's the meeting with?"

  He pauses. When he speaks, his voice is heavy, as if he doesn't want to say it.

  "Jacqueline."

  This spikes my heart rate. "Troy." I pause, tempted to ask him to blow off the meeting and come home. I shouldn't be jealous, he hasn't given me reason to be, but I am. He thinks I don't see the texts she sends when he's home or how tense he gets when I ask what she wants. I know I've been looking the other way rather than pressing the issue because right now, I can't handle thinking about life without him. I need to get through tonight, then I can see exactly what the hell is up with Jacqueline. "I love you."

  "I love you, too."

  *

  Hours pass, and not a word from my husband. My stomach is in knots. All sorts of tight and twisted knots. Lexi sends me texts every now and then to check up on me. I'm tired of answering them with lies. I don't bother telling her I'm okay any longer because I don't know that I am. I put Mia's favorite show on the television and lie down, holding my little princess. When the hell will Troy be home?

  At nine o'clock I call him, but it goes straight to voicemail. I know if they are out with a client, he can't talk, but he could excuse himself and get back to me if it's just him and Jacqueline. He doesn't.

  At ten o'clock, I text him. By now he should be done. He should be on his way home, but he hasn't called to tell me that he is. What if something happened? Awful images of mangled cars and twisted steel pop into my mind. What if he's off on the side of the road somewhere? Or in the hospital fighting for his life? Or worse, what if he's somewhere alone and private with Jacqueline, holding her, touching her?

  I stare at my phone, waiting for it to ring. Willing it to ring. It doesn't. With each minute I don't hear from him, breathing is harder, more constricted. I open the contacts on my phone. How did things change so drastically? How did Cooper go from being my nemesis to my confidant? I want to call him, to hear him tell me what a great guy Troy is and that I'm driving myself crazy for no reason. But going down that road makes me nervous on many levels.

  Just as I'm about to break down and call Cooper to ask him to check up on Troy, I hear the garage door open. I rush into the kitchen, not sure if I'm relieved he's home, ready to throw my arms around him, or if I want him to break him down for making me worry.

  He's looking down at the floor. This isn't good. The hair on the back of my neck rises as I break out in a cold sweat. My chest aches. My heart wh
ines like a toddler not getting his way. Slowly, his eyes raise and meet mine. I'm frozen in place, unable to take a step or reach out my hand.

  We stare at each other, neither of us speaking. Neither of us moving. His eyes are glassy, watery. I see so much emotion in his eyes: sadness, guilt, vulnerability. Something's wrong. Everything is wrong. I feel it throughout my body, with each breath I take. My world is caving in on me.

  "Troy?"

  "I'm sorry, Marlena." His voice cracks, and I think he might break down and cry. "I'm so sorry."

  Chapter 17

  Troy

  I haven't even confessed and already she looks broken. Her eyes are red and swollen. I hurt my sweet, beautiful Marlena. I don't think I can do this. Once again I fucked up and failed her and Mia, but this one, this one tops all the others. I want to reach out to her. I need to touch her, to feel her against me. She's my lifeline, and touching her will remind me, keep that in the foreground of my mind, but I'm not sure she'll let me. She's mad, hurt. I see it in her eyes, and she doesn't even know how bad it is.

  "Marlena," my voice cracks as I move to her and take her head between my hands, my fingers getting lost in her silky dark waves. I bring my lips down to meet hers. She allows my lips the privilege of kissing her, of tasting her, but she doesn't kiss me back. This is what I want to do, this is all I want to do tonight, just kiss and touch and be with Marlena. "We have to talk."

  She nods and the tears start. Is it possible she already knows? Is Jacqueline that mean and vicious that she would've called and told Marlena what happened? I pull her into my chest and wrap my arms tight around her. She leans her head against me, and for a moment I'm foolish enough to think she might understand. But then she brings me back to reality and pushes away, trying to break free of my hold on her.

  I grasp her wrists, not wanting to let go. "Please, don't. I need to hold you."

  "You smell like perfume!" Her eyes blaze.

  "It's Jacqueline's. We were in the car together."

  "Who else did you go to dinner with?"

  I squeeze my eyes closed as I shake my head. The words are barely audible. "No one."