Extra! Extra! Dead All About It (An Avery Shaw Mystery Book 12)

by Amanda M. Lee

  He was up to something.

  “Well, I woke up ten minutes late and had to hurry into the shower,” I started, opting to play the game by my own set of rules. “Someone was already in there, so I had to turn the water up because he apparently likes cold showers.”

  “It opens up the pores,” Eliot drawled.

  I ignored him. “I got to the office late but didn’t want to admit it, so I went through the back door and hung out by the vending machines until Fish came by, and then I pretended I’d been there the entire time.”

  Eliot smirked. “Did that work?”

  “He didn’t believe me, but he was too lazy to check the security cameras.”

  “Good. I’m glad you didn’t get in trouble.”

  His expression was hard to read so I barreled forward. “Then he gave me an assignment. The art institute is running a special exhibit in conjunction with the festival, and there are several scholarships for local students.”

  “That sounds titillating.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “It was painful. And I’m going to start punishing Fish if he doesn’t let me off the hook. He can’t prove that whole mailing list debacle was my fault. Trust me. I left no digital footprint.”

  “You’re nothing if not diligent when covering your tracks,” Eliot agreed, leaning back in his booth seat. “You know, some people would enjoy human interest stories rather than constantly covering murders, political mud wrestling and city council meetings. You must be the only reporter in history to dislike human interest stories.”

  “All real reporters dislike human interest stories. Only lazy reporters think it’s okay to spend an entire shift talking to high schoolers about why they picked a certain color and what sort of inspiration led to them painting a bunch of blobs on a canvas.”

  Eliot pressed his lips together and I got the distinct impression that he was trying not to laugh. “My poor baby.”

  “Oh, don’t even.” I rolled my eyes. “After I did that, I listened to Marvin complain about his new neighbor.”

  “I thought he was excited when she moved in because she didn’t believe in wearing a bra.”

  Marvin Potts was my work best friend. He was the nervous sort, antsy, and he enjoyed dating anyone who bothered to look in his direction. He never dated the same woman for more than a few weeks – mostly because she realized relatively quickly that he was going to be more work than he was worth – and his attention span was miniscule. His dating attempts were somewhat notorious, and Eliot always enjoyed hearing the stories.

  “That was before he realized that she had three kids in a two-bedroom condominium,” I explained. “Now he doesn’t care how free she is with her boobs. He doesn’t want the kids next door being loud or interrupting his weekday porn marathons, so he’s considering reporting her to the condo association.”

  “On what grounds?”

  “I have no idea. I’m sure he’ll come up with something.”

  “Ah, well, at least he has a plan.” Eliot scratched his cheek. “Is that all?”

  He was hurrying me through my daily report for a specific reason. I’d yet to figure out that reason, so I decided to slow my storytelling and really make him suffer until I deduced what he wanted.

  “No, it’s not even remotely close. That barely gets me through lunch.”

  “Really?” Eliot cocked a challenging eyebrow. “You made it sound as if you spent a long day with the art kids. If I’m understanding you correctly, you only spent an hour or two with them.”

  “It felt longer.”

  “Fine.” Eliot held up his hands in mock surrender. “Tell me about the rest of your day.”

  “Sure.” Whatever he had planned – whether it was manipulation or a sly way to butter me up – I would be ready for him. He wasn’t nearly as slick as he thought. “After lunch I gossiped with Erin for a bit. She has a new boyfriend she’s excited about and wants us to go on a double date.”

  Eliot immediately balked. “No.”

  “You like Erin.”

  “She seems … fine.” Eliot’s word choice was deliberate. “I barely know her, though, and what I do know of her is boring. She basically sits there and lets you rant and rave to your heart’s delight while making sympathetic noises and staring at you as if you’re a rock star.”

  “And what’s wrong with that?”

  “No.” Eliot was firm. “I’m guessing her idea of a boyfriend is boring, too.”

  Well, la-di-da. “You don’t know. He could be rugged and dangerous like you.”

  Eliot snorted. “Do you think I’m rugged and dangerous?”

  “I think you were before I tamed you and turned you into a big marshmallow.”

  Eliot’s smile slipped. “You’re on thin ice.”

  “I don’t want to go out on a double date anyway,” I supplied. “You know how I feel about compromising when it comes to restaurant and movie choices.”

  “Yes.” Eliot bobbed his head. “It’s your way or the highway.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So we can rule that out. What else?”

  “Well, Duncan was going on and on about some documentary he saw about the Civil War and how his group was going to use it for source material on their next reenactment.”

  “I see another trip to Human Resources in your future.”

  “No.” I waved off the suggestion. “I was respectful and polite.”

  Eliot didn’t look convinced. “What did you really say?”

  “I asked him if they allowed him to wear dresses for his reenactments and that perhaps he should ask someone to find a corset that allowed oxygen to make it to his brain.”

  “That sounds about right. When do you have to go to Human Resources?”

  “Before the end of the day tomorrow.”

  “One of these days they’ll have no choice but to fire you,” Eliot said. “You know that, right? He’ll push the exact right button and you’ll say something before you have a chance to think better of it and they’ll fire you for harassing him.”

