The Color of Distance

by Amy Thomson

  Footsteps thudded dully on the floor of the bathhouse. Juna opened her eyes and sat up.

  “Hi there. Want someone to scrub your back?”

  “Bruce!”

  “Am I disturbing you?” he asked.

  “No, not at all,” Juna said.

  “Then I’ll scrub down and join you.”

  Juna smiled. “I’d like that.”

  He seated himself on a small wooden stool in front of a spigot and began soaping off. Juna climbed out of the bath, picked up a washcloth, and began scrubbing his back, admiring the smooth curve of his well-muscled shoulders. Bruce left off scrubbing and arched his back under her hands like a pleased cat.

  “That feels wonderful,” he said. “Don’t stop.”

  She moved lower, scrubbing with one hand, and kneading his muscles with the other, all the way down his back. She hesitated as she reached his buttocks. Bruce turned and began scrubbing her arms and shoulders. She lifted her chin and he moved to her upper chest, the rough washcloth sliding slowly over her skin. She straightened slightly, closing her eyes. Bruce let his hands slide lower, soaping her breasts.

  Juna felt a rush of heat spread up her loins; her nipples were turning hard. She opened her eyes and stopped his hands. “What if someone comes in?”

  “We won’t be disturbed,” he told her, with a mischievous grin. “The baths are ‘closed for maintenance.’ I put the sign up myself. Do you want me to go on?”

  She leaned forward and kissed him. His hands, slippery with soap, slid over her back, and up her sides. He cupped her breasts in his large, strong hands, pinching her nipples with his fingers. His tongue slid into her mouth. She met it with her own, reaching down to circle his hard cock with her fingers. He reached up and turned on the shower. They stood under the warm water, still kissing as they rinsed the soap off their bodies.

  Bruce slid his hand between her legs, stroking her with firm, gentle fingers. Juna gasped and rested her forehead against his shoulder, turning her hips outward, giving his hand better access. She clung to him as she came repeatedly.

  “Please,” she said at last. “I’ve got to lie down.”

  Bruce spread four bath towels on a dry section of floor, folding the last one to cushion their heads. They lay down. Bruce began kissing his way down her neck to her breasts, sucking her nipples, his hand working in her crotch as she arched again and again in orgasm.

  At last she pushed him away. “My turn,” she whispered as she moved down to his crotch, smelling his clean, warm, male smell as she took his penis in her mouth.

  After several minutes, he moved away. Juna lay back on the towels, pulled him on top of her, and guided him in, moaning as she felt him slide into her, giving herself up to the ecstasy of sex. It had been so long, so very long. She had forgotten just how good it could be.

  Afterwards, they lay together in the hot water of the bath. She stretched and smiled, remembering the feel of his hands on her breasts, wishing that they could have linked so she could share how good it felt.

  “What are you thinking?” he whispered.

  Juna laughed. “I was just thinking how good it is to have nipples again.”

  “I wouldn’t have minded you without them,” he said.

  “But it bothered me,” she replied.

  “I could have gotten used to it, Juna. I was willing to try.”

  She turned to face him. “I spent nearly five years inside an alien skin, Bruce. I didn’t want anyone to have to get used to me. I wanted to be myself again.”

  Juna looked away across the dark, rippling expanse of the bath. “It was all right before the Survey came back. I was a Tendu among Tendu. I had forgotten how strange I looked. But when the humans returned, I saw myself through their eyes"—she closed her eyes, remembering—"and I knew that I was different. I had changed in ways that made me no longer fully human. I needed to change back. I needed to be fully human again.” She rested her head against his chest and smiled. “It feels good to be back in my own skin again.”

  * * *

  Juna stepped off the boat and onto the beach, not waiting for the rest of the onshore team. Moki ran to greet her. She picked him up and held him to her.

  “It’s good to see you,” she said, in human speech. She hoped he understood her.

  “I missed you,” Moki replied in Standard. He took her hand and led her up the path from the beach. “Ukatonen and Anitonen are waiting,” he added in Tendu.

