by C. A. Harms
“You work tonight?” she asked.
“I work every Friday, Lex,” I replied. “Why?”
“Well,” she paused. “Kole’s mom and dad are in town and we’re being awarded a much needed date night. Megan and Radley were gonna join us and we thought about coming into the bar so we could see ya.”
“Sounds good, Momma.” I tried my very best to be chipper. I’d spent entirely too much time moping around and it had gotten me nowhere. “I think I’m only on the clock until eleven, so at least I can hang out after.”
“Perfect,” she said happily. “See ya later babe, love you.”
“Love you, too,” I replied, already feeling my throat burn at her affection toward me. “See ya later.”
***
The bar was packed and my feet were already paying the price for overuse. My night probably wouldn’t have been half bad had Adam not walked in.
Within seconds some nasty blonde found her way to his table. I knew I had no claim to him, but damn, if I didn’t want to smack the bitch and dump a full pitcher of beer on her. She was just so sleazy and completely obvious.
I made my rounds over and over without looking in his general direction. In fact I let Kim take his table because I needed to keep my distance.
“Hey hottie, nice ass.” I turned around at the sound of the slurred words to find a half-drunk Lexi walking in my direction. “Hey gorgeous, where you been all my life?” She then wiggled her shoulders and hips in sync and I couldn’t help but laugh.
The greatest thing about Lexi was that she knew me so well. Once her eyes connected with mine, drunk or not, she knew something was up. Reaching out, she put her hands on each side of my face and forced me to look into her eyes.
“Nat, you’re really starting to scare me, babe. What’s been going on with you?” I shook my head to fight the threatening tears but she refused to let me look away. “Don’t give me that shit. Don’t you dare shut me out; that’s not allowed. We made a deal a long time ago, and I refuse to let you go back on that agreement. What’s going on?”
I felt the emotions rush through me and I knew I needed to run. I needed space to control them before they took me over. I had to get to the bathroom.
I barely made it into the stall before I violently threw up over and over. So much for the toast I attempted to eat before I left my apartment earlier.
I heard the door behind me squeak and I didn’t have to look to know who’d followed me. I took a few more seconds to take in a few deep breaths before flushing the toilet. I just couldn’t bring myself to open the stall door just yet, so instead I sat down onto the closed toilet lid. Almost immediately the waterworks started. I was a complete mess.
“Natalie, open the door, sweetie.” Lexi tried to use that soothing tone I’d heard her use with Hanna so often.
I sat there shaking my head like Lexi could actually see me.
“Please, Nat, you’re really scaring the hell out of us.” Megan sounded panicked.
I heard a few scuffled noises before I saw Lexi slide under the bathroom stall. I couldn’t hold back my giggle. “You know how nasty these floors are?”
Lexi brushed the hair from her face and looked up at me. “Yep I know, but sweetheart, you are so worth the chance of contracting some nasty fungus off these floors.” She reached out and took my hands in hers. “Please talk to us. You know that we’re both here for you no matter what the situation is. No judgements, no lectures.”
I nodded my head as I rose up from the toilet and followed her out of the stall. There was no longer any reason to stall; they’d never leave me alone. I looked them both in the eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m pregnant.”
I watched as both of their faces morphed into excitement and then confusion. They exchanged a few glances before they spoke.
Megan wrinkled her nose. “Um, we didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“I’m not. It was just a one-time thing. A huge mistake and I have to live with it for the rest of my life.” My stomach tightened.
Lexi had yet to speak; she just remained in the same spot watching me with prying eyes. I sometimes hated the fact that she knew me so well.
“So how far are you then?” I looked back at Megan, shrugging my shoulders. “Well when was the freaky deed done?” It was my turn to look confused.
She laughed, “You know, when did you play hide the pickle, poke the pie…whatever you wanna call it?” Oh wow, only Megan would refer to sex using crazy phrases.
“About six weeks ago, I guess.” I said with a shrug.
Lexi slapped her hand over her mouth, her eyes going wide. I heard a muffled, “Oh my God!”
The tears welled up in my eyes once more when I realized she figured it all out. She reached out and pulled me in tightly for a hug. “Have you told him yet?”
I could only shake my head as I buried my face into her shoulder.
“You gotta tell him, Nat. He has to take responsibility for this. He can’t just continue to walk around like he doesn’t have a care in the world.” She pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “You know Kate would murder him if he didn’t man up.”
I nodded because I knew she was right.
“Okay, hold up.” Megan looked confused. “Wait a minute. What the hell is going on here? You two are having some kind of silent conversation, and I wanna be included.”
Lexi was showing no signs of answering and I knew she was telling me that she felt it was my place to fill Megan in.
“Adam’s the father,” I whispered.
“Oh fuck me.” Megan had no filter. “The walking sperm bank. I’m gonna beat his ass.”
Megan started to turn toward the door and I grabbed her arm. “Meg, no, he didn’t do anything that I didn’t agree to. We were both messed up the night of the reunion. I can’t remember much, but I’m pretty sure I’m the one who started it. Hell, I think I undressed myself before he had a chance to think about it.”
I heard Lexi giggle at my side. “What?”
