Saving Sebastian: A Catharsis Novel (Custos Securities Series Book 3)

by Luna, David

  He figured the less approachable he was, the better. He didn’t have much use for most people. And while his goal wasn’t to scare anyone, he was also never looking to attract them. He supposed they might also be curious about his possessive grip on the back of his boy’s neck. Gideon wasn’t much for holding hands in public. It had never been his thing. But he wanted others to know Sebastian was his and his boy seemed to need that reassurance as well.

  He’d realized that when they’d walked in to see his doctor that first day in Rochester. Sebastian’s head was bowed, his hair falling over his face to hide it, and his hands were in his pockets, causing his shoulders to hunch. When he’d placed his firm grip on the back of his boy’s neck, Sebastian had straightened, his shoulders had relaxed and he’d lifted his head. He’d still concealed himself a bit behind his hair and his hands stayed in his pockets, but he looked much less like he was hiding.

  Since the surgery, he hadn’t been able to hide behind his hair because most of it had been shaved. Gideon had some ideas about how best to deal with Sebastian’s insecurities, but they were all wrapped up in their BDSM dynamic and as they weren’t exactly sure footed in that area yet, from a permanence perspective, he wanted to wait until they settled into this new twenty-four seven dynamic Sebastian had asked for. He knew what he was going to propose would terrify Sebastian and he wanted to ease him into it.

  When they got back to the loft, Sebastian took their food out of the big bag they’d been given, got them both a glass of water, extra napkins, and plates. Gideon went and typed up the addendum to their contract in a matter of minutes, printing it out to sign. Once they did, they both tucked into their meals ravenously. They’d ordered the same thing, but Gideon had ordered an extra burger and a large shake to Sebastian’s small. The food hit the spot and they ended up watching a movie in the bedroom afterwards.

  When the movie ended, Gideon maneuvered Sebastian to straddle his lap and leaned back against the mountain of pillows with his hands clasped behind his head. He looked his boy over, enjoying that in just the last few weeks he’d begun to put on some weight. When his roaming eyes met Sebastian’s, his eyes had dilated and he wore a scowl that startled a chuckle out of Gideon.

  Smirking, and knowing the answer to his question, he asked it anyway. “Why are you glowering at me?”

  Sebastian thumped him on the chest and said, “Because you’re looking at me like you want to eat me as a second dessert, and we can’t do anything because you won’t let me do anything for you.”

  “If you’re not getting anything out of it, we’re not doing it.”

  “I enjoy making you come. That’s what I’m getting out of it.”

  Gideon shook his head. “That’s not enough for me. I take my pleasure with you, or not at all.”

  “But what about orgasm denial?”

  “Orgasm denial is my decision, this sexual moratorium is the doctor’s decision.”

  Sebastian huffed and curled into his chest, laying his forehead in the hollow where Gideon’s neck and shoulder met. He shook his head and kissed Gideon’s neck, and whispered, “You’re just being stubborn.”

  Gideon pushed him back so they were looking at each other again. “And if I’d just had a craniotomy?”

  “That’s not the same thing.”

  Gideon barked out a laugh. “What? That’s the definition of the same thing.”

  Sebastian’s mouth twitched. “No. You’re the Dom. You get what you want, and I get what you want me to have.”

  Gideon sobered at that and frowned. “Did I not always see to your needs? I very rarely use denial as a form of punishment because it gets me off getting you off. I mean, I won’t say never, and there’s always edging you within an inch of your life, but I always tip you over, don’t I?”

  Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he nodded quickly and said, “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Yes, Sir. Um. I just meant there’s a hierarchy. You’re top, I’m bottom.”

  “Those are our sexual preferences, not a pecking order. But, we’re equals in all things, Sebastian. Did you not feel like my equal? Did I make you feel less important?”

  “No.” Sebastian shook his head, slowly, as if trying to figure out what he wanted to say. Finally, he continued, “It’s just, you have all the control in what we do.”

