That was something I needed to get over, I told myself as I dressed. I'd done too much to Nori to expect her to give me a real shot. The best I could hope for was forgiveness and not losing her completely. That meant I'd most likely end up seeing her with other men, maybe even Kipp. I couldn't go around punching all of them just because they'd fallen for her. No matter how much I wanted to.
I was actually a little surprised when Kipp answered. I'd honestly expected him to send me straight to voicemail.
“I'm sorry,” I said bluntly. “No excuses. I was an ass.” When Kipp didn't say anything, I kept going. “And I'm not saying it because I'm worried about you pressing charges or anything like that. You do what you have to do. I'll be honest about what I did. I just wanted you to know that I know I was wrong and that I'm sorry about it.”
After a few seconds of silence, he finally spoke, “You were under a lot of stress. We're good.”
Relief flooded through me. “Thank you.”
“Don't mention it.” Another pause. “You really should tell her though.”
I blinked. “Tell who what?”
He chuckled, a dry sound, but there was no bitterness to it. “I'm not an idiot, X. You might've been upset about Father O'Toole, but that wasn't why you wanted to hit me in the first place. If you care about Nori so much, you need to tell her.”
I closed my eyes, remembering how the father had given me similar advice. “I don’t think that's an option anymore.”
“Whatever you did, if she feels the same way about you, she'll forgive you,” Kipp said. “If you need me to tell her about the apology–”
“No,” I cut him off. “I appreciate the offer, but that's not why I did it. Besides, that's only part of why she's pissed at me.”
“Look, I know it's not really my business,” Kipp said. “But since I have a bruised jaw because of it, I think I can offer my two cents.”
I might not have liked it, but he had a point.
“You'll never know unless you tell her.”
I scowled. “Father O'Toole pretty much said the same thing,” I admitted.
“He was a smart man,” Kipp said. “Trust me, X, you don't want to constantly be wondering what would've happened if you'd been brave enough to speak up.”
That didn't sound like someone who was merely offering trite advice. That sounded like someone who knew from experience.
“When I was in college, I fell for a girl,” Kipp said, his voice quiet. “She was the dean's daughter. Gorgeous. Smart. I was flunking one of my required language classes – French – and she tutored me. I spent an entire semester arguing with myself about whether or not I should tell her how I felt, but I convinced myself that she'd never want to go out with someone like me.”
I was pretty sure I didn't want to hear the end of this story, but after how I'd treated Kipp, I owed him the time to listen to what he had to say.
“Two weeks into winter break, she went on a date with this guy from the lacrosse team. Good-looking. Rich. All of the things that I knew she deserved.” Kipp paused, then cleared his throat. “After dinner, they went to a party and he got wasted. On their way back to her house, he lost control of the car and hit a telephone pole. He died instantly. No seat belt. She made it to the hospital and spent two days in a coma before dying.”
Fuck.
For the first time in a long time, I felt something for someone other than myself or Nori.
“At the funeral, her dad told me that she'd had a crush on me. She'd waited all semester for me to ask her out, but when I hadn't, she'd taken his advice and gone out with the lacrosse player as a way to start moving on.”
I didn't know what to say, but it seemed like Kipp didn't need me to say anything.
“It took me a long time to work through the guilt, and even now I still feel it sometimes,” he said. “But I've never gotten over the regret. Obviously, most of it because I felt like I could've stopped it from happening altogether, but part of it is because I never took the opportunity to tell her how I felt.” Another pause, and then he added, “Don't make the same mistake I did. If Nori doesn't feel the same, at least you'll know.”
It was funny. The father was gone and I was still getting the same message he would've given me if was alive.
“Thanks, Kipp.”
“No problem,” he said. “And, X?”
“Yeah?”
“Make sure I get an invite to the wedding.”
I'd never been the sort of person who believed in things like signs and all that, but even I had to admit that it felt like something or someone wanted Nori and me together. Or at least, wanted me to be honest with her.
I had things I needed to do. Talking to someone about the father's funeral next Saturday. Finishing contacting people who needed to know about his death. Talk to the lawyer about the reading of the will. Find out what other things I needed to do. I'd never had to do any of this before. My mother and sister died while I was still inside, and there hadn't been any insurance. There'd been no funeral or anything like that.
I knew I could do it myself, but I didn't want to. Even if it was just as a friend, I wanted Nori with me through all of this.
No good would come from putting it off any longer. I stood and headed for the stairs. This time, I wouldn't leave until I'd told her everything. One way or another, it would all come out this morning.
I listened for the television or shower, but couldn't hear either. I didn't know if that meant she was still sleeping or was just being quiet, but I figured I'd start at the bedroom. I winced as I knocked, my headache still present enough to dislike the sound.
Then the door slid open a crack and I pushed the headache to the back of my mind.
“Nori?” I called softly. She hadn't shut the door all the way, but that didn't mean she wasn't dressing or something like that. “Nori? I knocked and the door opened. Can I come in? We need to talk.”
Nothing.
