I watch as he walks away knowing it will be the last time I see him. My mind has formed a plan even before I knew it was doing it. I slide over into the driver’s seat and start the car. I speed away without looking back. I made my decision and now I have to follow it through. I drive to my side of the town and park blocks away from my house. I use the alleyway to enter through the back door. I wasn’t prepared for what I’d see on the inside. I didn’t think about the state the house would be in. My stomach rolls at the sight of all the blood.
Blood splatters on the kitchen cabinet and a puddle on the old yellow linoleum floor. Blood on the couch and staining the carpet. The house is ram sacked. Everything is turned over or bloody. I make a beeline for my room but that sight is even worse. The bedroom door is kicked in, the beds are a mess and the closet door is in shambles. Blood runs down the wall beside the closet.
The closer I get to the closet the more blood I see. It stains the carpet of the closet floor and my knees give out. This is where Alex was in the last few moments of his life, alone and afraid because I left him. Seeing all of this lets me know I’m making the right decision. I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve the life I planned out with Bowie. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to face this world alone. I shake my head to try to control myself. I only have so long to get everything done before someone catches up to me. I’ll break down later but right now I have to move.
I grab my backpack and empty out the school books then move to packing what few clothes I have. I pack the t-shirt Bowie gave me to sleep in because it smells like him. I move back the carpet from the corner of the room and lift the floorboard. This is where I kept a stash of cash in an old Altoids can. I grab the cash then decide I want something of Alex’s. I grab his favorite shirt and his stuff bunny and never look back.
I sneak back down the alleyway to where I left Bowie’s car. Once I’m back inside, I head toward the bus station. I purchase a ticket with the money I have on me. I can only get to Phoenix but it’s something. I’ll figure out my next move then. I stare at the car through the window while I wait for my bus. I consider leaving a note but I know it’s for the best that I don’t. Bowie needs to move on and a note from me will only give him hope. All hope is lost in my world. They announce that it’s my turn to board the bus. As I board, I think of Bowie and how I will always love him. Maybe that’s why I can’t stop to tell him goodbye because if I see him, I’ll stay. My staying would only put him and his family in danger. I have to go but I won’t have the strength to leave if I see him.
I didn’t know how important Bowie would become to me when he bumped into me in the hallway that day. I fought it because I knew he would change my world. I knew he’d give me hope and a girl like me doesn’t deserve hope. By leaving I’m letting go of the last string of hope I ever had, the only string really. Bowie gave me so much more in the past few months than I could have imagined. I love him too much to see him in a body bag next and that thought alone pushes me up the stairs of the bus.
****
Bowie
It’s been six months since Hollis left, four months since my mom passed away. Two months ago, would have been Hollis’ sixteenth birthday. I’m sitting here on top of some driftwood at another weekend bonfire party. A beer in one hand and a tiny ring box in the other. It’s a promise ring. I wanted to give it to Hollis on her sixteenth birthday, make the day extra special. I can’t help but wonder if she knew about the ring if she would have still left?
It’s been six months. Six months of pain, six months of anger, six months of feeling betrayed. I wish I could say that within these six months I had found a way to let go and move on. I wish I could say that I found a way to understand and that it didn’t shred my heart every time I thought of her but that’d be a lie.
Six months. Six months of not seeing those stormy gray eyes. Six months of not hearing that airy laugh of hers. Six months of missing that signature blonde ponytail. Six months of missing her scent that you can still catch in the backseat of my car. Six months of not seeing her roll her eyes at my lame jokes, seeing the blush flood her cheeks when I call her beautiful, of watching her bite her lip while she’s working on her homework. Six months of not taking her and Alex to the park and watching her play with him and letting myself imagine what our future will hold.
It’s been six months and I still don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to stop the worry. I don’t know how to stop the wonder. I don’t know how to stop the ache in my heart. My whole world has fallen apart in six months. When she left, she took my heart with her. The pain is still there gnawing at the hole where my heart was every day. The anger is still there every time I let my fist fly and I see red. The betrayal is still there in the pit of my stomach.