  “That’s absolutely not true. I only have the control you give me. I wouldn’t do it otherwise. I assume control because that’s what you need, as a submissive. That’s what it means to be the Dominant. You know that. I know you know that, so where is this insecurity coming from?”

  “I don’t know.” Sebastian shrugged. “I just… I mean, earlier, you wouldn’t even let me pay for dinner. Do you really think I’m your equal?”

  “Yes, I do. We can negotiate the money thing later, but I’m warning you now, it’s something I feel very strongly about. Money is just money and I have a ridiculous amount of it. It has nothing to do with how I view you as my partner.”

  Sebastian still looked unsure. “That doesn’t make sense to me. How can I be your equal in this if you control everything including that?”

  “Because I can’t do what I do to you, with you, unless you allow it. I control what we do, but only to your limits, which is where the control lies. It’s a give and take. If I make you feel less than, I’m doing everything wrong.”

  Sebastian shook his head again, a frustrated look on his face. “No. You’ve never made me feel less important. I’ve never had a better Dom. Maybe I’m just having a hard time combining the two in my mind. The contract and the relationship.” He huffed out a sigh and distractedly shoved his hand through his hair and yelped. “Owe! Fuck me! Goddamn, shit!”

  Gideon sat up and moved Sebastian’s hands from around his surgical scar. He pulled a hand free and went to touch it again, but Gideon pulled it away again and grumbled, “Don’t. Hands down by your sides, boy. Let me take a look.”

  Sebastian mumbled, obviously in pain. He’d gotten the staples removed the week prior and everything was still extremely sensitive to touch, so Gideon knew he was in pain. It looked like he’d scraped his nails over the large scar, which started just to the left of his small widow’s peak, arced back and hooked back around to end just above his ear.

  Gideon thought it looked like a curving question mark and was in constant awe of his boy for being able to withstand the surgery and the recovery like he had been. It was redder than usual after Sebastian’s absentminded gesture, but the hair stubble surrounding the bright red scar had probably kept it from getting too roughed up. He blew cold air on it and Sebastian shivered. “Still hurt?”

  “Mmhmm.”

  “All right. Here.” Gideon moved Sebastian off his lap. “Massage the scar gently, like your doctor showed you to break down the scar tissue.”

  Gideon got up and grabbed a couple of the prescription pain pills still left over and glass of water from the bathroom and handed them to Sebastian who was on his knees on the middle of the bed still rubbing the scar. “Hurts like a son of a bitch.”

  “I know, baby. I’m sorry.” He handed Sebastian the pills and before he could argue, Gideon said, “You haven’t taken the real drugs in several days and you just hurt yourself. Acetaminophen won’t be enough for the inevitable headache to come.”

  “But, we haven’t finished talking.”

  “We have plenty of time. There’s no rush. You need to do as I say now. Let me worry about the rest. I won’t forget your concerns, boy.”

  Sebastian nodded and sighed like Gideon had just taken a huge burden off his shoulders. He tossed back the pills. They got ready for bed and Gideon did his best to distract Sebastian until he went to sleep. Still early for him, Gideon got up and went down to the club putting in an earpiece. He did a walk-through of the place, making sure he was seen and heard, not just by his people, but by the club regulars. He went by their security room and perused the cameras of the owned rooms he sold at ridiculous prices to the rich men who wouldn’t deign to l
ower themselves to use a public room.

  There wasn’t an inch of the club that was off-limits to his safety cameras. The men who paid an arm and a leg to own their rooms were all smart enough to use their retained lawyers to go through the contract, so they all knew about the cameras and every single one of them had tried to push back, but in the end, they caved.

  They knew he didn’t need their money and didn’t give a shit if they bought a room, so the power was always squarely on him, which is the way he liked it, in all things. And when they caved, they paid handsomely for their rooms and everything in them. So handsomely, in fact, that Gideon still would be running financially in the black if that was the only thing his club contained.

