Saving Sebastian: A Catharsis Novel (Custos Securities Series Book 3)

by Luna, David

Sebastian looked down at his lap and nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

  “You know what that means, right?”

  Sebastian scratched at his beard with both hands and then rubbed his face and nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

  “All right. I can shave it for you later. For now, I’m going to lay out my expectations for you going forward.”

  When Sebastian merely nodded at him, Gideon continued, “From now on, I want you to work on your posture. Back straight, shoulders squared, chin up, facing forward. You do this already, when we scene. I want you to do this at all times. I’d like you to make a concerted effort to meet people’s eyes when you pass strangers on the street or when you are speaking with someone.”

  Inwardly Sebastian had groaned, outwardly he’d crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t always realize I’m doing it. Sometimes I do it on purpose, other times it’s just an automatic reflex.”

  “I don’t doubt that’s true. Which is why you’re going to have to work at being more conscious of your behavior and your surroundings. It’s my preference that you work with a psychologist as well. I think along with your self-consciousness about your appearance, I’m assuming mostly because of your PWS, it’s also made you less confident in other ways like making connections with people and working at cultivating friendships.”

  Sebastian couldn’t deny any of that, but he didn’t think he needed a psychologist for shitty self-esteem and he’d said as much to Gideon, who’d replied, “Poor self-esteem affects your mental health, as does a lack of people in your life, which leads to loneliness. Both of those things contribute to depression.”

  “Well you have everything figured out, don’t you?”

  Sebastian had looked up into his Dom’s eyes and seen disappointment coupled with patience. He didn’t know whether to be chagrined that he’d snapped at Gideon, or annoyed with Gideon’s never-ending supply of patience. He’d waited for Gideon to say something, but when he didn’t, Sebastian asked, “Can I think about it?”

  “About seeking help? Yes. If you decide to, I have the name of someone I trust implicitly. He lives our lifestyle, so you’d be able to be completely open and honest with him. However, you can choose whomever you like. Regarding the other, there’s nothing to think about. You’ll need to practice keeping your head up, meeting people’s eyes, walking proud. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  In the end, Sebastian had known that he was right, and even though Gideon had shaved his face the following day, he had only asked that Sebastian keep it at a one or two guard length. He didn’t require that his face be devoid of hair completely. Sebastian knew, looking in the mirror in the bathroom that he was being let off easy, so he vowed to do better and eventually start shaving with a razor rather than clippers.

  He looked so much younger already. He had a hard time looking at himself without picking apart his features one by one and examining them in a negative light, which just annoyed the hell out of him when he realized what he was doing. He realized it probably wouldn’t hurt to make an appointment with that psychologist. It wasn’t like he enjoyed finding fault in everything he saw.

  He had been slowly getting better, the pain in his head subsiding more and more each week. He was going to the doctor the next day to see if he was going to be able to go back to work the next week or if he’d need to stay out for more than six weeks. He knew from some of the issues he was having, it wasn’t likely that he’d be going back to work, but he could hope.

  He was having mixed feelings about the situation, because he’d be able to work again, but also, he’d be moving to his apartment. He knew it was for the best, but he couldn’t help but feel like the last thing he wanted to do was leave his Dom and his home. His Dom’s home, rather. He was a jumbled mess of emotions, and that more than anything had him pulling out his phone and dialing the number Gideon had given him.

  Three days later, he thought he’d had a good first session and when he walked out of the appointment and saw the pride in Gideon’s eyes at having done it, he knew he’d made the right decision. “How did it go?”

  Sebastian smiled and looked up into Gideon’s earnest eyes. “It went well. Thank you, Sir.”

  Gideon guided him out to his SUV and helped him into the car. He didn’t want to admit to the fact that he was tired and his head hurt, but he supposed he wasn’t very good at masking his emotions, because when Gideon got in on his side, he leaned forward and opened the glove box, pulled out a bottle of acetaminophen and his sunglasses. As Sebastian put his glasses on, Gideon handed him two pills and a bottle of water he had in the cup holder.

  Gideon’s tone was low when he asked, “Did you feel good about Dr. Price?”

