Saving Sebastian: A Catharsis Novel (Custos Securities Series Book 3)

by Luna, David

  Gideon had to push him to continue with his pain meds, but after the first real headache hit as soon as he’d tried to go without them, he’d caved when all he could do was lie in one position in the dark and not move, talk, or do anything at all. Sebastian had also taken to wearing Gideon’s beanies at all times because his head always felt cold and the pressure of the hat soothed his nerve endings, which seemed to be firing at all cylinders as they began to regrow.

  The more time passed, the grumpier Sebastian had gotten with him. They knew to expect it because the steroids Sebastian had to take for the swelling in his brain were known to cause irritability. He had a feeling Sebastian didn’t remember what the doctor had told them about the meds, but then Gideon watched his boy’s temper get sparked at the simplest things. He’d let him grouse and grumble and even snap at him a few times, but when Sebastian had yelled, Gideon finally put an end to it.

  He’d known Sebastian had needed to get out of the loft. Being cooped up too long made his boy’s frustration simmer until it became anger. He walked into their bedroom and stood by the bed an hour after he’d first suggested a walk and said, “Why don’t we take that walk now.”

  Sebastian looked up from his drawing, glaring at him. “No.”

  “Bastian.”

  “Don’t Bastian me with that scolding tone of voice. I’m not a fucking child, Gideon! I’m not. Going. On. A. Walk!”

  Gideon immediately squatted beside the bed, reached out and clasped his hand around Sebastian’s throat, gripping tight enough to get his attention. “Is that any way to talk to me, boy?”

  It was the first time he’d called him that since they’d gotten back from the surgery and seeing his boy’s reaction had his dick shifting in his pants. Sebastian’s eyes went wide and his pupils dilated. Gideon felt him gulp under his palm. He shook his head a bit and answered in a choked voice, “No, Sir. I’m sorry.”

  “I’ve let this attitude of yours go unpunished. And I’m not going to punish you now because we haven’t talked about it. The meds are helping you physically, but not mentally and being cooped up here hasn’t done you any favors. Regardless, I won’t have you speaking to me like that. Are we clear?”

  Shame made Sebastian’s face flame and he nodded and tried to look down at his lap. When Gideon tightened his grip, he looked back up. “We’re clear, Sir. I’m so sorry. You can punish me.”

  “You know better than that. We aren’t in a scene and haven’t even talked about that portion of our relationship yet. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m still your Dom and you, boy, are still my sub. Am I wrong in that assumption?”

  “No, Sir.”

  “Good. Now, we’re gonna go out for a while and take a walk, maybe grab some dinner and bring it back. I want you showered and ready to leave in twenty minutes. Understood?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good boy.”

  He’d had to force himself to get up and walk away. They weren’t cleared to resume having any sexual activity yet and the blown pupils and hitched breaths would do him in if he had to be there a moment longer. It seemed, no matter how hard he tried, Gideon couldn’t get their Dominant/submissive dynamic out of his mind. It meant a lot to him, hell, it was what had brought them together, but he’d give it up if Sebastian didn’t want it going forward.

  Being a boyfriend—god he hated that word—no, a partner, was something altogether different. Gideon knew their relationship was different than anything he’d ever had with anyone. He’d had several long-term relationships, and though he’d had a connection with them, he’d never felt a love like he did for Sebastian. That was altogether new and for his boy only. He also didn’t want to rush the issue. Sebastian had agreed to spend his time recouping at Gideon’s place and he’d hold him to that. They’d take their time.

  Or at least he thought they would, until they were walking and Sebastian said, “I’m able to take care of myself now, Gideon. I think it’s time I went back home. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

  Gideon stopped in his tracks, crossed his arms over his chest and asked, “What the fuck does that even mean? I asked you to move in with me, Sebastian. If that’s not a sign that you are at home and could never overstay your welcome, I don’t know what is. As far as I’m concerned that offer is still on the table and still something we need to consider.”