I frowned. Surely she would've at least told me to get out if that's what she wanted. I pushed the door open farther.
“Nori?”
I took in everything at once. The rumpled bed. Dresser drawers open. Clothes on the bed and floor.
Shit.
I went inside. “Nori?”
Still no answer.
I opened the closet door to find it empty. A knot was starting to form in my stomach. I checked in the bathroom. Her toothbrush and all those sorts of things were gone too. The living room was next, but she hadn't brought much with her in the way of décor or anything like that, so it was hard to tell if anything was missing from there.
Not that I really needed to see any more proof.
I ran down the stairs, praying that she was still here. I called her name as I went from room to room, finding each one empty. I looked outside and saw the car Father O'Toole had given her permission to use. The keys were still in the basket next to the door. She hadn't taken the car.
Which meant someone picked her up.
Which meant she hadn't planned on needing a ride back to the house.
The truth hit me like a physical blow.
Nori had left me.
Continues in Dom X Vol. 5
Dom X - Volume Five
Dom X
Chapter One
Xavier
Nori was gone.
She left me.
I kept saying it over and over again, hoping that saying it would change things. That, somehow, it wouldn't be true. It couldn't be. She wouldn't have just left without a word. That wasn't like her.
Then again...
I thought back over the last two days, over how well things had been going until I'd inevitably fucked everything up. First, by sleeping with Nori in a moment of weakness, then acting like an ass the next morning. And, of course, I couldn't forget the whole incident with Kipp either. It'd been the fact that I'd punched my physical therapist for inquiring about Nori that had led to her confronting me in the kitchen. I'd assumed that my surly attitude would
piss her off, but I hadn't imagined she'd end the argument by saying that she couldn't work with me anymore.
I tried to apologize, but she'd ignored my attempts. I'd thought for sure that she'd calm down and we'd finally have our talk. She knew how hard losing Father O'Toole had been – and still was – and I didn't doubt that once I told her how sorry I was, she'd help me through all of it. That she'd be there because I needed her.
Or so I thought.
I'd come up to the third floor this morning with the intention of not moving from in front of her door until I'd had my say. Except her door had been partially open, and when I'd gone inside, her things were gone. At some point between when I began drinking myself into a stupor and when I'd woken up, she left.
She hadn't even said goodbye, not even through a note. Now that the shock was starting to fade, I realized that just because she hadn't left a note in her room or in the living room downstairs didn't mean she hadn't left one at all. I'd been looking for her, not a piece of paper.
That thought allowed me to move again, and I went toward the kitchen. If she intended to leave me a note where she knew I'd find it, it would be there. I searched the entire room twice – including the fridge itself – before I admitted to myself that she hadn't left anything.
The only other option was that she'd left a note on or outside my door, and I hadn't seen it. I kept that hope in mind as I headed upstairs, but it didn't take long for it to go away. Nothing on the floor on either side of the door. Nothing on the door. No note, no explanation.
I sat down on the bed and buried my head in my hands. I couldn't blame her for leaving without saying a word. After the way I treated her, I was actually surprised she hadn't packed her bags and left immediately. Then again, I reasoned, I didn't know for sure how the order of events had gone. For all I knew, Nori had been upstairs packing since I practically kicked her out of my bedroom, and had only waited until I was passed out to leave because she hadn't wanted to risk running into me. What she said to me was all the warning she'd been willing to give.
“Dammit!” I shouted. I raked my fingers through my hair, wincing as my stiff skin pulled across my hand. I closed my eyes as the sound cut through my head.
I had a killer headache, but that was my own dumb fault. I'd been the idiot who'd decided drinking almost an entire bottle of tequila was a good idea. At the time, it accomplished what I wanted: made me forget about everything that happened. For a while anyway. As soon as I woke up, it all came rushing back. And now I had Nori leaving on my conscience too.
Right before I kissed her, she told me that she and Tanner weren't together, that she didn't intend to get back together with him. But that was before I'd reverted back to my asshole ways and chased her off. I was sure that her rich and good-looking ex-boyfriend never would've done half the things I'd done to her. I didn't know all the reasons why they hadn't gotten back together, but it wouldn't have surprised me to find out that I'd driven her right back into his arms.
Which meant I knew where she was going...or had already gone. Home.
Just the thought of San Antonio made me nauseous. The sun, the people...the memories. Then there was what I'd have to go through to get there.
Aside from the short treks between door and car, I hadn't been outside since the day of the accident. Well, I stepped out for a minute once when I was looking for Nori before – the last time I'd been an ass. I didn't think that really counted though. It was behind the house, within a fenced in area. As for people, there hadn't been much interaction there. The thought of anyone seeing me like this turned my stomach.
The memories weren't something to disregard though. I still had nightmares, times when the past would come back with startling clarity. Sometimes they were about the accident, but other times, they were about my times in the army or the things that happened in my childhood. When Father O'Toole first suggested moving back to Philadelphia, I hadn't wanted to deal with the memories this city would bring. Now, I didn't want to even think about what going back to San Antonio would mean.