  Juna sneezed. Her eyes and nose itched as though she were suffering an attack of hay fever. Anitonen had told her that she would react to the alien proteins of the planet, but that they wouldn’t kill her. They’d just make me wish I was dead, she thought wryly. The doctors had issued her an emergency injector kit just in case, though Juna would rather rely on the Tendu if she had any problems. She hurried up the hill behind her bami, sneezing. At last they were in the jungle.

  Anitonen and Ukatonen were waiting for her. Juna held out her arms, asking for a link. She sneezed again. Amused ripples of laughter ran over Anitonen’s body.

  “You wouldn’t think it was so funny if it was happening to you,” Juna muttered.

  Ukatonen took her arm and led her over to a nearby tree. They sat down, and Ukatonen motioned Moki over. “I will show Moki how to ease your discomfort. That way, he can help when it bothers you.”

  They linked. Juna felt the itching in her nose and eyes subside as Ukatonen showed Moki how to stop her allergic reaction. When that was done, Moki enfolded her. She was nearly swamped by the intensity of his emotions—wild happiness at seeing her again, and deep grief at her transformation. Without her spurs and allu, she was helpless to block him out. Ukatonen moved to shield her until Moki regained control of himself. As Moki merged with her, Juna felt his relief at linking with her again. She had missed him so much. They spiraled tightly into happiness until Ukatonen broke the link.

  Anitonen and the others left to let Lyanan know that the humans had arrived. Realizing that she wasn’t ready to deal with the Survey team just yet, Juna wandered into the sunbreak where Bruce had held her while she cried. The glorious bromeliads that had covered the fallen tree were dying. None of them had set seed. Whatever pollinator it was that fertilized these plants couldn’t find them so close to the ground. Juna felt saddened by the sight. Glancing at her wrist chrono, she saw that she had been keeping the Survey team waiting. She headed back to the top of the cliff path where the others would be waiting for her.

  Today she was guiding half a dozen Alien Contact specialists on a visit to the village of Lyanan. It was the first time that any human, except for Juna, had been to Lyanan’s village tree. She led the Survey team along the familiar path, pointing out interesting sights along the way. Her voice sounded very loud in the forest. Birds exploded out of trees, insects and small animals went silent as they passed. All around her she heard the pattering of falling leaves as arboreal animals moved into hiding. It made her feel like an intruder in a once-familiar house.

  At last they reached the village tree. Juna smiled at the other humans’ murmurs of astonishment when they saw the massive trunk rising into the canopy. She sat down to wait for the villagers to arrive. The long walk had been hard on her shrinking feet; they throbbed painfully.

  As Lalito and several of the elders on the village council climbed down to greet them, Juna rose, activating the computer interface that allowed her to communicate with the Tendu.

  “Welcome to Lyanan,” Lalito said in formal patterns. “Please let us escort you inside.”

  Juna fumbled with the clumsy interface. “Thank you,” she finally managed to say. “We brought a ladder to help us climb into the village.”

  She motioned to the others, and they unpacked the long rope ladder.

  Juna smiled as she saw Lalito’s ears lift at the sight of the rope ladder. It was a handsome gift. Not only was it intrinsically valuable, but it also saved the Tendu considerable effort in getting the awkward humans up the tree and into the village.<
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  Lalito thanked Juna with gracious formality, then motioned to some of the bami to hoist the ladder into the canopy. A vine rope was lowered from the branch above them and tied to the rope ladder. In less than ten minutes, the ladder was up and secure.

  Juna wadded up the computer and put it back into her pack. “Follow me,” she told the Survey team. “And don’t look down.”