My family is falling apart. Mom is gone and dad might as well be too. Ace is angry and lost. Axell and Sadie are trying to be high school seniors and parents while Jagger tries to be the best friend and brother. Jovi just cries for mom at random moments reminding us of the loss all over again. Harlyn, Jagger’s girlfriend, is who he clings to now. My family needs me and those are the only moments I get relief from everything Hollis left behind. I have to be there for my brothers, for my dad and that makes for a great distraction but at night when I’m lying in bed that’s when it hits me again. Or on nights like tonight when I’ve had a few beers and the red starts to seep in around my vision.
I’ve started more fights in the last six months than I ever have my whole life. I need that release when my fist connects with someone else. My racing has been pushed to a dangerous level because really what else do I have now? We could always use the money and I need that adrenaline rush. I need that rush to feel alive because without her I just feel dead. There’s a fundamental part of me she took and she’s the only one that can give it back to me.
Jagger takes a seat on one side of me while Axell sits on the other. I can feel them both eyeing the ring box but I won’t give them an answer. They’ve asked before and they know I never reply. I didn’t get lucky like them. They found love and got to keep it. I found love, and it ran away. Jagger pats my shoulder as he gets up realizing I’m not in the mood to talk, “It just takes time.”
I want to roll my eyes or throw my beer at him or scream into the night sky, not this dumb time heals all wounds speech. It’s bullshit. Time doesn’t heal the wounds. Nothing heals the damn wounds. Time will just lessen the pain if that’s even damn possible. Time takes the memories that are so fresh in your mind that you can remember every detail and warps them so that details disappear which makes you think you’re healing but you’re not, you never will. The pain stays with you, you can’t avoid it, and you can’t erase it just like the wound. The wound is there, always. It bleeds and aches but you move on anyway because you have no choice. Life doesn’t stop for your wounds. It doesn’t give you time to be a baby and bawl about it so you just put one foot in front of the other. Time heals all wounds is such a damn lie, time heals nothing. I’m six months into the time heals everything shit, and it’s the same if not worse now…
Chapter 24
Bowie
It’s been a couple of months since Hollis left. It doesn’t hurt as badly this time, but that’s mostly due to the fact that I refuse to believe she’s gone for good. At first, I didn’t feel like there was a chance in hell I’d ever see her again. After a couple of weeks of drinking myself into oblivion and spending more nights in the local jail than at home, I received an e-mail. Hollis had e-mailed me to tell me that she’d be back as soon as it was safe for everyone. I hated being away from her but she makes an attempt every few days to send me an e-mail.
Those e-mails are a balm to my weary soul. I miss her more than I ever thought possible but I know with Rex lurking around it’s probably safer that she’s not here. I can only protect her from so much. I need to get to Inkredible, I promised Ace I’d move out Hollis’ stuff today. He refused to ask me but I know his business is booming and he could re
ally use her room. He needs to be able to rent it out to another tattoo artist. It doesn’t do anyone any good sitting there with her stuff because no one knows when she’ll be back.
I make the trip to the shop, using the key Ace gave me I let myself inside since it’s closed today. With my coffee in my hand, I make my way to her room. I sigh as I look around. There is so much of Hollis in this room even her scent still lingers. I spot the boxes that Ace told me he left. This is harder than I thought it would be. I survey the surrounding mess. I’m about halfway through. I stand and stretch my sore muscles before rubbing my hands over my face. I’m tired. I hardly sleep without Hollis.
The beginning of Crazy Train by Black Sabbath plays throughout the shop. Ace and Kynlee decided this suited the place better than a regular bell when someone entered. I could have sworn I locked the door back but maybe I didn’t. I mean it’s not like my mind has been all together lately anyway. “Sorry, the shop isn’t open,” I call out before I even get out of the hallway. A tall man is standing with his back to me. When he turns around my blood runs cold and boils at the same time. Rex. The reason my wife isn’t here.
