The Color of Distance

by Amy Thomson

  Juna and Bruce were just packing to return when the phone rang.

  “Dr. Saari, we found a Tendu on board the shuttle craft, and we need your help. It’s in the infirmary.”

  “I’ll be right there,” she said. “It’s Moki,” she told Bruce. “Somehow he got on board the shuttle. He’s in the infirmary.”

  “Let’s go, then,” Bruce said.

  “I’m Dr. Saari, where is the Tendu?” Juna said, when they arrived at the infirmary.

  “Right this way. It was unconscious when the crewmen found it in the cargo area. They brought it here just a few minutes ago.”

  Juna followed the doctor into the hospital ward. Moki was strapped to a gurney.

  “It’s Moki,” she told the doctor. “He’s my adopted son.” Moki’s eyes slit open, at the sound of her voice. Muddy shades of relief and happiness drifted over his skin, but he was too weak to form words. She touched his forehead. It felt cold and his skin was as dry as parchment.

  “Call down to the research base, have someone get Anitonen or Uka-tonen, and bring them up here. Tell them it’s an emergency. He’s suffering from hypothermia and dehydration. He needs a hot bath and warm electrolyte solution to drink. Now!”

  Juna held him close, warming him with her body heat. “Oh Moki, what have you done?”

  A nurse came in. “The bath will be ready in a few more minutes. Here are some hot, moist towels to wrap him in meanwhile.”

  Juna nodded her thanks. They swathed him in towels, and wheeled him to the bathtub. When the water was ready, they immersed him.

  Juna stripped down and climbed into the tub with Moki, cradling him in the hot water. He began to stir again. His eyes opened. He looked at her, and flushed a clear, brilliant turquoise. “On sky ship?” he asked, forming his words with difficulty.

  Juna stroked his forehead. “Yes,” she said. “You’re on the sky ship.”

  “Cold,” he said. “Hungry.” Feebly he held his arms out for a link.

  Juna shook her head. “No Moki, I can’t,” she told him, holding up her spurless wrist. Without her aim, she couldn’t heal him. Linking would only drain what little strength he still possessed.

  “Here, drink this,” Juna said, lifting a beaker of warm electrolyte solution to his lips. Moki took a cautious sip, and then began drinking eagerly.

  “Good,” he said when he was done. He closed his eyes, and drifted in her arms, sleeping in the hot water. After half an hour, the nurses helped her lift him from the tub onto the gurney. Juna roused him, and got him to drink almost a liter of warm electrolyte solution. They settled him in a nest of moist towels warmed by a heating pad. Juna sank into a hard plastic hospital chair to watch over him while he slept.

  “Dr. Saari? Dr. Saari?”

  Juna stirred groggily, and then awoke. Dr. Wu was standing beside her. Ukatonen hovered just behind Wu’s shoulder, his skin ochre with concern.

  “Moki! How is he?” Juna asked.

  “He’s sleeping,” Dr. Wu told her. “I’ve brought Ukatonen to make sure that he’s all right. I thought you’d like to be awake while he linked with him. Also, I brought you a translator so you can talk to the Tendu.”

  “Thank you,” Juna said. “I’m glad you came.”

  Ukatonen touched her on the shoulder. “Our bami is still stubborn,” he said in skin speech.

  Juna smiled. “He certainly is,” she replied through the translator.

  “Do you want to link with us?”

  Juna nodded, and reached into the warm nest of blankets for Moki’s hand. Ukatonen did the same. They grasped hands and linked.

  Moki’s presence reached for her, enfolding her with a vast sense of relief. Distantly, Juna was aware of Ukatonen moving through Moki, making minor repairs, but she was too caught up with Moki to notice the details. It was wonderful to feel his presence again. Seeing him so weak and helpless had made her realize how much she missed him, and how very happy she was that he was still alive. She felt him responding to her relief, her happiness at seeing him. They spiraled upward into harmony. After so much grief and guilt, it felt like the sun coming out from the clouds.

  Juna clung to the link as long as she could. When the link broke, she sat for a moment, her eyes shut, not wanting to lose the completeness she had felt. Moki filled a hollow place in her heart that belonged to no one else. How could she leave him?