  Patricia Tanquay came up behind her, followed by the other A-C specialists. It was a long, painful climb. Juna’s hands and feet pulsated with pain by the time she reached the branch. She limped to the bowl of the crotch and sat down, tucking her hands into her armpits, letting the warmth of her body ease the ache. There was a touch on her shoulder. It was Moki. He held out his arms to link with her. Juna hesitated, but the pain in her hands and feet was too much to bear. They clasped hands. Instantly the pain receded. She felt Moki moving through her, soothing the pain, healing the tiny cuts, blisters, and abrasions she had acquired on the walk to the village. Behind it, held tightly under control, she sensed his anguish. Juna was relieved when Moki broke the link, his work done, hating herself both for the relief that she felt and for the guilt that arose each time she felt his grief at her transformation.

  “Thank you, Moki. I feel much better,” she said aloud, hoping he would understand her. She hated using her translator to communicate with her bami.

  “It was good to help,” Moki said, touching her shoulder. “We should go now. The others are waiting.”

  She followed Moki down into the heart of the tree. The Survey team was seated in the doorway of Lalito’s room, watching the villagers watch them.

  “You lived in a village like this?” one of the A-C specialists asked Juna.

  “I mostly lived at Narmolom, which is farther inland, but I spent two months every year here at Lyanan.”

  “I’m amazed that you didn’t break your neck. I get vertigo just looking out the door.”

  “It was hard at first, but I got used to it. I didn’t have much choice,” Juna said. She was tired of explaining things over and over again.

  Juna and Lalito escorted the scientists slowly down the inside of the trunk, showing them storerooms, living quarters, and even the hives of the tilan bees. The Survey team took samples of everything they could: bits of food, dead tilan bees, honey, even pieces of fiber left over from basket-weaving. They measured the rooms they visited, the height and diameter of the trunk, and the size of the doorways and balconies. The villagers crowded around, watching everything the humans did. Juna felt like a stranger again as she fumbled with the computer, asking questions and translating answers. The Survey team’s invasive curiosity made her feel deeply ashamed. Finally, unable to take it any longer, she shut down her translator and handed it to Patricia.

  “I’m going up for a breath of fresh air,” she said. “You take over for a while.”

  Juna emerged from the tree with a sigh of relief. The humid air was cool and restless as the afternoon storm approached. She climbed into the middle of the tree’s canopy and settled herself in a comfortable crotch. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the sweet, green-scented air of the forest, letting the gentle swaying of the tree soothe her.

  The branch she was on vibrated with the motion of an approaching climber. It was Anitonen. Juna shifted to make room on the branch for her. They stared at each other; then Anitonen held out her arms for a link. Juna hesitated, then clasped the enkar’s arms.

  She could feel Anitonen sorting through the emotions roiling inside her, easing her anger, soothing the pain of her loss. As her pain eased, Juna found herself remembering the ecstasy and release she had felt with Bruce in the baths.

  Anitonen broke the link. Her skin flamed briefly golden, reflecting Juna’s sexual arousal. Embarrassed and ashamed, Juna looked away, giving Anitonen time to get herself under control.

  “Thank you,” she said when Anitonen’s skin had returned to a neutral shade of green.

  “Better?” Anitonen asked.

  Juna nodded.

  “You mated with Bruce last night.”

  Juna glanced away, embarrassment heating her cheeks.

  Anitonen touched her arm. “Sex takes the place of allu-a for your people, doesn’t it?”

  Juna shrugged. Sex did many of the same things as linking, but you were always alone inside your own head, no matter how intimate and close you were with your partner. She wished that she hadn’t left her computer with Patricia, but then there really was no way to make Anitonen understand. It was too much a part of being human.

  “We should go now,” Anitonen said. “The others are waiting for you.”

  Juna followed the enkar down the branch. She moved cautiously, aware that her hands and feet were no longer fully adapted for climbing. The Survey team was assembled in Lalito’s room.

  “I’m sorry,” Juna said. “I just needed some fresh air. Where were we?”

  They returned to the landing beach a couple of hours before sunset. The A-C specs settled in the shadow of one of the cliffs and sorted through their samples while they waited for the boat to pick them up. Juna walked down the beach, hand in hand with Moki, glad to be done with the day’s work. Patricia fell into step beside them.

  “Juna, what happened back there in the village? Why did you take off so suddenly? It was more than needing air, wasn’t it?”