  “Yes. We talked about—”

  “I don’t need to know.” Gideon held up a hand and shook his head. “I just wanted to be here to support you. I’m happy to listen if you want to talk about it, but please don’t feel as if I’m asking you to tell me the details. You’re entitled to your privacy.”

  Sebastian looked at him for a long moment and nodded his head, taking him at his word. He did want to think about some things for a while before he talked to Gideon. He had no doubt he’d open up to him, eventually, but being given the time to figure out what he wanted to say was good. Gideon reached over the console with his palm up.

  Sebastian put his hand in his Dom’s bigger one and watched as he pulled it up to his lips and kissed it, gazing at Sebastian as he said, “Proud of you.”

  “Thank you, Sir.”

  “Let’s get you home so you can rest.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Boy, you’re squinting even with your glasses on. Your doctor said to listen to your body and not to push yourself.”

  Sebastian sighed, but agreed, saying, “All right. It’s just driving me crazy. I can’t seem to rid myself of these headaches and I get tired so damned easily.”

  “Well, shit, you’ve got a gigantic scar on the right side of your head. Part of your goddamned skull was removed and put in a metal tray. I still can’t wrap my mind around that. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re improving as quickly as you are.”

  Sebastian chuckled and then closed his eyes to relieve some of the ache in his head. Next thing he knew, Gideon was leaning over and undoing his seatbelt, kissing him awake. They made their way up to the loft and Sebastian slept another hour. When he woke he heard Gideon on the phone, just outside their room.

  The door was open just barely enough to hear him and he didn’t dare move in case he missed something. What he heard surprised him. He didn’t know Gideon had that much venom in him. The tone he was using wasn’t his Dom tone. It wasn’t even the tone he’d used when he’d called an end to their contract at the party. No, this tone held an anger Sebastian didn’t even know Gideon was capable of. He wasn’t for a second nervous for his own sake, but he sure as shit never wanted to make his Dom truly angry, because the menace in his voice made goose bumps skitter up his arms and the hair on his body stand up.

  “I assume that you’re calling me because things with you and Connell aren’t working out. Is that assumption correct, pet?”

  Pet? What the fuck? An inkling of jealousy creeped in, but if that was how Gideon spoke to someone he called pet, he didn’t think the jealousy was warranted. Frankly, he hoped for the other person’s sake that Gideon’s assumption was correct because it didn’t sound like any other option was going to have a good outcome for anyone.

  Sebastian shivered at the calm, even tone Gideon’s voice took on. “I believe I made my feelings clear the last time we spoke.” A pause, and then, “Stop talking, Boone. I don’t like repeating myself, but I’ll do it once more so that it will sink in. I’m out. End of story.”

  There was another pause and then a menacing growl. “When have I ever played by your rules? Even when you paid me, besides providing me with dossiers, I was left to my own devices. So, explain to me why you think you can control me now?”

  Another pause. “I he
ard nothing from you. Do you seriously think I’d put all my eggs in your fucking basket? Your loyalties aren’t with me, they’re to the job. Of course, I had someone else checking for me. They moved faster. End of story. This is the end of this discussion, Boone. Do not call me again, is that clear?”

  A pause and then a quiet, deadly whispered, “Is. That. Clear?” Another pause. “Good.”

  Thankfully Sebastian had closed his eyes, perhaps thinking it helped him to hear the quiet but lethal conversation. The bedroom door opened and then all was quiet, no movement that he could hear. He waited several drawn-out beats before he cracked one of his eyelids, afraid he’d been caught. But Gideon wasn’t there and then there was the telltale sound of his Dom’s treadmill and the rhythmic, fast paced thumping of his feet on the rolling rubber mat as Gideon worked off what sounded like an enormous amount of anger on the machine.

  As much as he wanted to stay awake, to offer any help he could give him, the sound of the treadmill lulled him back to sleep and he only woke when he heard the shower come on in the bathroom some time later. Throwing back the covers, he shed his clothes and walked into the bathroom, his mouth watering at the sight of his Dom, huge palms braced against the wall as the water pelted on his lowered head.

  He quietly opened the door but should have known Gideon would hear him. His head turned quickly his way and he exhaled loudly, never taking his eyes off of Sebastian. He shook his head and nearly growled out, “Don’t.”