  When he was sure everything was running as it should, he retired to his office and worked his way through some paperwork. His people had kept the club running like a fine-tuned machine while he was gone and he hadn’t had too much to come back to. He’d known that would be the case because he only hired the best, but he’d never been away that long, so it enabled him to spend as much time with Sebastian as he could.

  He didn’t need half the sleep Sebastian did on a regular day, let alone when he was in recovery mode, so when Sebastian was resting or wanting time alone, he was able to get work done and make appearances downstairs. It worked for them and Gideon put a reminder on his calendar to give his staff a bonus after all was said and done. They’d earned it. After he was done with everything that needed to be done that day, he headed back upstairs to climb into bed with his boy.

  Two weeks later he woke up to his boy giving him head underneath the covers of their bed. He didn’t bother to open his eyes, he just gripped the back of Sebastian’s head lightly, pushing him down the length of his cock until Gideon felt and heard him gag on his long, thick length. He bent his knees a little, grinding his heels into the bed as he held the back of Sebastian’s head in place and fucked up into his boy’s mouth.

  He was so close, his boy so talented, and was about to let go when he heard a weird choked laugh coming from Sebastian. Confused, his eyes popped open and he looked down to see Slap and Tickle climbing on and batting their paws at the blanket-covered Sebastian. Fucking cats. He lost it at that point; his control over his laughter, his near orgasm buzz, and most of his erection as he continued to chuckle at the absurdity of the situation.

  Gideon gripped Sebastian under his arms and dragged him up so that he was sprawled, a laughing heap, on top of his body. They both continued to laugh until Sebastian looked up into Gideon’s eyes and he sucked in a breath when he saw the love and happiness reflected on Sebastian’s face.

  “Goddamn, you’re beautiful. I can’t get enough of you. I’ll never get enough of you. Move in with me. We’ll make it work.”

  Sebastian sobered immediately. He shook his head and lowered his gaze, allowing what was left of the long length of his bangs to hang over his face. Hiding, again. Gideon had avoided it so far, but it was the right time. Finally, the right time.

  “I want you to take off the rest of your clothes and present yourself to me on the floor of the bathroom, facing the toilet.”

  Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he scrambled to obey. Gideon went into his playroom and grabbed a blindfold. Returning to the bathroom, he sat on the toilet, legs spread, Sebastian kneeling between them. He put the blindfold on his boy’s head and heard the little hitch in his breath.

  “Can you see anything?”

  “No, Sir.”

  “Good. This is going to test your limits, boy. I’ve made a decision for you that I feel is a very important and very big step for you. Do you trust me with your mind and your body?”

  “Yes, Sir.” The words were spoken without hesitation.

  Gideon stood and pulled out one of the drawers just to the left of his sink. Quietly, he pulled out the box he needed and went about readying everything for this scene. He knew it was going to take its toll on his boy, and he knew aftercare would be what truly mattered in the long run. He sat down on the toilet again.

  “Scoot forward a couple inches.”

  Sebastian did and Gideon praised him and then asked, “What are your safewords, boy?”

  “Green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop.”

  “Use them, if you need them.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Bastian?”

  “Yes, Sir?”

  “I will not be upset with you if you safeword during this scene. Do you understand me?”

  Sebastian exhaled quickly and nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Let’s begin.”

  Gideon flipped a switch and the buzzing started. Immediately his boy tensed and even over the buzz of the clippers, he heard Sebastian’s whimper. “Check in, boy.”

  Sebastian sat quietly and tipped his head as if to marinate in the sound of the constant buzz. Gideon was just about to ask again, when Sebastian choked out, “Yellow, Sir.”

  “Granted. Do you need a moment to settle or do you wish to talk about it?”

  Sebastian sucked in a deep breath and Gideon’s heart broke. He nearly wanted to call it off but he felt it was important, so he stood his ground. “I just need a moment, Sir.”

  “Take all the time you need.”

  He kept the clippers buzzing, knowing it was important for Sebastian to hear it, to let it guide him into making the correct decision for himself, whatever it may be. After a few long moments, Sebastian took a deep breath and said, “Green, Sir.”