  Gideon saw a runner coming their way and gently maneuvered Sebastian and himself off of the path and onto the grass. His boy glanced at the runner as he went by and then looked down and away, turning his face and scar away from the stranger. Gideon bit down on his need for Sebastian to end that behavior and waited for his boy’s response.

  Sebastian shook his head. “It’s too soon. We just decided to be together outside of the contract. We need to take things slowly and figure out how this is going to work. Moving in with you isn’t the answer right now. I’m going to need space and time.”

  “We can put it on the backburner, but it’s what I want and I’m going to keep coming back around to it until I fully understand your reasoning. You’ve told me you’ll spend your recovery here. We came to the agreement that you’d be here until you were cleared to go back to work full time.”

  Sebastian put his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders, the gesture all too familiar. He finally said, “I don’t think that’s going to be necessary. It seems like overkill. I just think I should start to settle in at home. I have so much unpacking to do.”

  “Are you yanking my chain? You’re not allowed to lift anything yet. I’m keeping you as far away from your boxes as humanly possible. What’s really going on?”

  “You’re babying me too much.”

  Incredulous, Gideon’s eyes popped wide and then narrowed, dangerously, and he asked, “I’m…what now?”

  Sebastian shook his head taking an unconscious step back. “You’re treating me like a baby, like I can’t do anything myself, like you have to make my decisions for me. Look, I’m glad I came out to take a walk, but really, just let me do my thing.”

  Gideon tilted his head to the side and regarded his boy like a specimen in a petri dish, “I’m gonna continue to treat you exactly the way your behavior warrants.”

  Sebastian huffed out an annoyed laugh and crossed his arms over his chest. “What the hell does that mean? I’m an adult. Treat me like one!”

  “Your behavior is that of a selfish brat not getting his way.”

  Gideon nearly laughed when he saw Sebastian just barely keep from stomping his foot, but kept his face straight as he watched the anger vibrate through his boy’s small frame.

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it! Stop acting like a father and start acting like a partner!”

  “Jesus, Sebastian. Listen to yourself. You nearly stomped your foot at me like a teenager being grounded.”

  Sebastian let out a growl and turned to walk away from him. To fucking walk away. He very nearly told his boy to present, but he wouldn’t humiliate him that way in public, even if there was barely anyone in the park. Instead he took a different tack and whispered, “Do you know how hard it was to wait for you to come out of surgery? Do you even know how long you were gone?”

  Sebastian stopped in his tracks and turned around, his eyes wide and haunted. Gideon continued, “You were in surgery for over six hours. Six fucking hours, Sebastian. Seven when you add in your time in the recovery room. I couldn’t have gotten to you if I’d tried. I didn’t know where the OR was, where they’d taken you.”

  Sebastian uncrossed his arms and stepped closer, but didn’t say a word.

  “Did you know I watched your surgery?”

  Sebastian, looking pained, whispered, “What? No.”

  Gideon nodded. “They have rooms for families who want to watch. Viewing rooms is what they call them. They’re little more than closets with chairs and a TV to watch the surgeries on camera. I sat there with Zavier and with Finn, who explained everything they were doing.”

  Sebastian moaned a
nd his hand flew up to cover his mouth. He shook his head at Gideon, but Gideon continued, “It was like déjà vu, because I’d watched another surgery once with Zavier. Live, from a surgical theater above the OR. Braden died, and they had to bring him back. My brother lost his fucking mind. Finn was performing the surgery and I was in there with Cooper, Zavier’s business partner. It took both of us to hold him down, to keep him from going to Braden when he flatlined.”

  Sebastian’s whispered, “Oh god.”

  “It’s so different watching something like that when it’s the love of your life. I thought I understood how Zavier felt.” Gideon shook his head and closed his eyes. “I didn’t know. I couldn’t know. Not until you were wheeled away from me that day. And all I could think was that same thing could easily happen to you, and maybe you wouldn’t recover like Braden did. That’s all I kept thinking, for six goddamned hours.”