“Nothing, I’m just imagining Adam’s eyes bugging out of his head as he watched you strip. I couldn’t help but giggle, sorry.” She shrugged. “But really, think about it, Mr. Suave. I mean, he thinks he is, but under it all he seems like he may have a soft side. I think you just need to talk to him.”
“I know, but I need to find the right time.” When he didn’t just insult me by forgetting my name. Or maybe when he didn’t have a two-dollar hooker hanging on his every word.
Lexi nodded her head. “Okay, this is just between the three of us for now. We’ll leave the rest up to you.”
Megan agreed and after I cleaned up my face as best as possible, we made our way back out to the bar.
I still had an hour before I could join my friends, so I focused on my customers and tried to keep my eyes from roaming in Adam’s direction. The leggy blonde bimbo may as well have hiked up her skirt and climbed on. After all, she appeared to be dry humping his leg.
It just made me sick.
Why the hell was I jealous of their closeness?
“Hey sweetie, can we get a couple more beers over here?”
When I heard the skank shout an order in my direction I fought against the urge to just walk away. “Be right there.” I held up my finger as I popped the tops off the bottles using the edge of the counter.
I slowly rounded the end of the bar and walked toward their table, my held high, or at least I’d hoped that was how it appeared.
The bar whore was running her hand up and down his thigh as she faced him while he sat on the stool in front of her. I let out a slow steady breath and looked toward him. Our eyes connected and the side of his mouth lifted slightly.
Smug bastard.
I knew I set the beers down a little too hard when the liquid sloshed over the top and down the sides. “That’ll be five-fifty.” I held out my hand toward Adam and waited for the money.
His eyes never left mine as he stood from the chair and reached into h
is pocket. Of course the bimbo just took the opportunity to smash herself against his body a little tighter. Adam pulled out a ten and placed it into my outstretched hand. “There ya go, babe, keep the change.”
I glared at him for a brief moment before I looked over at the girl. “Watch out for this one. He has a really hard time remembering names. Tomorrow you’ll just be another warm body he used.”
I walked away and before I made it behind the bar I felt an arm come around my waist. I knew it was Adam from the smell of his cologne. It pissed me off that I now had the scent permanently embedded in my thoughts. My body relaxed back into his as I tried to maintain my cool and he brought his lips to my ear.
“What’s wrong, baby?” He brushed his lips over the side of my neck. “You jealous of Blondie?”
I spun around in his arms, pushing against his chest and taking a step back. “No, asshole, I’m actually a little disgusted. And Blondie?” I paused for a second as I shook my head in disgust. “So I guess fucking girls randomly and not even taking the time to learn their first name is common for you. You really are a jackass.”
Adam’s eyes narrowed at me. “I never claimed not to be, Natalie. I’m not a forever kind of guy. Sex is just that, sex. I don’t make promises. We were both drunk that night, but I’m pretty sure you wanted it as much as I did. I never once heard you say no,” he smirked. “In fact I’m almost positive all you did was scream my name followed by satisfied yes’s.”
I shoved against his chest. “Fuck you, Adam.”
“You see,” he said as he stepped closer, “You’ve already done that, babe.”
The tears came before I could stop them and I quickly turned away. If I wasn’t mistaken, I swore I heard him attempt to stop me as I walked away.
Chapter Four
Adam
“What the fuck, man? What’d you do to Nat?” An angry booming voice spoke from behind me.
I groaned inwardly. If it wasn’t the hero himself coming to Natalie’s rescue.
“Hey Kole, how’s it going?” I said as I turned to face him and could see his jaw twitching as he watched me closely. I tried my damnedest not to grin. I knew he was just looking out for Natalie, but he needed to back the fuck up.
“We were just clearing the air, Kole. She was a little pissed about me being here with Blondie.”
Kole’s brows scrunched together. “Why the hell would Natalie care who you were fucking?”
I shrugged my shoulders and walked back toward my table. “Ask her man, not me,” I said over my shoulder.
Things just got weird. I was asking myself the same question as Kole. Why did Natalie give a shit? We hooked up one night more than six weeks ago. I couldn’t let myself care though. I needed to keep that girl far away. I had to make sure she knew that I was no good for her.
Natalie was sweet and she deserved a guy who could love her. The way that she kept looking at me had my heart defying my mind. The girl had the ability to make my chest tighten with one little smile.
By the time I made it back to the table, I no longer had the urge to hook-up with Blondie. I honestly couldn’t get Natalie out of my head. The look on her face right before she walked away made my throat burn.
What the hell was this girl doing to me?
Never once have I questioned a one-night stand, until now. I know Natalie was worth way more than what I’d given her. I just knew that I wasn’t capable of more.
The moment I felt things were getting too serious with a girl, I bolted. No fucking way was I gonna let my guard down and get hurt again.
“Is that girl your girlfriend or something?”
I sat down next to the blonde girl and for the first time actually looked at her closely. You could see the roots of her hair were growing out and her natural dark color was showing. The makeup she wore was entirely too heavy, but as I looked a little closer, I could see she was attempting to hide the acne on her face.
The dress she wore was two sizes too small and her perfume made my eyes water. How the fuck did I miss all that before now?