  Sebastian was emboldened when he saw his Dom’s huge erection. He walked into the huge glass enclosure and shut the large door behind him. “Why not?”

  Gideon shook his head again and said, “Because I can’t be gentle with you right now, Bastian.”

  His heart rate sped up and he gulped. “I don’t need gentle. You’ve given me nothing but tenderness since my surgery and while I’ve loved every sweet kiss and soft touch, that’s not us, Sir. You don’t scare me.”

  “I can see your pulse pounding in your neck. Go back to bed.”

  “No, Sir.”

  “Are you defying me, boy?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Are you looking to be punished?”

  Sebastian let out an unsteady breath, excitement thrumming through his veins, his skin going hot, from the steam but also from his intense burning desire to be what his Dom needed in that moment. He whispered, “If that’s what you need, Sir.”

  A deep rumble came from his Dom’s chest, and he said, “On your knees. Worship my cock with your mouth.”

  Sebastian stepped towards Gideon, into the spray of the shower, and in one smooth move that felt like coming home, he was on his knees. He raised his hands to touch Sir’s thick, powerful thighs and looked up into his eyes. Water sluiced off his Dom’s nose and chin and Sebastian was drenched, blinking water out of his eyes. So entranced by his Sir’s fierce gaze, he almost missed the rough whisper, “I didn’t say you could touch me. Put those hands behind your back and don’t even think about touching me again, until you’re granted permission.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Less talking, more sucking, boy.”

  Sebastian nodded and stuck out his tongue. Gideon spread his legs to lower himself to Sebastian’s level, and grabbed his cock, slapping it against his tongue and his cheek several times. He kept his mouth open, patient, knowing his Sir wouldn’t waste time on the preliminaries for long.

  He was right, Gideon slid his cock deep in his mouth until it hit his throat. Pulling it out, he shoved it back in, again and again, never breaching his throat, just bumping up against it, triggering his gag reflex several times, and from the look on Sir’s face, enjoying that response immensely. Sebastian gripped each opposite forearm behind his back so he wouldn’t be tempted to use his hands.

  Sir pulled his cock out of his mouth and stood there, gazing down at him, a hungry look in his eyes. “Show me how much you love my dick.”

  Sebastian, wanting nothing more, did his best to prove just that to his Dom. He kissed, licked, nibbled, sucked, and even bit the shaft, eliciting a growl from Sir. In warning, in pleasure, he didn’t know. He just kept going. He sucked on Sir’s full balls, tugging on the wrinkled, soft skin with his teeth. He used his nose to lift Sir’s sack just enough to lick his taint and when he was rewarded with a deep groan, he took Gideon’s cock deep in his throat, as far as he could take it without help and only came up when he had no more air.

  He pulled off just enough to fill his lungs and dove back down on that long, thick, cut cock. Sliding his tongue down those sexy as fuck veins along its length. Running out of air again, and lost in what he was doing, he didn’t realize Gideon had taken half a step back until he was searching out his cock again with his eyes closed and it wasn’t there. His eyes popped open and he looked up at his Dom, seeing a look of pure carnal pleasure in his eyes.

  Sir didn’t get closer though, he stayed just out of reach. Sebastian nearly followed him, but thought better of it and was glad he did, when he heard a snarling, “Tilt your head back.” When Sebastian followed orders, he hummed, “Mmm, that’s it. What do I want to hear?”

  Fuck, his own cock was dripping. It was all he could do to answer him. “You want to hear me beg, Sir.”

  Snarling, Gideon grated out, “That’s right. I wanna hear you beg for it. Beg for my cock, like a good boy.”

  Sebastian whimpered, knowing if Sir kept talking like that he’d come accidentally, without permission, and without touching his cock once. “Please. Please, Sir. May I have your cock?”

  Gideon slapped his dick against Sebastian’s face again. “I’m not convinced you’re a good boy. Convince me, Bastian.”

  Oh god. He let out a whimper and, horrified by his lack of control, he whined and his voice took on a higher, more desperate pitch when he whispered, “Please. Please, Sir. I need it. I want to taste it, feel it on my tongue. I’m begging you, please!”