I shook my head and immediately regretted it. I wasn't going anywhere. It didn't matter that I had no way of getting back to Texas without putting myself out in public. I had too much to do here to go chasing after someone I scared away. I had to continue calling people about Father O'Toole, schedule the reading of his will, and finish planning the funeral.
I couldn't go anywhere.
I stood too fast and my head spun, but I managed to stay on my feet and not throw up, so I considered it a win. I needed to get something on my stomach and then figure out what I was going to do next.
As I made my way back downstairs, I found myself listening for the little things I'd become used to since Nori moved in. Her footsteps on the floor above, faint, but still there. Her moving around in the kitchen. The slight creak of the stairs that led from her floor to the ground.
I knew the house was large, but I'd never truly appreciated the size of it until now. Even though I knew they weren't, I almost thought I could hear my steps echoing. There'd been only two of us living here, but it shouldn't have been such a big difference to go from two to one.
My heart twisted. I knew there was no way Nori would come back, especially not if she'd felt the need to leave without a word. It would just be me here. I needed to get used to that. Kipp had already been transitioning me to doing my physical therapy on my own. After my behavior, I wouldn't have been surprised if he simply moved up the timeframe. That meant, with Father O'Toole gone, I'd be alone here pretty much all the time.
Unless, of course, I decided to hire someone new, someone to take Nori's place.
I barked a bitter laugh. Someone might be able to do the work, clean the house, make meals, but no one would ever be able to take her place.
I'd fought my feelings for her for so long, hoping they would go away, or at least fade. I'd convinced myself that I had things under control until I had a moment of weakness and kissed her the other night. After we slept together, I knew I'd never be able to completely forget her. I'd hoped then that I'd be able to push her away, force her to move on. I knew I'd be miserable, but at least, I wouldn't drag her down with me.
I had no idea just how miserable I'd be though. It was an almost physical pain, something so deep and thorough that I could feel it down to my bones. I thought I'd prepared myself for losing her, but it wasn't until now that I admitted I hadn't really thought about her actually being gone. I always thought of her as being there, probably pissed off, but still there. I never truly imagined that she'd leave me.
“Dammit, Nori,” I muttered. But it wasn't her fault. All of it was mine.
Mea culpa.
It was always my fault.
But even as I thought it, I could almost hear Father O'Toole in my head, telling me that I wasn't truly to blame.
And telling me that I needed to go after her.
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want anyone to see me, didn't want to interact with anyone. I'd been plagued by dreams in various forms that all had one thing in common. People calling me a monster, a freak.
But I wanted Nori more than I wanted to avoid people, I suddenly realized.
I wanted her more than I didn't want those other things. I needed her to know that, even if she never spoke to me again, I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try to fight for her.
Fuck it all.
I was going back to Texas.
Chapter Two
Nori
In the years I'd dated Tanner, I'd never let him use his private plane to fly us anywhere. That was the sort of thing I always felt should've been reserved for a wife, or at the very least, a fiancée. He understood my reasoning and had never pressed the issue. He'd given me gifts, but had respected my wishes not to have anything lavish. With the occasional exception of particularly fine wine or tickets to events that we really wanted to see, it was almost easy to forget how rich he was. I'd never once considered asking him for anything that reminded me of how much money
he had.
When he called late last night to tell me that my parents had been in a car accident and were at the hospital, however, I hadn't hesitated to accept his offer to have a private jet take me back to Texas.
We might not have been dating anymore, but Tanner hadn't let that keep him from taking care of me like he always had before. He'd sent a car to the house to pick me up, had a private jet waiting – since his own plane was back in San Antonio – and assured me that there'd be a car to pick me up at the airport.
He'd done it all without needing to be asked, and without expecting anything in return. Considering it'd been a little over twenty-four hours since I told him that there was no future for the two of us romantically, it said a lot about his character that he'd wanted to go so above and beyond for me.
Aside from the obvious benefits of a private plane – not having to wait in lines or being subjected to regular flight schedules – I'd found myself grateful for the luxury. It wasn't a large jet, but it was definitely roomier than the business class seating I'd had on my way from Texas to Philadelphia. And being the only one on the plane meant I didn't need to worry about bothering anyone or having to carry on meaningless small talk with curious seat-mates.
I didn't know if Tanner had told anyone why he'd arranged for me to be flown out, but once we were in the air, the flight attendants simply told me to let them know if I needed anything and then left me alone.
Once they were out of sight, I finally buried my face in my hands and let go. These weren't quiet, dainty tears. While I managed to keep myself from screaming, I did sob the sort of heart-wrenching crying that left me gasping for air.
I wasn't panicking or hyperventilating, but it was close. I'd been through too much in the past two days, unable to fully process one thing before another hit me. Tanner showing up and our final date. Finding out that Father O'Toole had died moments before X kissed me. Sleeping with him, and then waking up to him being a total bastard. Him assaulting Kipp and the fight afterward. I'd only begun to work through any of that when Tanner called to tell me about the accident.
Dom X - The Complete Box Set: Alpha Male Romance Page 28