  She opened her eyes to the outside world.

  “He’ll be fine,” Ukatonen assured her. “He needs a good meal and a day’s rest, and then we can take him back down.”

  Moki clutched her arm. “No,” he said in Standard skin speech, “I want to go with you!”

  “Moki, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Juna told him, her eyes filling with tears. “You have to stay here with Ukatonen.”

  Wu touched her on the arm. “Clearly Moki wants to stay with you.”

  Juna nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “And I want to stay with him, but it’s impossible.” She looked down at Moki. “I’ve been hoping that somehow he would accept Ukatonen as his sitik, but now—” She shook her head. “He’ll die without me, and if he dies, then Ukatonen will commit suicide.”

  “We can’t let that happen,” Wu said. “I don’t want to think about how that would affect our relationship with the Tendu.”

  “I can’t stay here,” Juna told him. “I need to go home. There’s my family. I miss them, and my father needs me.”

  “You’ve given more than enough, to both the Survey and the Tendu,” Wu agreed.

  Ukatonen touched her shoulder. “What are you saying?” he asked.

  Juna translated the conversation.

  “Take Moki with you,” Ukatonen suggested. “For that matter, I’d like to go as well. After all, I am also Moki’s sitik. He shouldn’t be completely separated from other Tendu.”

  “Please!” Moki begged, going bright pink with excitement.

  Juna shook her head. “It’s too cold and dry,” she said. “And it’s against Contact Protocols.”

  “There’s nothing in the treaty against it,” Ukatonen argued, “and if we can change you to fit into our world, why can’t we change ourselves to fit into yours? It’s risky, but we’re both willing to do what we can to adapt.”

  Moki sat up, ears wide. “Let me go with you!” he pleaded.

  Juna looked from Moki to Ukatonen and back again. “It will be hard. You have no idea how hard it will be. My world is so different, so complex,” she said. “You’ll be too cold, too dry, and everything will seem crazy and confusing. The whole world will feel out of harmony. Some people will be afraid of you, others hostile. You’ll have trouble communicating with the ones who are friendly.”

  “You managed to adapt to us,” Moki pointed out.

  “I nearly died several times,” Juna told him. “I was very unhappy, and I caused a lot of disharmony.”

  “You’re my sitik,” Moki said. “I belong wherever you are.”

  “And what about Ukatonen? He is also your sitik. He would have to come along. You’ll be dragging him into a world of confusion and pain. Are you willing to live with that?”

  Moki’s ears folded close to his head. Ripples of shame and doubt passed over him.

  Ukatonen touched Juna’s shoulder. “You don’t understand,” he said. “I want to go. The Tendu need someone who understands your people. Besides, I want change. Before I met you, I was so bored that I was thinking about dying. I want to see something new and strange, even if I’m cold and uncomfortable—” He paused for a moment. “Even if it kills me, Juna, I want to see your world. Please take us with you. We want to go.”

  “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll talk to Dr. Wu and Dr. Bremen about it.”

  She turned to Wu. “They want to come with me when I go back to Earth.”

  “Both of them?” Wu asked.

  Juna nodded. “They want to go. Moki wants to be with me, and Ukatonen wants to look after Moki and learn more about humans. I tried to talk them ou
t of it.” She looked at Moki and shook her head. “They have no idea what they’re agreeing to, but they’re determined to go. If I didn’t feel that it was a matter of life and death for them, I wouldn’t ask that they be allowed to come with me.”

  “Well,” Wu said, after a long, thoughtful pause, “we’ll have to talk to the captain and Dr. Bremen, but I’ll back you on this one.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Wu,” Juna said. “I didn’t expect this.”

  Wu bowed his head for a moment, then looked at her. “A Tendu saved my life. Now I have a chance to save two lives in return. Besides, I agree with Ukatonen. It would be good for them to see us, to learn more about our culture. Who knows what they’ll teach us about ourselves?”