Rex’s beady eyes look me over. I notice the scar that Axell mentioned. I would feel bad for putting it there if he wasn’t such a scumbag. I cross my arms and glare at him, “Get the hell out of here or so help me that scar will be the least of your worries.”
Rex laughs, “You know I’d love to leave but I’m meeting someone here and I’ve actually been meaning to thank you for this scar.” He pulls a knife from behind him then smirks.
“Do you think you scare me?”
He shrugs, “No, I probably don’t but I should. I’m much more than you can handle.” He takes a deep breath, and I let his words sink into my mind. I shake them away because if I let those words fill me then I won’t win whatever this is. “Where is your little girlfriend?”
I grit my teeth, “You mean my wife.”
He chuckles and nods his head, “That’s right I do remember hearing something like that. So do you know where your wife is?” I sigh. “Didn’t think so. You know it’s funny how she’s always running away from you.”
“Look, she’s not here so if we’re going to do this then let’s do this.”
“No patience. You know really she belongs to me,” he says waving the knife around like the arrogant bastard he is. A growl like sound escapes me. “Hold on, hold on, let me explain. Do you know why her family was murdered?” he waits a moment to see if I answer but when I don’t he continues. “You see her parents had been stealing money from me and I found out. We made a deal. I’d forgive their sticky fingers if they gave me one thing… Hollis. I had seen her and damn was she a catch. I knew I could make more money off her than what they had taken.” He stops to smirk at me, knowing that his words fuel my anger. “You see, we set it all up but then you showed up, all knight in shining armor and screwed it all up. Her parents apologized and promised that next time they’d be there and they were but she wasn’t. Apparently, no one but little Alex knew his sister snuck out of the bedroom window to see you, not that they cared,” he says with a shrug of nonchalance. “Anyway, I let my anger get the best of me and I killed her parents before I thought. Then I found Alex and sadly for him he only knew she left, he didn’t know where to.”
“You sick son of a bitch,” I say through clenched teeth.
He waves the knife in front of him, “No, no, no… you see that little bitch wife of yours cost me everything! I was cast out because I let my emotions get the best of me. I wasn’t supposed to kill the family. It brought too much notice on us. I’ve been struggling ever since.”
I scoff, “You don’t actually expect me to feel sorry for your ass do you?”
“No, I feel sorry for you. Your wife is a runaway wife. Don’t you ever get tired of running around after her?” Rex says with an amused tone.
“It’s runaway bride, dumbass,” her voice breaks through the air. My heart bangs around in my chest as Hollis steps out of the shadows behind Rex with a gun poised directly on his back. A sneer crosses Rex’s face and I watch as Hollis moves more into the light. The light catches her hair which is pulled back into a ponytail allowing everyone to truly appreciate the beauty of her features. “Now, Bowie you are going to leave.”
“What? No!”
“Yes, this has nothing to do with you,” she says calmly.
Rex laughs, “You’re wrong Hollis. Bowie has everything to do with this. He always has. He has since the first day he got involved with you. So, no Bowie please stay.”
Hollis puts the gun between his shoulder blades and nudges, “No! He has nothing to do with any of this. He never has. My parents trading me to you for their debt, you killing Alex, none of that had to do with Bowie. The only thing Bowie did was try to protect me and Alex so he’s leaving now.”
“Like hell I am!” I bellow into the empty shop, “I am where you are, end of story.”
“Aww, you two are just adorable always trying to stand up for one another. I hate to break it to you though. You’re both going to end up dead,” Rex says.
Hollis laughs a little, “Oh really? That’s funny because it seems like I’m the one that has the gun on you. So, please go on and tell me who is going to end up dead.”
“Yes, you have the gun on me but you don’t have it in you to kill me.”
“I don’t?” Hollis bites back but even from here I can see that she doesn’t mean it. If it comes down to it, she can’t pull the trigger to kill him.
“No, you don’t. It takes a certain type of person to pull that trigger, to take someone’s life, to know that you are the one that ended it, that you are the reason that they took their last breath. You’re not that person. You don’t have that kind of darkness in you.”