Those were the problems I faced when I was thinking with my dick.
“No, she’s too good to be my girlfriend,” I replied without hesitation.
I heard the girl “umph” in disgust. “She didn’t look like much, if you ask me.”
I grabbed my beer and chugged the remaining amount before I grabbed my keys from my pocket and went for the door. I didn’t once look back at the blonde I’d just left behind.
I pushed open the door to leave, just before someone swiped my keys from behind.
“Hell no. Don’t even think about it.”
I spun around to face Kole as he held my keys in his hand.
“What the fuck, man? Give me my fucking keys.” I attempted to grab them from his hands.
He just laughed and shook his head, which pissed me off more. “You may think you’re sober enough to drive home, but I ain’t taking that chance. I’ll drive you and Radley can follow me.”
“No, thanks, I can walk.” I pushed through the door and began moving in the direction of my apartment.
“Hey, stupid fuck,” Kole hollered at me once again.
Hell, this asshole may be my boss, but I wasn’t taking his shit. We weren’t at the gym, therefore he had no fucking say in my choices. I had every intention of going off on Kole, but when I turned around and walked up to him, I saw Natalie in the doorway looking at us with a worried expression.
“Yeah, that’s right, Natalie’s worried about you. She insisted that I get you home safe. So for once, be the good guy and get in the fuckin’ car. I don’t like seeing Natalie cry and that seems to be all she can manage right now.” All playfulness had been wiped from Kole’s face.
So much for the racing heart and burning in my chest. Why did she care? I was the guy who left her in a bed naked and didn’t care to call or make contact with her after. I was the asshole who paraded around with a bar whore all night like I was the shit.
Looking up at her and seeing the hurt in her eyes made me cave and that both pissed me off and excited me at the same time.
“All right,” I agreed.
It was all I could manage. I felt defeated and confused. She couldn’t care. I couldn’t let her get stuck with a guy like me, it wouldn’t be fair to her.
When Kole dropped me off I never even went inside. I sat on the front step with my head hung low. He tossed my keys and they landed on the sidewalk next to me, where I let them lay. “Don’t drive anywhere tonight, man. Seriously, it ain’t worth it.”
I never looked up at him. I heard Radley’s truck pull in and Kole’s feet shuffled against the sidewalk.
“Adam, what’s going on with you and Nat? I just don’t wanna see her hurt and right now she’s hurting.” He paused for a few seconds, which only gave me more time to feel like an ass. “I know we ain’t close, but that girl is my friend. She’s had a pretty shitty past, Adam. Natalie needs something good in her life. It’s what she deserves.”
I tilted my head up and looked him directly in the eyes. “I’m not that guy, Kole. I can’t be who Natalie needs me to be. That guy in me is long gone.”
He looked disappointed. “Well then that’s too bad, because I’m pretty sure Natalie would be worth the effort.”
He turned and left.
As the truck drove away I groaned out loud in frustration. “Fuck!”
I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t let myself think about what it would feel like to have that closeness once more. Breann was my first love, my first everything. We started dating the summer before our sophomore year of high school and after that we were inseparable. I loved the hell out of that girl. I never in a million years thought she’d crush me like she did, but with Nate behind it all, I wasn’t that surprised. That guy would’ve screwed his own cousin if he had the chance.
It hurt like a bitch knowing that my girl and my best friend were nailing each other behind my back. That fact was real hard to swallow.
&n
bsp; I sat on my steps waiting for Natalie to come home. I wasn’t sure why, but I needed to know what the hell was going on. She needed to move past the vision she created in her mind. She needed to know I was the biggest asshole and she deserved better than me.
The moment her car pulled in, I stood and walked in her direction. It broke my heart when she turned to face me and I saw clearly her reddened, swollen eyes. Her trembling lower lip instantly buckled me and I pulled her to me, wrapped her in my arms. I buried my nose in her hair and kissed her softly on the temple. “Shh, Nat, I’m sorry I was an ass. Baby please, stop crying.”
When her sobs grew heavy I led her toward her apartment.
“Give me your keys,” I told her as I reached down and took them without giving her a chance to argue.
I unlocked the door and guided her to the couch. There was only one small lamp in the corner that lit the room, but I could see well enough.
Her apartment was bare and thrown together. Nothing matched and she had very little furniture. I had a two bedroom apartment full of expensive shit and this beautiful girl was crammed in a tiny one bedroom with barely anything to fill it.
There goes that goddamn burning in my chest again. Natalie deserved the world and all I was doing was fucking her up. “Natalie, are you gonna be okay?”
Her tiny little body was curled into my side and I felt her nod her head lightly.
I needed to get away from her because she was breaking down the walls I had spent years building. I didn’t like the fact that she was making me feel needed. She had me believing for a moment that maybe I could do this again.
I started to rise up from the couch and she squeezed my waist a little tighter. “Please don’t leave. Please just stay here with me. Just for tonight.” She was practically begging me. “Tomorrow you can go back to your Infamous Adam Ways, but tonight, be with me.”
“Fuck, Natalie.” I let out a deep breath. “I can’t. I’m not what you need in your life.”
“How do you know what I need?” she replied breathlessly.