  Juna looked back up the cliff at the jungle. “I was watching the others taking samples and measuring things, and it bothered me. There they were, in the middle of this amazing village, and they were busy measuring doorways and collecting trash. It just seemed"—she paused, searching for the right words—"so trivial, so foolish. They were so busy studying bits and pieces of the Tendu, when the whole was sitting right there in front of them.” She shook her head. “It’s a Tendu thing, I guess—the Tendu study the whole system and how it works before they start looking at the bits and pieces that make it up. We humans do the opposite. We take a thing apart and study the pieces, then try to put it together again. I don’t think that works when you’re studying people.”

  “It’s more than that,” Patricia said. “What else is bothering you?”

  “It’s hard, not being able to talk directly to the Tendu,” Juna said. “It makes me feel like I’m stuck behind a thick piece of plexi. It’s especially hard with Moki. He needs me so much.”

  Patricia laid a hand on her arm. “You’ve been through a lot. Why don’t you take some time off?”

  “You need me.”

  “You’ll be going home in a couple of months,” Patricia told her. “We’re going to have to learn to get along without you. Take some leave. Go up to the mother ship, see some tapes, relax. Take Bruce with you. You deserve it, and in my opinion, you need it.”

  Juna glanced down at Moki and sighed. It was a tempting thought. She had been working nonstop since the Survey had returned. Besides, she would be going home soon. It would be a good idea to let the Survey find out what they still needed to know from her.

  “I’ll talk to the captain about it.”

  “Good.”

  Juna stepped through the shuttle airlock onto the mother ship. An honor guard in dress uniform whistled her aboard. She smiled and blinked back tears. Bruce squeezed her hand. It was good to be back in space. Commander Sussman greeted them warmly and escorted them to a large double cabin.

  “With everyone down on the planet, there’s plenty of room,” the commander said. “And I’ve told the crew to respect your privacy, so they won’t be pestering you with questions. You’re on leave, and from what the captain told me, you’ve earned it.”

  “Thank you very much, Commander. You’ve gone to a lot of trouble for us.”

  Commander Sussman shrugged. “There’s not much to do up here except keep the ship ticking over until the supply ship comes through the gate. We’re not expecting them for another month and a half.”

  “When will they be returning to Earth?” Juna asked, hope warring with sadness.

  “Two or
three weeks after that, maybe longer, depending on the situation downside,” the commander told her. “You could be home in five months’ time.”

  “It’ll be good to see my family again,” Juna said.

  “I’m sure it will. Enjoy your leave, Dr. Saari, Technician Bowles.”

  “Well, I guess I will be going home after all,” Juna said when Commander Sussman closed the door. She swallowed back sudden tears.

  “What’s the matter?” Bruce asked, putting his arms around her. She rested her forehead on his chest, taking comfort from his nearness. He cupped the back of her head in his hand.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “I didn’t expect it to be so soon. The standard Research posting is about ten months on-planet and you’ve only been here for three.”

  “Juna, this is an important posting. They’ll be sending home the setup crew and whatever technicians they can spare, and bringing in more scientists.”

  “And you?” Juna asked. “What will you be doing?”

  “I’ll be going home on the supply ship with you. The scientists are going to have to run their own boats.”

  “It’ll be good to have company on the run home. But—” She looked away, unable to speak through a surge of emotion.

  “It’s Moki, isn’t it?”

  Juna nodded, and Bruce gathered her close.

  “Juna,” he said, lifting her chin gently. “You came up here to forget about all of that for a week. You can worry about it when we go back.”

  “It’s hard,” Juna told him.

  “Well, I’ll do my best to distract you,” he said as he moved to kiss her.

  Despite her reservations, Juna enjoyed her holiday. They made love, wallowed in the ship’s huge osento, talked for hours, and explored some virtual-reality worlds together. She visited the commissary, and had the computer spin her some new clothes, then had her newly regrown hair dyed into the pattern of her Tendu name sign. She felt years younger by the end of her leave.