  I wasn’t worried. “I’m the best reporter they have.”

  “And humble, too.”

  I shrugged.

  “Just don’t come crying to me when you get fired for opening your big mouth,” Eliot warned. “I’ve told you repeatedly that this will come back and bite you in the ass. You don’t listen, and that’s on you.”

  Hmm. His temper was showing. He was clearly getting tired of my storytelling. This was good.

  “Is that all?” Eliot asked pointedly.

  I shook my head. I was nowhere near done. “Lexie called to tell me about her new boyfriend.”

  “Oh, geez.” Eliot rubbed his forehead. My cousin Lexie was a constant sore spot in our relationship. He thought she was irresponsible, and she thought he was bossy. They were both right. “What’s this one’s name?”

  “Jägermeister.”

  “I can’t even tell if you’re kidding.”

  “No, his mother named him Jägermeister. He goes by Jager for short.”

  “Well, that’s just … lovely.” Eliot sipped his soda. “We’re not going on a double date with them either.”

  “I already told her that.”

  “Good. Is that all?”

  He was getting irritated and antsy. That meant whatever he wanted to talk about was something that would most likely trigger a meltdown from me. Hmm.

  “No. I haven’t told you about my phone call with Carly yet … or my second fight with Duncan … or how I evaded my mother’s call without being obvious.”

  Eliot heaved out a sigh. “All of those sound fascinating.”

  “Carly has heartburn from the pregnancy. She swears it feels as if her esophagus is on fire.”

  “Good to know.”

  Even though I was keen to keep up the torture, I couldn’t take much more of Eliot’s obvious discomfort. “Just tell me what you want to talk about. I can tell it’s something – probably something annoying – and I’d rather get it out
of the way.”

  “How do you know it’s annoying?”

  I shrugged, noncommittal. “I have a seventh sense. I can read minds.”

  “Don’t you mean a sixth sense?”

  I shook my head. “No. Seventh. My sixth sense is the ability to drive people crazy in five seconds flat. My seventh is to read minds.”

  “You’re truly a gift.” Eliot licked his lips and rubbed the back of his neck as he met my steady gaze. “I got a call today.”

  He was so serious my stomach flipped. “You’re not, like, going to break up with me or something, are you?” The question was out of my mouth before I thought better about asking it. I didn’t really want to know the answer … especially if he was about to break my heart.

  Eliot stared, dumbfounded. “Why would you think that?”

  “You’re acting strange. You’re not known for avoiding confrontation. What else could it be?”

  “It’s not that.” Eliot squeezed my hand on top of the table. “I still love you, although there are times I wonder if I have a tumor that causes me to be such a glutton for punishment.”

  “You and me both.”

  Eliot’s lips curved, his eyes lighting. “Good grief. Is it any wonder I love you?”

  “Yes. I wonder all the time. Then I remember I’m awesome and everything makes sense.”

  Eliot barked out a laugh. “Okay, but back to something serious.”

  I sobered. “What? Just spit it out. I’d rather hear about it now and get it over with than worry all night.”

  “This is nothing to worry about,” Eliot clarified. “It’s just … Jake called me.”

  I stiffened as I leaned forward. In addition to being Macomb County’s sheriff, Jake Farrell was my ex-boyfriend. We’d managed to come to a meeting of the minds of sorts and were friends. Even close friends at times. He was also friendly with Eliot, which was weird, but also a relief. I had no idea they were close enough to share regular phone calls.

  “What did he want? I’m not under arrest, am I? I refuse to go to jail before the weekend. Although, if it gets me out of writing human interest stories it might be worth it.”

  “That’s not why he called.” Eliot wrinkled his nose. “Actually, if he wanted to throw you in jail for a few days I wouldn’t put up a fight. I could use the rest.”

  “Are you tired?”

  “This conversation is making me extremely tired.”

  Mission accomplished. “Sorry. Jake called. What did he want?”

  “To tell me that you’ve been sending him four texts a day about a woman you want him to date.”

  Oh, yeah, I should’ve seen that coming. “Lauren Strode. She’s awesome.”

  “That’s the woman you met at the aquarium?”

  I nodded, smiling at the memory. “She’s professional, funny, and she’s named after a horror movie heroine. I like her. I want her to date Jake.”

  “Yes, well, you’ve made that abundantly clear, Trouble. In fact, you’ve made that so clear that Jake has issued a warning. If you don’t lay off and let him pick his own dates, he said he’s going to tell your mother about the time you stole her earrings in high school and pawned them to buy beer.”

  “He has no proof of that.”

  “He said he doesn’t need proof. He believes the threat will be enough to cause your mother to melt down.”

  He wasn’t wrong. That was one of the annoying things about remaining friends with your high school boyfriend, especially when he has enough dirt to ruin things if you tick him off. Still … . “I’m not backing off.” I made my decision on the spot. “Lauren is extremely witty and has great taste in movies. We had coffee yesterday. If I were a guy – or a lesbian – I’d totally date her myself.”

  Instead of being agitated, Eliot offered up a wide smirk. “I see. Just out of curiosity, if you love this woman so much, why haven’t you introduced her to me?”