  Sebastian leaned his forehead on Gideon’s chest. Gideon couldn’t help but reach up to grip the back of his boy’s neck. “I saw them shave your head, I saw them clean it and draw on it, make the incision, pull your skin back. I saw them drill holes into your fucking head, Sebastian. I watched them take a fucking saw and cut out a portion of your skull and set it aside. I saw your brain through a microscope. Your brain, for fuck’s sake. I saw her start to poke at it with a bunch of instruments.”

  He had to pause and look away, gathering himself to continue. He felt Sebastian’s palm cover his heart and then reach up and wrap around Gideon’s neck. He looked back down and continued, “They did something to wake you, or, I don’t even know, but next thing I knew, you were answering questions for them, talking to them as they fucking prodded your brain. They used scissors, some kind of laser, a ridiculously long needle and some other things I hope to never see again.”

  Sebastian breathed out, shakily, and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not. I had to know. I needed to know. God, I’m so thankful we found Dr. Cook. She did an amazing job and it went off without a hitch. But those were the seven longest and worst hours of my life, Bastian. You could have died. I had to go to your room and wait for you to be brought in. You were so goddamn pale, your head covered with gauze.”

  Sebastian finally wrapped himself fully around Gideon and hugged him tight. “I’ve never been so fucking scared in all my life, and I’ve been through a shit ton of scary moments. I know you’re having a hard time with this recovery shit. These steroids are making you angry and short tempered. I’m doing my best to be patient, but I need your help. I’m trying not to go all domineering Dom when you lash out, but it’s a close thing, Bastian.”

  Gideon felt him suck in a breath and then let it slowly back out and then Sebastian was looking up into his eyes. “Don’t.”

  Gideon closed his eyes. “Don’t what?”

  Sebastian scratched the back of Gideon’s neck making him open his eyes. “Don’t keep from going all domineering Dom.”

  “Sebastian…”

  “No, listen. I don’t know which way is up with these goddamned pills. I’m finally off the pain meds, which were keeping me loopy and unable to focus for more than a hot minute.”

  Gideon laughed. He couldn’t help it because it was so true. Sebastian had been like water on a hot griddle, his attention pinging around, unable to settle. He still couldn’t focus completely on something longer than thirty minutes at a time.

  Sebastian continued, “These anticonvulsants are different than the ones I’ve been on in the past, so my body is still a bit wonky and unsure how to react. The steroids are making me hungry constantly, but the anticonvulsants are sending weird nauseous signals. The meds have me eating a shit ton of food, which I’ve never done my whole life, and then feeling sick afterwards.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that? We should talk to the doctor about it.”

  “Because if I have to go to the hospital or see my doctor one more time, I’m gonna go crazy. And speaking of going crazy, I’m just always so fucking irritated, at every damned thing, and I can’t make sense out of it. I never seem to know why, or what set me off. Half the time I don’t even know I’ve snapped at you until I see the disappointment on your face, which just makes me disappointed in myself, which makes me angrier. It’s a vicious cycle.”

  “Baby, you need to talk to me about this stuff. We’ll talk to your doctor. We’ll figure something out.”

  “I don’t like making all these decisions. I’m stressed all the time. I hate not being able to do everything for myself, so I either do too much or nothing at all. I think that’s part of what’s making me so annoyed. I don’t have a schedule and making one stresses me out. I feel helpless when I make myself too tired and when I’ve slept too much. I’ve never felt that way, so it makes me feel angry and out of control.”

  Gideon thought he knew where Sebastian was going, but he needed to make sure. “What do you need from me, boy?”

  Sebastian took a deep breath and looked up at him with pleading eyes. “I need you to do it for me.”

  “Bastian,” Gideon said, warningly.

  Sebastian nodded and explained himself more fully. “I need to hand over control to you. Until this is over, and I’m able to go back to work full time with no restrictions, I need you to be fully in control of everything, to help me feel less out of control. Please, Sir.”