  Juna opened the door to the observation gallery. It was dark and quiet, lit only by the glow of the planet they orbited. The hush of the air vents and the distant hum of machinery were the only sounds. The two Tendu stepped silently to the wide, curving window. Outside, their world hung below them, vast and brilliant. The black line of the terminator lay on the middle of the ocean, moving almost imperceptibly toward the coast. Moki groped for Juna’s hand, unable to take his eyes off the view.

  No one said anything for a very long time.

  At last Ukatonen turned and touched Juna on the shoulder.

  “Thank you,” he said. “Before this, I thought that perhaps your people were making it all up; that maybe you were from some northern continent that we didn’t know about. Now I see my own world turning beneath me…”

  Juna brushed Ukatonen’s shoulder. “It’s a beautiful world, isn’t it?”

  “Where’s Lyanan?” Moki asked.

  Juna pointed out the broad peninsula, just barely visible beneath cloud cover. She remembered the long, difficult trip from Narmolom to Lyanan and back again. From here, she could cover the entire distance with the palm of her hand.

  “We’ve come a long way,” she said with a smile.

  A soft chime sounded.

  “We need to go. They’re waiting to take us back down,” Juna said.

  The two Tendu turned to go with obvious reluctance.

  “I hope well see it again,” Moki said wistfully.

  “I hope so too,” Juna replied.

  Two days later, Juna, Ukatonen, Anitonen, and Moki followed the senior members of the staff into the conference room. Patricia squeezed Juna on the shoulder.

  “Good luck,” she whispered.

  Juna managed a weak, nervous smile. “Thanks,” she whispered back.

  At last everyone was settled around the table.

  Dr. Bremen stood. “Well, you’ve handed us a rather difficult decision, Dr. Saari.”

  “Yes, I know,” she responded, “but it’s important. Unless Moki comes back with me, he’ll run off into the forest and go wild again. He might even kill himself. When that happens, Ukatonen will be forced to commit suicide.”

  “I understand that much from your summary of the situation, but I don’t entirely understand the chain of causality here. You told us during your first briefing that you arranged for Ukatonen to adopt Moki. Now you’re saying that won’t work?”

  “Yes, sir. Parenting is very different among the Tendu. It isn’t just a matter of love and affection; there’s a physiological bond there too. Moki has bonded with me, with my biochemistry. No one else can substitute for me. He cares for Ukatonen—they are very close—but he needs me. I had hoped he could transfer that physical need to Ukatonen, but he can’t. It will be years before he can live without me.”

  “But why can’t he simply become an elder?” Bremen asked.

  Juna started to answer, but Ukatonen, who had been following Dr. Tanguay’s translation, put a hand on her arm.

  “Let me explain,” he said.

  “Moki is too young to become an elder, and he has been Eerin’s sitik too long to adapt to another sitik. Sometimes, if a sitik dies only a month or two after the bami’s transformation from a tinka, another elder can be found. But Moki is at a stage where that is impossible. He will need to be with Eerin for another eight or nine years, perhaps even longer.”

  “Why would you have to die if Moki runs away, Ukatonen?” Dr. Bremen asked.

  Ukatonen looked at the translation. “I am an enkar. Anitonen asked me to pass judgment on whether Eerin could adopt Moki. I am responsible for the consequences of my judgment. If this adoption doesn’t work out, if Moki is lost to our people, then my judgment was wrong, and I will have to die.”

  “I see,” Bremen said. “That seems rather harsh.”

  Ukatonen shrugged, another human gesture he had picked up. “I make very good decisions. I have lived almost a thousand of your years.”

  “What would the diplomatic consequences be if you die?” Wu asked.

  Anitonen rose.

  “I wish to make a judgment,” she said in formal patterns. “Ukatonen and Moki must go with you.”

  “No!!” Juna cried.

  Ironic amusement rippled across Anitonen’s skin. “It’s too late, Eerin. I have spoken.”

  “I’m sorry,” Dr. Tanguay said. “I didn’t understand what Anitonen meant.”

  Juna translated. “Anitonen has just linked her life to Moki and Ukatonen’s. If Ukatonen and Moki don’t go, then Anitonen’s judgment is wrong, and she must die,” Juna explained. “We would lose the two Tendu who know us best. It might take years to catch up again.”