  “That’s it. That’s my good boy. Open up, now.”

  Sebastian closed his eyes and did as Sir bid. And the next thing he knew, Gideon was surprising him by sticking two fingers down his throat instead of his cock. It was so fast, he gagged.

  Making an annoyed noise in the back of his throat, as if he was just so disgusted with Sebastian’s poor attempts, Gideon ground out, “If you’re gagging on my fingers, perhaps this is too much for you. Is that the case?”

  He shook his head quickly. “No, Sir. Please. Let me try again. Please.”

  Gideon just grunted and shoved those same two fingers down his throat again. He kept himself from gagging, but only just. He looked into his Sir’s eyes and swallowed around those digits until he saw the flair of desire burning bright again. He removed his fingers and stepped in again, only this time he didn’t spread his legs and he growled for Sebastian to keep his head tilted up for a clear shot straight down his throat.

  Gideon leaned one hand against the shower wall, and grabbed his cock with the other, pushing it down into Sebastian’s waiting mouth. He didn’t pause, he didn’t give Sebastian any time to adjust, he shoved it as far as he could down Sebastian’s throat and ignoring the gagging around his cock, gripped the back of Sebastian’s head and held it still as he pushed still farther. Sebastian swallowed convulsively, which pulled the head deeper still. He was running out of air, had tears rolling down his cheeks from the strain, water from Gideon’s chin dripping on his forehead, and drool dripping down his neck.

  He hadn’t felt this alive since their last good scene before the holidays. This. Just this, felt so right, even as his vision got hazy at the edges and dimmed when he convulsively tried to gasp for air. He heard a muffled curse, and then, another growl before Gideon groaned out, “Holy fuck!”

  He was close to passing out and just as he felt his eyes about to roll back in his head, Gideon pulled his cock out and Sebastian sucked in a deep breath and coughed, gasping for another. He bent over double, unable to help but use a hand to catch himself on the wet tile floor and hold himself up. He
coughed some more and gasped for another breath, sweet oxygen flowing through him and making his body shake in recovery.

  It wasn’t until he felt Gideon slide his hand under his chin and tilt his head up that Sebastian realized he had squatted down to check on him. He kneeled back again, and put his hand behind his back again “Sor—” Turning his head away from Sir, he coughed again. His voice raspy when he said, “Sorry, Sir.”

  Gideon’s breath sawed in and out of him and his eyes devoured Sebastian. His expression serious, he whispered, “Check in.”

  Sebastian held his gaze without wavering and rasped out, “Green, Sir.”

  Gideon scrutinized him to be sure he was telling the truth. Hand still gripping Sebastian’s chin, he slid his thumb in his mouth and Sebastian took great pains to worship it, just like Sir’s cock. “Goddamn, boy.”

  When Gideon removed his finger, Sebastian gazed at Sir and whispered, “Thank you, Sir.”

  Surprise registered on Gideon’s face and he asked, “What are you thanking me for?”

  “For using me, Sir.”

  Gideon growled, “Do you like being used by your Dom?”

  Sebastian let out a shaky breath and nodded. “Yes.”

  “That’s good, because I plan on using your ass to make me come and then denying you for defying me.”

  “If it pleases you.”

  “Oh, it will, I assure you. Grab the lube and prep us both.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  He stood as fluidly as possible and walked to the cubby built into the wall of the shower and pumped some lube into his palm. He knew Gideon loved watching him move. He’d said so many times. It was something, as a sub, he’d always been aware of and tried to perfect. Moving into position, ordered to carry out specific tasks, subs were often watched closely. Sebastian, always feeling like he didn’t have much to offer, knew that he had to perfect everything he’d learned about serving and being pleasing to the eye while doing so.

  He moved languidly, knowing he was probably driving Gideon nuts, but hopefully in a good way. When he was standing in front of Sir again, hot water cascading over his body, he slid gracefully down to his knees and rubbed his hands together. He wrapped one hand around the base of Gideon’s thick shaft and his other above it, squeezing the rigid length in both hands and twisting them in opposite directions, coating it with slick.