  Gideon narrowed his eyes. He wanted this more than he was willing to admit. Hell, he wanted this even after Sebastian could go back to work, but he needed to make sure that he wasn’t making this decision. It had to be Sebastian’s. “You want to be under my full control twenty-four seven? I make your schedule, you do what I say, every moment of every day until you’re able to go back to work?”

  Sebastian nodded, but then bit his lip, concern shining through. “I don’t want to be…I don’t…”

  “We aren’t going to do this if you don’t want it, Sebastian. You know that’s not how it works.”

  Sebastian shook his head. “No. That’s not it. I want to be your submissive, twenty-four seven, but, not…not…”

  Sebastian sighed in annoyance at himself and Gideon finally understood. “But not my slave.”

  Sebastian’s shoulders relaxed and he let out a deep breath. “Yes. Is that… Can we do that?”

  Gideon drew him in and held him. “Bastian, I’ve never possessed nor do I want to possess a slave. I want my boy to be able to safeword, and set limits, to feel safe enough to know I’ll never color outside of the lines he draws. I want to own a submissive but I want my submissive to want to be owned by me. You’ll always maintain your autonomy with me insofar as you stipulate in our contract. I only want as much control as you willingly give me. All right?”

  Sebastian nodded and answered, “Yes, Sir. Thank you.”

  “Good. Since we never technically ripped up our contract and it was for six months, are you okay with keeping it as is, but stipulating that it will now be a twenty-four seven arrangement until that time when your doctor has cleared you for full-time work?”

  Sebastian’s smile grew wider at that. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good boy. Let’s head back.”

  Gideon kissed the top of his head and turned them towards the path, intent on getting them back to the car before his boy lost every ounce of energy he had. As they walked back, Gideon could tell everything that had happened during their time out of the loft had done wonders for his boy’s mood. Gideon saw Sebastian’s surreptitious glances and grinned, waiting for him to speak. When he did, he couldn’t have been more surprised.

  “I want a super burger and garlic fries, and a double chocolate super shake.”

  Gideon chuckled and replied, “That sounds really specific.”

  “Super Duper Burgers, it’s not too far. I can call it in and run in and pick it up.”

  “We can go in together, but you won’t be paying. Go ahead and call when we get to the car.”

  Sebastian huffed, like Gideon knew he would. “I’m the one that suggested i
t. I should pay.”

  “You don’t pay when you’re with me.”

  “My insurance has agreed to pay for the surgery. Your lawyers did the trick. I have plenty of money.”

  Gideon guided him around the SUV and opened the car door for him. When Sebastian got in, Gideon leaned in and kissed those soft lips before responding, “It’s not about how much money you have. It’s about me taking care of my boy.”

  Gideon could see Sebastian’s frustration, but this particular topic was not up for negotiation. They’d talk it out and Sebastian could have his say, but in the end, it’s how it would be. Sebastian sucked in a breath, as if gearing up for an argument. “I don’t need that, and I don’t need you thinking I do. I can take care of myself financially.”

  “I have no doubts about that. But it’s not about what I think you need, it’s about my need to provide for you. If you had more money than me, my need would be the same.”

  Gideon smiled when Sebastian glared at him and growled. He slumped back in the seat and then rubbed his stomach when it growled right back. Narrowing his eyes, Sebastian said, “We’re going to talk about this later. But right now, I need food. These stupid steroids make me a starving, acne-faced, rage monster.”

  Gideon chuckled, annoying his boy even more he was sure, and shut the door to round the hood to his side. The acne Sebastian was talking about was one pimple in his hairline and one on his chin. He’d groused about them off and on for the last couple days because apparently, he hadn’t had acne when he was going through puberty. Gideon hopped in the car and made his way to Sebastian’s choice of restaurant. His stomach let him know he was quite happy with his boy’s decision; he hadn’t had a good burger in ages.

  When they’d both walked into the burger joint to pick up their food, they’d gotten a few guarded glances. Gideon was used to people looking at him warily and supposed he couldn’t blame them. He was tall and broad, so he took up a lot of space. He knew he looked fierce most of the time because he didn’t smile much and rarely spoke more than was necessary.