Hollis scoffs, “I think you’re overestimating my character. I’ve been through a lot of things because of you. So I might just have enough darkness in me to kill you.”
I feel completely useless standing here right now. I need to do something. It’s my job to protect her not the other way around. My pent-up energy gets the better of me and I begin to move toward Rex. It’s almost as if they forgot I was in the room until now. My movement was the first mistake. Hollis moves her head to look over Rex’s shoulder at me. That was the second mistake. The moment that Hollis moves Rex jams his elbow up until it collides with her cheek.
She stumbles back while Rex grabs for the gun. Hollis has a death grip on it but I hear a gunshot ring out before I can reach Rex. Once I do, we collide with the wall. He throws a punch that causes me to see stars for a moment before knocking me to the ground. He’s a good fighter I’ll give him that but I’m better. I quickly move throwing him off of me and connecting a punch to his ribs and kidney area before he lands back on the floor. Quicker than he expects I’m on top of him connecting punch after punch with some part of him.
I look over my shoulder but can’t see Hollis but I do see an older guy flanked by two younger ones. Not being able to see her flares anger within me and I turn back to the bloody and beaten Rex. I turn back just in time to see Rex bring his knife at me. It connects with my arms as it cuts through my skin. I throw a punch and watch as my blood splatters next to his head. Rex digs the knife into my thigh and I holler out in pain.
Rex takes advantage of the pain and knocks me onto my back. Rex moves to his knees and just as he’s about to come back over me I hear a shot ring out. It’s so loud that it’s deafening. I sit up and watch as Rex’s eyes go wide in shock. He looks down to see the blood pouring from the bullet wound in his chest. Blood starts to trickle from his mouth just before he falls onto the floor. Within a minute he is gone.
As soon as it clicks that Rex is gone I crawl over to Hollis. She’s lying on the floor with a puddle of blood around her. One of the guys is hovering over her trying to stop the bleeding. I try to get to her faster but the knife in my leg makes it impossible. Once I finally reach her I see that her ey
es are closed and her face is drained of color, “Is she?”
The guys shake his head, “No, but she’s lost a lot of blood…”
“Who the hell are you people?” I ask.
“I’m Mr. Lucchese. Hollis was married to my son David. She came to me needing help with this problem. It took me a while to get the information I needed in order to see how this needed to be handled. Rex was removed from the cartel he was working for after killing her family. Those weren’t his instructions, and he shed too much light on the operation. He’s working on his own now and he hasn’t done well so I knew killing him would have no repercussions. I’m sorry it had to come to this, but I promised her I’d do everything I could and that I would keep you safe,” he hangs his head for a moment and Let's out a heavy sigh, “I’m sorry about Hollis.”
Chapter 25
Bowie
I stretch my achy muscles but it won’t do much good. This has got to be the most uncomfortable chair I’ve ever been in. Then again I don’t usually sleep in chairs. Between sitting and sleeping in this chair my body is a wreck. The constant beeping of the machines reminds of why I’m here. Everything is such a mess.
The first gunshot I had heard while Rex and Hollis were wrestling for the gun became lodged in her chest. Somehow by the grace of God the bullet had missed both her lungs and heart however she did suffer major blood loss. The blood loss caused her to fall into a coma. It’s been four days and no change. I wish I could say I had hoped but I don’t. Yesterday, Mr. Lucchese, showed up here with a sealed envelope for me. Hollis’ handwriting was on the outside and I know it was here “just in case” letter. I know that she knew there was a chance she wouldn’t make it out of this alive.
The cops believed the story I told them. I had gone to the shop to grab something for Hollis. While I was inside someone had come up to her and when she ran, they shot her. I’m sure if they looked into it more they might be able to find the lies that Mr. Lucchese fed me but our part of town isn’t known for being the safest and our police force is exactly stellar so they were happy to write off as is. My family knows the truth about that night. They continue to come by daily to show their support and check on us but nothing’s changed.
Force of Impact (The James Brothers Series Book 3) Page 14