  Gideon had never been prouder of his boy. He placed the clippers to Sebastian’s head and began to shave it with the size three guard, which was closest to the length of the already shaved portion of Sebastian’s head. As he made his first solid swipe of his hair, he heard Sebastian whimper and pull in a deep breath.

  “You’re all right, boy. I’m so damned proud of you. Check in with me, please.”

  Sebastian pulled in another deep breath and said, “Green, Sir.”

  He moved the blindfold up and then down in the back, making sure he got everything. Finally, when he was done, he carefully removed it. Sebastian’s palms were no longer face up, but face down on his thighs, gripping them hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Gideon ran his hands over the soft stubble, the palms of both of his big hands wrapped around his whole head.

  Gideon leaned down and kissed his head, over and over, everywhere he could reach, paying particular attention to the raised, bumpy edges of his scar. His boy’s sobs were wracking his whole body at that point and Gideon’s heart was breaking.

  “You’re so good, baby. So strong. Let it out. I’m so fucking proud of you. So proud. You’re the bravest man I know.”

  Gideon touched and stroked Sebastian’s face, his head, his shoulders, and his neck, telling him how beautiful he was, how he’d never been more attracted to anyone in his life, how proud he was to be with him, and finally how lucky he knew he was that Sebastian had chosen him. When Gideon was sure Sebastian was calming down, he asked, “Do you want to go straight to bed, or are you up for me cleaning you up in the shower?”

  Finally, Sebastian opened his eyes and nodded, “Shower, Sir.”

  “Good boy.” With no hair in the way, Gideon found himself mesmerized by his boy’s eyes and long lashes. His multi-hued irises so luminous and breathtaking he barely let himself blink, afraid he was some apparition that would disappear if he did so.

  Finally, he whispered, “I love you, Bastian.”

  Sebastian replied, “I love you, too, Sir.”

  Gideon made quick work of their shower, ridding them of any remnants of Sebastian’s hair. He led him back to their bed and was finally able to give him the aftercare he so desperately needed. Afterwards, they both fell asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted.

  SEBASTIAN STARED AT HIMSELF IN the mirror in Gideon’s bathroom. He looked so different and he still couldn’t wrap his mind around it enough to figure out if he hated it or was okay with it. He couldn’t say he was happy about it, not yet anyway. He thou
ght back to their conversation the morning after and knew Gideon was right and he’d done the best thing for him, even if Sebastian wasn’t comfortable with it yet, a week later.

  When he raised his eyes to look at Gideon, his heart had thudded hard in his chest when he’d realized Gideon was watching him. He’d cleared his throat and said, “Good morning, Sir.”

  “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

  “Fine, I guess. I’m not sure, really.”

  “Mixed feelings?”

  Sebastian nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

  “I guess that’s to be expected. Our aftercare last night was to settle you mentally and physically after the scene. It wasn’t the time to discuss the reasons behind it, but I’d like to talk about that this morning.”

  “All right.”

  “I’ve been up for a while now. Gotten a workout in and showered. Why don’t you get a shower and I’ll make us some breakfast. When you’re done, come into the kitchen.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Sebastian couldn’t help but be disappointed that they didn’t get to shower together, but then his stomach growled and he hurried to get himself cleaned. Gideon had made quite a spread and they both sat in silence as they ate, knowing a heavy conversation was coming, neither of them wanted to do it over food.

  Once things were cleaned up, they’d taken their coffee into the family room and turned to face each other on the couch. They always dealt with their difficult conversations where they could touch either other and talk without any distractions. Gideon had reached over and clasped his hand on the back of the couch and squeezed it gently. “Do you know why I shaved your head?”

  Sebastian shrugged and ventured, “It gets in my face a lot and… I guess… I guess I started using it to hide behind.”

  “That’s right. You use it as a shield to hide what you think are your flaws. Sometimes you even use sunglasses and your hoodie to conceal your face completely. Your beard is thicker for the same reasons. Am I right?”