  “Because she’s just like me, except a little thinner and a lot more polite.”

  Eliot’s face was blank. “So?”

  “So you might leave me for her, and I don’t want that. I need to get her hooked up with Jake before you can meet her.”

  Eliot shook his head as he chuckled. “Well, at least you have a reason. As for the other part, you don’t have to worry about that. While I don’t want to encourage you to be a pain, I can promise that I’ll never want to trade you in.”

  That was an intriguing admission. “Never? What if I turn into a psycho and want to take over the world?”

  “You do that whenever you have PMS.”

  “I’m not backing down on Lauren. She’s perfect for Jake. And I like her. That’s even more important than him liking her. They’d actually be a couple we could go on double dates with.”

  “I will have to take your word for it.” Eliot tapped his fingers on the table. “Jake is serious about you backing off. I promised him I’d have a talk with you.”

  “And you did.”

  “Yes, but the talk didn’t work.”

  “Did you promise him it would?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Then problem solved.” I offered up a wide smile. “Tell me about your day.”

  “I did nothing out of the ordinary today. It was a normal day.”

  “Cool. Let’s go back to talking about me.”

  Eliot pursed his lips. “You’re never going to be easy, are you?”

  “That depends on how you define ‘easy.’”

  “You’re never going to simply do what I want because I want it.”

  “Oh, that. Nope.”

  “That’s what I thought.” Eliot heaved a sigh. “So, tell me about your second fight with Duncan. Did you make him cry?”

  “No, but I’m pretty sure I’m really close to giving him an ulcer.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  I WAS STUFFED FULL of coneys and chili fries when we left an hour later, the onions threatening to be a third wheel if we wanted to try our hand at romance later. Eliot apparently wasn’t bothered by my breath because he gave me a kiss as we exited the restaurant. He hadn’t brought up Jake’s request again, although I was fairly certain I wasn’t done hearing about it.

  “Can I ask you something?” I waited until we were on the sidewalk to spring the question.

  “Sure.”

  “Why did you agree to talk to me about Jake’s future wife?”

  Eliot snickered. “Geez. You’re really pushing this one hard, aren’t you?”

  “I like her.”

  “I’ve noticed. The thing is … Jake wants to pick out a girlfriend on his own. After the whole Cara situation, he’s not really in a good place to date anyone. I think it would be best for everyone if you took a step back.”

  That sounded nothing like me. “I’m good.”

  Eliot’s smile disappeared. “I knew you were going to say that.”

  “So why did you press the issue?”

  Eliot rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I told him I’d bring it up, and I did. The rest is between you two.”

  “And I really look forward to handling it. In fact … .” I broke off, a flurry of movement catching my attention across the road. “Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

  Eliot followed my gaze, furrowing his brow when he recognized Aiken and Tad standing in the middle of the sidewalk, hands planted on hips as they stared each other down. They looked to be talking in heated tones, although their voices didn’t carry.

  “I don’t know. They don’t look happy, do they?”

  “We should check it out.” I was already moving toward the street when Eliot grabbed the back of my collar and hauled me back. “What? I’m not doing anything.”

  “You promised me a night of romance … and quiet,” Eliot reminded me. “Whatever is going on over there is not quiet.”

  No, it definitely wasn’t. I licked my lips as I stared at the exchange. We were too far away to make anything out.

  “Look, they’re not alone,” Eliot said,
pointing. “Do you know who those people are?”

  I followed his gaze and found another two people standing about twenty feet down the sidewalk, a tree partially blocking them from view. “That’s Rupert Rayne and Elizabeth Justice.”

  “The other two candidates?”

  I nodded. “They don’t look happy, do they?”

  “No.” Eliot tightened his grip on my shirt. “You’re not going over there.”

  I feigned innocence. “Did I say I was?”

  “No, but you’ve got that look.”

  “What look?”

  “That look you get when you want to metaphorically kick a guy in the nuts.”

  “That’s sexist.”

  “You get the same look when you want to metaphorically punch women in the boobs.”

  “That’s better.”

  “Thank you.” Eliot moved closer so he could watch the angry exchanges. “It looks like two different fights … or do you think they’re fighting about the same thing?”

  “I have no idea.” I widened my eyes when a young man barreled between Tad and Aiken, his hands in the air to quiet the disagreeing men. “Hmm.”

  “Do you know who that is?”

  “Terry Brucker. He’s Tad’s aide.”

  “How do you know him?”

  “I may have spent a few hours following him around this week.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted to see if he’d share information on Tad.” I saw no reason to lie. “He wasn’t open to the suggestion.”

  “And you simply thought you could get him to roll over on Ludington without offering him anything in return? Did you flirt with him or something? Wait … I don’t want to know. Forget I asked that.”

  Ugh. He was such a girl sometimes. “I would never barter sexual favors for story tips.”

  “Good to know.”

  “I did offer to refrain from digging into his past if he gave me something good,” I added.

  Eliot cocked an eyebrow. “And?”

  “And he’s clearly not afraid of me.”

  “Oh, my poor baby.”

  I didn’t want to smirk – that would only encourage him, after all – but I couldn’t stop myself. “I’ll make sure he fears me before everything is said and done.”