  “And I don’t know how the other enkar would take it if two of their number died as a result of our actions,” Wu put in. “It would severely restrict our ability to negotiate.”

  Bremen shook his head, looking angry. Juna’s throat tightened in fear. He didn’t like being trapped.

  “Dr. Bremen,” she said softly. “There’s a great deal that we can learn from Ukatonen and Moki if they come with us. They’ll be an invaluable source of information to our researchers back home. They can help us prepare people coming out to study this planet. When they come back, they can teach their people about us.”

  “But the Contact Protocols,” Bremen protested. “What about them?”

  “We’ll abide by them,” Ukatonen replied. “We won’t teach your people anything that might be harmful to them.”

  Juna had to fight back a smile at Bremen’s amazed expression when he heard the translation. Given what the Tendu were capable of, the humans probably needed the Contact Protocols as much as the Tendu did. Besides, it might not hurt the A-C specs to get a taste of their own medicine.

  “There’s a provision in the protocols for limited diplomatic missions,” Wu said. “I think that we can make a very strong case for it, considering the possible repercussions if we refuse.”

  “Thank you all,” Bremen said. “You’ve given us a great deal to think about. Dr. Saari, if you and the Tendu could excuse us for a few minutes, while we discuss the situation.”

  “Certainly, Dr. Bremen.” Juna rose and motioned to the Tendu to follow her.

  “Well,” Ukatonen said. “We’ve done everything we can.”

  Juna looked at the three of them. They had staked their lives on this decision. She felt a sudden resolve.

  “If they say that you can’t come,” Juna told them, her throat tight with fear, “then I will stay here with you.”

  “What about your family?” Ukatonen asked.

  “You are my family also. I can’t let you die,” Juna replied. She brushed Moki’s shoulder affectionately, and tried not to think about going home. She was glad that her skin no longer showed her emotions.

  Moki took her hand. It was a very human gesture. He looked up at her.

  “Thank you, siti.”

  Juna smiled, feeling the weight of guilt and misery drop from her shoulders. Whatever happened now, Moki would survive, and so would Ukatonen. She looked at Anitonen and bit her lip. Anitonen had risked her life on a dangerous attempt to ensure that Moki and Ukatonen would go with her. There was nothing Juna could do except hope for the best.

  “That was a ver
y brave judgment, en,” she said. “I hope it isn’t proven wrong.”

  “We’ll see,” Anitonen responded.

  A few minutes later, Patricia stuck her head out the door. “They’re done,” she said.

  They walked back in and took their places.

  Bremen stood. “We have decided that Ukatonen will be Special Envoy to Humanity. Moki will be officially listed as his dependent child. I have grave misgivings about this, but—” He shook his head. “You win, Dr. Saari. I only hope you know what you’re doing.”

  Juna felt giddy with relief. She took a deep breath to steady herself and rose to speak.

  “Thank you, Dr. Bremen. I’m sure that both our people will gain from this decision.”

  Bremen adjourned the meeting. Moki and the other Tendu crowded around Juna, their skins vivid blue with relief. Juna took them to the Staff Lounge, where her friends had assembled, waiting for the verdict. Alison met them at the door, a questioning look on her face.

  “We did it!” Juna shouted gleefully.

  Everyone in the room cheered. Alison popped the cork on a bottle of champagne. “Ad Astra ’32,” she remarked as she poured. “Your father was hoping there would be something worth celebrating.” The galley staff brought out platters of fruit, cheese, and pastries. Moki reached for a pastry, then hesitated, looking at Juna.

  “Go ahead, Moki. You’ll have to get used to human food eventually,” Juna said. “Just eat a little bit, though.”

  He bit into the crumbly pastry and chewed carefully, eyes shut.

  “Well?” Alison asked.

  He flushed turquoise and opened his eyes. “I think I’m going to like your world. The food is good.”

  Juna laughed, then sobered. “I hope everything else is as good as that cake.”

  She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair with a profound sigh of relief. The tragedy she had been dreading for so long had been averted. She was going to get to see her family and keep Moki too. She picked up her glass of champagne, and held it up for a toast.